Eternal Youth: Chapter 11
Title: The Worst Day Since Yesterday
Fandom: Xiaolin Showdown
Pairing: Implied one-sided Chack, though Kimiko does take the opportunity to drool over anything with testicles
Rating: T for naughty language and mild violence
Summary: Jack wakes up back at the Temple ready for rest and recuperation. Then things go from worse to terrible.
The door to the Temple infirmary thudded open and the largest Dragon walked through, Jack Spicer cradled in his arms. The beefy cowboy gave the tech genius a dark look.
“I oughta drop you after what you done in that restaurant, Spicer,” He growled. “But that can wait ‘til after yer back on yer feet.”
Spicer didn’t reply; his slim body was exhausted from the skiing, the fleeing and the fight, not to mention the down home remedy for the chill: immersion in hotter and hotter water until the chill was gone from his body. According to Clay, it worked a treat on early calves.
It had worked a treat on Jack, too.
The sometimes Evil Genius was bundled up in a warm sweater, pants, and socks. The Dragon of the Earth tucked the smaller youth into a bed in the infirmary and sat down wearily next to him.
“Maybe I’ll just put yer hand in some warm water or sumthin’,” he groused.
“You were nicer to him than I would be,” Kimiko said, entering the infirmary. “It’s hard to believe this all started over these ugly things.”
The Dragon of Fire held up the tacky pink Glasses of Bi Shi.
“Have you figured out what them things do yet?” Clay sighed, leaning back.
“No, I tried them a couple of times outside and they didn’t do anything. They kind of glowed pink, but nothing changed or looked different. Glasses of Bi Shi!”
Kimiko slipped the glasses onto her face and looked around the room.
“Anythin’?” Clay asked.
“No. Everything looks exactly the same t--,” The Japanese girl broke off sharply.
The single most handsome man she had ever seen was sitting next to the bed.
Kimiko’s jaw sagged open as her eyes feasted on the sight before her. The man was handsome in the rugged, fierce way that could only be right in untamed lands and on the covers of the trashier brand of romance novels. A jaw so chiseled you could crack rocks on it framed a very sensual mouth and blue eyes that glittered like the sins of angels. A frail curtain of golden hair fell over one eye in a way that made her insides do funny, flippity-floppy things. A light dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks added a touch of innocence to that gorgeously sinful face, as if he’d only chew you up and spit you out in a way you’d really enjoy.
As if the gorgeous face wasn’t enough, the body went along with it was hot enough to cook breakfast on.
Shoulders nearly a yard wide strained the seams of the well-worn denim shirt he filled out with all muscle. Those broad shoulders tapered down to a slim waist and the longest legs Kimiko had ever seen.
The Japanese girl would have bet money he had an absolutely delectable ass, but unfortunately he was sitting on it at the moment, those uber-long legs stretched out in front of him to cross at the ankles.
“Are they doin’ sumthin’ now?” The vision of masculinity asked.
Kimiko felt her head tilt to one side, a confused look gracing her features. True, while watching that extremely kissable mouth work brought on a flood of estrogen that drowned most of her functioning brain cells, Super Mega Hot Cowboy Man spoke with Clay’s voice.
A few strong swimmers from her cerebral cortex managed to point out that she should refrain from jumping on the tall drink of water before her and screaming: ‘I want your babies!’ long enough to notice that he was also wearing Clay’s clothes and sitting in Clay’s chair.
“C-Clay?”
One sculpted eyebrow rose and the Western God of Sex gave her a sidelong look that made her knees buckle.
“Ye-ah . . . who’d you think I was, li’l lady?”
Kimiko swayed dangerously at the use of that affectionate term. She tore the Glasses of Bi Shi from her eyes and looked at Clay.
Plain old Clay.
“What’d they do?” he asked.
Kimiko stared down at the wu in her hands, then raised them to her eyes. Texas Heat Incarnate was back, his lips slightly parted in confusion. Kimiko tucked her chin, peering out over the glasses. Plain old Clay was giving her an odd look.
The Dragon of Fire raised her chin: Maverick Sexiness. She lowered her chin: Clay.
“What are you doin’?” Clay asked.
“Nothing,” Kimiko said innocently, tilting her head back.
“Let me see them glasses,” the Dragon of Earth said, his brows starting to knit.
“No. Could you stand up and turn around for minute?”
“What for?” Clay demanded.
“Humor me,” Kimiko said.
They were interrupted by Omi and Little Chase running into the infirmary. The little boy had a hot bath while Jack was treated and was now wearing a set of Omi’s pajamas.
“Daddy!” Little Chase wailed, running to his father.
Kimiko looked down as the most singularly beautiful child she had ever seen dashed past the romance novel cover cowboy and scrambled up onto the bed with-
The Dragon of Fire felt her knees go weak again.
If Clay through the Glasses of Bi Shi was the picture of masculinity, Jack Spicer was the picture of ethereal beauty. Skin as white as moonlight glowed against the dark blankets of the infirmary bed, while crimson red hair streaked across the black blankets and white skin like blood on snow and stone. The pale vision’s features were fine and sharp, elegant in a way Kimiko had never considered before. The thick black lashes fanned against his pale cheeks like puffs of charcoal. All in all, he looked like some kind of sexy, tragic vampire.
“Do not cry, little Chase Spicer! Your daddy will be fine! Is that not so, Kimiko?” Omi said, trying to be reassuring.
Kimiko reluctantly tore her eyes away from the beautiful sight before her to look at Omi.
And oh Lord, was he cute.
Omi was just a little round, chubby-cheeked cherub with the most darling black eyes she’d ever seen. Kim was overcome with the sudden urge to bake him cookies. She slipped the Glasses of Bi Shi off of her nose, watching as the pink glow surrounding them faded.
“These are now my new favorite wu,” she announced to no one in particular.
Clay got up and crossed the room in two strides.
“Let me see them glasses,” he said suspiciously, holding out one large hand.
Kimiko was glad she had already deactivated the Glasses, because she didn’t think she could have said no to Sexy Cowboy.
“Um . . .no,” she muttered, hiding them behind her back.
Without any further ado, she fled the infirmary, the Dragon of the Earth right on her heels.
Little Chase snuggled under the covers with Jack, whimpering softly to himself. Crimson eyes opened a crack as Chase jostled his adoptive father.
“C-Chase?” Jack groaned.
“Daddy!”
Jack smiled weakly and one hand came up to stroke the shrunken warlord’s hair.
“How’s my little man? Are you okay, buddy?” he asked.
Chase nodded, pressing his face against Jack’s chest to hide the tears that were swimming in his eyes.
“Th-the witch took you,” Chase whimpered.
“Not for long,” Jack rasped. “I gut-stabbed her with a broken ski. She’ll think twice about messing with me again.”
Chase’s eyes shone as he looked up at his adoptive father.
“Where are we?” Jack asked.
“The Xiaolin Temple,” Chase reported. “Omi gave me a bath and some tea.”
Jack gave his charge a sidelong look.
“You like Omi, huh?”
Little Chase nodded.
“I guess some things never change,” Jack growled.
“What?”
“Never mind,” Jack muttered. “I guess we can hang out here for a few days. You okay with that?”
Chase whined softly.
“I wanna go home.”
“We will,” Jack said softly. “Just let me rest a little while, okay? Take my phone and call RJ 13. He’ll bring over anything you need.”
“Okay,” Chase murmured.
“That’s my boy,” Jack breathed, letting his eyes drift closed. Within a few minutes, he was wrapped in a deep, healing sleep.
Chase remained curled against Jack’s side, dozing lightly. After about an hour he slid out of bed and went to the part of the infirmary where the albino genius’s personal effects had been stored. He dug Jack’s cell phone out of a pocket and hit the button to dial direct to Spicer’s robots.
~*~*~*~
RoboJack Unit 13 eyed the group of Cheerbots chatting in a corner of Master Jack’s lab. The Cheerbots were the source of constant vexation to RJ 13. Their shape and appearance called to him, cried out for his touch, yet . . . RJ 13 was the only robot Master Jack had created that had genitalia or a sex drive.
He tried to convince the female-shaped robots that he could make them feel good, but they weren’t up for his brand of experimentation. RJ 13 turned to appliances when he had to, but one day he would bag himself a Cheerbot.
The boy-shaped robot sauntered casually across the lab and offered a poetic line that metaphorically indicated how the Cheerbots beauty contributed to the state of his arousal.
“Hey there, girls. The genetic expressions of your physiognomy and body soma type have my cerebral cortex pumping out wild signals to my hypothalamus gland.”
He had worked on that line all night.
The four Cheerbots gave him a flat, confused look.
“We don’t have genes,” Chrissy said.
“And you don’t have a cerebral cortex, weirdo,” Jenny seconded. “You have a central processor.”
“He’s just trying to impress us by saying we cause the neural pattern of male sexual arousal,” Deidre sighed.
“It was . . . . poetic license,” RJ 13 offered. “I thought you might find it flattering.”
“Don’t fall for that stuff!” Amber cried. “I gave him the benefit of the doubt the other day and he tried to stick his tongue into my mouth.”
“Eeeeewwww!” The other Cheerbots chorused.
“That’s kissing!” RJ 13 protested. “Humans do it all the time; it’s pleasurable.”
“You’re really strange, you know that?!” Chrissy said. “Go try to mate with the washing machine again.”
The other Cheerbots laughed hysterically at this and headed for another part of the lab, leaving RJ 13 standing forlornly by himself.
His central processor patched a call through. It was on Master Jack’s line, but from Master Chase. RJ 13 listened to the instructions and answered dully.
“Yes. Yes, I understand. I’ll be there shortly . . . . . that as well? All right; if you say so.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Hey Clay, you seen Little Chase?” Raimundo asked the big cowboy as they passed each other in the hallway.
The Dragon of the Earth paused, his shoulders stiff.
“’Cause it’s quiet around here and if I know little kids, that means trouble,” Rai continued.
Clay turned around, his hat held upside down before him.
“I ain’t seen him since this happened,” the Texan said darkly.
Raimundo looked down at what the ten-gallon hat held. It was filled with Clay’s hand whittled cowboys and Indians toys; or rather, it was filled with the pieces of the toys. The Dragon of the Wind picked up a fragment of a mule skinner and studied it.
“Are those teeth marks?” he inquired.
“Li’l Chase said, ‘Let’s play Donner Party,’” Clay growled. With a sigh he turned back towards his sleeping stall. “If you find him, keep it t’ yourself. I got whittlin’ t’ do.”
Rai grimaced and continued searching the Temple.
Presently he found the shrunken warlord, working diligently with glue and scissors and singing softly to himself. It would have been cute if you didn’t actually listen to the words.
“I’m not much of a man by the light of day
But at night I’m one hell of a lover!
I’m just a sweet transvestite
From transsexual Transylvaniaaaa ha ha!”
Raimundo grimaced. What kind of a parent was Jack? He dragged a child along to see Rocky Horror Picture Show? The kid was going to grow up warped for sure. Then the young leader took note of the fabrics piled around Chase.
Kimiko’s clothes.
Kimiko’s clothes with little pieces cut out of them.
Raimundo sucked in a deep breath.
“Oh my God, little dude! What are you doing?! Kimiko’s going to kill you! Why are you cutting up her clo-,” Rai stopped talking abruptly.
Chase was holding Ninja Fred.
Ninja Fred had just gained a new wardrobe, not to mention a new and questionable lifestyle.
A tight vest of python-print pleather encased the teddy bear’s chest. Gloves of the same were wrapped around the toy’s front paws while a pair of Kimiko’s black pantyhose had been plundered for the back paws. A string of simple pearls had been cut down for a necklace, while the Dragon of Fire’s makeup kit had furnished mascara, lipstick and even fake eyelashes.
Raimundo was certain he stopped breathing for a moment.
“OMIGODwhatdidyoudotohim?! You got gay germs all over my bear!”
“My bear!” Chase wailed, clutching the toy to his chest.
“He is not!” Rai protested. The Dragon of the Wind lunged for Chase, only to overshoot his target as the shrunken warlord shot for the door with startling speed, Ninja Transvestite Fred clutched tightly in his arms.
“My bear! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!” The little boy screamed, dashing out into the courtyard.
“Like hell you little brat! Give me back my bear!” Rai screeched.
The Dragon of the Wind was an inch away from grabbing the little boy when a dark figure descended from the skies. Raimundo lunged back, blinking in confusion.
“Jack? But you’re-“ the dark skinned youth took note of the unnaturally perfect symmetry of the face and the serial number printed on the newcomer’s cheek. “Oh. You’re a RoboJack.”
Little Chase ran right up to the automaton and hid under the trailing edge of his trench coat. RJ 13 peered down at child.
“Master Chase, I came as instructed,” RJ 13 sighed as the helipack on his back retracted into itself.
“Later, you pathetic example of copy failure! I owe Chibi Chase here a beating for stealing and trashing my bear!” Rai snarled.
“Your bear? Does that mean you don’t want Jack-Bear anymore?” RJ asked, producing the deadly toy.
One golden eye peered out from between the dark folds of fabric. A moment later Ninja Transvestite Fred was ejected forcibly from under RJ 13’s trench coat and Little Chase snatched up Jack-Bear.
“You turned him into a cross-dressing he-she and now you’re just going to throw him away! Aw hell, no!” Rai lunged for the hiding child.
A mechanical hand closed around his wrist and squeezed.
“You aren’t to harm Master Chase. I’m permitted to override Security Precaution Alpha to protect him,” the robot murmured.
“That means he can kill you!” The child announced.
“What?!” Omi appeared in the courtyard, looking shocked at the declaration. “RoboJack! You will not be allowed to kill anyone here!”
With a leap and a deft spin, the Dragon of Water landed in a fighting stance before the robot.
“I am permitted to override Security Precaution Alpha to protect Master Chase,” RJ 13 repeated, slinging Raimundo away from him.
“And that means he can and will kill to protect Chase,” Jack announced.
The albino genius leaned against the doorway of the infirmary, a thick blanket wrapped around himself. Jack took a look at his robot double.
“You look pissed. What happened?” he asked.
“Cheerbots,” RJ 13 growled.
“Ah.”
Pounding footsteps echoed off of the flagstones and the two remaining monks tore into the courtyard.
“What’s going on? Who’s killing who?!” Kimiko cried.
“Nobody’s killin’ anybody!” Clay stressed. “We all jest need t’ calm down an’-“
The Dragon of Earth broke off sharply when he saw the Glasses of Bi Shi perched on Kimiko’s head. With a speed most didn’t know him capable of; the big Texan snatched the Shen Gong Wu from his teammate.
“Glasses of Bi Shi!”
“Clay! Nooooo!” Kimiko squealed, grabbing at the cowboy. There was no way she could leap up to grab the wu away from the much taller warrior.
The glasses began to glow pink.
Clay looked at the warriors spread out before him.
Blonde brows shot up towards his hat brim then slowly drew back down to knit sharply.
Clay tore the glasses off of his face and hurled them away.
“Kimiko, you pervert! I ain’t never lettin’ you near me with those again!”
Jack didn’t seem to notice the cowboy’s disgust or bothered to wonder what had caused such a reaction. He only saw a pair of Shen Gong Wu that had been dropped literally at his feet. The albino half pounced, half fell forward onto the discarded glasses.
“No!” Omi, Kimiko, and Rai howled in the same breath.
The Dragon of the Wind drew the Sword of the Storm.
“Fork over the Wu, Spicer!” Rai cried, flashing forward.
Unfortunately for the Shoku leader, RJ 13 was still standing between Raimundo and Jack and he was still in a pissy mood. As finely toned muscles propelled the young warrior forward, RJ 13 stuck out a leg crafted from titanium alloy and tripped Rai.
The Xiaolin monk went ass over teakettle. The Sword of the Storm flew out in front of him, skipping across the flagstones.
Jack lunged forward.
The Xiaolin monks did the same.
Jack, Raimundo, Kimiko, Omi and Clay all ended up with their fingers touching the fabled sword.
“I challenge you all to a Xiaolin Showdown!” Jack howled.
“Name your game, Spicer,” Clay snorted. “You kin barely stand, let alone fight.”
“Yes. Whatever you choose it is certain you shall become legless far faster than we!” Omi boasted.
Jack blinked.
Legless?
Legless was British slang for drunk. And what were the chances four athletes sat down to punish their livers on a weekly basis?
“Raimundo, Kimiko, Clay, Omi, I challenge you all to a Xiaolin Drinking Contest!”
Fandom: Xiaolin Showdown
Pairing: Implied one-sided Chack, though Kimiko does take the opportunity to drool over anything with testicles
Rating: T for naughty language and mild violence
Summary: Jack wakes up back at the Temple ready for rest and recuperation. Then things go from worse to terrible.
The door to the Temple infirmary thudded open and the largest Dragon walked through, Jack Spicer cradled in his arms. The beefy cowboy gave the tech genius a dark look.
“I oughta drop you after what you done in that restaurant, Spicer,” He growled. “But that can wait ‘til after yer back on yer feet.”
Spicer didn’t reply; his slim body was exhausted from the skiing, the fleeing and the fight, not to mention the down home remedy for the chill: immersion in hotter and hotter water until the chill was gone from his body. According to Clay, it worked a treat on early calves.
It had worked a treat on Jack, too.
The sometimes Evil Genius was bundled up in a warm sweater, pants, and socks. The Dragon of the Earth tucked the smaller youth into a bed in the infirmary and sat down wearily next to him.
“Maybe I’ll just put yer hand in some warm water or sumthin’,” he groused.
“You were nicer to him than I would be,” Kimiko said, entering the infirmary. “It’s hard to believe this all started over these ugly things.”
The Dragon of Fire held up the tacky pink Glasses of Bi Shi.
“Have you figured out what them things do yet?” Clay sighed, leaning back.
“No, I tried them a couple of times outside and they didn’t do anything. They kind of glowed pink, but nothing changed or looked different. Glasses of Bi Shi!”
Kimiko slipped the glasses onto her face and looked around the room.
“Anythin’?” Clay asked.
“No. Everything looks exactly the same t--,” The Japanese girl broke off sharply.
The single most handsome man she had ever seen was sitting next to the bed.
Kimiko’s jaw sagged open as her eyes feasted on the sight before her. The man was handsome in the rugged, fierce way that could only be right in untamed lands and on the covers of the trashier brand of romance novels. A jaw so chiseled you could crack rocks on it framed a very sensual mouth and blue eyes that glittered like the sins of angels. A frail curtain of golden hair fell over one eye in a way that made her insides do funny, flippity-floppy things. A light dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks added a touch of innocence to that gorgeously sinful face, as if he’d only chew you up and spit you out in a way you’d really enjoy.
As if the gorgeous face wasn’t enough, the body went along with it was hot enough to cook breakfast on.
Shoulders nearly a yard wide strained the seams of the well-worn denim shirt he filled out with all muscle. Those broad shoulders tapered down to a slim waist and the longest legs Kimiko had ever seen.
The Japanese girl would have bet money he had an absolutely delectable ass, but unfortunately he was sitting on it at the moment, those uber-long legs stretched out in front of him to cross at the ankles.
“Are they doin’ sumthin’ now?” The vision of masculinity asked.
Kimiko felt her head tilt to one side, a confused look gracing her features. True, while watching that extremely kissable mouth work brought on a flood of estrogen that drowned most of her functioning brain cells, Super Mega Hot Cowboy Man spoke with Clay’s voice.
A few strong swimmers from her cerebral cortex managed to point out that she should refrain from jumping on the tall drink of water before her and screaming: ‘I want your babies!’ long enough to notice that he was also wearing Clay’s clothes and sitting in Clay’s chair.
“C-Clay?”
One sculpted eyebrow rose and the Western God of Sex gave her a sidelong look that made her knees buckle.
“Ye-ah . . . who’d you think I was, li’l lady?”
Kimiko swayed dangerously at the use of that affectionate term. She tore the Glasses of Bi Shi from her eyes and looked at Clay.
Plain old Clay.
“What’d they do?” he asked.
Kimiko stared down at the wu in her hands, then raised them to her eyes. Texas Heat Incarnate was back, his lips slightly parted in confusion. Kimiko tucked her chin, peering out over the glasses. Plain old Clay was giving her an odd look.
The Dragon of Fire raised her chin: Maverick Sexiness. She lowered her chin: Clay.
“What are you doin’?” Clay asked.
“Nothing,” Kimiko said innocently, tilting her head back.
“Let me see them glasses,” the Dragon of Earth said, his brows starting to knit.
“No. Could you stand up and turn around for minute?”
“What for?” Clay demanded.
“Humor me,” Kimiko said.
They were interrupted by Omi and Little Chase running into the infirmary. The little boy had a hot bath while Jack was treated and was now wearing a set of Omi’s pajamas.
“Daddy!” Little Chase wailed, running to his father.
Kimiko looked down as the most singularly beautiful child she had ever seen dashed past the romance novel cover cowboy and scrambled up onto the bed with-
The Dragon of Fire felt her knees go weak again.
If Clay through the Glasses of Bi Shi was the picture of masculinity, Jack Spicer was the picture of ethereal beauty. Skin as white as moonlight glowed against the dark blankets of the infirmary bed, while crimson red hair streaked across the black blankets and white skin like blood on snow and stone. The pale vision’s features were fine and sharp, elegant in a way Kimiko had never considered before. The thick black lashes fanned against his pale cheeks like puffs of charcoal. All in all, he looked like some kind of sexy, tragic vampire.
“Do not cry, little Chase Spicer! Your daddy will be fine! Is that not so, Kimiko?” Omi said, trying to be reassuring.
Kimiko reluctantly tore her eyes away from the beautiful sight before her to look at Omi.
And oh Lord, was he cute.
Omi was just a little round, chubby-cheeked cherub with the most darling black eyes she’d ever seen. Kim was overcome with the sudden urge to bake him cookies. She slipped the Glasses of Bi Shi off of her nose, watching as the pink glow surrounding them faded.
“These are now my new favorite wu,” she announced to no one in particular.
Clay got up and crossed the room in two strides.
“Let me see them glasses,” he said suspiciously, holding out one large hand.
Kimiko was glad she had already deactivated the Glasses, because she didn’t think she could have said no to Sexy Cowboy.
“Um . . .no,” she muttered, hiding them behind her back.
Without any further ado, she fled the infirmary, the Dragon of the Earth right on her heels.
Little Chase snuggled under the covers with Jack, whimpering softly to himself. Crimson eyes opened a crack as Chase jostled his adoptive father.
“C-Chase?” Jack groaned.
“Daddy!”
Jack smiled weakly and one hand came up to stroke the shrunken warlord’s hair.
“How’s my little man? Are you okay, buddy?” he asked.
Chase nodded, pressing his face against Jack’s chest to hide the tears that were swimming in his eyes.
“Th-the witch took you,” Chase whimpered.
“Not for long,” Jack rasped. “I gut-stabbed her with a broken ski. She’ll think twice about messing with me again.”
Chase’s eyes shone as he looked up at his adoptive father.
“Where are we?” Jack asked.
“The Xiaolin Temple,” Chase reported. “Omi gave me a bath and some tea.”
Jack gave his charge a sidelong look.
“You like Omi, huh?”
Little Chase nodded.
“I guess some things never change,” Jack growled.
“What?”
“Never mind,” Jack muttered. “I guess we can hang out here for a few days. You okay with that?”
Chase whined softly.
“I wanna go home.”
“We will,” Jack said softly. “Just let me rest a little while, okay? Take my phone and call RJ 13. He’ll bring over anything you need.”
“Okay,” Chase murmured.
“That’s my boy,” Jack breathed, letting his eyes drift closed. Within a few minutes, he was wrapped in a deep, healing sleep.
Chase remained curled against Jack’s side, dozing lightly. After about an hour he slid out of bed and went to the part of the infirmary where the albino genius’s personal effects had been stored. He dug Jack’s cell phone out of a pocket and hit the button to dial direct to Spicer’s robots.
~*~*~*~
RoboJack Unit 13 eyed the group of Cheerbots chatting in a corner of Master Jack’s lab. The Cheerbots were the source of constant vexation to RJ 13. Their shape and appearance called to him, cried out for his touch, yet . . . RJ 13 was the only robot Master Jack had created that had genitalia or a sex drive.
He tried to convince the female-shaped robots that he could make them feel good, but they weren’t up for his brand of experimentation. RJ 13 turned to appliances when he had to, but one day he would bag himself a Cheerbot.
The boy-shaped robot sauntered casually across the lab and offered a poetic line that metaphorically indicated how the Cheerbots beauty contributed to the state of his arousal.
“Hey there, girls. The genetic expressions of your physiognomy and body soma type have my cerebral cortex pumping out wild signals to my hypothalamus gland.”
He had worked on that line all night.
The four Cheerbots gave him a flat, confused look.
“We don’t have genes,” Chrissy said.
“And you don’t have a cerebral cortex, weirdo,” Jenny seconded. “You have a central processor.”
“He’s just trying to impress us by saying we cause the neural pattern of male sexual arousal,” Deidre sighed.
“It was . . . . poetic license,” RJ 13 offered. “I thought you might find it flattering.”
“Don’t fall for that stuff!” Amber cried. “I gave him the benefit of the doubt the other day and he tried to stick his tongue into my mouth.”
“Eeeeewwww!” The other Cheerbots chorused.
“That’s kissing!” RJ 13 protested. “Humans do it all the time; it’s pleasurable.”
“You’re really strange, you know that?!” Chrissy said. “Go try to mate with the washing machine again.”
The other Cheerbots laughed hysterically at this and headed for another part of the lab, leaving RJ 13 standing forlornly by himself.
His central processor patched a call through. It was on Master Jack’s line, but from Master Chase. RJ 13 listened to the instructions and answered dully.
“Yes. Yes, I understand. I’ll be there shortly . . . . . that as well? All right; if you say so.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Hey Clay, you seen Little Chase?” Raimundo asked the big cowboy as they passed each other in the hallway.
The Dragon of the Earth paused, his shoulders stiff.
“’Cause it’s quiet around here and if I know little kids, that means trouble,” Rai continued.
Clay turned around, his hat held upside down before him.
“I ain’t seen him since this happened,” the Texan said darkly.
Raimundo looked down at what the ten-gallon hat held. It was filled with Clay’s hand whittled cowboys and Indians toys; or rather, it was filled with the pieces of the toys. The Dragon of the Wind picked up a fragment of a mule skinner and studied it.
“Are those teeth marks?” he inquired.
“Li’l Chase said, ‘Let’s play Donner Party,’” Clay growled. With a sigh he turned back towards his sleeping stall. “If you find him, keep it t’ yourself. I got whittlin’ t’ do.”
Rai grimaced and continued searching the Temple.
Presently he found the shrunken warlord, working diligently with glue and scissors and singing softly to himself. It would have been cute if you didn’t actually listen to the words.
“I’m not much of a man by the light of day
But at night I’m one hell of a lover!
I’m just a sweet transvestite
From transsexual Transylvaniaaaa ha ha!”
Raimundo grimaced. What kind of a parent was Jack? He dragged a child along to see Rocky Horror Picture Show? The kid was going to grow up warped for sure. Then the young leader took note of the fabrics piled around Chase.
Kimiko’s clothes.
Kimiko’s clothes with little pieces cut out of them.
Raimundo sucked in a deep breath.
“Oh my God, little dude! What are you doing?! Kimiko’s going to kill you! Why are you cutting up her clo-,” Rai stopped talking abruptly.
Chase was holding Ninja Fred.
Ninja Fred had just gained a new wardrobe, not to mention a new and questionable lifestyle.
A tight vest of python-print pleather encased the teddy bear’s chest. Gloves of the same were wrapped around the toy’s front paws while a pair of Kimiko’s black pantyhose had been plundered for the back paws. A string of simple pearls had been cut down for a necklace, while the Dragon of Fire’s makeup kit had furnished mascara, lipstick and even fake eyelashes.
Raimundo was certain he stopped breathing for a moment.
“OMIGODwhatdidyoudotohim?! You got gay germs all over my bear!”
“My bear!” Chase wailed, clutching the toy to his chest.
“He is not!” Rai protested. The Dragon of the Wind lunged for Chase, only to overshoot his target as the shrunken warlord shot for the door with startling speed, Ninja Transvestite Fred clutched tightly in his arms.
“My bear! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!” The little boy screamed, dashing out into the courtyard.
“Like hell you little brat! Give me back my bear!” Rai screeched.
The Dragon of the Wind was an inch away from grabbing the little boy when a dark figure descended from the skies. Raimundo lunged back, blinking in confusion.
“Jack? But you’re-“ the dark skinned youth took note of the unnaturally perfect symmetry of the face and the serial number printed on the newcomer’s cheek. “Oh. You’re a RoboJack.”
Little Chase ran right up to the automaton and hid under the trailing edge of his trench coat. RJ 13 peered down at child.
“Master Chase, I came as instructed,” RJ 13 sighed as the helipack on his back retracted into itself.
“Later, you pathetic example of copy failure! I owe Chibi Chase here a beating for stealing and trashing my bear!” Rai snarled.
“Your bear? Does that mean you don’t want Jack-Bear anymore?” RJ asked, producing the deadly toy.
One golden eye peered out from between the dark folds of fabric. A moment later Ninja Transvestite Fred was ejected forcibly from under RJ 13’s trench coat and Little Chase snatched up Jack-Bear.
“You turned him into a cross-dressing he-she and now you’re just going to throw him away! Aw hell, no!” Rai lunged for the hiding child.
A mechanical hand closed around his wrist and squeezed.
“You aren’t to harm Master Chase. I’m permitted to override Security Precaution Alpha to protect him,” the robot murmured.
“That means he can kill you!” The child announced.
“What?!” Omi appeared in the courtyard, looking shocked at the declaration. “RoboJack! You will not be allowed to kill anyone here!”
With a leap and a deft spin, the Dragon of Water landed in a fighting stance before the robot.
“I am permitted to override Security Precaution Alpha to protect Master Chase,” RJ 13 repeated, slinging Raimundo away from him.
“And that means he can and will kill to protect Chase,” Jack announced.
The albino genius leaned against the doorway of the infirmary, a thick blanket wrapped around himself. Jack took a look at his robot double.
“You look pissed. What happened?” he asked.
“Cheerbots,” RJ 13 growled.
“Ah.”
Pounding footsteps echoed off of the flagstones and the two remaining monks tore into the courtyard.
“What’s going on? Who’s killing who?!” Kimiko cried.
“Nobody’s killin’ anybody!” Clay stressed. “We all jest need t’ calm down an’-“
The Dragon of Earth broke off sharply when he saw the Glasses of Bi Shi perched on Kimiko’s head. With a speed most didn’t know him capable of; the big Texan snatched the Shen Gong Wu from his teammate.
“Glasses of Bi Shi!”
“Clay! Nooooo!” Kimiko squealed, grabbing at the cowboy. There was no way she could leap up to grab the wu away from the much taller warrior.
The glasses began to glow pink.
Clay looked at the warriors spread out before him.
Blonde brows shot up towards his hat brim then slowly drew back down to knit sharply.
Clay tore the glasses off of his face and hurled them away.
“Kimiko, you pervert! I ain’t never lettin’ you near me with those again!”
Jack didn’t seem to notice the cowboy’s disgust or bothered to wonder what had caused such a reaction. He only saw a pair of Shen Gong Wu that had been dropped literally at his feet. The albino half pounced, half fell forward onto the discarded glasses.
“No!” Omi, Kimiko, and Rai howled in the same breath.
The Dragon of the Wind drew the Sword of the Storm.
“Fork over the Wu, Spicer!” Rai cried, flashing forward.
Unfortunately for the Shoku leader, RJ 13 was still standing between Raimundo and Jack and he was still in a pissy mood. As finely toned muscles propelled the young warrior forward, RJ 13 stuck out a leg crafted from titanium alloy and tripped Rai.
The Xiaolin monk went ass over teakettle. The Sword of the Storm flew out in front of him, skipping across the flagstones.
Jack lunged forward.
The Xiaolin monks did the same.
Jack, Raimundo, Kimiko, Omi and Clay all ended up with their fingers touching the fabled sword.
“I challenge you all to a Xiaolin Showdown!” Jack howled.
“Name your game, Spicer,” Clay snorted. “You kin barely stand, let alone fight.”
“Yes. Whatever you choose it is certain you shall become legless far faster than we!” Omi boasted.
Jack blinked.
Legless?
Legless was British slang for drunk. And what were the chances four athletes sat down to punish their livers on a weekly basis?
“Raimundo, Kimiko, Clay, Omi, I challenge you all to a Xiaolin Drinking Contest!”