how to deal.....

Jun 26, 2006 22:01


So its been almost 2 weeks since I found out about Kurt committing suicide. I've been talking to some friends and its bothering me. I am normally a very emotional person - I can cry almost anywhere. But the thing is, I have not cried at all. Kurt was one of my best friends growing up, and we were close throughout high school. All my friends tell me there is no right or wrong way to deal with a situation like this. But like, in my opinion I have not reacted to it. Any other time someone dies I am crying for a month. I don't know if I am still in shock about this happening. I have never had a friend die this way, and I think the thing that bothers me the most, is I saw him 2 days before it all happened and he was his normal self. All I know is that this is VERY different and I am trying to decide if I should go to counseling. I don't know if that would help, but I know I have been much more reserved than I normally am. All of my friends have been noticing. All I know is that it is really starting to bother me. I think my trust issue and not being able to talk to people is inhibiting moving on with this matter. All I know is that I had to put it out there. Maybe it will help some.

So to change to something good......Bucs is going well. I am still surprised about how well I am doing on rifle. Making me think about indoor. I know I want to march, but honestly. I don't know where. I felt so alienated this past indoor season. And its not my fault. I had a program to build and honestly when I was at both Apex shows, I felt ignored. So I don't know.

Williamstown is going great. I have 20 kids now. We might be Group III, but are trying to stay a II. Who knows, all I know is my guard is going to be phenominal once outdoor starts.

I guess this is all for now......I'll prolly write more later
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