Article I think I want to publish...
Just saw "Talledega Nights." I highly recommend it. It's not art, but I laughed 'till I cried... And I hate Will Farrell. So there ya go. Won't spoil it for ya.
I've decided to try writing again. I need to write. I just haven't had enough spoons to get things out of my head and onto paper -- so as a result, my dreams have been friggin' weird. So, here's an article I've written, am thinking about looking for a publisher. Any thoughts? Wanting info and feedback... Please remember it's a rough draft, and I think a bit rambly... Better next time? Anyway...
A Pagan Way of Dying: Suffering To Learn As Sacrament
by Eleanore of Moon's Inkwell (c) 2006
Face it, dying is something we all have to do. You can't argue percentages on that.
Life is a dangerous place. Almost nobody gets out alive. And honestly, when Neo-
Pagans (a large chunk of whom are Wiccan, and to whom hereafter I will refer to simply
as “Pagan”), start talking about “suffering to learn,” they often really don't know what
they are getting themselves into. (Bear with me on this...you may be one of the few who
really do “get it,” but there are plenty who don't.)
Okay, you can argue that not only does everyone die, everyone suffers. It's just
part of life. So no big deal, right? A few--okay, maybe more than a few--years ago a
famous bumper sticker got everyone in my southern, Bible-belt town “riled up.” My
mother, (a very wise woman of Celtic descent), would say of the fairly free-spoken
saying, “Well, you know, 'S**t Happens,' is really a perfect theological statement. First of
all, it's true. You can't argue with it. But when you think about it, you have two choices
about what to do about it. You can either complain about how it smells, or you can turn it
into fertilizer. Which will you do?”
Now, you have to understand that my mother grew up on a farm in the Western
U.S., and though she held a bachelor's degree in philosophy and a seminary degree (she
was a priest and theologian), she was also quite frank and very “earthy.” “Earthy,”
something that every Pagan aspires to be, yes? Or at least, can't argue with. Aren't we an
earth-centered religion? And what is more earth-centered than excrement and death? It
seems to me that turning excrement to fertilizer, though harder work than griping about
the smell, would be a lofty goal. Okay, maybe not lofty - but certainly sensible. Only,
it's not easy. And then, it's just gross.
Oh, we don't want to talk about that, the “new ones” say. It's nasty. It's not a good
discussion topic. We're perfectly happy to talk about our warrior gods and goddesses, our
savage totem animals, and our warrior spirits, but lets not discuss what battle smells or
looks like after the fact, thank-you-very-much. And our Mother Goddesses may also be
“Destroyers,” but we don't have to dwell on baby's heads hanging from her skirts, do we?
And our God's 'giant club' is really good for sex - we don't have to talk about the fact that
it also bashes in the heads of the decidedly unwary or misbehaved. (Okay, I can hear
those of you who get this out there grumbling, but really you might get something more
out of this if you keep reading!).
The same goes for the very necessity of living and dying. We'll often just avoid
unpalatable subjects, like the proverbial elephant in the middle of the dining room table,
and talk about “love and pleasure,” hedonism, and heavenly/earthly worship. We want to
spend our time being ecstatic, going to festivals, learning from great teachers, reading
great books, and meeting people whose names are on the outside of those books. We
don't have time or energy for the hard work, we have “real” lives that need attention, and
we just can't spare the change this week.
Then there are those who are a little bit wiser, who realize someone must pay the
grocery bill for the festivals, and rent the port-a-potties. Some are willing to do more
than a couple of hours of community service. They might be vendors, or do something
special, or host an event, or teach a workshop. Some will follow the ancient mandate to
teach and try to pass on some of what they've learned. Some of us even say we want
dynamic balance and polarity in our lives, because that's what our religion is all about,
isn't it?
But still we avoid the concept of death and suffering, and all the nastiness that
goes with it. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, even by Elders, why Pagans
seem to have to suffer so much when they really take their Craft seriously. The problem
is, that other than to nod our heads and take our oaths to “suffer to learn,” all blithely
unaware and innocent (even though many of us have been duly warned by our Elders),
many have not the slightest concept what it means to take such an oath. And I say that as
one who took that oath at the age of 29, thinking that having grown up as the child of two
priests, that I knew exactly what it meant. Boy, was I kidding myself.
Now, I've got to say I speak from experience on this topic, as all who speak on it
must when coming to terms with the ugly side of being physically human. I have several
physical ailments that make being what I am (a priestess and Elder) very difficult, and
keep me from really functioning in the mundane world altogether. They didn't happen to
me because I'm Pagan, or because I'm a priestess, but they are the way that suffering has
manifested in my life. But that's not what this article is about.
Really, this article isn't about dying at all, it's about living, and living
sacramentally. Something a lot of people, including Pagans, are afraid to do, (live, that is),
and don't know what it means to do. And in fact, it's what being willing to “suffer to learn”
is all about.
To use a word, especially one many are unfamiliar with, first you must define it.
A lot of Pagans don't use words like “sacrament,” because they sound too Christian.
Okay, I'll buy that. A lot of folks come to the world of Paganism as a reaction against
something else, at least, initially.
But there comes a time to “pull up your big-girl panties” and get on with your life,
and with serving the Gods. If you are a priest or a priestess in this religion, which
encompasses all the Divine, both within the world and beyond it, then you have pastoral
and theological responsibilities which include being able to communicate about who and
what you are and do, not an easy thing. And there are perfectly good words already out there that can be used to meet our needs. Refusing to use them because other religions already have leaves us in a muddle trying to find language to make us understandable. It's hard enough to be in a mystery cult, where words fail us often simply because of the nature of our experience; to not use what is available to us is just silly.
So 'sacrament;' what does it mean? According to Meriam-Webster's Online
Dictionary the word 'sacrament' comes from Latin's sacrare, a verb which means to
consecrate or make holy. We consecrate our tools. When we initiate, we consecrate
ourselves. What many Pagans do not realize is that when we are taking oath to “suffer to
learn,” we are consecrating our joy, our suffering, our living, and our dying, all for the
use of the Gods as they see fit.
In some versions of the Charge of The God, it clearly states that “All Acts of
Willing Sacrifice Are My Rituals.” Many priests, and priestesses too, do not realize that
“Love and Pleasure” are not the only rituals sacred to the Gods. We must be balanced
by willing sacrifice and death, and not cling only to ecstatic joy and the making of life. These same folks will celebrate the Lord's Rituals (in particular the Sabbats of Harvest), and never really think about what it means to die as a sacrament. Or if they do, they think of it as the God's job, and not something that humans really have to worry about. So what is dying as a sacrament, and why do we have to do it as part of a mandate of our priesthood?
We live, and die, as a way of making our own bodies, our own suffering, our joy,
our sex, our trips to the bathroom, our trips to the doctor, our trips to eat out or celebrate,
our every movement (whether it hurts or not), and our own love and the living with
fullness of life itself, as a gift to those around us and to the Gods. That is, as a “willing
sacrifice.” That is sacrament. That is to make our "tool" (ourselves) sacred and holy.
As the priests and priestesses of our religion, it is our job to bring the sacrament, the holy, the consecrated, to those we serve -- and I mean not only the Gods, but those who surround us in our every day lives (whether in the context of the Pagan world or the "Mundane" one.) It is what we are all about. We must carry our suffering to our congregants even as we carry our joy, or we do not represent the sacrament in its fullness. We are kidding our congregants, and kidding ourselves. And that goes to both the priests and the priestesses out there.
Okay, I can hear the objections now from some of the priestesses--especially those who've been working their butts off for years trying to make ends meet with their groups. "We're already overworked doing what we're doing. I really don't want people getting into my private business anyway. This talk of sacrament is all very well, but we're not priests, we're priestesses. It's hard enough doing our own jobs, let alone the priests'. So we don't really have to understand that whole "willing sacrifice" thing, or use it, other than to teach our male students to do it. It's their (the priests') job to ritualize it, because it's in the God's realm. I have enough to do 'Drawing Down The Moon.' Besides, if the priests were doing what they were supposed to be doing, we wouldn't have to even worry about it!" (I've actually heard this or I wouldn't bring it up!)
And I ask you, how many of you are doing both a priest's and priestess' jobs already because you have to? Because you don't have enough men of rank to “do it properly?” And better yet, and this goes for priests and priestesses alike, how many of you, even if you do have both genders of rank in your group, or a working partner of some experience, have the balance of the worship of your God within yourself even as you have the worship of your Goddess? Or vice versa? Do you truly hold both in equal splendor, equal might, and equal understanding?
Wicca,and Paganism in general, while matrifocal, has gotten a bad reputation for being sexist,
and it sometimes it is. We started in the U.S. in reaction against patriarchal fundamentalist religions that are inherent in our culture and history. It's natural to want to restore balance over the long term by that reaction. And yet we preach that balance is all, and necessary to reach the upper levels of mystery revelation, for individuals as well as for the culture as a whole. This also goes for our covens, groves and circles. And I ask, are we truly balanced? Are we?
Both priests and priestesses must be balanced in and of themselves to function
fully as clergy in a healthy way. That's what reaching those “upper levels” of initiation is
partly about - a recognition that you carry both God and Goddess, in dynamic balance,
within the self, and that you can access the power of the Lord and Lady's Great Rite at any
time at need. It may also mean you have experience, wisdom, good
sense, and have learned all your P's and Q's, but it also has to mean that you “get it,” or it just doesn't fly.
Are you balanced if you balk at death and things unsavory? Do you make hospital visits when your patients are hooked up to things that are gross, or freak you out? Or do you avoid them and send a nice card? Are you balanced if you balk at things either male or female? Do you stick to those of the same sexual orientation as yourself or worship either the Goddess or the God singly but not the other? Are you balanced if you balk at things light, springy, and “fluff bunny” and like to stay in dark places with dark people? (I myself balk at the latter, so I know my own imbalance there intimately.)
In order to maintain a 'sacramental' priesthood, you must dedicate
every action you take, every thought you have, everything you voice, and every prayer you make to the Divine. And you must not forget, if you have taken those oaths, that those actions, thoughts, words, and prayers are heard by the Divine as such, whether you are thinking about it or not. No pressure.
Makes you think, huh? What about the poor girl you snapped at last week
because you were in a bad mood? What about the thing you repeated because it was a
good story, but really shouldn't have been repeated all the same? What about that
moment when you realized that you hate hurting, or wish your doctor would fall into a
ravine, or your insurance company would get a clue?
Is your God or Goddess never angry or hurt? Do they never suffer or crab? Are they always sweet and pleasant? Or are they never sweet and pleasant? Always angry or hurt, or always in a lousy mood? Do you really know them intimately enough to know “both” (or more) sides of their personalities? Or do you stick to the ones who make you feel most comfortable and ignore the rest of the pantheon(s)?
Perhaps we anthropomorphize our Gods too much. We've made them too human.
Perhaps we haven't made them human enough. Perhaps we need to get to know them
better: as friends, masters, lovers, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, partners, guides,
saviours, and fellow priests. Perhaps we need to remember that we are ourselves, head
and heart ands hands, our true tool - and that when we consecrate ourselves, we must
remember that our "blade" must, as an athame's must, cut both ways.
Live and live fully. Die and die well. Make everything in between worth
remembering. But remember to make it a sacrament. Remember to make it worth it to your Gods. That is what it means to be a true "human sacrifice."
I've decided to try writing again. I need to write. I just haven't had enough spoons to get things out of my head and onto paper -- so as a result, my dreams have been friggin' weird. So, here's an article I've written, am thinking about looking for a publisher. Any thoughts? Wanting info and feedback... Please remember it's a rough draft, and I think a bit rambly... Better next time? Anyway...
A Pagan Way of Dying: Suffering To Learn As Sacrament
by Eleanore of Moon's Inkwell (c) 2006
Face it, dying is something we all have to do. You can't argue percentages on that.
Life is a dangerous place. Almost nobody gets out alive. And honestly, when Neo-
Pagans (a large chunk of whom are Wiccan, and to whom hereafter I will refer to simply
as “Pagan”), start talking about “suffering to learn,” they often really don't know what
they are getting themselves into. (Bear with me on this...you may be one of the few who
really do “get it,” but there are plenty who don't.)
Okay, you can argue that not only does everyone die, everyone suffers. It's just
part of life. So no big deal, right? A few--okay, maybe more than a few--years ago a
famous bumper sticker got everyone in my southern, Bible-belt town “riled up.” My
mother, (a very wise woman of Celtic descent), would say of the fairly free-spoken
saying, “Well, you know, 'S**t Happens,' is really a perfect theological statement. First of
all, it's true. You can't argue with it. But when you think about it, you have two choices
about what to do about it. You can either complain about how it smells, or you can turn it
into fertilizer. Which will you do?”
Now, you have to understand that my mother grew up on a farm in the Western
U.S., and though she held a bachelor's degree in philosophy and a seminary degree (she
was a priest and theologian), she was also quite frank and very “earthy.” “Earthy,”
something that every Pagan aspires to be, yes? Or at least, can't argue with. Aren't we an
earth-centered religion? And what is more earth-centered than excrement and death? It
seems to me that turning excrement to fertilizer, though harder work than griping about
the smell, would be a lofty goal. Okay, maybe not lofty - but certainly sensible. Only,
it's not easy. And then, it's just gross.
Oh, we don't want to talk about that, the “new ones” say. It's nasty. It's not a good
discussion topic. We're perfectly happy to talk about our warrior gods and goddesses, our
savage totem animals, and our warrior spirits, but lets not discuss what battle smells or
looks like after the fact, thank-you-very-much. And our Mother Goddesses may also be
“Destroyers,” but we don't have to dwell on baby's heads hanging from her skirts, do we?
And our God's 'giant club' is really good for sex - we don't have to talk about the fact that
it also bashes in the heads of the decidedly unwary or misbehaved. (Okay, I can hear
those of you who get this out there grumbling, but really you might get something more
out of this if you keep reading!).
The same goes for the very necessity of living and dying. We'll often just avoid
unpalatable subjects, like the proverbial elephant in the middle of the dining room table,
and talk about “love and pleasure,” hedonism, and heavenly/earthly worship. We want to
spend our time being ecstatic, going to festivals, learning from great teachers, reading
great books, and meeting people whose names are on the outside of those books. We
don't have time or energy for the hard work, we have “real” lives that need attention, and
we just can't spare the change this week.
Then there are those who are a little bit wiser, who realize someone must pay the
grocery bill for the festivals, and rent the port-a-potties. Some are willing to do more
than a couple of hours of community service. They might be vendors, or do something
special, or host an event, or teach a workshop. Some will follow the ancient mandate to
teach and try to pass on some of what they've learned. Some of us even say we want
dynamic balance and polarity in our lives, because that's what our religion is all about,
isn't it?
But still we avoid the concept of death and suffering, and all the nastiness that
goes with it. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, even by Elders, why Pagans
seem to have to suffer so much when they really take their Craft seriously. The problem
is, that other than to nod our heads and take our oaths to “suffer to learn,” all blithely
unaware and innocent (even though many of us have been duly warned by our Elders),
many have not the slightest concept what it means to take such an oath. And I say that as
one who took that oath at the age of 29, thinking that having grown up as the child of two
priests, that I knew exactly what it meant. Boy, was I kidding myself.
Now, I've got to say I speak from experience on this topic, as all who speak on it
must when coming to terms with the ugly side of being physically human. I have several
physical ailments that make being what I am (a priestess and Elder) very difficult, and
keep me from really functioning in the mundane world altogether. They didn't happen to
me because I'm Pagan, or because I'm a priestess, but they are the way that suffering has
manifested in my life. But that's not what this article is about.
Really, this article isn't about dying at all, it's about living, and living
sacramentally. Something a lot of people, including Pagans, are afraid to do, (live, that is),
and don't know what it means to do. And in fact, it's what being willing to “suffer to learn”
is all about.
To use a word, especially one many are unfamiliar with, first you must define it.
A lot of Pagans don't use words like “sacrament,” because they sound too Christian.
Okay, I'll buy that. A lot of folks come to the world of Paganism as a reaction against
something else, at least, initially.
But there comes a time to “pull up your big-girl panties” and get on with your life,
and with serving the Gods. If you are a priest or a priestess in this religion, which
encompasses all the Divine, both within the world and beyond it, then you have pastoral
and theological responsibilities which include being able to communicate about who and
what you are and do, not an easy thing. And there are perfectly good words already out there that can be used to meet our needs. Refusing to use them because other religions already have leaves us in a muddle trying to find language to make us understandable. It's hard enough to be in a mystery cult, where words fail us often simply because of the nature of our experience; to not use what is available to us is just silly.
So 'sacrament;' what does it mean? According to Meriam-Webster's Online
Dictionary the word 'sacrament' comes from Latin's sacrare, a verb which means to
consecrate or make holy. We consecrate our tools. When we initiate, we consecrate
ourselves. What many Pagans do not realize is that when we are taking oath to “suffer to
learn,” we are consecrating our joy, our suffering, our living, and our dying, all for the
use of the Gods as they see fit.
In some versions of the Charge of The God, it clearly states that “All Acts of
Willing Sacrifice Are My Rituals.” Many priests, and priestesses too, do not realize that
“Love and Pleasure” are not the only rituals sacred to the Gods. We must be balanced
by willing sacrifice and death, and not cling only to ecstatic joy and the making of life. These same folks will celebrate the Lord's Rituals (in particular the Sabbats of Harvest), and never really think about what it means to die as a sacrament. Or if they do, they think of it as the God's job, and not something that humans really have to worry about. So what is dying as a sacrament, and why do we have to do it as part of a mandate of our priesthood?
We live, and die, as a way of making our own bodies, our own suffering, our joy,
our sex, our trips to the bathroom, our trips to the doctor, our trips to eat out or celebrate,
our every movement (whether it hurts or not), and our own love and the living with
fullness of life itself, as a gift to those around us and to the Gods. That is, as a “willing
sacrifice.” That is sacrament. That is to make our "tool" (ourselves) sacred and holy.
As the priests and priestesses of our religion, it is our job to bring the sacrament, the holy, the consecrated, to those we serve -- and I mean not only the Gods, but those who surround us in our every day lives (whether in the context of the Pagan world or the "Mundane" one.) It is what we are all about. We must carry our suffering to our congregants even as we carry our joy, or we do not represent the sacrament in its fullness. We are kidding our congregants, and kidding ourselves. And that goes to both the priests and the priestesses out there.
Okay, I can hear the objections now from some of the priestesses--especially those who've been working their butts off for years trying to make ends meet with their groups. "We're already overworked doing what we're doing. I really don't want people getting into my private business anyway. This talk of sacrament is all very well, but we're not priests, we're priestesses. It's hard enough doing our own jobs, let alone the priests'. So we don't really have to understand that whole "willing sacrifice" thing, or use it, other than to teach our male students to do it. It's their (the priests') job to ritualize it, because it's in the God's realm. I have enough to do 'Drawing Down The Moon.' Besides, if the priests were doing what they were supposed to be doing, we wouldn't have to even worry about it!" (I've actually heard this or I wouldn't bring it up!)
And I ask you, how many of you are doing both a priest's and priestess' jobs already because you have to? Because you don't have enough men of rank to “do it properly?” And better yet, and this goes for priests and priestesses alike, how many of you, even if you do have both genders of rank in your group, or a working partner of some experience, have the balance of the worship of your God within yourself even as you have the worship of your Goddess? Or vice versa? Do you truly hold both in equal splendor, equal might, and equal understanding?
Wicca,and Paganism in general, while matrifocal, has gotten a bad reputation for being sexist,
and it sometimes it is. We started in the U.S. in reaction against patriarchal fundamentalist religions that are inherent in our culture and history. It's natural to want to restore balance over the long term by that reaction. And yet we preach that balance is all, and necessary to reach the upper levels of mystery revelation, for individuals as well as for the culture as a whole. This also goes for our covens, groves and circles. And I ask, are we truly balanced? Are we?
Both priests and priestesses must be balanced in and of themselves to function
fully as clergy in a healthy way. That's what reaching those “upper levels” of initiation is
partly about - a recognition that you carry both God and Goddess, in dynamic balance,
within the self, and that you can access the power of the Lord and Lady's Great Rite at any
time at need. It may also mean you have experience, wisdom, good
sense, and have learned all your P's and Q's, but it also has to mean that you “get it,” or it just doesn't fly.
Are you balanced if you balk at death and things unsavory? Do you make hospital visits when your patients are hooked up to things that are gross, or freak you out? Or do you avoid them and send a nice card? Are you balanced if you balk at things either male or female? Do you stick to those of the same sexual orientation as yourself or worship either the Goddess or the God singly but not the other? Are you balanced if you balk at things light, springy, and “fluff bunny” and like to stay in dark places with dark people? (I myself balk at the latter, so I know my own imbalance there intimately.)
In order to maintain a 'sacramental' priesthood, you must dedicate
every action you take, every thought you have, everything you voice, and every prayer you make to the Divine. And you must not forget, if you have taken those oaths, that those actions, thoughts, words, and prayers are heard by the Divine as such, whether you are thinking about it or not. No pressure.
Makes you think, huh? What about the poor girl you snapped at last week
because you were in a bad mood? What about the thing you repeated because it was a
good story, but really shouldn't have been repeated all the same? What about that
moment when you realized that you hate hurting, or wish your doctor would fall into a
ravine, or your insurance company would get a clue?
Is your God or Goddess never angry or hurt? Do they never suffer or crab? Are they always sweet and pleasant? Or are they never sweet and pleasant? Always angry or hurt, or always in a lousy mood? Do you really know them intimately enough to know “both” (or more) sides of their personalities? Or do you stick to the ones who make you feel most comfortable and ignore the rest of the pantheon(s)?
Perhaps we anthropomorphize our Gods too much. We've made them too human.
Perhaps we haven't made them human enough. Perhaps we need to get to know them
better: as friends, masters, lovers, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, partners, guides,
saviours, and fellow priests. Perhaps we need to remember that we are ourselves, head
and heart ands hands, our true tool - and that when we consecrate ourselves, we must
remember that our "blade" must, as an athame's must, cut both ways.
Live and live fully. Die and die well. Make everything in between worth
remembering. But remember to make it a sacrament. Remember to make it worth it to your Gods. That is what it means to be a true "human sacrifice."