Found via Twitter...
This is an entry from Daily Kos that someone on my Twitter feed posted today and I am glad she did. Too often sexual assaults is presented as a woman's problem. So much of what is out there about rape prevention is aimed at women and is defensive. It's all about us watching our backs, not going certain places alone, how to get away from an
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And why don't you and I have a little chat since I am not a helpless fucking victim, was not incpacitated, took personal responsibility for my actions at all times and still had my face held down into a pillow and had my ass torn open by someone shoving his cock into it. The whole time I was crying, screaming as loud as I could and the only other person in the room was jacking off to it. So why don't you and I have little chat. About what is wrong with your assessment, your attitude and your shifting the blame of things back onto women.
Live in my world for a day, a week or better yet have sex with the anxieties that this act of violence caused in my life and my relationships. Live with the fact that my son shares his birthday with the anniversary of this event. Live with the fact that 12 men standng outside the door knew what was happening and did nothing. The fact that you have the audacity to compare a gold digger (men are gold diggers too) to a rapist is not just ignorant, but cruel. Suffer through this trauma and then tell me about the evils of women.
Until then understand that rape is a crime of power...a crime that has pathological underpinnings. The fact that I survived and am stronger and in even more control of myself has given me my power back. Millions of women won't ever get to that point, particularly when the trauma comes from the bond of trust built by fathers, brothers, uncles, teachers and friends. Live our trauma for a day and learn to rise above it, always feeling the scars of the devastation that will forever remain. Let's see how you fare.
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It's precisely this attitude though that comes through loud and clear in your response, thus highlighting the need to confront these attitudes head-on:
Plus, there's the personal responsibility angle. Let's say someone is raped when they got so incapacitated they couldn't think. Legally, it's 100% the fault of the man. Much of the moral blame still lies on the man. On the other hand, I don't exactly think the woman is an innocent angel. I would describe the woman as "stupid". She's a victim, but a stupid victim.
A stupid victim. A girl goes out with a guy and has a few drinks, feeling comfortable. He suggests going back to his place, she says no. He keeps buying her drink after drink and then takes advantage when she's close to comatose in his front seat, supposedly driving her home. This isn't an isolated incident...this happens every single day. But because of your attitude, she doesn't seek help when she wakes up with her pants unbuttoned and semen on her thigh. Because after all, she was just a stupid victim...after all, she made the choice to drink so therefore she must be at fault. When did she consent to this?
Maybe she just didn't say no loudly enough. Maybe it was her fault she let him buy her drinks in the first place. Maybe it was her fault she was just so damn attractive that he just had to have her and the only way he could was if she was incapacitated. Do you see the problem with this line of thinking?
The courts *are* biased against men in some sexual crimes at this time. Think sexual harassment in education. The double standard of the punishment allocated when a women sleeps with a high school student (especially one considered "pretty") versus a man is well documented.
First, I want to see that documentation. Many rapes aren't even reported so the available documentation wouldn't capture all those cases where charges weren't even filed. In my sorority alone 13 out of 36 women had been raped or sexually assaulted, some by their brothers, boyfriends and (step) fathers. Only one of them reported (a stranger rape) and it never went to trial because there wasn't enough evidence. Second, in that documentation, I'd be curious to see how often the defense brought up previous sexual history of the woman as evidence of "implied consent". Third, I would also guess that it doesn't capture the amount of man-on-man rape that happens either, since those are rarely reported as well. So I want to see where it's well-documented.
Finally on your point about female teachers taking advantage of their male students, those are actually the more high-profile cases. And they are treated the same as other sex offenders. They're jailed, they have to serve time, they have to register for life. I don't advocate treating female perpetrators differently than male ones, however, male perpetrators are far more common.
Men don't have to protect themselves from rape and sexual assault, but there are definitely women out there men have to protect themselves from. Don't kid yourself.
Actually, did you know that a number of sex offenders were boys who were abused by men? They turn to this crime of power in order to take their power back, to take out their pain on others, to victimize others so they don't feel the victim any longer. This abstract is just one example: http://ijo.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/40/3/192. There is other research available, unfortunately not accessible where I work.
Do women cause damage? Yes. But very few things in this world are as violent and traumatizing as rape. We have millions of people who have survived (barely) such a brutal and humiliating act of violence. SO how do we stop it from happening?
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This topic is a rather hotbutton one for me, because I canNOT fathom how an eleven-year-old me was "asking for it" in ANY way shape or form.
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