An Indie Game Designer's Journal: Part 1 Origins
suicide, most often called "the easy way out"
why? well, because it puts an end to all troubles, it is easy, and reasonably painless... well, depending on the method used that is.
But it is looked down upon as an easy way due to what happens after. Sure it is an easy way out for the person performing it, but the others who witness it however, it is no easy way. People who care for you, people who know you, they all suffer greatly for the loss. No matter how troubled you may be, choosing the "easy way out" may end all your troubles, but it will only give more problems to your friends.
I have thought of suicide a couple of times I admit. I am not afraid to admit that, after all, we all have our problems in life, so it is only natural to consider an easy end at least once. However I am to caring to those around me, my girlfriend, by best friend, my family. What problems would they receive if they lost me?
No, I will not cheat, I will not take the easy route. There is no point. Sure my problems will disappear, but so will my dreams and my future.
What am I lamenting about you ask? Well my life of course. I am a Game Designer, 3D modeler and storyteller. My mind works in a philosophical manner, where I often think of the meaning of things in as abstract way as possible. Again, why am I lamenting... well in games, players often try out certain tactics, and when they discover that they don't work, players just reset or reload the game. Well in real life there is no reset button, and to put things short my tactic of life didn't quite turn out the way i was hoping.
I have dedicated my life to the sole purpose of studying how great games are made. My early years I played many games and learned from them. As I grew older and games started to gain more advanced graphics, I became more and more interested in editing games. I still remember the first game I "hacked" where the graphics. This was the path I had chosen, from the first game I ever played to this day today, I have dedicated my life to studying game design and graphics. What makes a game tick, what impresses its audience, and what makes them come back for more.
As time flew by I chose to prioritize my dreams and future career, and studied Arts and Crafts, then later Advertisement and Design, then finally came my bachelor course.
Now going slightly away from my gruesome introduction, I will begin Part 2 with more to the point information, I will rant more about my bachelor education and the choices I have made in life, and explain where my tactic went wrong.
PS. This is not an "emo" post whining about how my life is worthless. This is me reflecting about my life, both failures and successes. I will cover several aspects of game development, from an Indie point of view. Hopefully this "journal" will provide insight and may help future game developers.
why? well, because it puts an end to all troubles, it is easy, and reasonably painless... well, depending on the method used that is.
But it is looked down upon as an easy way due to what happens after. Sure it is an easy way out for the person performing it, but the others who witness it however, it is no easy way. People who care for you, people who know you, they all suffer greatly for the loss. No matter how troubled you may be, choosing the "easy way out" may end all your troubles, but it will only give more problems to your friends.
I have thought of suicide a couple of times I admit. I am not afraid to admit that, after all, we all have our problems in life, so it is only natural to consider an easy end at least once. However I am to caring to those around me, my girlfriend, by best friend, my family. What problems would they receive if they lost me?
No, I will not cheat, I will not take the easy route. There is no point. Sure my problems will disappear, but so will my dreams and my future.
What am I lamenting about you ask? Well my life of course. I am a Game Designer, 3D modeler and storyteller. My mind works in a philosophical manner, where I often think of the meaning of things in as abstract way as possible. Again, why am I lamenting... well in games, players often try out certain tactics, and when they discover that they don't work, players just reset or reload the game. Well in real life there is no reset button, and to put things short my tactic of life didn't quite turn out the way i was hoping.
I have dedicated my life to the sole purpose of studying how great games are made. My early years I played many games and learned from them. As I grew older and games started to gain more advanced graphics, I became more and more interested in editing games. I still remember the first game I "hacked" where the graphics. This was the path I had chosen, from the first game I ever played to this day today, I have dedicated my life to studying game design and graphics. What makes a game tick, what impresses its audience, and what makes them come back for more.
As time flew by I chose to prioritize my dreams and future career, and studied Arts and Crafts, then later Advertisement and Design, then finally came my bachelor course.
Now going slightly away from my gruesome introduction, I will begin Part 2 with more to the point information, I will rant more about my bachelor education and the choices I have made in life, and explain where my tactic went wrong.
PS. This is not an "emo" post whining about how my life is worthless. This is me reflecting about my life, both failures and successes. I will cover several aspects of game development, from an Indie point of view. Hopefully this "journal" will provide insight and may help future game developers.