Funk the trunk
Okay, so I'm getting some disturbing news about this new "Trunk or Treat" thing that's becoming popular. Buncha families fill up a parking lot, and the kids go from car to car getting candy.
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
Seriously, as if kids today weren't already lazy enough! If you don't live in suburbia or an urban location, make sure your kids have one friend that DOES. Then you can just drop 'em off in a place where traditional trick or treating is a workable option, and let them get the full experience!
I trick or treated the traditional way my entire childhood, and not ONCE did I get poisoned, cut, or molested by a creepy stranger. I got to meet my neighbors and felt safe in my neighborhood. Hell, Halloween is the SAFEST night of the year, because of all the safety tips that we get shoved down our gullets before we're even done with our costumes.
We need to stop perverting this holiday with stupid shit like "trunk or treat" and mall trick or treating, not to mention churches throwing "harvest festivals" because they can't stand any imaginary hobgoblins except Satan (did u see what i did thar? LOL im so edgy!!!!111one). Halloween is SUPPOSED to be scary! Half the fun is daring each other to walk up to the REALLY SCARY house and ring the doorbell. Every neighborhood has at least once house that looks legitimately haunted. The kid who makes it up there is the one who everyone wants to talk to the next school day.
And wear a fucking costume when you come knocking! I'll fucking pre-emptively throw an egg at YOU if I think you're gonna egg my house because you were too lazy to spend $5 on a white sheet that you put eyeholes into. You must put as much effort into EARNING the candy as I did BUYING it.
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
Seriously, as if kids today weren't already lazy enough! If you don't live in suburbia or an urban location, make sure your kids have one friend that DOES. Then you can just drop 'em off in a place where traditional trick or treating is a workable option, and let them get the full experience!
I trick or treated the traditional way my entire childhood, and not ONCE did I get poisoned, cut, or molested by a creepy stranger. I got to meet my neighbors and felt safe in my neighborhood. Hell, Halloween is the SAFEST night of the year, because of all the safety tips that we get shoved down our gullets before we're even done with our costumes.
We need to stop perverting this holiday with stupid shit like "trunk or treat" and mall trick or treating, not to mention churches throwing "harvest festivals" because they can't stand any imaginary hobgoblins except Satan (did u see what i did thar? LOL im so edgy!!!!111one). Halloween is SUPPOSED to be scary! Half the fun is daring each other to walk up to the REALLY SCARY house and ring the doorbell. Every neighborhood has at least once house that looks legitimately haunted. The kid who makes it up there is the one who everyone wants to talk to the next school day.
And wear a fucking costume when you come knocking! I'll fucking pre-emptively throw an egg at YOU if I think you're gonna egg my house because you were too lazy to spend $5 on a white sheet that you put eyeholes into. You must put as much effort into EARNING the candy as I did BUYING it.