Oh, cathartic feelings, where art thou?
I've been thinking for some time now that this whole blog thing has become too impersonal. People I didn't know are reading this are DEFINITELY reading this. Might be time to get a conventional journal, but that takes too long...
For those of you who care (a considerably smaller circle than it used to be), here are some things that have been happening.
a) My sister is forever all up in my grillspace. The chinese one. She just got a facebook. And hey, guess what's up in her photo album?? Photos of the dad I don't know, the brothers and sisters I don't know either, and the life that I was never a part of. Apparently, she's also connected to me through some frriend from Glendon in a weird six-degrees type thing. Which I'm forever more aware of since the facebook revolution happened. It seems that my whole world just got a billion times smaller, because everyone that I know knows someone else that I know. It's weird and creepy. Anyway, seeing my sister and unknown family all happy together definitely sucks big time. I know I may not be portraying this as seriously as I feel it, but rest assured, the feelings are certainly there. They're also real and very depressing.
b) I'm taking a neuropsychology class that I want to ace. I just had an exam on Thursday, and judging by my performance on that shit, that ain't happenin'. Not in this lifetime.
c) Also, I'm thinking about giving up soccer. I thought I was good, but it seems the more and more I play the more and more I suck. I also play for a team that used to and still does talk about me behind my back, and for a coach who I never liked, and who obviously never liked me. Add to that the fact that my knee is practically blown out, and I'm getting fat and blowsy, and the whole soccer thing is just seeming too much to handle. Damon's accused me of giving up, and yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. I tried, it's been four years. If after four years, people are still telling you to calm down on the ball (when clearly you thought you WERE calm), then it might be time to go take a drive down another avenue. Squash, maybe? Ballet? (Although, I suck at that too, it's still a hell of a lot more fun than soccer's been these days).
d) Lately I've been plagued with icky girly body issues. I feel fat and ugly, and there's nothing I can do about it. Although, of course, I don't feel ugly because I'm geting fat. I feel fat because I've been eating incessantly like a pig for months now. I feel ugly just because I do. And for some reason, having Damon tell me over and over doesn't make me feel any more beautiful, in fact, it just makes me feel bad for whining to him about it.
e) Saturday was MY dearest Angel's 20th birthday. She's officially the awesomest. Not for being old, but because she was awesome before, and now she can be my age whilst being awesome. Kickass.
f) Considering that I'm a third year student I've been thinking a lot about post-grad studies, travel, work, things in that general domain. I'm so goddammed terrified to grow up that it almost hurts. At the same time, I'm also terrified to stay in school until my fingerskin grafts to the pen. Sound like a complex? I think so. Anyway, I wanna get my act together, so that I can go see the world, make a difference, all that cool stuff.
g) It would be nice to be rich. Fame, i'm not so canny on. Any ideas, guys? Any of you wanna exploit yourselves in the media and let me be your exploiter? Oh, did I say exploiter? I meant agent. Agent. Come on, I know some of you wanna be rock stars, or models, or something like that. Whatever your pick, lemme know. I got your back. Wallets, whatever, lol.
Ok, that's all I got for now. I'm seeing double. And that means my shitty eye muscles are acting up on me again. bitches. i'll show you! *starts wrestling with eye muscles*
For those of you who care (a considerably smaller circle than it used to be), here are some things that have been happening.
a) My sister is forever all up in my grillspace. The chinese one. She just got a facebook. And hey, guess what's up in her photo album?? Photos of the dad I don't know, the brothers and sisters I don't know either, and the life that I was never a part of. Apparently, she's also connected to me through some frriend from Glendon in a weird six-degrees type thing. Which I'm forever more aware of since the facebook revolution happened. It seems that my whole world just got a billion times smaller, because everyone that I know knows someone else that I know. It's weird and creepy. Anyway, seeing my sister and unknown family all happy together definitely sucks big time. I know I may not be portraying this as seriously as I feel it, but rest assured, the feelings are certainly there. They're also real and very depressing.
b) I'm taking a neuropsychology class that I want to ace. I just had an exam on Thursday, and judging by my performance on that shit, that ain't happenin'. Not in this lifetime.
c) Also, I'm thinking about giving up soccer. I thought I was good, but it seems the more and more I play the more and more I suck. I also play for a team that used to and still does talk about me behind my back, and for a coach who I never liked, and who obviously never liked me. Add to that the fact that my knee is practically blown out, and I'm getting fat and blowsy, and the whole soccer thing is just seeming too much to handle. Damon's accused me of giving up, and yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. I tried, it's been four years. If after four years, people are still telling you to calm down on the ball (when clearly you thought you WERE calm), then it might be time to go take a drive down another avenue. Squash, maybe? Ballet? (Although, I suck at that too, it's still a hell of a lot more fun than soccer's been these days).
d) Lately I've been plagued with icky girly body issues. I feel fat and ugly, and there's nothing I can do about it. Although, of course, I don't feel ugly because I'm geting fat. I feel fat because I've been eating incessantly like a pig for months now. I feel ugly just because I do. And for some reason, having Damon tell me over and over doesn't make me feel any more beautiful, in fact, it just makes me feel bad for whining to him about it.
e) Saturday was MY dearest Angel's 20th birthday. She's officially the awesomest. Not for being old, but because she was awesome before, and now she can be my age whilst being awesome. Kickass.
f) Considering that I'm a third year student I've been thinking a lot about post-grad studies, travel, work, things in that general domain. I'm so goddammed terrified to grow up that it almost hurts. At the same time, I'm also terrified to stay in school until my fingerskin grafts to the pen. Sound like a complex? I think so. Anyway, I wanna get my act together, so that I can go see the world, make a difference, all that cool stuff.
g) It would be nice to be rich. Fame, i'm not so canny on. Any ideas, guys? Any of you wanna exploit yourselves in the media and let me be your exploiter? Oh, did I say exploiter? I meant agent. Agent. Come on, I know some of you wanna be rock stars, or models, or something like that. Whatever your pick, lemme know. I got your back. Wallets, whatever, lol.
Ok, that's all I got for now. I'm seeing double. And that means my shitty eye muscles are acting up on me again. bitches. i'll show you! *starts wrestling with eye muscles*