Some random, unorganized, and mostly incoherent thoughts
You know, now that I'm pushing twenty, and watching all my friends around me take yet another step (or is it more of leaping bound?) onto the bridge of adulthood, I find myself thinking of times past, and how quickly things have changed.
I'm not usually one to begrudge change; I adore the crossing of new thresholds and the exploration of "unchartered territory", although everyone nowadays seems to like to tell you what to expect as you age. I have always liked experiencing something new - even if, going into the situation, I was scared, or nervous, or downright sullen about it. After the fact, I'm usually pretty glad that I've gone through it, that I lived it, and that I can tell my story to someone who likes/wants/is obligated to listen.
But every now and then, in times like this one, as I sit (alone, for once) in the solitude of my room enjoying some easy listening in the white-blue glow of my computer screen, all alone with my feelings and thoughts, I wonder when I became the person I am. I ask the questions I can never fully answer but like to reflect on, just because, hey, it's kind of fun to exercise your mind like that.
So I guess this is the point where you ask me "Aleya, what questions are they?? What do you ask yourself?" And that, my friends, is a tough one to put into words. I would like to go ahead and tell you that I'm so great and that my thoughts are too deep and complex for me to do so, but that would just be a bold-faced lie. It would be awesome if I was able to think only in abstract colours and images all whirling about in an unfathomable vortex in the deep, dark ocean that is my mind, but hey, I think in words and concrete images. The truth is, I just don't have the rhetoric to put it down just right, so that you can appropriately catch my mood, you dig?
I suppose my purpose in this otherwise pointless post is to bring you all down with me. Hell, if I'm stuck thinking about myself, you all should be doing it too, dammit. Take a moment to just sit back and relive moments you didn't even know you remembered. What about those times has shaped the way you think, they way you act, and dress, and behave in public. Are you an overeater? I am. I wonder why? As a child, did you ever imagine yourself studying what you're studying now, or did your life take a sudden unexpected turn? Without you even realizing the turn happened? Then on the other hand - I wonder where we'll all be in another twenty years when we're reflecting on dreams lost or achieved. When we're wondering what happened to our old friends, and whether or not they're still living on Grandravine...or whether or not they're living at all. Oh boy. Thought can be a cruel bitch. ... Or a tickling feather. ...Or a blank page.
Here's the funny part. This post was supposed to be a light ditty-like post on when I became such a voyeur on all your fascinating lives. I love, love, love reading all of your livejournal entries. And yes...I read every one - as mundane and everyday as they might be. Because I don't have a life, partly, but also because I think it's so cool how much or how little I have in common with you, and yet still call you my friends. Here's to another year of change, or metamorphosis, or learning, or...whatever you wanna call it. I wish you all good luck in the school year to come!
*Internet toast*
I'm not usually one to begrudge change; I adore the crossing of new thresholds and the exploration of "unchartered territory", although everyone nowadays seems to like to tell you what to expect as you age. I have always liked experiencing something new - even if, going into the situation, I was scared, or nervous, or downright sullen about it. After the fact, I'm usually pretty glad that I've gone through it, that I lived it, and that I can tell my story to someone who likes/wants/is obligated to listen.
But every now and then, in times like this one, as I sit (alone, for once) in the solitude of my room enjoying some easy listening in the white-blue glow of my computer screen, all alone with my feelings and thoughts, I wonder when I became the person I am. I ask the questions I can never fully answer but like to reflect on, just because, hey, it's kind of fun to exercise your mind like that.
So I guess this is the point where you ask me "Aleya, what questions are they?? What do you ask yourself?" And that, my friends, is a tough one to put into words. I would like to go ahead and tell you that I'm so great and that my thoughts are too deep and complex for me to do so, but that would just be a bold-faced lie. It would be awesome if I was able to think only in abstract colours and images all whirling about in an unfathomable vortex in the deep, dark ocean that is my mind, but hey, I think in words and concrete images. The truth is, I just don't have the rhetoric to put it down just right, so that you can appropriately catch my mood, you dig?
I suppose my purpose in this otherwise pointless post is to bring you all down with me. Hell, if I'm stuck thinking about myself, you all should be doing it too, dammit. Take a moment to just sit back and relive moments you didn't even know you remembered. What about those times has shaped the way you think, they way you act, and dress, and behave in public. Are you an overeater? I am. I wonder why? As a child, did you ever imagine yourself studying what you're studying now, or did your life take a sudden unexpected turn? Without you even realizing the turn happened? Then on the other hand - I wonder where we'll all be in another twenty years when we're reflecting on dreams lost or achieved. When we're wondering what happened to our old friends, and whether or not they're still living on Grandravine...or whether or not they're living at all. Oh boy. Thought can be a cruel bitch. ... Or a tickling feather. ...Or a blank page.
Here's the funny part. This post was supposed to be a light ditty-like post on when I became such a voyeur on all your fascinating lives. I love, love, love reading all of your livejournal entries. And yes...I read every one - as mundane and everyday as they might be. Because I don't have a life, partly, but also because I think it's so cool how much or how little I have in common with you, and yet still call you my friends. Here's to another year of change, or metamorphosis, or learning, or...whatever you wanna call it. I wish you all good luck in the school year to come!
*Internet toast*