General frustrations, and my specific frustration
So yesterday, as I'm riding home with my mom, I spoke (again) to my mom about not wanting to live at home next year. About how ready I am to bust out of this place, find a place I can call my own, live in it the way I want, decorate it the way I want, leave it as messy or as clean as I'd like to, you know, all that stuff.
Naturally, the woman launched into her favourite (but I grudgingly admit reasonable) argument: that to do so would be needlessly expensive. Why live elsewhere when I've got the option of living for free, and paying only the insignificant monthly fees of public transportation? But the woman couldn't let it go there. Oh no, she could not. She HAD to bring it back the France trip that I so desperately wanted to go on, but that she had convinced me a couple of months ago was probably not worth the exorbitant fees I would be spending in order to go. But you Know what she said to me? She said:
"Now, if you were spending that five thousand dollars on a life-changing experience like, say, going to France on exchange, I wouldn't mind. But you changed your mind on going, so I think it's a better idea..."
And here I blanked out.
I almost passed out with fucking anger, you don't believe how angry I got. I could not BELIEVE this woman was saying this to me!! After she'd spent a good two days telling me how much debt I would be in after going to France, and how bad of an idea it would be to go, she's going to turn around NOW and tell me that she was in support of the trip, but it was ME who changed my mind?!?!?
Now, my inner agressor was nagging me to do this: pull out a pen from my bag and stab, stab, stab, until she was pleading for sweet, sweet deliverance. Of course, passive-agressive Aleya sort of said "Mom, that's not what you told me a couple of months ago", to which she responded "Yes, but after I thought about it, I figured it would be a good experience, and I told you that."
Mind you, she DID tell me that, but not in a calm, accepting manner. Are you crazy? She said it grudgingly; it was more like "well, fine! If you want to go, it's your money! But I'm not going to help when you're up to your ass in debt" Now who the HELL wants to go after getting great support like that?!
So I didn't say anything else. I just sat there, stewing in my own juices, looking at the road, and likening it to my life. I'll forever-more be in the passenger seat of life, watching the road, but never able to enjoy the scenery, because I won't be experiencing anything but general frustration.
Naturally, the woman launched into her favourite (but I grudgingly admit reasonable) argument: that to do so would be needlessly expensive. Why live elsewhere when I've got the option of living for free, and paying only the insignificant monthly fees of public transportation? But the woman couldn't let it go there. Oh no, she could not. She HAD to bring it back the France trip that I so desperately wanted to go on, but that she had convinced me a couple of months ago was probably not worth the exorbitant fees I would be spending in order to go. But you Know what she said to me? She said:
"Now, if you were spending that five thousand dollars on a life-changing experience like, say, going to France on exchange, I wouldn't mind. But you changed your mind on going, so I think it's a better idea..."
And here I blanked out.
I almost passed out with fucking anger, you don't believe how angry I got. I could not BELIEVE this woman was saying this to me!! After she'd spent a good two days telling me how much debt I would be in after going to France, and how bad of an idea it would be to go, she's going to turn around NOW and tell me that she was in support of the trip, but it was ME who changed my mind?!?!?
Now, my inner agressor was nagging me to do this: pull out a pen from my bag and stab, stab, stab, until she was pleading for sweet, sweet deliverance. Of course, passive-agressive Aleya sort of said "Mom, that's not what you told me a couple of months ago", to which she responded "Yes, but after I thought about it, I figured it would be a good experience, and I told you that."
Mind you, she DID tell me that, but not in a calm, accepting manner. Are you crazy? She said it grudgingly; it was more like "well, fine! If you want to go, it's your money! But I'm not going to help when you're up to your ass in debt" Now who the HELL wants to go after getting great support like that?!
So I didn't say anything else. I just sat there, stewing in my own juices, looking at the road, and likening it to my life. I'll forever-more be in the passenger seat of life, watching the road, but never able to enjoy the scenery, because I won't be experiencing anything but general frustration.