Ok, so I give up

Nov 04, 2005 18:30

Right. I give up. I don't wanna be LJ retired anymore. That whole idea was just dumb. I thought maybe giving up the computer for a bit would help me focus, buckle down, and all that adult shit, but really it hasn't, and now in retrospect, I wonder what the fuck I was thinking.

So here I am, de retour and man, did I ever miss you guys. Most of you I see at least thrice daily, but I'm trying to make a point here.

So what's new with me, you all ask? Nothing, really. Come-on-to-me boy has turned out to be a real disappointment, and I'm supposed to call him tonight. I feel bad, because I'm not going to. Eventually, he'll get the picture, I hope. But whatever is our mutual friend going to think, I wonder? I know she's the type who's really...not nice when she wants to be, so...yeah. But his idiocy astounds, and I can't handle it.

I went clubbing yesterday. I looked like a skank. So, of course, this is the only time I'm noticed by the males. It got me some pretty uncomfortable attention, and I'm never wearing a skirt that short again.

Before we went, a certain someone got mad at me for not going to her room to visit her. I felt bad briefly, but then I thought "well, if you weren't such an embarrassment in public and private as a human being, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't mind coming over". As such, my guilt was assuaged, we went dancing, and I never gave her a second thought. Well, until now.

I know you guys are going to say this is ridiculous, but I'm going to say it anyways, because I want to. I feel fat again. I know that I'm not. But it doesn't matter. I feel this way. I need to do something so that I don't feel this way - maybe it's because my footsies haven't touched a soccer ball in an age and a half. Time to hit Glendon gym? I think so.

What else? Oh, yes. I've got tons to do, but I'm not gonna. Instead, I'm gonna go spend my paycheque on dinner and a movie with my Stefanya who I adore.

Ever get the feeling sometimes that you're a failure as a human being? I kinda feel like that now...I need help. I also need someone to adore me. I hate needing constant validation, but life is life. SO VALIDATE ME, please.

Good night.

PS. Going to France...I don't think that's gonna happen. There goes one other destroyed dream.

PPS. I beg all of you to download this song by Bloc Party. They are awesome, and British, and so much cooler than all the cool things on Earth put together.
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