Once she and John had returned from Africa, Silver was thrown back into the thick of things. And she got cranky very quickly when she learned Lorna had brought Uncle Morty back on board in her absence. It also galled Silver that her father supported the move and questioned why Mortimer had been dismissed in the first place. Added onto this her time
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Though that was pushed to the back of her mind as she quietly took in what had been left out of his personnel file. Why could one man be so frustrating and endearing at the same time?
"Oh." She said. It felt paltry next to all of his explanation. If it came to a choice of pushing John or keeping him, Silver would choose the latter. "I... apologize. I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable."
Considering her annoyance had been minor in comparison.
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"I didn't say any of this to make you feel bad or shut you up or whatever you may be thinking." Because, at this point, he had no idea. "I want you to understand why I don't know what to do to keep a relationship alive. That is what scares me. Not you or anything you have or haven't done. When I have held back in a relationship, it made problems. When I have laid myself bare, the relationships ended."
"Will that happen with us? I hope with everything that I am that it doesn't. And I would do anything to make sure of that. But, I don't know what to do. I'm open to suggestion..." He spread his hands wide in a helpless gesture.
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"I don't want this relationship to end. I want to be with you, John. And I need you to be the man I know you are. Not the one you think was dumped by one lover. Or the man dumped by the other lover. I want you to trust that I won't be disgusted by the man I love. Since you are the one person I trust more than any other."
Some days, Silver hated words, too. Because she wasn't sure if she was saying anything right.
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"What happens if I do ask for something you find repulsive? Don't say it won't happen... just suppose. What then?"
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"Well, just because you do something repulsive does not make you yourself repulsive. More than one action defines a man. I would let you know of my distaste without pulling away, and we would work at a compromise if one was needed."
Well, it sounded logical. if he did something repulsive, she would probably be too stunned to feel anything anyway.
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It, at least, didn't seem to be getting any worse.
"So what do we do now?" He asked softly.
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She slipped an arm around his waist and closed her eyes. "What do you feel we need to do?"
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He leaned on her for a few minutes and tried to process everything that had happened. If he had any clear idea what to do, they probably wouldn't be in this mess to begin with.
"I don't know. I'll try harder. Try to ask for things during sex."
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"You can ask anything of me. In or out of bed." They would probably need a little time before he asked for anything she had a feeling. For now, she just wanted him here with her.
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"I'm not entirely sure what I want, anymore... in bed. That's part of the problem. Out of is easy. I want this relationship to continue."
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Also, how much his previous lovers had ruined things for him.
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He kissed the top of her head and hugged her a little tighter for a moment. Now that the initial discomfort of the conversation was over, he was starting to relax. If it all did blow up, it wouldn't be right this very moment. He could breathe.
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"You should call your family. And I should get out of these."
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He nodded when she pushed back. The sooner he got the call over with, the sooner he could lay down and not have to get back up again. For a few blissful hours, anyway.
While she changed, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number home. Alison answered and John could hear Longshot's voice along with two fussy babies in the background. He told her that he would not be home tonight and made her promise to give both the babies a kiss form their grandpa before he hung up.
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Hmm. There was a draft somewhere.
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