Reflections and a Letter
It turns out Kalli's baby is a boy. His name will be Lance Neal, and I shall call him Sir Lancelot on occasion. ^_^ I've loved him ever since I first heard he was conceived back in July. He'll be born in March, a month I can't wait to arrive for that very reason. I've made myself known to him for the past few months by poking his mommy's tummy. Lance doesn't like that too much. :P
I've started having the urge to write poetry again. It's been a long time since I've really written something. May, I believe. Even so, I miss it too much. All I want to do is sit down and let the thoughts roll off my mind and onto paper, like water off of skin. And it's strange how I have this obsession with water now. Hard to understand, really. But I don't mind it. It's worthwhile.
It's nearly Christmas. Of course, it is. You all know the month and the day it is. Christmas is wonderful to me. It helps me express God's love to the world without using words. Giving a gift to them and seeing their reaction. I love seeing their happiness when they open up the wrapping paper. I wish I could make the world happy...but that's not really my job. My job is to live and be the best I can be.
I've been mothering every person I meet who has a problem. I can't do that anymore because of the stress it adds onto my shoulders. It'll be difficult to admit to them that I can't help out because of the fact I have enough on my plate as it is, but it's what I have to do if I want to keep my sanity. I know they'll understand, though they won't at first. I guess the reason why I help is because I have it in my head that no one else will. And I know that if I were to need help, they won't help because they know I never did. And that's not fair to them. No, I'm not storing up favors; I'm just letting them know that not everyone is that way. They need to know that.... The only few people I have been able to ask for help are Regan, Mom, Kalli, Larry, and now Jamie. Kirra's out of the question since she's acting weird. She's been acting weird since she started dating that Devon girl she met online.
Don't me wrong: I'm glad she's happy and I'm glad she's found someone. But that doesn't give her an excuse to mope around every time Devon's gone or she doesn't talk to her. She obsesses over that girl too much.... At least you two get to talk to each other on the phone or online. There are some women whose husbands are in the military and they don't get to talk to each other until God knows when. And you tell me to be a better sister, tell me to ask how things are and how your day is going, tell me to check in on you and to treat you like a sister instead of giving everyone else that title...but what do you do? You treat me like garbage!! The sarcastic remarks, the turn of events every time you figure out my Jamie will be around.... It gets on my nerves, Kir!
When Daniel and I were still together, I was the one who gave 170% into the relationship because I wanted it to last. I bought gifts for him and drew him pictures and expressed how much I cared.... I'm tired of giving my all into a relationship--even a family relationship--and getting nothing in return. Or practically nothing, really. If you figure out I'm not trying hard enough to be a good sister, Kirra, I'm sorry...but I'm tired of giving and giving and giving...and having something given back.
Onto another subject, my feet are cold. Rain had seeped into my shoes yesterday, so there's nothing I can do to warm them. I'm thinking of going back into the room after I eat lunch with Bridget, Kairi, and Jamie...and using a hair dryer on my shoes. So much for letting them air dry last night. That did nothing. But yes, the idea of using a hairdryer on my shoes sounds lovely.
And I'm curious as to why I'm even talking like this right now.... Maybe it shouldn't matter. Yet it does. To me, at least. >.<
I'll put this to rest right now and start working on my math homework. Food will come soon after...I hope.
_Sable_
I've started having the urge to write poetry again. It's been a long time since I've really written something. May, I believe. Even so, I miss it too much. All I want to do is sit down and let the thoughts roll off my mind and onto paper, like water off of skin. And it's strange how I have this obsession with water now. Hard to understand, really. But I don't mind it. It's worthwhile.
It's nearly Christmas. Of course, it is. You all know the month and the day it is. Christmas is wonderful to me. It helps me express God's love to the world without using words. Giving a gift to them and seeing their reaction. I love seeing their happiness when they open up the wrapping paper. I wish I could make the world happy...but that's not really my job. My job is to live and be the best I can be.
I've been mothering every person I meet who has a problem. I can't do that anymore because of the stress it adds onto my shoulders. It'll be difficult to admit to them that I can't help out because of the fact I have enough on my plate as it is, but it's what I have to do if I want to keep my sanity. I know they'll understand, though they won't at first. I guess the reason why I help is because I have it in my head that no one else will. And I know that if I were to need help, they won't help because they know I never did. And that's not fair to them. No, I'm not storing up favors; I'm just letting them know that not everyone is that way. They need to know that.... The only few people I have been able to ask for help are Regan, Mom, Kalli, Larry, and now Jamie. Kirra's out of the question since she's acting weird. She's been acting weird since she started dating that Devon girl she met online.
Don't me wrong: I'm glad she's happy and I'm glad she's found someone. But that doesn't give her an excuse to mope around every time Devon's gone or she doesn't talk to her. She obsesses over that girl too much.... At least you two get to talk to each other on the phone or online. There are some women whose husbands are in the military and they don't get to talk to each other until God knows when. And you tell me to be a better sister, tell me to ask how things are and how your day is going, tell me to check in on you and to treat you like a sister instead of giving everyone else that title...but what do you do? You treat me like garbage!! The sarcastic remarks, the turn of events every time you figure out my Jamie will be around.... It gets on my nerves, Kir!
When Daniel and I were still together, I was the one who gave 170% into the relationship because I wanted it to last. I bought gifts for him and drew him pictures and expressed how much I cared.... I'm tired of giving my all into a relationship--even a family relationship--and getting nothing in return. Or practically nothing, really. If you figure out I'm not trying hard enough to be a good sister, Kirra, I'm sorry...but I'm tired of giving and giving and giving...and having something given back.
Onto another subject, my feet are cold. Rain had seeped into my shoes yesterday, so there's nothing I can do to warm them. I'm thinking of going back into the room after I eat lunch with Bridget, Kairi, and Jamie...and using a hair dryer on my shoes. So much for letting them air dry last night. That did nothing. But yes, the idea of using a hairdryer on my shoes sounds lovely.
And I'm curious as to why I'm even talking like this right now.... Maybe it shouldn't matter. Yet it does. To me, at least. >.<
I'll put this to rest right now and start working on my math homework. Food will come soon after...I hope.
_Sable_