Another Crappy Day
It appears I only update my livejournal anymore when something truly bad has happened in my life and this is the only place I feel I can write about it.
Today I got a voice mail from my mother while I was at work saying something along the lines of "Jenny, i need you to call me, it doesn't matter what time. if its after 10:30 call me at work." That combined with the tone of her voice and the fact that I'm going home in 2 days for my birthday, told me that it was something very bad. I got that panicy feeling, and started pacing and wanted to call her back but the manager was still in the store and I didn't want to get in trouble if it was something stupid. Finally I couldn't take it anymore so I took a break and tried calling her. The house phone went right to answering machine, she didnt' answer her cel so I left a message. Then I pased and waited. I kept thinking of what it could be...I was sure someone was dead. I finally convinced myself that it if were dad or grandma or one of my siblings or one of my neices or nephews she wouldnt' go into work so it couldn't be so bad. I even half hoped that it was my great aunt, which makes me feel like shit cause I love her, but she's been in the hospital for awhile so it wouldn't be a complete shock.
Mom did not call back right away and did not answer the next time I called. I almost called my sister to see if she knew what mom wanted. Only the possibility that it was something stupid prevented me. Thank God for that small doubt in my head. calling Lyn would have been the worst thing that I could have done.
I went back to work pasing the office staring at my cel phone begging it to ring for like 20 minutes before it finally did. Of course my mother started out by saying "I have some bad news" and I said "I know" and was trying to get her to just say it. I really was expecting her to say that my great aunt was dead. So it hit me beyond hard when my mother said "Kimmy is dead. She died of a heroin overdose" Ok, seriously, wtf. Kimmy is my cousin, about 23 years old. She and my sister Lynsie are friends. She is my mother's massage therapist. And damn it she's only 23 years old. not at all what i was expecting, not at all something I was prepared for. I stood there in shock trying to do my accounting after I got off the phone before finally deciding to call my manager and ask if I could leave as soon as I was finished. There was no way that I could be there any longer than I had to be.
This is going to be the shittiest birthday I have ever had. I just can't believe this.
Today I got a voice mail from my mother while I was at work saying something along the lines of "Jenny, i need you to call me, it doesn't matter what time. if its after 10:30 call me at work." That combined with the tone of her voice and the fact that I'm going home in 2 days for my birthday, told me that it was something very bad. I got that panicy feeling, and started pacing and wanted to call her back but the manager was still in the store and I didn't want to get in trouble if it was something stupid. Finally I couldn't take it anymore so I took a break and tried calling her. The house phone went right to answering machine, she didnt' answer her cel so I left a message. Then I pased and waited. I kept thinking of what it could be...I was sure someone was dead. I finally convinced myself that it if were dad or grandma or one of my siblings or one of my neices or nephews she wouldnt' go into work so it couldn't be so bad. I even half hoped that it was my great aunt, which makes me feel like shit cause I love her, but she's been in the hospital for awhile so it wouldn't be a complete shock.
Mom did not call back right away and did not answer the next time I called. I almost called my sister to see if she knew what mom wanted. Only the possibility that it was something stupid prevented me. Thank God for that small doubt in my head. calling Lyn would have been the worst thing that I could have done.
I went back to work pasing the office staring at my cel phone begging it to ring for like 20 minutes before it finally did. Of course my mother started out by saying "I have some bad news" and I said "I know" and was trying to get her to just say it. I really was expecting her to say that my great aunt was dead. So it hit me beyond hard when my mother said "Kimmy is dead. She died of a heroin overdose" Ok, seriously, wtf. Kimmy is my cousin, about 23 years old. She and my sister Lynsie are friends. She is my mother's massage therapist. And damn it she's only 23 years old. not at all what i was expecting, not at all something I was prepared for. I stood there in shock trying to do my accounting after I got off the phone before finally deciding to call my manager and ask if I could leave as soon as I was finished. There was no way that I could be there any longer than I had to be.
This is going to be the shittiest birthday I have ever had. I just can't believe this.