Psychosis...
Hmm.
Didn't sleep since...like...Wednesday or Thursday. Finally crashed last night...this morning...what have you...
Wouldn't sleep... 'Cause I was paranoid... And I couldn't, anyway. Every time I went to lay down, to sleep... It wasn't happening.
Damnit. I shouldn't have slept.
I crashed hard.
Mom woke me with screaming and pounding. Hate it when people do that to me. 'Cause I did something wrong.
She starts screaming at me for not spending time with my grandmother. Dad calls her psychotic. And then they start arguing--loudly.
...m'dad's been saying she's been "acting psychotic" since my grandmother got here.
I guess I don't see how she's acting differently, because I've always seen her as a little psychotic.
So, when dad storms off, doing his growling "whatever" routine, she quiets. And does that thing--where she bitches about dad to me, like I'd bitch about her to one of my friends.
Now... M'supposed to wake up at eight each morning... And spend every fun-filled moment with my grandmother.
...what the fuck'd I talk about? I don't know this woman very well, don't care to know her...
Mom keeps guilt-tripping me...
So I get to feel guilty, condemned, depressed, sick, tired, frustrated... Wanting nothing more in all the world to be somewhere else...
...but firmly settled down next to a woman I don't know, and can't very well bear at length... Trying to make up for fifteen years of quiet between us.
...not good. Especially since I'm in a 'Cloudish mode--and have been.
Didn't sleep since...like...Wednesday or Thursday. Finally crashed last night...this morning...what have you...
Wouldn't sleep... 'Cause I was paranoid... And I couldn't, anyway. Every time I went to lay down, to sleep... It wasn't happening.
Damnit. I shouldn't have slept.
I crashed hard.
Mom woke me with screaming and pounding. Hate it when people do that to me. 'Cause I did something wrong.
She starts screaming at me for not spending time with my grandmother. Dad calls her psychotic. And then they start arguing--loudly.
...m'dad's been saying she's been "acting psychotic" since my grandmother got here.
I guess I don't see how she's acting differently, because I've always seen her as a little psychotic.
So, when dad storms off, doing his growling "whatever" routine, she quiets. And does that thing--where she bitches about dad to me, like I'd bitch about her to one of my friends.
Now... M'supposed to wake up at eight each morning... And spend every fun-filled moment with my grandmother.
...what the fuck'd I talk about? I don't know this woman very well, don't care to know her...
Mom keeps guilt-tripping me...
So I get to feel guilty, condemned, depressed, sick, tired, frustrated... Wanting nothing more in all the world to be somewhere else...
...but firmly settled down next to a woman I don't know, and can't very well bear at length... Trying to make up for fifteen years of quiet between us.
...not good. Especially since I'm in a 'Cloudish mode--and have been.