Never say sorry...
The night really was quite beautiful. There never was anything quite like the full moon in a clear sky and a silver-lit landscape. And, though it was bitingly cold outside, Triat was at her open window, curled up on the sill as she gazed out into the autumn night. There was no real reason for her to be bothered that night--if anything, she might have actually felt good, for the beauty that lay before her; but, for some reason, fear was crawling just at the edge of her consciousness. Although Triat was well acquianted with such trepidation, she hardly felt that this was the normal paranoia that plagued her everyday thoughts. This was a new malignant beast.
For now, however, she could not figure out why she felt this way--and prolonged inspection of it only proved to agitate it; so she left it alone, allowing her mind to meander elsewhere...
She found herself so deep in the corridors of her own mind, that she never did figure that the ringing that she heard really was outside of her own head. Upon finally realizing that it really was a a convergence of her worlds, she slid down from her window sill, in doing so, leaving her thoughts behind as she stepped into new ones. It was two in the morning--who could be calling now? With each silent step across her bedroom, she felt the beast at the edge of her consciousness coming to nip gleefully at her heels. She tried to pay it no heed as she reached to take the phone--though, her paw delayed in actually picking it up as the fear hissed something that would certainly catch her attention: "Something has happened to him."
Triat licked her lips, then slid her claws around the phone, taking it up to her ear. "'Lo?" The ring of the phone had come as a shock in the former silence, but the sound of her own voice seemed odder still, and it echoed strangely in her own head.
"'Ey." Triat tensed up a bit at the deeper tone. "'Ey--Triat--"
"'The Hell--Raven?" Though Raven's voice was at a conversational pitch, she was whispering softly. She honestly didn't want to get caught talking on the phone at two-something in the morning--especially a guy. It was enough, what her parents thought already. Her voice was tinged with concern as the malignant fear began to fully manifest itself in her conscious thoughts. There was something in Raven's voice, too--it was shaking. He sounded nervous. "Raven--are you alright?"
"...yeah." He was quick enough to answer, but, that made her worry all the more. "Yeah. For now, m'alright..."
Triat frowned a little, her claws tightening a bit around the phone as she stared at the desktop. No, Raven, she thought, no; you don't call at two in the morning just to tell me you're alright. "What's up, then, man?" She tried to sound casual; tried to suppress that irrational feeling.
"Just needed someone to talk to. Fuckin' sucks, being in the house alone..."
"Alright... Erm." What to say?! "How're...things going with your girlfriend?"
There was a brief pause on the line. "Yeah. We broke up today, by the way."
You shithead. "Augh. M'sorry to hear that... Sorry I men--"
"Yeah, you didn't know." His tone was definitely more rigid, though. Whatever he said, he didn't care for the fact that his now ex-girlfriend was mentioned. "Shit."
There was another pause where Triat searched for something else to say. After a few moments of awkward silence... "Sucks. M'sorry."
"Yeah." Again, his tone was curt. "Yeah. 'Ey--how you doing...?"
"Alright, I guess..." She couldn't even fake conviction. He probably knew that something was eating at her--but the two of them had a quiet understanding: if one wanted to tell the other what was up, they would do it of their own accord.
Their conversation went on--mostly just Triat talking about anything she could think of, hoping to bate him into conversing at length. It seemed, however, that the more she tried to get him interested in talking about something--try to distract him--he just got quieter and quieter. Soon, her own will to keep speaking died out, until the two were on the line in silence. It wasn't really so much awkward as it was resigned; neither of them had anything to say, and it seemed to be mutual knowledge. The silence stretched on--Triat's mind began to wander again, mulling over what Raven had told her at the beginning of the conversation; but then he spoke, once again snapping her out of her thoughts. This time, though, his voice was softer, slower--contemplative.
"You know... Not too many people...I know...would sit here...and talk to me at ungodly hours in the morning... Or give a shit about me any other way."
Triat was quiet when he paused. Was there anything she could really to say to that?
"...wanna thank you. You've done a lot for me." He paused again.
"You've done a lot for me, too. S'what friends do for each other..." She sounded a little hesitant. She wanted to ask why he was saying this now; but, really, there were times she wanted to say just the same thing. Perhaps it was just that damn fear...
"Yeah. Don't think I've done enough, though. So...m'sorry..."
"You don't have to be sorry." She frowned a little. "You've done nothing wrong."
"I'm about to." He said it so quietly--she could hardly hear him say it, and he followed it up so quickly, she couldn't ask about it. "Promises. I've made promises. I know you don't like people breaking their promises to you... But... God, Triat... I can't...keep this one... I can't stay. I can't--" As he went on, he spoke faster, anger becoming an emphasis on each word.
Triat's eyes began to burn; closing them, she reached with her free paw to drag it down the side of her own face. She felt her chest tighten up, her breath quicken as she continued to listen. Though, from then on, it was hard to discern his deep tones from the heavy throbbing of her own heart, pounding blood in her ears.
"--take this fucking shit anymore. Emotions fuckin' me up... Don't want them... And... Damnit... You know what's goin' on with me, Triat. You've heard it a million times. You don't wanna hear it again... Augh. I'm so fuckin' sorry..."
Triat swallowed, taking a deep breath, a soft whine coming out when she exhaled. He stopped talking for a moment as she whimpered. "God, don't be sorry... It's alright..."
"...no," he growled. "No, it's not alright..."
A tremor ran the length of Triat's body--and from that tremor on, she couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't speak--she felt if she opened her mouth, all that would come out would be incoherent sobbing. Tears were already running down her face--and, for all the screaming going on in her mind, she couldn't bring herself to say a damn word, even as Raven's tone, soft again, came across the line.
"Now...I'm sorry, Triat. I'm really...really sorry. I can't stay. Not much longer. You should understand. I know you understand. Please...please understand when I'm gone, would you? Please..." His begging was so desperate--and, Triat, knowing exactly what he was asking her to do, felt her stomach clench up--for a moment, she tasted bile. Quickly, she swallowed it down, letting out a quiet gasp.
"Raven--" Her voice was terribly strangled. She couldn't say much else...
"I love you. I'm sorry." She could hear him across the line--he was crying, too. The crying faded as, she presumed, he pulled the phone from his own ear. There was a rattling clatter as he attempted to hang up, or perhaps the phone was dropped. Even though the receiver was probably nowhere near Raven anymore, Triat could hear him sobbing on the other end--she held her breath and shut out the steady thunder of her own blood, just to listen to that sound, some sort of horrendous terror falling over her. She wanted to scream to him right then--she did--
--but, right then, that's when there was an explosion and dead silence on the other end. Triat's eyes snapped open wide, and she just stared blankly into the darkness of her bedroom.
"Raven?" she whispered.
There wasn't an answer. Not immediately, anyway. Triat waited--and, a few moment later, she heard screaming. It wasn't Raven's voice, though. It was feminine. The screaming was shortly followed by the hoarse sound of a male voice. There was no making out what they were saying--even if she could hear them clearly, she wouldn't have quite understood it. She was still having trouble trying to comprehend...
Her ears were ringing... Was it because of the gunshot...?
...no. No, the line had just gone dead.
-
Take from this what you will.
Triat is my fursona, yes. Raven isn't based on anyone in particular. I'm not directing this toward anyone in particular, either. It does, however, have some meaning to me.
Steph said I should write more. Think Mark said so, too.
I started at 1:56 AM, and now it's 3:29 AM.
Now I'm done with it. I won't work on it again, because this is how it came out. Raw enough, and that's all this story needs to be. I don't want to mess with it anymore simply because someone else thinks I should add something to it to make it sound better. It really wasn't meant to sound good, or be grammatically correct... Though I'd like for both to have happened just as it came out (and I doubt it did), this is just a story that is told.
But I would appreciate any thoughts, since I did put it up here.
Hmm.
Psychotic ramblings of some overemotional fucking teenage girl.
On another note...
Talked to Jord. Feel...a little bit...less...freaked the fuck out. If there was more I could do...
Fuck.
Yeah.
Now I'm done.
For now, however, she could not figure out why she felt this way--and prolonged inspection of it only proved to agitate it; so she left it alone, allowing her mind to meander elsewhere...
She found herself so deep in the corridors of her own mind, that she never did figure that the ringing that she heard really was outside of her own head. Upon finally realizing that it really was a a convergence of her worlds, she slid down from her window sill, in doing so, leaving her thoughts behind as she stepped into new ones. It was two in the morning--who could be calling now? With each silent step across her bedroom, she felt the beast at the edge of her consciousness coming to nip gleefully at her heels. She tried to pay it no heed as she reached to take the phone--though, her paw delayed in actually picking it up as the fear hissed something that would certainly catch her attention: "Something has happened to him."
Triat licked her lips, then slid her claws around the phone, taking it up to her ear. "'Lo?" The ring of the phone had come as a shock in the former silence, but the sound of her own voice seemed odder still, and it echoed strangely in her own head.
"'Ey." Triat tensed up a bit at the deeper tone. "'Ey--Triat--"
"'The Hell--Raven?" Though Raven's voice was at a conversational pitch, she was whispering softly. She honestly didn't want to get caught talking on the phone at two-something in the morning--especially a guy. It was enough, what her parents thought already. Her voice was tinged with concern as the malignant fear began to fully manifest itself in her conscious thoughts. There was something in Raven's voice, too--it was shaking. He sounded nervous. "Raven--are you alright?"
"...yeah." He was quick enough to answer, but, that made her worry all the more. "Yeah. For now, m'alright..."
Triat frowned a little, her claws tightening a bit around the phone as she stared at the desktop. No, Raven, she thought, no; you don't call at two in the morning just to tell me you're alright. "What's up, then, man?" She tried to sound casual; tried to suppress that irrational feeling.
"Just needed someone to talk to. Fuckin' sucks, being in the house alone..."
"Alright... Erm." What to say?! "How're...things going with your girlfriend?"
There was a brief pause on the line. "Yeah. We broke up today, by the way."
You shithead. "Augh. M'sorry to hear that... Sorry I men--"
"Yeah, you didn't know." His tone was definitely more rigid, though. Whatever he said, he didn't care for the fact that his now ex-girlfriend was mentioned. "Shit."
There was another pause where Triat searched for something else to say. After a few moments of awkward silence... "Sucks. M'sorry."
"Yeah." Again, his tone was curt. "Yeah. 'Ey--how you doing...?"
"Alright, I guess..." She couldn't even fake conviction. He probably knew that something was eating at her--but the two of them had a quiet understanding: if one wanted to tell the other what was up, they would do it of their own accord.
Their conversation went on--mostly just Triat talking about anything she could think of, hoping to bate him into conversing at length. It seemed, however, that the more she tried to get him interested in talking about something--try to distract him--he just got quieter and quieter. Soon, her own will to keep speaking died out, until the two were on the line in silence. It wasn't really so much awkward as it was resigned; neither of them had anything to say, and it seemed to be mutual knowledge. The silence stretched on--Triat's mind began to wander again, mulling over what Raven had told her at the beginning of the conversation; but then he spoke, once again snapping her out of her thoughts. This time, though, his voice was softer, slower--contemplative.
"You know... Not too many people...I know...would sit here...and talk to me at ungodly hours in the morning... Or give a shit about me any other way."
Triat was quiet when he paused. Was there anything she could really to say to that?
"...wanna thank you. You've done a lot for me." He paused again.
"You've done a lot for me, too. S'what friends do for each other..." She sounded a little hesitant. She wanted to ask why he was saying this now; but, really, there were times she wanted to say just the same thing. Perhaps it was just that damn fear...
"Yeah. Don't think I've done enough, though. So...m'sorry..."
"You don't have to be sorry." She frowned a little. "You've done nothing wrong."
"I'm about to." He said it so quietly--she could hardly hear him say it, and he followed it up so quickly, she couldn't ask about it. "Promises. I've made promises. I know you don't like people breaking their promises to you... But... God, Triat... I can't...keep this one... I can't stay. I can't--" As he went on, he spoke faster, anger becoming an emphasis on each word.
Triat's eyes began to burn; closing them, she reached with her free paw to drag it down the side of her own face. She felt her chest tighten up, her breath quicken as she continued to listen. Though, from then on, it was hard to discern his deep tones from the heavy throbbing of her own heart, pounding blood in her ears.
"--take this fucking shit anymore. Emotions fuckin' me up... Don't want them... And... Damnit... You know what's goin' on with me, Triat. You've heard it a million times. You don't wanna hear it again... Augh. I'm so fuckin' sorry..."
Triat swallowed, taking a deep breath, a soft whine coming out when she exhaled. He stopped talking for a moment as she whimpered. "God, don't be sorry... It's alright..."
"...no," he growled. "No, it's not alright..."
A tremor ran the length of Triat's body--and from that tremor on, she couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't speak--she felt if she opened her mouth, all that would come out would be incoherent sobbing. Tears were already running down her face--and, for all the screaming going on in her mind, she couldn't bring herself to say a damn word, even as Raven's tone, soft again, came across the line.
"Now...I'm sorry, Triat. I'm really...really sorry. I can't stay. Not much longer. You should understand. I know you understand. Please...please understand when I'm gone, would you? Please..." His begging was so desperate--and, Triat, knowing exactly what he was asking her to do, felt her stomach clench up--for a moment, she tasted bile. Quickly, she swallowed it down, letting out a quiet gasp.
"Raven--" Her voice was terribly strangled. She couldn't say much else...
"I love you. I'm sorry." She could hear him across the line--he was crying, too. The crying faded as, she presumed, he pulled the phone from his own ear. There was a rattling clatter as he attempted to hang up, or perhaps the phone was dropped. Even though the receiver was probably nowhere near Raven anymore, Triat could hear him sobbing on the other end--she held her breath and shut out the steady thunder of her own blood, just to listen to that sound, some sort of horrendous terror falling over her. She wanted to scream to him right then--she did--
--but, right then, that's when there was an explosion and dead silence on the other end. Triat's eyes snapped open wide, and she just stared blankly into the darkness of her bedroom.
"Raven?" she whispered.
There wasn't an answer. Not immediately, anyway. Triat waited--and, a few moment later, she heard screaming. It wasn't Raven's voice, though. It was feminine. The screaming was shortly followed by the hoarse sound of a male voice. There was no making out what they were saying--even if she could hear them clearly, she wouldn't have quite understood it. She was still having trouble trying to comprehend...
Her ears were ringing... Was it because of the gunshot...?
...no. No, the line had just gone dead.
-
Take from this what you will.
Triat is my fursona, yes. Raven isn't based on anyone in particular. I'm not directing this toward anyone in particular, either. It does, however, have some meaning to me.
Steph said I should write more. Think Mark said so, too.
I started at 1:56 AM, and now it's 3:29 AM.
Now I'm done with it. I won't work on it again, because this is how it came out. Raw enough, and that's all this story needs to be. I don't want to mess with it anymore simply because someone else thinks I should add something to it to make it sound better. It really wasn't meant to sound good, or be grammatically correct... Though I'd like for both to have happened just as it came out (and I doubt it did), this is just a story that is told.
But I would appreciate any thoughts, since I did put it up here.
Hmm.
Psychotic ramblings of some overemotional fucking teenage girl.
On another note...
Talked to Jord. Feel...a little bit...less...freaked the fuck out. If there was more I could do...
Fuck.
Yeah.
Now I'm done.