Pr0n!
Title: Good Night Kiss
Summary: Rice wine and engine rooms don't mix.
Fandom: Firefly
Word Count: 1247 (WTF)
Rating/Warnings: R, not terribly graphic sex
Pairing: Jayne/Kaylee
A/N: For 30_kisses. I can't seem to stop writing pr0n for these two (oh, cause that's a problem), which is a turnaround. I'm terribly amused.
Jayne came to, freezing his ass off on what he came to realize was a hard steel grate. He moaned, rubbing his head and standing up with some difficulty. It was then he realized three things.
One, he was in the airlock.
Two, Mal was outside the airlock.
Three, he was butt naked.
With an ominous feeling of familiarity, he grabbed the communicator from the window and turned it on.
Mal’s voice came through. “You got about ten seconds to explain why you had my mechanic nekkid and screaming in my engine room.”
“Gorrammit, Mal! Are you completely kuangzhe de? Let me out of here!”
“Not till I get some answers!”
“How come you always think the only way to get any answers out of me is to put me in the gorram airlock? How come you can’t never lock me in the storage room or sit me down over tea or something?”
“Cause I don’t trust you.”
“Qu ni de!”
Mal shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away.
“Wait, wait, wait, Mal! Mal, hold on! I can explain!”
He turned back and picked up the communicator. “Start talkin’.”
“It was one summer,” Jayne told Kaylee, passing her the bottle of rice wine they’d been sharing. “I hadn’t been away from home long. Guy by the name of Decker had me under his wing, doing some stuff that must have been highly illegal.”
“Not that you had any problem with it,” Kaylee teased.
“Well, I might’ve, if I’d known what was going on,” he considered, “but I was powerful stupid back then.” Kaylee made a face like she had something to say about that, but waved him on.
“So I went down into town Friday night, lookin’ for some trim, and I sure enough found it.” He stopped to take a swig from the bottle. “Real pretty girl, great hoot-” He stopped short. “Well, she was real pretty. So I took her on back to my room, and as soon as I shut the door, she laid one on me. When I woke up the next afternoon, my head felt like I’d been hit with a brick and everything I had was gone.”
“Good Night Kiss?”
“Yup. Took everything except the clothes on my back and my pistol.”
“Damn,” Kaylee said meditatively, sipping from the bottle. “So you won’t kiss anybody?”
“Nobody but my momma or my best girl, if I had one.”
“Would you kiss me?” Kaylee asked, a glint in her eye.
Jayne made a scoffing noise at the back of his throat. “The day somebody like you has to give somebody the Good Night Kiss is a damn sorry day,” he said, taking another swig off the bottle.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Aw, hell.” He sighed. Jayne was probably going to regret it later, but he was feeling good, so he just let himself talk. “I mean you’re smart as a gorram whip, and pretty, and you can fix damned near anything. Man oughta be proud to be with a girl like you, treat you right.”
He looked at the bottle, as if consulting it for wisdom. “Some women is just things, and most of ‘em ain’t got a problem with it. Can’t tell one from t’other, not that it matters, cause they’re just the same inside anyway. But you ain’t.”
“Why Jayne Cobb,” Kaylee said, a little abashed. “I can’t decide if that’s the worst thing I ever heard, or the sweetest.”
“Don’t none of this explain why you were all…” Words failed Mal. “Naked.”
“Will you let me finish my damn story?” Jayne growled. “I’m tryin’ to tell it as fast as I ruttin’ well can, gorrammit!”
Mal could hear his teeth starting to chatter. “Go on.”
Soon after, the wine was gone, and the bottle discarded. It rolled under the engine with a benign clunking sound. Kaylee just giggled and snuggled closer to Jayne, whose legs she’d suddenly discovered made a damn fine pillow.
“You never did answer my question,” Kaylee said, trying to find a way to look up at him that didn’t involve staring up into the light.
“What question is that, Kaylee girl?” Jayne asked, leaning back on the bulkhead, though he already knew the answer.
“Would you kiss me?”
Jayne’s natural enthusiasm was tempered by thoughts of all the inventive ways Mal was going to torture him. “I probably ain’t any good at it anymore,” he said dismissively.
“I don’t reckon I much care,” Kaylee told him.
Jayne shrugged. Who was he to argue? He leaned down and took his first kiss in years.
“Nice story,” Mal told him. “Any of it true?”
There was an audible thud as Jayne banged his head against the airlock door.
“Wait here,” Mal said, leaving the comm on the floor. Jayne just sat down, whimpering.
“Really, I’m fine,” Kaylee said uncomfortably. She adjusted her coveralls; she’d dressed in an awful hurry. Mal didn’t respond, but kept guiding her toward the infirmary. Zoe and Simon were already there, and Kaylee could feel herself blushing fiercely.
“Is any of the gôu pì Jayne’s been feeding me for the last fifteen minutes true?” he asked accusingly, sitting her down on the table.
Kaylee’s blush spread all the way up to her hair. Zoe put her hand on Mal’s shoulder.
“Sir, with all due respect,” she said firmly, “get the hell out of here.”
The kissing was terribly nice, but what came after it was much better.
Before too long, it led to Kaylee being pushed up against the back wall of the engine room. Jayne’s hands and mouth were everywhere, groping, licking, sucking. Kaylee felt halfway like she was being mauled, and it felt heavenly.
He hitched her legs up around his waist and pressed himself up into her. Kaylee made a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a scream. It crossed her mind that she was being loud, but she didn’t really care. She didn’t care about a whole lot except matching Jayne’s rhythm and calling his name, interspersed with deities and obscenities.
She screamed it one last time, this time in horror, as Mal brought something heavy down against Jayne’s head.
Zoe and Kaylee walked back into the infirmary, Kaylee’s face still bright red. Zoe nodded to Mal.
“Simon,” Mal said. The doctor perked up. “Go and get Jayne out of the airlock.” He paused. “Take a blanket.”
“Sir,” Zoe said in a warning tone after Simon had left. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“No,” Mal answered, “but it is an awful amusing one.” An evil smile curled the edges of his lips.
Jayne came down the ladder into his bunk, swearing the entire way. It was bad enough that his savior had been the gorram doc, who’d stuck him full of needles as soon as he’d come out of the airlock, some of which Jayne was certain weren’t entirely necessary. But when Zoe and Wash had started giggling at him, that was too much.
So he’d stalked off to his room, expecting to sulk angrily and curse Mal, that gorram girl, and everybody else to all the hells he knew about. What he hadn’t expected was Kaylee, her coveralls on the floor, wrapped in his bedsheet.
“I thought after all that you might like a good night kiss,” she said, bordering on devilish.
The hell with it, Jayne thought. He’d already had his punishment. He’d be goddamned if he wasn’t going to enjoy himself.
Summary: Rice wine and engine rooms don't mix.
Fandom: Firefly
Word Count: 1247 (WTF)
Rating/Warnings: R, not terribly graphic sex
Pairing: Jayne/Kaylee
A/N: For 30_kisses. I can't seem to stop writing pr0n for these two (oh, cause that's a problem), which is a turnaround. I'm terribly amused.
Jayne came to, freezing his ass off on what he came to realize was a hard steel grate. He moaned, rubbing his head and standing up with some difficulty. It was then he realized three things.
One, he was in the airlock.
Two, Mal was outside the airlock.
Three, he was butt naked.
With an ominous feeling of familiarity, he grabbed the communicator from the window and turned it on.
Mal’s voice came through. “You got about ten seconds to explain why you had my mechanic nekkid and screaming in my engine room.”
“Gorrammit, Mal! Are you completely kuangzhe de? Let me out of here!”
“Not till I get some answers!”
“How come you always think the only way to get any answers out of me is to put me in the gorram airlock? How come you can’t never lock me in the storage room or sit me down over tea or something?”
“Cause I don’t trust you.”
“Qu ni de!”
Mal shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away.
“Wait, wait, wait, Mal! Mal, hold on! I can explain!”
He turned back and picked up the communicator. “Start talkin’.”
“It was one summer,” Jayne told Kaylee, passing her the bottle of rice wine they’d been sharing. “I hadn’t been away from home long. Guy by the name of Decker had me under his wing, doing some stuff that must have been highly illegal.”
“Not that you had any problem with it,” Kaylee teased.
“Well, I might’ve, if I’d known what was going on,” he considered, “but I was powerful stupid back then.” Kaylee made a face like she had something to say about that, but waved him on.
“So I went down into town Friday night, lookin’ for some trim, and I sure enough found it.” He stopped to take a swig from the bottle. “Real pretty girl, great hoot-” He stopped short. “Well, she was real pretty. So I took her on back to my room, and as soon as I shut the door, she laid one on me. When I woke up the next afternoon, my head felt like I’d been hit with a brick and everything I had was gone.”
“Good Night Kiss?”
“Yup. Took everything except the clothes on my back and my pistol.”
“Damn,” Kaylee said meditatively, sipping from the bottle. “So you won’t kiss anybody?”
“Nobody but my momma or my best girl, if I had one.”
“Would you kiss me?” Kaylee asked, a glint in her eye.
Jayne made a scoffing noise at the back of his throat. “The day somebody like you has to give somebody the Good Night Kiss is a damn sorry day,” he said, taking another swig off the bottle.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Aw, hell.” He sighed. Jayne was probably going to regret it later, but he was feeling good, so he just let himself talk. “I mean you’re smart as a gorram whip, and pretty, and you can fix damned near anything. Man oughta be proud to be with a girl like you, treat you right.”
He looked at the bottle, as if consulting it for wisdom. “Some women is just things, and most of ‘em ain’t got a problem with it. Can’t tell one from t’other, not that it matters, cause they’re just the same inside anyway. But you ain’t.”
“Why Jayne Cobb,” Kaylee said, a little abashed. “I can’t decide if that’s the worst thing I ever heard, or the sweetest.”
“Don’t none of this explain why you were all…” Words failed Mal. “Naked.”
“Will you let me finish my damn story?” Jayne growled. “I’m tryin’ to tell it as fast as I ruttin’ well can, gorrammit!”
Mal could hear his teeth starting to chatter. “Go on.”
Soon after, the wine was gone, and the bottle discarded. It rolled under the engine with a benign clunking sound. Kaylee just giggled and snuggled closer to Jayne, whose legs she’d suddenly discovered made a damn fine pillow.
“You never did answer my question,” Kaylee said, trying to find a way to look up at him that didn’t involve staring up into the light.
“What question is that, Kaylee girl?” Jayne asked, leaning back on the bulkhead, though he already knew the answer.
“Would you kiss me?”
Jayne’s natural enthusiasm was tempered by thoughts of all the inventive ways Mal was going to torture him. “I probably ain’t any good at it anymore,” he said dismissively.
“I don’t reckon I much care,” Kaylee told him.
Jayne shrugged. Who was he to argue? He leaned down and took his first kiss in years.
“Nice story,” Mal told him. “Any of it true?”
There was an audible thud as Jayne banged his head against the airlock door.
“Wait here,” Mal said, leaving the comm on the floor. Jayne just sat down, whimpering.
“Really, I’m fine,” Kaylee said uncomfortably. She adjusted her coveralls; she’d dressed in an awful hurry. Mal didn’t respond, but kept guiding her toward the infirmary. Zoe and Simon were already there, and Kaylee could feel herself blushing fiercely.
“Is any of the gôu pì Jayne’s been feeding me for the last fifteen minutes true?” he asked accusingly, sitting her down on the table.
Kaylee’s blush spread all the way up to her hair. Zoe put her hand on Mal’s shoulder.
“Sir, with all due respect,” she said firmly, “get the hell out of here.”
The kissing was terribly nice, but what came after it was much better.
Before too long, it led to Kaylee being pushed up against the back wall of the engine room. Jayne’s hands and mouth were everywhere, groping, licking, sucking. Kaylee felt halfway like she was being mauled, and it felt heavenly.
He hitched her legs up around his waist and pressed himself up into her. Kaylee made a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a scream. It crossed her mind that she was being loud, but she didn’t really care. She didn’t care about a whole lot except matching Jayne’s rhythm and calling his name, interspersed with deities and obscenities.
She screamed it one last time, this time in horror, as Mal brought something heavy down against Jayne’s head.
Zoe and Kaylee walked back into the infirmary, Kaylee’s face still bright red. Zoe nodded to Mal.
“Simon,” Mal said. The doctor perked up. “Go and get Jayne out of the airlock.” He paused. “Take a blanket.”
“Sir,” Zoe said in a warning tone after Simon had left. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“No,” Mal answered, “but it is an awful amusing one.” An evil smile curled the edges of his lips.
Jayne came down the ladder into his bunk, swearing the entire way. It was bad enough that his savior had been the gorram doc, who’d stuck him full of needles as soon as he’d come out of the airlock, some of which Jayne was certain weren’t entirely necessary. But when Zoe and Wash had started giggling at him, that was too much.
So he’d stalked off to his room, expecting to sulk angrily and curse Mal, that gorram girl, and everybody else to all the hells he knew about. What he hadn’t expected was Kaylee, her coveralls on the floor, wrapped in his bedsheet.
“I thought after all that you might like a good night kiss,” she said, bordering on devilish.
The hell with it, Jayne thought. He’d already had his punishment. He’d be goddamned if he wasn’t going to enjoy himself.