And then I serioused the fuck up
1. So the bulletproof kinks meme has been going around again. I've been tumbling it around in my head, and this is what it keeps coming down to: my only bulletproof kinks are trust and love. Because everything else- the whips and the chains and the clothespins and the consent play and even most of the tentacles- hinges on that point. It's about using your body to express your love for and trust in another person; it's about trusting yourself to know your own limits; it's about having someone else invest their trust in you. And that's it. Everything else is icing.
...
Well, trust, love, and Colonel Sadist.
I'm a masochist, what do you want from me?
2. Following the whole hc_bingo thing, I've been thinking about h/c a lot; and the more I think about it, the more I don't really know what to think. I always say that I don't like h/c, and I never set out with the intention to write it. But I look out over all the stories of mine that I really like, the stories that I'm the most proud of, and a lot of them are undoubtedly h/c stories.
I've also been contemplating this whole issue of who's being hurt/insulted by what- whether we're protecting the interests of those of us with the kinds of problems that appear in h/c stories, or blocking people from getting catharsis/escapism from those same stories. It's hard for me to even get a handle on, because I can only think of one and a half stories that even address the challenges that I face (it is still really weird to even think the word "disability" in reference to myself). I've always felt that there was this sort of tacit understanding that mental health issues in general are off limits in fandom; the only stories I can think of that address them do so under the weight of an existent scrutiny, and so are really carefully written. But, at the same time, I can think of a lot of issues that aren't treated with the same kid gloves but really should be.
So I don't know what to think. But I'm glad to see these discussions happening at all, because I feel like it's shit we all need to be cognizant of- and having it pointed out that we're not cognizant of it is the first step in getting there, y'know?
3. On that note, I am sick to my back teeth of hearing shit like this.
Medicine doesn't work for everyone, and even getting to the right medication sucks up time and money like a fucking black hole. Even so, this type of bullshit rhetoric is still hurtful to real people who could really get help; I know, because I was one of them. There was a time in the not too distant past where I said I'd never go back on medication again, because I bought it. I thought there was something inherent in myself that I'd lose to the medication, that it would somehow contaminate me, turn me into- gasp- a normal person.
And you know where that got me? It almost got me out of graduate school, and it's come close to getting me dead.
And I am so very, very tired of people acting like bipolar disorder is some gift from the heavens that I should be fucking thankful for. It's not. It's a disease that's in my fucking way.
Being manic is not being creative, it is being manic. There is nothing creative about staying up for four days. There is nothing creative about snapping at people you care about. There is nothing creative about being curled up on the floor, pressing your hands to your ears in the vain hope that you could somehow block out the sound of your own racing thoughts. You know what creative looks like? Creative looks like not being too depressed to get to the computer, and not being too manic to write when you get there.
And even if it were the magical creative fugue that people paint it as, that shit is not worth the trade off. Some of us would rather be able to get out of bed in the morning the other fifty weeks of the year.
So please, don't listen to assholes like this.
This entry was automagically crossposted from http://sabinetzin.dreamwidth.org/238377.html.
comments over there.
...
Well, trust, love, and Colonel Sadist.
I'm a masochist, what do you want from me?
2. Following the whole hc_bingo thing, I've been thinking about h/c a lot; and the more I think about it, the more I don't really know what to think. I always say that I don't like h/c, and I never set out with the intention to write it. But I look out over all the stories of mine that I really like, the stories that I'm the most proud of, and a lot of them are undoubtedly h/c stories.
I've also been contemplating this whole issue of who's being hurt/insulted by what- whether we're protecting the interests of those of us with the kinds of problems that appear in h/c stories, or blocking people from getting catharsis/escapism from those same stories. It's hard for me to even get a handle on, because I can only think of one and a half stories that even address the challenges that I face (it is still really weird to even think the word "disability" in reference to myself). I've always felt that there was this sort of tacit understanding that mental health issues in general are off limits in fandom; the only stories I can think of that address them do so under the weight of an existent scrutiny, and so are really carefully written. But, at the same time, I can think of a lot of issues that aren't treated with the same kid gloves but really should be.
So I don't know what to think. But I'm glad to see these discussions happening at all, because I feel like it's shit we all need to be cognizant of- and having it pointed out that we're not cognizant of it is the first step in getting there, y'know?
3. On that note, I am sick to my back teeth of hearing shit like this.
Medicine doesn't work for everyone, and even getting to the right medication sucks up time and money like a fucking black hole. Even so, this type of bullshit rhetoric is still hurtful to real people who could really get help; I know, because I was one of them. There was a time in the not too distant past where I said I'd never go back on medication again, because I bought it. I thought there was something inherent in myself that I'd lose to the medication, that it would somehow contaminate me, turn me into- gasp- a normal person.
And you know where that got me? It almost got me out of graduate school, and it's come close to getting me dead.
And I am so very, very tired of people acting like bipolar disorder is some gift from the heavens that I should be fucking thankful for. It's not. It's a disease that's in my fucking way.
Being manic is not being creative, it is being manic. There is nothing creative about staying up for four days. There is nothing creative about snapping at people you care about. There is nothing creative about being curled up on the floor, pressing your hands to your ears in the vain hope that you could somehow block out the sound of your own racing thoughts. You know what creative looks like? Creative looks like not being too depressed to get to the computer, and not being too manic to write when you get there.
And even if it were the magical creative fugue that people paint it as, that shit is not worth the trade off. Some of us would rather be able to get out of bed in the morning the other fifty weeks of the year.
So please, don't listen to assholes like this.
This entry was automagically crossposted from http://sabinetzin.dreamwidth.org/238377.html.
comments over there.