How do you keep the Tau'ri in suspense?
So, after coffee with arymabeth, I started typing this massive srs biznes essay today about my new pet fandom hate, and it was going to be very thinky and insightful and also sort of filled with mild raeg.
But then I came home and had dinner with my mom, and for some reason it struck us as hilarious to start telling elephant jokes. Obviously, this led to Stargate elephant jokes. So if, like me, you're twelve, please enjoy.
Q. How can you tell if Rodney's been in your refrigerator?
A. There are footprints in the butter.
Q. How do you put Rodney in a refrigerator?
A. Open the door, put him in, close the door.
Q. How do you put Sheppard in a refrigerator?
A. Open the door, take Rodney out, put Sheppard in, close the door.
Q. How do you put AR-1 in a taxi?
A. Rodney and Teyla in the back, Ronon in the front next to the driver.
Q. What about Sheppard?
A. He's still in the fridge.
--
Q. How many Ascended beings does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The Ascended do not interfere.
--
Q. What do you call four hundred Tollan at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. What do you call four hundred Tollan neck-deep in concrete?
A. Not enough concrete.
--
Q. Where does a six-foot Satedan sit?
A. Anywhere he damn well pleases.
--
Q. How do you make a puddle jumper float?
A. Two scoops of puddle jumper and a can of Coke.
--
Q. What do you tell a Wraith with bullet holes in both hands?
A. Nothing. You already told him twice.
--
A Wraith, a Satedan, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
--
Q. What do you get when you cross a river with a stargate?
A. Soaked.
--
Q. How many Wraith does it take to change a light bulb?
A. THE WRAITH DO NOT USE LIGHT BULBS, PITIFUL HUMAN
--
Q. Why does Ronon paint the bottoms of his shoes yellow?
A. So he can hide upside down in bowls of custard.
Q. Does it work?
A. Have you ever seen Ronon in your custard?
--
An alien priestess walked up to Sheppard and asked him for a double entendre. So he gave it to her.
--
Q. How many Asgard does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The Asgard are all dead, you insensitive fuck.
--
And two for the Trek fans:
Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a Vulcan?
A. Thrown out of Starfleet.
Q. What do you get when you cross the captain with a Vulcan?
A. Four hundred thousand hits on Google.
But then I came home and had dinner with my mom, and for some reason it struck us as hilarious to start telling elephant jokes. Obviously, this led to Stargate elephant jokes. So if, like me, you're twelve, please enjoy.
Q. How can you tell if Rodney's been in your refrigerator?
A. There are footprints in the butter.
Q. How do you put Rodney in a refrigerator?
A. Open the door, put him in, close the door.
Q. How do you put Sheppard in a refrigerator?
A. Open the door, take Rodney out, put Sheppard in, close the door.
Q. How do you put AR-1 in a taxi?
A. Rodney and Teyla in the back, Ronon in the front next to the driver.
Q. What about Sheppard?
A. He's still in the fridge.
--
Q. How many Ascended beings does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The Ascended do not interfere.
--
Q. What do you call four hundred Tollan at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. What do you call four hundred Tollan neck-deep in concrete?
A. Not enough concrete.
--
Q. Where does a six-foot Satedan sit?
A. Anywhere he damn well pleases.
--
Q. How do you make a puddle jumper float?
A. Two scoops of puddle jumper and a can of Coke.
--
Q. What do you tell a Wraith with bullet holes in both hands?
A. Nothing. You already told him twice.
--
A Wraith, a Satedan, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
--
Q. What do you get when you cross a river with a stargate?
A. Soaked.
--
Q. How many Wraith does it take to change a light bulb?
A. THE WRAITH DO NOT USE LIGHT BULBS, PITIFUL HUMAN
--
Q. Why does Ronon paint the bottoms of his shoes yellow?
A. So he can hide upside down in bowls of custard.
Q. Does it work?
A. Have you ever seen Ronon in your custard?
--
An alien priestess walked up to Sheppard and asked him for a double entendre. So he gave it to her.
--
Q. How many Asgard does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The Asgard are all dead, you insensitive fuck.
--
And two for the Trek fans:
Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a Vulcan?
A. Thrown out of Starfleet.
Q. What do you get when you cross the captain with a Vulcan?
A. Four hundred thousand hits on Google.