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[sabian108]

So Joe and I have been together for almost 3 years now, and it seems like we are going through a phase where everything we do is getting on each others nerves. We both seem more cranky and irritable towards each other. Maybe its because we are spending too much time together at home doing nothing in particular, or that we are both stressed about

Comments

[orenda]

Not like I have all this figured out, but I agree with what the others said. Make space in your lives to be the who you are without each other once in a while. Make sure you're not trying to depend on the other to be everything to you all at once. Try to think over your problems after a day apart doing something you enjoy, when you're not already on each others' nerves to make it easier to sort out the lasting issues from the bad moods. If it's mostly bad moods, sometimes someone just has to be the first to put in the extra effort to break the cycle. I think there is an element of "fake it till you make it". Of course it's not healthy in the longterm to put on a happy face and pretend everything's fine and go on ignoring your own needs. That's not what I mean. But in the short term, it's a different creature. Sometimes when people are being prickly it really means they need a bit of extra care right now. Take a deep breath and choose to let something slide. Choose to concentrate on the things you love about him. Go out of your way to do something nice and make him feel cared for and appreciated. I find generally that just the act of choosing to do that suddenly makes me feel happier and more like I WANT to, and being nice makes me feel better about myself while being snippy makes me feel petty and small and gross and just makes things worse. It only works if you know that some other time your positions will be reversed and he will be doing this for you, otherwise you just get justifiabley resentful. You also need to talk to friends and still have other poeple out there supporting you. You still need to talk about any real issues you've recognized, but it goes a whole lot more smoothly after backrubs or orgasms. It feels less like an attack after being obviously cared for, it's easier to talk openly, and the endorphins don't hurt.

[jeanniecee]

Yay endorphins! I totally agree with you Amy.