Idiot x.x
Suffice to say that while i was not completely idiotic enough to actually get back with her, i did talk with her, and we did hang out, against all my better judgement. I must say i was conned, tho, and well. she asks me to come over, i say no, i don't think us hanging out would be good, texting is bad enough. she begs me, i refuse some more. Conversation turns to other things. at some point she calls me and i stupidly answer. we talk about this and that and laugh a little. and then she starts bawling about being stressed about moving and having to pack alone and how no one is ever there for her and she really needed me and whatever. thrown in was bits about how she had fucked everything up, it was all her fault, blah blah.
I break down and go over there. she was so happy x.x we pack and clean and talk a lot and actually not have sex.
God, why am i explaining this? it doesn't matter. what it comes down to is that she had started to convince me ever so slightly that maybe if i was cautious and slow that giving her one last chance wouldn't be too bad of an idea. lol. and tonight she tells me that she has another girlfriend, has had for awhile, and that she loves me and wants to be with me but just can't end it and doesn't want to lie anymore.
And there's the icing on the cake. everyone was right, there really was someone else. x.x;;; of all the horrible rotten things for her to do to me, why that? then again i dunno if i can really be upset about it. it depends on what awhile is, and i'm not sure i want to know. it would have been a days, but from the context i'm guessing at least a few weeks.
I'm going to throw up.
At least i can wash my hands of her now. cheating is the one most certain thing i can find no forgiveness for, and even if that's not exactly what happend, it's close enough and sure as hell feels the same that whatever.
fuck this bitch for doing this to me. fuck myself for letting her get away with so much of it.
three fucking days is all it took, wtf. she said she cried for three hours after she saw me at the mall on monday, that she was so upset that she had ruined everything. sigh.
well then, on to the next attempt with hopes that it might not turn out to be quite so much of a smoking burnt out wreck. which of course means that i have to manage to learn from my mistakes, whatever they happen to be with this one aside from utter stupidity.
God this is killing me. I'm still in love with her and the last three weeks have been such an insane fucked up ride and now i find this out and i really wish someone would just gut me to lessen the pain x.x
This is where you all get to say i told you so. and i deserve it, because i know i should have listened, but i hoped so badly that you all were wrong, dammit. why can't i just be proven wrong for once?
I break down and go over there. she was so happy x.x we pack and clean and talk a lot and actually not have sex.
God, why am i explaining this? it doesn't matter. what it comes down to is that she had started to convince me ever so slightly that maybe if i was cautious and slow that giving her one last chance wouldn't be too bad of an idea. lol. and tonight she tells me that she has another girlfriend, has had for awhile, and that she loves me and wants to be with me but just can't end it and doesn't want to lie anymore.
And there's the icing on the cake. everyone was right, there really was someone else. x.x;;; of all the horrible rotten things for her to do to me, why that? then again i dunno if i can really be upset about it. it depends on what awhile is, and i'm not sure i want to know. it would have been a days, but from the context i'm guessing at least a few weeks.
I'm going to throw up.
At least i can wash my hands of her now. cheating is the one most certain thing i can find no forgiveness for, and even if that's not exactly what happend, it's close enough and sure as hell feels the same that whatever.
fuck this bitch for doing this to me. fuck myself for letting her get away with so much of it.
three fucking days is all it took, wtf. she said she cried for three hours after she saw me at the mall on monday, that she was so upset that she had ruined everything. sigh.
well then, on to the next attempt with hopes that it might not turn out to be quite so much of a smoking burnt out wreck. which of course means that i have to manage to learn from my mistakes, whatever they happen to be with this one aside from utter stupidity.
God this is killing me. I'm still in love with her and the last three weeks have been such an insane fucked up ride and now i find this out and i really wish someone would just gut me to lessen the pain x.x
This is where you all get to say i told you so. and i deserve it, because i know i should have listened, but i hoped so badly that you all were wrong, dammit. why can't i just be proven wrong for once?