Bondage in Heartstrings tangled forever . . .
Ok, so to finish off the rant I was on about earlier . . . (and yes, I haven't slept yet, so ignore the even worse grammer/ideas/spelling/nonsensical bullshit, mmkay?)
Right. There's so many pros and cons to coming back here and I haven't even begun to think them all out. WhatI need to do is sit the fuck down and make a bloody list of everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, all that jazz. In doing so, I'd hope I'll gain somewhat of a clearer picture on what to do.
Imma prolly hafta wait a week or so after this, though. I'm sure I'm not going to be on the best of terms with them, seeing as that some plants are dead, and though Itried, I failed them yet again. I'm not even thinking they'll pay me at al. Honestly, I don't think I deserve it overly much. Yeah, I watched the dogs and spent my time here, but it's not like I was being taken away from anything important. If I would have been at my place, I mostly would have done about the same thing I did here, i.e. hang out with friends, get a little drunk, play video games. The only difference would have been space and Halo. And this nice thing called internet that I sorely miss now and again, even if it's just to throw up one of these stupid rants.
I have a litle file on my compy where I journal at home, but it's not tha same for some reason. Maybe the feedback? Doubtful. While I do so love getting LJ comments (really, I do. I'm partly an attention whore, but it's also the fact that knowing people actually take the time to read this and think of me and possibly even take some of their time to give advice or just say something silly, it's really nice to be reminded that I exist, 'cause I seriuosly wonder if I'm not just some dumb figment of my other imagination somewhere. Right) But yeah.
Dammit. I keep tangenting. Stupid leapy mind thing. Otherwise known as a brain. I seem to be lacking in that department as of late. Dammit. Again.
I hate it when I get all philosophical when I'[m this tired 'cause everything tends on not making sense to anyone else, and I string a whole bunch of sentances together and it just gets ugly. Like this, for example. *twitch*
I've still got a bit of work to do. Water again, roll up hoses, wipe down counters and tables, pick up the bathrooms, take a shower, finish laundry, wacuum the fuck out of this place. Then, perhaps, I can sleep, but I'm not really planning on that, either. At least not until I get back to my place, which will be as soon as I know when they're on their way home. Yes, I'm being woeardly and sort of avoiding the conflict (more like stalling the ineveitable, really), but that's what I do. I hate conflict. I hate facing up to my own fucking mistakes with some people, and seeing as that they're my parents, I most definetly want to run and hide and pretend nothing happened or something. I hate that instinct, but there it is.
Sometimes I'm glad I can admit stuff like that to myself. That's a trait I like. I can talk to other people about me and my flaws and in doing so I try and look at them and see what I can do different to fix them. Like being bitchy lately with my friends. I seriously don't know why I'm doing it, but I have been, and I'm getting better about not snapping off at people for no reason, thanks to Steve, who talked to me about it when I sat down and told him I'm sorry about it. At least he's understanding, that helps.
More tangents, yay. I totally forgot the main point of this. It's sort of turned into a rant about everything and nothing, one last hazzuh before I lose this thing for an indeterminable amount of time again. Goody.
Dammit. I need to get stuff done, and I need to stop ranting, but I don't want to get up and stop typing and start thinking about how everything is sort of shitty and confusing right now. I will not say life sucks at the moment, 'cause it really doesn't. The problems I'm having ATM are mostly onces caused by myself, and therfor, it's my own fault and I just need to figure out how to fix them, if possibble.
So there it is. A bunch of jumbled crap and ideas. Sorry about all of this, it's late/early for me and I wanted to post one last time. When I get the chance, I'll update again, prolly at Steve's in a few weeks or whatever. Until then, I guess. Merf.
Loves, you guys.
Right. There's so many pros and cons to coming back here and I haven't even begun to think them all out. WhatI need to do is sit the fuck down and make a bloody list of everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, all that jazz. In doing so, I'd hope I'll gain somewhat of a clearer picture on what to do.
Imma prolly hafta wait a week or so after this, though. I'm sure I'm not going to be on the best of terms with them, seeing as that some plants are dead, and though Itried, I failed them yet again. I'm not even thinking they'll pay me at al. Honestly, I don't think I deserve it overly much. Yeah, I watched the dogs and spent my time here, but it's not like I was being taken away from anything important. If I would have been at my place, I mostly would have done about the same thing I did here, i.e. hang out with friends, get a little drunk, play video games. The only difference would have been space and Halo. And this nice thing called internet that I sorely miss now and again, even if it's just to throw up one of these stupid rants.
I have a litle file on my compy where I journal at home, but it's not tha same for some reason. Maybe the feedback? Doubtful. While I do so love getting LJ comments (really, I do. I'm partly an attention whore, but it's also the fact that knowing people actually take the time to read this and think of me and possibly even take some of their time to give advice or just say something silly, it's really nice to be reminded that I exist, 'cause I seriuosly wonder if I'm not just some dumb figment of my other imagination somewhere. Right) But yeah.
Dammit. I keep tangenting. Stupid leapy mind thing. Otherwise known as a brain. I seem to be lacking in that department as of late. Dammit. Again.
I hate it when I get all philosophical when I'[m this tired 'cause everything tends on not making sense to anyone else, and I string a whole bunch of sentances together and it just gets ugly. Like this, for example. *twitch*
I've still got a bit of work to do. Water again, roll up hoses, wipe down counters and tables, pick up the bathrooms, take a shower, finish laundry, wacuum the fuck out of this place. Then, perhaps, I can sleep, but I'm not really planning on that, either. At least not until I get back to my place, which will be as soon as I know when they're on their way home. Yes, I'm being woeardly and sort of avoiding the conflict (more like stalling the ineveitable, really), but that's what I do. I hate conflict. I hate facing up to my own fucking mistakes with some people, and seeing as that they're my parents, I most definetly want to run and hide and pretend nothing happened or something. I hate that instinct, but there it is.
Sometimes I'm glad I can admit stuff like that to myself. That's a trait I like. I can talk to other people about me and my flaws and in doing so I try and look at them and see what I can do different to fix them. Like being bitchy lately with my friends. I seriously don't know why I'm doing it, but I have been, and I'm getting better about not snapping off at people for no reason, thanks to Steve, who talked to me about it when I sat down and told him I'm sorry about it. At least he's understanding, that helps.
More tangents, yay. I totally forgot the main point of this. It's sort of turned into a rant about everything and nothing, one last hazzuh before I lose this thing for an indeterminable amount of time again. Goody.
Dammit. I need to get stuff done, and I need to stop ranting, but I don't want to get up and stop typing and start thinking about how everything is sort of shitty and confusing right now. I will not say life sucks at the moment, 'cause it really doesn't. The problems I'm having ATM are mostly onces caused by myself, and therfor, it's my own fault and I just need to figure out how to fix them, if possibble.
So there it is. A bunch of jumbled crap and ideas. Sorry about all of this, it's late/early for me and I wanted to post one last time. When I get the chance, I'll update again, prolly at Steve's in a few weeks or whatever. Until then, I guess. Merf.
Loves, you guys.