BB Authors Notes and Soundtrack
Author's Notes:
Thanks so much to the amazing gaelicspirit, who put up with an amazing amount of hysteria, including emails prefaced with "This pile of shit..." How can you thank someone who routinely talks you off the edge? Through it all she kept me focused, cheerleaded and occasionally beat me senseless. All of the things that make a good beta great. Thank you my friend.
A special shout out to usmc75,without whom I would have made some serious enemies with Marines. Not a group of people who you want on your bad side. I value your honesty, your quick wit and your ability to show me a glimpse of what life as a Marine is like. Plus you have awesome taste in music.
Also to the amazing eyestoowide. Her art is visually stunning, carefully and thoughtfully crafted and she has taken a fic I'm proud of and turned it into something.... well I can't even begin to tell you. Plus she is the html queen. I bow to her greatness. Go give her mad props - she deserves them.
Thanks to deadflowers5 and her mad mod skills.
Special thanks to John Winchester - without him none of this would have happened.
Of course to the wonderful folks at Supernatural. It was this amazing little show that started me writing again. For that I'm eternally grateful.
Soundtrack:
(please note that this section contains spoilers for the fic)
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1. Goodnight Saigon - Billy Joel || Listen on YouTube
This song just screams Vietnam, brotherhood, and the terror of that war. The opening sequence of the rotors of the choppers coming in. It takes my breath away.
And we were sharp, as sharp as knives and we were so gung ho to lay down our lives. - We learned fast to travel light, our arms were heavy but our bellies were tight. - We held onto each other like brother to brother. We promised our mothers we'd write. We held the day in the palm of our hand. They ruled the night and the night seemed to last as long as six weeks on Parris Island -They heard the hum of the motors, they counted the rotors and waited for us to arrive.
I could re-write the whole song but this youtube video does a much better job.
2. House of the Rising Sun - The Animals || Listen on YouTube
When I think of Vietnam, that era - this song is always at the forefront. Itís haunting and I feel like I'm instantly there - late 60s/early 1970s.
3. The Tracks of My Tears - The Miracles || Listen on YouTube
From the movie Platoon (which btw, doesn't Charlie Sheen looks a lot like young John Winchester?). Just because - this song and Platoon? Perfect.
4. Bring it on Home - Little Big Town || Listen on YouTube
You've got someone here
Wants to make it all right
Someone to love more than life
Right here
You've got willing arms that'll old you tight
A hand to lead you all through the night
Right here
I know your hear can get all tangled up inside
But don't keep it to yourself
Mary with John again. She is his safe harbor when he returns from the war. She wants him to come home- true - but he can bring whatever that war did to him home as well. How much John ever tells Mary? Well, that is maybe another story. But this song is a love song. John knows what Mary needs too. That's what love is all about.
5. It Makes No Difference - The Band || Listen on YouTube
It makes no difference where I turn
I canít get over you and the flame still burns
It makes no difference, night or day
The Shadow never seems to fade away
John missing Mary both in country and of course when he loses her for good. Plus The Band - gritty and growly for some young guys (well, they were then) Their souls are in this song.)
6. It's Been A While - Staind || Listen on YouTube
Combo deal. How John deals with Mary's death in the arms of Kate. How badly he needs Mary. How much stupid shit he's done. He takes a look at himself honestly. Plus again, Aaron Lewis? His voice? Deep, sexy and full of pain, regret - all that is John Winchester. John's pretty honest with himself even though he lies to just about everyone else. How does he feel when really thinks about himself? This song kind of nails it for me.
It's been a while since I've seen the way I've seen the candles light your face It's been a while but I still remember how just the way you taste.
Sexy, intimate, awesome. Plus I feel like there is a bit of Dean here too. Addiction, dysfunction, it's like the Winchester National Anthem.
I can not blame this on my father - he did the best he could for me.
Uncensored - Live. I put this version is because John is fucked up and it needs to be uncensored.
The acoustic version again, uncensored. Amazing - My personal favorite - taped in London. Black and white - haunting.
7. Tiny Dancer - Elton John || Listen on YouTube
I dunno. This song is about a musician, a travelin' man, the love of a woman. I can't pigeon hole it. Sometimes it reminds me of Mary. Sometimes of Sam and Jess. It just makes me happy. I get a picture of Mary/Jess dancing on the sand. If you are going to live in Cali, why not dance in the sand. Leave it to Elton John to strike a chord.
8. A Place Called Home - Kim Richey || Listen on YouTube
Kim Richey's voice's soft, lyrical and earthy. This reminds me of Dean and his struggles to be all that he needs to be for what's left of his family.
It's not hard for anyone to see, that I'm just a rolling stone. I had a chance to settle down to get a job and live in town and work in some old factory - never liked a foreman standing over me Id rather walk a winding road - Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow, till then I travel alone and I'll make my bed with the stars above my head and I'll dream of a place called home.
He wants that normal apple pie existence as much or more than Sam. Not in the cards, Dean.
9. The Other Side - David Gray || Listen on YouTube
Another combo deal. Sometimes this is John, too much Jack and too much pain but it melts into Sam too. For two men who spent an enormous amount of time butting heads they are really very similar. Gorgeous song.
Meet me on the other side - Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled and now the floodgates cannot hold all my sorrow all my rage a teadrop falls on every page. We may race and we may run we'll not undo what has been done or change the moment when it's gone.
Plus David Gray? His voice has such emotion in every word. An amazing song, an incredible artist.
10. Bones - Little Big Town || Listen on YouTube
What goes around comes around
Feel it breathin' down heavy on you
You made that bed you're layin' on
Deeds that you have done
Now you can't undo
Just because, yeah the Winchesters got bones in their closet but the double meaning is so obvious. Besides I love this song. Shades of Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles. I love Little Big Town.
11. He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother - Bill Medley || Listen on YouTube
It's a long, long rode from which there is no return.
Just because it's great song and hey they are brothers. Ah Sam and Dean!
12. Song for Dad - Keith Urban || Listen on YouTube
The lyrics? Damn. How much is this both Sam and Dean. I doubt seriously they will ever have their own families but they do have each other.
The older I get the more I can see how much he loved my mother and my brother and me. And he did the best that he could and I only hope when I have my own family everyday I see a little more of my father in me. There were times I thought he was bein' just a little bit hard on me but now I understand he was making me become the man he knew that I could be. In everything he ever did he always did with love and I'm proud today say that I'm his son. When somebody says the hope they get to meet my dad I say they already have.
Sam? Dean? It depends. But every son feels like this sometimes. Being a dad is hard, being a son is hard. Being a Winchester is harder. But my underlying truth is that John loved his family.
13. A Fatherís Love - Bucky Covington || Listen on YouTube
Saying I love you isn't really something that Winchester say. But it's what they do. God, this fits so many Dads and their sons.
For the longest time I guess thought he didn't give a damn. Hard to read, hard to please, yeah that was my old man. He checked the air in my tires, the belts and all the spark plugs wires said when the hell is the last time you had this oil changed?
God, shades of John Winchester.
Hey Dean, why don't you touch up your car? I wouldn't given you the damn thing if I thought you were going to ruin it. The gruff recrimination and smack down but it's what's unsaid that means more the the rebuke. John gave the car to Dean because the kid deserved it, and he loves his boy. Doesn't mean John's not going to call him on routine maintenance!
That pissed a lot of people off, not me. Even Sam smiles like little brothers everywhere seeing their brother get taken down a notch like - Dad nailed you on that one. Not exactly the same thing as the song, I know. But John cares - he just doesn't express it in rainbows and unicorns.
I didn't hear it then but I hear it now. He was saying I love you the only way he knew how.