we keep on going around...
The rains have started to pour. Pretty much fits the mood I am in, where it's so nice to sit in one corner of my room and wallow in my misery.
There are time when I can't help but wonder about my life. Though I know better than to sulk and feel sorry for myself, I just can't help it sometimes. I ask, "How come some people are luckier than I am?" or, "How come some people are better with their finances than I am?" If I'm feeling particularly bitchy, I'd go, "You don't really know it is to (insert my current mood/dilemma)."
And I'm far from being religious or spiritual. I envy the people I know who seem to be so secure in their relationship with God and with their spiritual self. As much as I try to get into that groove, I simply can't seem to get the hang of it. I've got some Christian friends who, when I see them, ask me how my relationship with God is going. I mumble a "pretty good" response and steer the conversation somewhere else.
I'm far from being a non-believer. It's just that sometimes, I can't accept things without asking. Though I believe in God and that He is Awesome, I can't help but sometimes ask, "Why is this happening?" to Him, perhaps to the point that I question and doubt. Which I guess I shouldn't really... right?
The other night I couldn't sleep, worried as I was, so I just laid in bed, letting my thoughts wander. I talk out loud, to myself, to Him, asking all sorts of questions, voicing out my pain. And when the tears came to my eyes, I just let them spill. Who cares if they'll be swollen in the morning? (Btw, the advantage of being chinky eyed is that people really won't notice if you cried :p)
I couldn't help it when I said, "Why did You let this happen to us? We're good people, and we honestly just want a good life. We don't want to be as rich as the Ayalas, but just be well off enough not to have this problem ever again... as we always seem to. Nakakasawa na eh."
And frankly, I don't like seeing my parents worry like this. That is what probably hurts me the most. It's weird that my disappointment/irritation at them goes side by side with my compassion for them.
I'm going around in circles again. Anyway, whatever your belief, just pray for me and family, please. :)
There are time when I can't help but wonder about my life. Though I know better than to sulk and feel sorry for myself, I just can't help it sometimes. I ask, "How come some people are luckier than I am?" or, "How come some people are better with their finances than I am?" If I'm feeling particularly bitchy, I'd go, "You don't really know it is to (insert my current mood/dilemma)."
And I'm far from being religious or spiritual. I envy the people I know who seem to be so secure in their relationship with God and with their spiritual self. As much as I try to get into that groove, I simply can't seem to get the hang of it. I've got some Christian friends who, when I see them, ask me how my relationship with God is going. I mumble a "pretty good" response and steer the conversation somewhere else.
I'm far from being a non-believer. It's just that sometimes, I can't accept things without asking. Though I believe in God and that He is Awesome, I can't help but sometimes ask, "Why is this happening?" to Him, perhaps to the point that I question and doubt. Which I guess I shouldn't really... right?
The other night I couldn't sleep, worried as I was, so I just laid in bed, letting my thoughts wander. I talk out loud, to myself, to Him, asking all sorts of questions, voicing out my pain. And when the tears came to my eyes, I just let them spill. Who cares if they'll be swollen in the morning? (Btw, the advantage of being chinky eyed is that people really won't notice if you cried :p)
I couldn't help it when I said, "Why did You let this happen to us? We're good people, and we honestly just want a good life. We don't want to be as rich as the Ayalas, but just be well off enough not to have this problem ever again... as we always seem to. Nakakasawa na eh."
And frankly, I don't like seeing my parents worry like this. That is what probably hurts me the most. It's weird that my disappointment/irritation at them goes side by side with my compassion for them.
I'm going around in circles again. Anyway, whatever your belief, just pray for me and family, please. :)