On Friendship
Prompt: How do you view online relationships?
Notes: This is was written for a thread on a forum I frequent, so references to said forum are made. It shouldn't confuse anyone, but I figured I'd include a disclaimer just in case.
~*~
How do I view online relationships? Well… it’s complicated. I was born and raised in a small, far-removed area and now I attend college in an area that’s just as small and far-removed. I really got involved in online life when I was in high school, something that I am sure is true for most people. I only had one close friend in my high school. Don’t get me wrong, I loved most everyone else to death; my graduating class had been together since kindergarten, and when you spend 13 years of your life with people you grow to care about them, whether or not you always get along or spend time together. I just didn’t fit in with them. Out interests were totally different. While everyone else would discuss American Idol or trade celebrity gossip, I would sit apart and sketch roleplay characters or read slash fic. They would complete personality quizzes in Seventeen and I would have my nose deep in the pages of my newest manga acquisition. My school was small enough that I knew I was alone in my hobbies; it’s easy to know the likes and dislikes of everyone when you only have 50 people to keep track of. Yes, my high school was just that small.
So yes, about the internet. The fact that I could find “people like me.” to use a clichéd term, was amazing. I valued the friendships I made online more because I actually had something in common with the people I conversed with. I don’t want to say I made close friends during my online high school days, but I could actually take part in a conversation rather than sit idly by while people rattled on about things I had no knowledge of. If I had an invitation to go out with one of my classmates I usually agreed (unless in involved drugs or drinking), but part of me would always be wishing I was at home in front of a computer screen instead.
Then I met two very important people, one of which is the reason I’m on this site. These people taught me that real life relationships were worthwhile too. I could spend all of my waking hours with them and still never be tired of their presence. I feel that we were made for each other, and I can’t see any of us going away anytime soon. Both friendships have been going strong for five years; if nothing devastating happens, I expect them to keep flourishing for a long while to come. These two are also the two who led to my view of “it’s complicated” when it comes to online relationships.
One friend is four hours away. The other, several time zones. I see the first one or two times a year, but the other? I haven’t seen that person in person since they moved. I hope to remedy this next year, but we’ll see how things go with money. In any case, most of my interactions with them are carried out via the internet. I am perfectly fine with this; as long as the person behind the keyboard is genuine, I will continue to be their friend. I was so used to being disassociated from my real life acquaintances that the distance didn’t bother me. Life went one- I went overseas, made a few more friends, and continued to converse online with those I left in the States. I came home, went through some reverse culture shock, and went off to college. Now as much as then, I believe a relationship is a relationship, regardless of the medium through which it is expressed. I have met several people online that I consider close friends. I don’t know if they will last as long as the relationships forged in real life first, but I will do my best to make sure they don’t die.
Things have changed a bit since I started college, I’ll admit. I made a very close core group of friends. Most of them have an active online presence, so I cope, but for those that aren’t around as much… Well, not being able to see and touch them makes breaks downright brutal at times. I also found that being in their presence was a lot more rewarding than typing to people who could very well be halfway across the world; the physical presence of my friends, I’ve discovered, is quiet addicting and something I’ve grown almost dependent on. I’d choose that over an online relationship any day. Does it mean I value my online friends any less? No, it doesn’t. I try to make time for both, though at this point I will admit to spending more time out to lunch with my college buddies than chatting it up in AIM or MSN.
In short: For a long time, online relationships were the only ones of any value to me- I didn’t mind the time zones, the physical distance, or the lack of a face to match words. That’s beginning to change. At this point I would rather have a friend in real life who is able to be with me as often as possible. However, I’ll take what I can get, and as for those I met and love online, they will always hold a special place in my heart.
As for loyalty, I will not stand for betrayal in any form. I haven’t experienced it yet, thank god. I’ve found I have a good nose for finding people I fit well with, at least when it comes to the physical world. I won’t associate with someone if I don’t feel we will make a good match; there’s a gut feeling I have when I meet people, and it hasn’t betrayed me yet. With the two friends I mentioned earlier, as for my first love (who I am still good friends with), there was a sense of completeness when we met- I could somehow sense that they were made for me, and I for them. It all sounds so silly and idealistic when written down, but it makes sense to me and I guess that’s all that matters. This doesn’t happen online, simply because you can’t know a person from words alone. There’s body language, vocal tones, and habits that you can’t communicate online no matter how hard you try. In my experience it makes finding a long-lasting, rewarding online relationship that much harder.
So yes, that basically sums up my opinion. I hope I didn’t totally misinterpret the topic!
Notes: This is was written for a thread on a forum I frequent, so references to said forum are made. It shouldn't confuse anyone, but I figured I'd include a disclaimer just in case.
~*~
How do I view online relationships? Well… it’s complicated. I was born and raised in a small, far-removed area and now I attend college in an area that’s just as small and far-removed. I really got involved in online life when I was in high school, something that I am sure is true for most people. I only had one close friend in my high school. Don’t get me wrong, I loved most everyone else to death; my graduating class had been together since kindergarten, and when you spend 13 years of your life with people you grow to care about them, whether or not you always get along or spend time together. I just didn’t fit in with them. Out interests were totally different. While everyone else would discuss American Idol or trade celebrity gossip, I would sit apart and sketch roleplay characters or read slash fic. They would complete personality quizzes in Seventeen and I would have my nose deep in the pages of my newest manga acquisition. My school was small enough that I knew I was alone in my hobbies; it’s easy to know the likes and dislikes of everyone when you only have 50 people to keep track of. Yes, my high school was just that small.
So yes, about the internet. The fact that I could find “people like me.” to use a clichéd term, was amazing. I valued the friendships I made online more because I actually had something in common with the people I conversed with. I don’t want to say I made close friends during my online high school days, but I could actually take part in a conversation rather than sit idly by while people rattled on about things I had no knowledge of. If I had an invitation to go out with one of my classmates I usually agreed (unless in involved drugs or drinking), but part of me would always be wishing I was at home in front of a computer screen instead.
Then I met two very important people, one of which is the reason I’m on this site. These people taught me that real life relationships were worthwhile too. I could spend all of my waking hours with them and still never be tired of their presence. I feel that we were made for each other, and I can’t see any of us going away anytime soon. Both friendships have been going strong for five years; if nothing devastating happens, I expect them to keep flourishing for a long while to come. These two are also the two who led to my view of “it’s complicated” when it comes to online relationships.
One friend is four hours away. The other, several time zones. I see the first one or two times a year, but the other? I haven’t seen that person in person since they moved. I hope to remedy this next year, but we’ll see how things go with money. In any case, most of my interactions with them are carried out via the internet. I am perfectly fine with this; as long as the person behind the keyboard is genuine, I will continue to be their friend. I was so used to being disassociated from my real life acquaintances that the distance didn’t bother me. Life went one- I went overseas, made a few more friends, and continued to converse online with those I left in the States. I came home, went through some reverse culture shock, and went off to college. Now as much as then, I believe a relationship is a relationship, regardless of the medium through which it is expressed. I have met several people online that I consider close friends. I don’t know if they will last as long as the relationships forged in real life first, but I will do my best to make sure they don’t die.
Things have changed a bit since I started college, I’ll admit. I made a very close core group of friends. Most of them have an active online presence, so I cope, but for those that aren’t around as much… Well, not being able to see and touch them makes breaks downright brutal at times. I also found that being in their presence was a lot more rewarding than typing to people who could very well be halfway across the world; the physical presence of my friends, I’ve discovered, is quiet addicting and something I’ve grown almost dependent on. I’d choose that over an online relationship any day. Does it mean I value my online friends any less? No, it doesn’t. I try to make time for both, though at this point I will admit to spending more time out to lunch with my college buddies than chatting it up in AIM or MSN.
In short: For a long time, online relationships were the only ones of any value to me- I didn’t mind the time zones, the physical distance, or the lack of a face to match words. That’s beginning to change. At this point I would rather have a friend in real life who is able to be with me as often as possible. However, I’ll take what I can get, and as for those I met and love online, they will always hold a special place in my heart.
As for loyalty, I will not stand for betrayal in any form. I haven’t experienced it yet, thank god. I’ve found I have a good nose for finding people I fit well with, at least when it comes to the physical world. I won’t associate with someone if I don’t feel we will make a good match; there’s a gut feeling I have when I meet people, and it hasn’t betrayed me yet. With the two friends I mentioned earlier, as for my first love (who I am still good friends with), there was a sense of completeness when we met- I could somehow sense that they were made for me, and I for them. It all sounds so silly and idealistic when written down, but it makes sense to me and I guess that’s all that matters. This doesn’t happen online, simply because you can’t know a person from words alone. There’s body language, vocal tones, and habits that you can’t communicate online no matter how hard you try. In my experience it makes finding a long-lasting, rewarding online relationship that much harder.
So yes, that basically sums up my opinion. I hope I didn’t totally misinterpret the topic!