Crossroads: An IC Reflection
Wow. Hey look guys, I produced some writing that isn't academic. How many months has it been since I did that? Not since I've had this journal, that's for sure.
Anyways, this will have no relevance to anyone not involved in the D&D game I participated in this past semester. Even then, I'm sure people who were involved aren't really interested. Ah well. I still wrote it. Here goes~
Title: Crossroads
Summary: After fleeing the final battle with the villain's daughter in tow, my character tries to make sense of what his life has become and where it is headed. Expect no real plot, only the somewhat incoherent ramblings of one really confused, stressed out elf.
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You know those moments where time just seems to stop? It’s still moving, obviously, but everything that happens is just a blur. By the time you actually realize what’s going on, the damn thing’s already long over. Then it hits you over the head with a club and says “Joke’s on you, buddy,” like the sadistic bastard Time is. Okay, so maybe you don’t know what that’s like. I didn’t until a few hours ago. Hell, I don’t even think the way I described it makes sense, but I can’t put the feeling into words. Makes me wish I hadn’t left the Gnome behind. You need bards for this type of thing.
The last thing I really remember is standing on the hill with Stella and her father, the Lich. I was fighting with the Tiefling. It felt way better than it should have. The smooth slide of wood against my fingertips as a drew my arrow, the snap of the bowstring as the shaft was sent flying; the satisfaction of watching the head sink into that bastard’s flesh was something I hadn’t ever expected to feel, let alone enjoy. It was like a high-- when I brought him down everything else was secondary. I remember more people reaching the hill, though. There was a grey-skinned bard, a wide-eyed young girl, and a scraggly-looking cleric. I guess they signed on to help the Lich. I don’t recall exactly because the next thing I knew there was a huge flash of light around the little girl. I don’t remember where it came from, but she was clutching something that didn’t seem to be there anymore as tears ran down her face. At the same time the Lich dissolved into dust.
I looked immediately to Stella, and after that things just… just happened. I remember saying things to her, but I can’t recall what. I remember running, and somehow the Tiefling was back and giving chase… Then there was a drake and there was fire, and the next thing I knew, I was in the forest, far away from the site of the battle, and Stella was in my arms, sobbing. That was when I came to: everything that had happened came crashing back to me. It wasn’t just the events of that last battle, either. Everything I had done over the past few weeks came in like a tidal wave and bowled me right over. The people I’d met, the challenges I’d faced, the mistakes I’d made, the bridges I’d burned, everything. I’m a thief. I’m not supposed to feel guilt, and I never have, but for some reason I couldn’t help feeling the weight of it all bearing down on me.
Strangely enough, it was the wetness of Stella’s tears seeping through my tunic that made me snap out of it.
We left the forest together. I don’t know how the battle ended, but Stella’s father had just tried to rip open a hole between the Planes. If we wanted to stay safe it was better that we just hightail it outta there. I led the way to a nearby town, and well, that’s where we are now. I found us a room at a small inn. Stella’s asleep now; I let her take the bed. She needs her rest more than I do mine. I don’t know how long we can stay, though. Word about what happened on the hill is gonna get around one way or another, and even then, I’m sure my former colleagues are still after my hide. I wish I knew where to go. If my old home was safe I’d her there, but it’s not. It probable won’t be for a while. I know enough of the area to know what places would be comfortable, but it’s only a matter of time before the whole “trying to open an inter-dimensional hole” business makes its way to all the surrounding villages. If it were just me on the run things would be better. I’m used to this kind of thing. Thing is, though, I’ve got the girl to worry about, and I can’t just leave her. Stella doesn’t know this world, and like it or not, I’m the only one she’s got to teach her about it.
It’s weird how responsible I feel for this girl. See, I don’t do responsibility. It ties you down, and if there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s being tied to something. I like my freedom just fine, thanks. At the same time, though, I can’t bring myself to abandon her. When I look at Stella I don’t see a woman, and I don’t see a mage who could very easily kill me; crazy as it sounds, what I see is a child. I see the same child that I was 75 years ago, lost and alone in a world that can’t understand them and sure as hell doesn’t want them. I was lucky enough I got found by someone who cared, and right now, I want to be that person for Stella. I can’t replace her real father, and I don't want to, but I sure as hell make this world a brighter place for her. It’s the least I can do.
But yeah, again I’m back to “what now?” I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t abandon Stella, but at the same time… I don’t know what to do. I’m used to being on my own. Even when I was with the Gnome and the others I acted on my own. Yeah, we worked together, but there was no connection there-- I remained my own person. With Stella it’s different. I’ve opened myself up, and now I’m stuck. I can’t deal with being this connected to someone. I guess it goes along with the whole “hate being tied down” deal, only now it’s personal. I’ve never had to deal with anything like it before, and to be honest, having to learn to do that scares the hell out of me. I just don’t know how to do it. I don’t know the words or the actions that will help her. I don’t know how to say “Everything’s going to be okay.” I mean, I can say it, but it never sounds right; everything comes out shallow and meaningless.
I guess the best thing now is to just stay with her. She looks so fragile, just lying there on the bed-- Her cheeks are still red and wet from crying, tangled golden hair strewn messily around her like a nest. I hope whatever dreams she’s having are peaceful ones. Her waking hours have been painful enough. One thing’s for sure, though: When she wakes up she won’t be alone. I may not know what’s in store, but I’ll be damned before I let the future scare me off.
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Anyways, this will have no relevance to anyone not involved in the D&D game I participated in this past semester. Even then, I'm sure people who were involved aren't really interested. Ah well. I still wrote it. Here goes~
Title: Crossroads
Summary: After fleeing the final battle with the villain's daughter in tow, my character tries to make sense of what his life has become and where it is headed. Expect no real plot, only the somewhat incoherent ramblings of one really confused, stressed out elf.
~~~~~~
You know those moments where time just seems to stop? It’s still moving, obviously, but everything that happens is just a blur. By the time you actually realize what’s going on, the damn thing’s already long over. Then it hits you over the head with a club and says “Joke’s on you, buddy,” like the sadistic bastard Time is. Okay, so maybe you don’t know what that’s like. I didn’t until a few hours ago. Hell, I don’t even think the way I described it makes sense, but I can’t put the feeling into words. Makes me wish I hadn’t left the Gnome behind. You need bards for this type of thing.
The last thing I really remember is standing on the hill with Stella and her father, the Lich. I was fighting with the Tiefling. It felt way better than it should have. The smooth slide of wood against my fingertips as a drew my arrow, the snap of the bowstring as the shaft was sent flying; the satisfaction of watching the head sink into that bastard’s flesh was something I hadn’t ever expected to feel, let alone enjoy. It was like a high-- when I brought him down everything else was secondary. I remember more people reaching the hill, though. There was a grey-skinned bard, a wide-eyed young girl, and a scraggly-looking cleric. I guess they signed on to help the Lich. I don’t recall exactly because the next thing I knew there was a huge flash of light around the little girl. I don’t remember where it came from, but she was clutching something that didn’t seem to be there anymore as tears ran down her face. At the same time the Lich dissolved into dust.
I looked immediately to Stella, and after that things just… just happened. I remember saying things to her, but I can’t recall what. I remember running, and somehow the Tiefling was back and giving chase… Then there was a drake and there was fire, and the next thing I knew, I was in the forest, far away from the site of the battle, and Stella was in my arms, sobbing. That was when I came to: everything that had happened came crashing back to me. It wasn’t just the events of that last battle, either. Everything I had done over the past few weeks came in like a tidal wave and bowled me right over. The people I’d met, the challenges I’d faced, the mistakes I’d made, the bridges I’d burned, everything. I’m a thief. I’m not supposed to feel guilt, and I never have, but for some reason I couldn’t help feeling the weight of it all bearing down on me.
Strangely enough, it was the wetness of Stella’s tears seeping through my tunic that made me snap out of it.
We left the forest together. I don’t know how the battle ended, but Stella’s father had just tried to rip open a hole between the Planes. If we wanted to stay safe it was better that we just hightail it outta there. I led the way to a nearby town, and well, that’s where we are now. I found us a room at a small inn. Stella’s asleep now; I let her take the bed. She needs her rest more than I do mine. I don’t know how long we can stay, though. Word about what happened on the hill is gonna get around one way or another, and even then, I’m sure my former colleagues are still after my hide. I wish I knew where to go. If my old home was safe I’d her there, but it’s not. It probable won’t be for a while. I know enough of the area to know what places would be comfortable, but it’s only a matter of time before the whole “trying to open an inter-dimensional hole” business makes its way to all the surrounding villages. If it were just me on the run things would be better. I’m used to this kind of thing. Thing is, though, I’ve got the girl to worry about, and I can’t just leave her. Stella doesn’t know this world, and like it or not, I’m the only one she’s got to teach her about it.
It’s weird how responsible I feel for this girl. See, I don’t do responsibility. It ties you down, and if there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s being tied to something. I like my freedom just fine, thanks. At the same time, though, I can’t bring myself to abandon her. When I look at Stella I don’t see a woman, and I don’t see a mage who could very easily kill me; crazy as it sounds, what I see is a child. I see the same child that I was 75 years ago, lost and alone in a world that can’t understand them and sure as hell doesn’t want them. I was lucky enough I got found by someone who cared, and right now, I want to be that person for Stella. I can’t replace her real father, and I don't want to, but I sure as hell make this world a brighter place for her. It’s the least I can do.
But yeah, again I’m back to “what now?” I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t abandon Stella, but at the same time… I don’t know what to do. I’m used to being on my own. Even when I was with the Gnome and the others I acted on my own. Yeah, we worked together, but there was no connection there-- I remained my own person. With Stella it’s different. I’ve opened myself up, and now I’m stuck. I can’t deal with being this connected to someone. I guess it goes along with the whole “hate being tied down” deal, only now it’s personal. I’ve never had to deal with anything like it before, and to be honest, having to learn to do that scares the hell out of me. I just don’t know how to do it. I don’t know the words or the actions that will help her. I don’t know how to say “Everything’s going to be okay.” I mean, I can say it, but it never sounds right; everything comes out shallow and meaningless.
I guess the best thing now is to just stay with her. She looks so fragile, just lying there on the bed-- Her cheeks are still red and wet from crying, tangled golden hair strewn messily around her like a nest. I hope whatever dreams she’s having are peaceful ones. Her waking hours have been painful enough. One thing’s for sure, though: When she wakes up she won’t be alone. I may not know what’s in store, but I’ll be damned before I let the future scare me off.
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