(no subject)
I haven't written in here in soooo long!!
I figured now would be as good a time as any....I feel like crap...just in essence
Everything about me right now is crap. I can't concentrate on school... and I just don't want to care anymore
I want to just not study for these fucking midterms and just not care. But I can't do it...but I still can't physically make myself do it right now.
I'm emotionally exhausted and drained and I feel like I have no one to give anything back to me (emotionally that is).
I discovered the worst feeling in the world too today (with the help of my mom for pointing it out). The worst feeling is feeling alone when you're around people...or have people around you. The WORST feeling ever.
That's pretty much how I've been living for the last year (school year). I'm living with two people and I've never been lonelier.
I'm trying to figure out whether it's my fault that I have very few friends...or at least few friends that I can rely on.. I mean, I have plenty of acquaintances that I talk to every now and again, but I truly feel I have very few people I can confide in, or who actually would be there for me. And it confuses me so much because people are always telling me "oh, everyone loves you, everyone thinks you're so cool!", and yet I have no one to confide in... And again, is it my fault? Is there a step I'm missing?
I guess I have no idea how to make friends honestly!! or I mean, how to take an acquaintance and make them a friend who you actually hang out with. I feel that at university, just going to classes, it's hard to make friends. I mean, I could be in 8 different classes in a year and have totally new people in each. And if I end up talking to someone, it rarely leaves the classroom.
I don't know! I'm just in such a blah state.....ugh!
I feel like this is some sort of terrible cycle. Anyways.
I want to go away and be a hermit, and just say fuck it to everyone. Yep, EVERYONE, that means you. The song Sittin on the Dock of the Bay is how I want my life to be.
Oh man, if I said the things I thought about some people in my life...hahahahaha. Oh how I wish I had the guts to tell people where to get off.
I figured now would be as good a time as any....I feel like crap...just in essence
Everything about me right now is crap. I can't concentrate on school... and I just don't want to care anymore
I want to just not study for these fucking midterms and just not care. But I can't do it...but I still can't physically make myself do it right now.
I'm emotionally exhausted and drained and I feel like I have no one to give anything back to me (emotionally that is).
I discovered the worst feeling in the world too today (with the help of my mom for pointing it out). The worst feeling is feeling alone when you're around people...or have people around you. The WORST feeling ever.
That's pretty much how I've been living for the last year (school year). I'm living with two people and I've never been lonelier.
I'm trying to figure out whether it's my fault that I have very few friends...or at least few friends that I can rely on.. I mean, I have plenty of acquaintances that I talk to every now and again, but I truly feel I have very few people I can confide in, or who actually would be there for me. And it confuses me so much because people are always telling me "oh, everyone loves you, everyone thinks you're so cool!", and yet I have no one to confide in... And again, is it my fault? Is there a step I'm missing?
I guess I have no idea how to make friends honestly!! or I mean, how to take an acquaintance and make them a friend who you actually hang out with. I feel that at university, just going to classes, it's hard to make friends. I mean, I could be in 8 different classes in a year and have totally new people in each. And if I end up talking to someone, it rarely leaves the classroom.
I don't know! I'm just in such a blah state.....ugh!
I feel like this is some sort of terrible cycle. Anyways.
I want to go away and be a hermit, and just say fuck it to everyone. Yep, EVERYONE, that means you. The song Sittin on the Dock of the Bay is how I want my life to be.
Oh man, if I said the things I thought about some people in my life...hahahahaha. Oh how I wish I had the guts to tell people where to get off.