....

[sabbic]

well i don't where to begin. i broke up with martin a week ago. at alomst our 1 year anniversary, we had spent four of those months apart. it was so hard, and i loved him and missed him so much. but after all those weeks, i was like i am 17 years old, is this what i really want? i have thought about it, and re-thought about it and after losing sleep from thinking about it, (those of you who know me, know that i do very little thinking) i have come to the same conclusion. i love him still, but i am not IN LOVE with him. and to me there is a difference. i don't know about other people, but there is to me. i mean, like when i used to to look at his picture, i would just start to smile uncontrollably, or when his number showed up on the caller ID. but now when either of those things happen, it just doesn't make happy any more. ya kno that quote: don't cry because its over, smile because it happened?" well that is my relationship with martin. and if in the future things work about between me and martin, i'm all for it, but right now, i don't love as much as he deserves. i am not good enough for him and i am afraid i wouldn't be able to love him the way he needs. martin if you read this before i call you, please call me. and remember you will always be in heart, no matter where you are or who you are with.

that is from lisa's journal i think that pretty much tells you how i feel right now dont you think?