What you missed -- THE CRAZY ME
Okay, so I have been gone from the World of Livejournal for months. It’s hardly because nothing exciting is happening in my life. It’s just that I’m too lazy to even bother to write about them. Well, I have told so many people about my adventures but I guess talking is so much easier than writing for me. Perhaps, that’s because I’m loquacious by nature to begin with. All I do is talk and I swear, I know I can talk the whole night if I choose to. Even my boyfriend suffers from the curse of “Cecile’s Non-Stop Blabbering” all the time. He always complains about how, for some reason, my energy seems to peak in the middle of the night, and how I never fail to spoil his good night sleep by choosing to wake him up for a chat or a discussion that will lead to an argument that will lead to a bitter bickering. Then both of us get the shitz after the conversation. Not just that, I also have this terrible urge of calling people at the worst times of the night. Yes, I give Jimmy a buzz on the mobile or his landline from around 11:00 in the evening, to say, 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. I don’t even understand it myself. I guess I’m really nocturnal an sometimes, I forget that not everyone’s a vampire like me. Hay.. Silly Cecile!
Even my siblings think I talk too much and they laugh at me all the time.. For being too erhm.. talkative. And I’m such a loud-mouth that I tend to say things out loud without even thinking about the consequences of them. It’s a thin line between frankness and tactlessness. God! And when I talk, I feel like everyone’s head turns to my direction because I’m just just too f***ing boisterous. The funny thing is I don’t seem to run out of things to talk about and sometimes, I don’t even feel ashamed to talk about personal things. It’s not like I’m totally Kris Aquino but the truth is, I just don’t really think I have much to hide. This is what I am and I have always been passionate, open and opinionated. Excuse me if I have a whip for a tongue but I will tell you what I think. My friends know me so well. When they go to me to talk about problems etc, I always ask them why they’re telling me such things because if they want my advice, I will tell them what they have to hear and not what they want to hear from me. Whapish! Hahaha. I won’t give people bullshit so I expect people to do the same to me.
I value honesty as much as I value my life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have never lied in my life. It’s not like I don’t lie at all, but if I could have a choice, I’d rather not. And I’d rather live my life truthfully. I want to be honest to myself. I like being myself. I am comfortable in my own shell and although there are still a lot of insecurities that I feel about my body, one thing is for sure. I am comfortable with who I am. I won’t pretend to be someone I am not. I try to write and do art but I know I’m not that good. I do believe I got so much potentials but I know that I also have a lot to improve on. I read a lot of books but I know I’m not so much of a bookworm, unlike my friends. I also like watching a lot of films and discussing them but I know that I am no film connoisseur. I think I am smart and I know that most of the time, I make more sense than a lot of people I know and do not know but I also know that there are other people out there who are a lot smarter than me. Some of them are my friends. I think I’m strong and brave but I know I have a lot of fears in my life. One of them is the fear of uncertainties and the inability to fully control things, especially my future. I may not be the prettiest and sexiest girl alive but I know I am beautiful, and most of all, I am sizzling hot. Hahaha. After all, I consider “confidence” as a euphemism for “hotness.” I am not a sporty person. I can swim but not competitively. Throw me in the ocean and I’ll probably drown, especially that I am prone to getting cramps. I can run quickly but I hate running. I love eating. I once committed myself to finding the best siomai in the world. I shall one day start traveling around Asia (or maybe just travel around China) and find where the best siomai is. I love shopping for funky bargains and I am so good at it. People are shocked by how much my finds are. I am an official cheapskate fashionista. I am lazy but I am responsible. If I could sleep the whole day, I would. I can be a neat freak and get paranoid about germs but I have a messy room. But mind you, there is a distinct and strong sense of order in my chaotic life. That’s something I am proud of. I sometimes feel I am too mature for my age but I also feel that I am going to be a kid forever deep inside. I like talking to myself and that’s how I developed my English. In fact, I always have good conversations with myself because both of “us” are highly articulate and opinionated, or just plain silly sometimes. Hahaha. I can be ego-centric. I talk a lot about myself but that’s mainly because I really think I am an interesting subject and not a lot of people seem to complain about it. I actually think that they are intrigued and that they feel the same. If they don’t, well, what do I lose by talking? Reputation? As mentioned somewhere in the clutter of words above, I am a very open person. What you see is what you get.
So what’s the point of this entry? I don’t know. Go figure! Bloody hell! I don’t have to tell you people that. I would like to think that whoever bothers to read this entry is smart enough to comprehend what I’m writing to say here. I trust in you, kids. May the forces of our universe be with us all.