Disappointment and forgetfullness
I've been thinking of many things. I remembered how when Nadine came from Switzerland all those years ago, how excited I was... Alas... things never go the way you think they will. I was expecting her to be able to speak english, to be amiable and excited to be here. She wasn't. She apparently cried herself to sleep every night, she never told me. When she was finally going home, she opened up more than she had during the month she had been there. I wish I had had the ability to help her more... and I wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in my own little world.
Then there's an exceedingly large amount of people, whom i've considered friends who have betrayed me... to some extent. There's one's whom you consider so close to family that when they do betray you it hurts more than you thought possible. We were at one time best friends, even sisters. She never told me she was hurting, I guess I should have seen it... I recognize the signs now... too late now isn't it. Why she couldn't tell me I'll never understand. Yes I have very strong opinions, but that doesn't mean I won't put then aside to comfort you and be there for you. Hell I'll drop everything, doesn't matter that I am hundreds of Miles away, or that I have an exam the next day (like I do now). She wouldn't and still won't accept that I care no matter what.
My opinions have always gotten me shunned. Some times I can be very arrogant and I can even be a Bitch, BUT!!! No one has the right to call me as such to my face. even my sister won't. Fine tell me that what I said offended you, I'll make amends and appologize. However... if you have thin skin, you have been warned. Choosing someone you've just started going out with (merely because you're so desparate to have someone) over a friendship will not get you any brownie points from me.... To many times has that happened.
I wonder what it would be like to be far away from everything you've ever known and then to loose your memory...
If you loose your memory... well what i'm wondering is if from the time you've lost your memory to the point that they return, do those new memories disappear after you get the old ones back? could you possibly forget what has been happening to you before you get your memories back?
Sometimes I just want to leave and start over somewhere. Especailly now during my Senior year of College... I've already racked up quiet a loan debt...
Half my dreams have been crushed by college or the people I've met there. I'm slowly loosing sight of what it means to live... I look at pictures of my self from High school, with my little "family" and how carefree I used to be. My parents and my sister and a few other people have great faith in me and my choices, but sometimes I wonder if their faith isn't justly put.
Lack of hope in this life or the people in it is slowly bringing me down... I try to keep my self happy in this life, and in the choices I've made, but... ahh that infamous "but".. There's always an exception to the rule, It doesn't matter what it is. We only acknowledge 3 dimensions, but time is of the essence as is space....
Except from Kendall Payne's Scratch
How do you dream
When you can't fall asleep?
I used to think I was special
And only I have proved me wrong
.....
The strangest place I think
I have ever been
And all this time
I thought that we were friends
My stubborn will is learning to bend
Well it's time to go to sleep so I can get up and study again in the morning... Stupid exam and stupid Aussie Prof.( university of Melbourne... just looked it up...) ASS!!
Then there's an exceedingly large amount of people, whom i've considered friends who have betrayed me... to some extent. There's one's whom you consider so close to family that when they do betray you it hurts more than you thought possible. We were at one time best friends, even sisters. She never told me she was hurting, I guess I should have seen it... I recognize the signs now... too late now isn't it. Why she couldn't tell me I'll never understand. Yes I have very strong opinions, but that doesn't mean I won't put then aside to comfort you and be there for you. Hell I'll drop everything, doesn't matter that I am hundreds of Miles away, or that I have an exam the next day (like I do now). She wouldn't and still won't accept that I care no matter what.
My opinions have always gotten me shunned. Some times I can be very arrogant and I can even be a Bitch, BUT!!! No one has the right to call me as such to my face. even my sister won't. Fine tell me that what I said offended you, I'll make amends and appologize. However... if you have thin skin, you have been warned. Choosing someone you've just started going out with (merely because you're so desparate to have someone) over a friendship will not get you any brownie points from me.... To many times has that happened.
I wonder what it would be like to be far away from everything you've ever known and then to loose your memory...
If you loose your memory... well what i'm wondering is if from the time you've lost your memory to the point that they return, do those new memories disappear after you get the old ones back? could you possibly forget what has been happening to you before you get your memories back?
Sometimes I just want to leave and start over somewhere. Especailly now during my Senior year of College... I've already racked up quiet a loan debt...
Half my dreams have been crushed by college or the people I've met there. I'm slowly loosing sight of what it means to live... I look at pictures of my self from High school, with my little "family" and how carefree I used to be. My parents and my sister and a few other people have great faith in me and my choices, but sometimes I wonder if their faith isn't justly put.
Lack of hope in this life or the people in it is slowly bringing me down... I try to keep my self happy in this life, and in the choices I've made, but... ahh that infamous "but".. There's always an exception to the rule, It doesn't matter what it is. We only acknowledge 3 dimensions, but time is of the essence as is space....
Except from Kendall Payne's Scratch
How do you dream
When you can't fall asleep?
I used to think I was special
And only I have proved me wrong
.....
The strangest place I think
I have ever been
And all this time
I thought that we were friends
My stubborn will is learning to bend
Well it's time to go to sleep so I can get up and study again in the morning... Stupid exam and stupid Aussie Prof.( university of Melbourne... just looked it up...) ASS!!