Fic: All that Matters | DCU | Dick/Jason/Tim, Roy, Lian, etc | PG | 1/1
Title: All that Matters
Fandom: DCU
Characters/Pairings: Dick/Jason/Tim, Dick/Roy, Lian, Bruce, Alfred
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,660
Prompt: For dcu_freeforall: T11;P16: Belong; For 50_darkfics: #38: Outcast
Summary: It's Thanksgiving at the Manor, but Jason doesn't feel like he belongs.
Disclaimer: DC and WB own it all. I own nothing. Darnit.
Author's Notes: As if there was ever a fic more indicative of the author's current mood... and it didn't even really help cheer me up to write this. Buh. Maybe it'll work when I read it again later. Anyway, this is in no particular 'verse, and is nestled somewhere in some nebulous pseudo-canon. Also written for bradygirl_12's 2008 DCU Fic/Art Family Winter Holidays Challenge.
All that Matters
Standing by the picture window in the large family room of the Manor, Jason gazed at the scene outside, his arms crossed over his chest and his mouth tight. In the sprawling garden, dried leaves swirled about in the wind while Dick, Roy, and Lian chased them merrily, laughing and teasing one another, having fun. He wasn't part of it. Never really could be. But....
A light hand falling on the center of his back drew his attention away from the easy play of the makeshift family, and he resisted a startle, breathing in sharply through his nostrils. Turning his head, he found Tim close beside him.
"What's wrong?" his younger brother asked, voice quiet as the laughter from outside drifted in.
Jay clenched his jaw for a moment, not sure how to answer, then turned to gaze outside again and said, "I... don't belong."
"Of course you belong. It's Thanksgiving," Tim insisted, looking confused.
"The date doesn't make it true. Dick has them, and I... I'm useless here." He wasn't sure why he was confessing any of this to his brother, but he had come a long way in opening up with his family since they'd welcomed him back into the fold. Maybe it was a natural progression. He didn't know.
"Jay... you're not useless," Tim started with an exasperated sigh. "And Roy and Lian understand about Dick. They don't want to take him away from us." It was an old argument with the three of them, that Jay felt insecure about Dick having two families, but Tim had thought they were past that. "He's not abandoning us."
"No, no, that's not...." Jay shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a while. "I know that. I just...." He worked his jaw again, then sighed, "I'll never have that. Not them, specifically, I mean, but... look how happy they are. I'm not part of that."
Tim scowled at him, glancing briefly at the scene outside for a moment. "You do have that," he insisted. "Lian's your niece, remember? Or have you forgotten being the one that was there when Roy saw her for the first time?"
"I...." But there wasn't anything Jason could really say to that. Tim was right, of course, but that didn't undo all the years of anger and spite and being on the outside of all this that still haunted him in the darkness. He felt like he was perpetually standing on the other side of the window from all of them, from his family, from happiness. He didn't belong. He had nothing to offer them.
Beside him, Tim sighed again, "Jason... come on, let's go." Grabbing Jay by a hand, he pulled him away from the window.
"Wha--?"
"Outside," Tim cut him off with a quick kiss, dragging him to get their coats and head out to the garden. "No more wallowing in your own self-pity."
Clinging to his self-pity despite orders to the contrary, Jason let himself be led out into the cold Gotham November.
* * * * *
"Hey, Uncle Jason!" Lian beamed, throwing her arms around his legs as he and Tim finally got outside. "You gotta help defend me against Daddy and Uncle Dick. They keep tryin' to put leaves down my shirt and my coat!" she mock pouted.
"Oh, they do, huh?" he smirked back, his dark mood eased just a tiny bit with her bright welcome.
She nodded vigorously, even as Roy was trying to sneak up behind her with a handful of leaves. "Uh-huh. It's time for a little payback!"
"Payback, huh? Well, that I can do," Jay agreed, lifting her up and out of Roy's reach just as he was getting close. Lian squealed and giggled, and when he put her down, the melee turned into an all-out leaf fight.
Jay managed to help Lian get leaves down both Dick's and Roy's shirts, and the resulting whirlwind looked like a miniature tornado had come through. It was... Jay was reluctant to admit it was fun, but by the time Alfred called them all in for Thanksgiving dinner, he was out of breath from all the activity and--dare he think it?--laughter.
On the way inside, Dick grabbed him around the waist from behind and rested his head on Jay's shoulder. "You feel any better, crankypants?"
Copying Lian's mock-pout, Jay answered, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Suuuure...." Dick said, teasing him. "Tim said you were being a grumpy-butt, talking about how you didn't belong. Hogwash, I say."
At that, Jason stopped in the hallway and turned in Dick's grasp to face him, wrapping his arms around his other lover as his mood darkened again. "Hmph. You try bein' in my shoes for a day, then we'll talk."
"Been there, little brother. I know what it's like," Dick responded, serious. Before Jay could counter that, he pulled him closer and stopped him with a kiss.
Damn, but Dick's kisses were brain-melting. Completely losing his train of thought, Jay had to resist pressing in tightly and thrusting his hips at him, knowing Lian might see them. Pulling back after a long moment, he groused, "Damn you, Grayson."
"Heh, you love me and you know it," he smirked in return.
Jason grumbled halfheartedly all the way to the dining room, still not really feeling much better.
* * * * *
Seated around the table covered with an aromatic feast that no man could say 'no' to, the family took turns saying what they were thankful for, starting with Bruce, and moving around the table. It was a tradition Jay had never really gotten used to, but then, this was only his first Thanksgiving back with them, so at least he had an excuse for his mild discomfort. The fact that each of them so far had listed him as something they were thankful for didn't help. Or rather, it only made him want to crawl under the table and disappear. He just... didn't understand.
Why were they thankful for him? He didn't exactly have anything to offer them. Except maybe peace of mind that he wasn't out there killing people anymore. Okay, so, yeah, maybe they were genuinely glad to have him back, and maybe Dick and Tim really did love him, like they claimed, and maybe Lian was excited to have her Uncle Jay around, but that still didn't mean he was contributing anything. He wasn't part of the hero scene anymore, not after his disastrous trip around the multiverse, anyway. He didn't have anything to add to the upkeep of either the Manor or the apartment in New York. And he sure as hell didn't have a job to speak of. Dick had the Cloisters to run, Tim was doing freelance photography, Alfred was Alfred, and Bruce... well, Bruce was independently wealthy, and running Wayne Enterprises, to boot. Jay was no better than a leech.
Hating himself, he wished he could slink off and die. So much so, that he didn't even notice they'd finally come around to him, and six pairs of eyes were fixed on him, waiting.
"Jason?" Tim nudged him with an elbow. "Your turn."
His head snapped up as he came back to reality. "Oh. Uh...." He didn't know what to say. He was thankful for being allowed to be a leech? For being able to butt in on their happy family time when he still didn't belong?
But then he saw the look on Lian's face from across the table, the utter adoration that sparkled in those brown eyes as she waited to hear what he had to say. And beside her, the look on Dick's face, his private smile for Jay beneath bright blue eyes. And at the end of the table, Bruce, whose heart Jason could practically hear pounding with anticipation. And, Tim, to Jay's left, with his dark hair falling down over expectant eyes. And even Alfred, waiting patiently at the other end of the table, and Roy, wearing that patented Arrow smirk.
And Jason felt his heart tear itself to shreds.
"I... I'm thankful..." he started, fighting a sudden ache in his chest and lump in his throat, "that you all wanted me back. That... that you let me come back. Even if I am a complete deadbeat and a downer. And I'm thankful... that I'm not a complete whack job anymore."
Bruce spoke up from his end of the table, "We're all glad to have you back, Jason, and especially glad that you're whole again. And you don't ever have to contribute a damn thing, you know that. All that matter is that you're here."
At that, the feeling of wanting to slip away and throttle himself eased unexpectedly, and Jason took a deep breath. "Thank you," he replied quietly.
Lian beamed at him from across the table. "And I'm glad you're not crazy anymore, too, Uncle Jay. This way, you can teach me all sorts of Bat stuff that Uncle Dick won't teach me yet, and we can watch movies and stuff while Daddy and Uncle Dick go off to have alone time. And see, that wasn't so hard!"
Jason just couldn't suppress a chuckle along with everyone else, his heart clenching with gladness and gratitude he hadn't even realized were there. Leave it to the littlest one to be able to break the tension and make him feel like maybe he wasn't the biggest loser in the world. "I guess not," he replied at last, smiling faintly.
Around him, the family got back to eating their Thanksgiving dinner, with smiles, laughs, and light conversation filling the room on top of the sounds of forks and knives clinking on plates and requests for the basket of rolls and second helpings of turkey and stuffing, and after a while the lingering ache in Jay's chest eased with the meal and the lighthearted family time. He still wasn't completely convinced that he really belonged--it would take a long time, he knew--but this was a start. It was a good start.
Beside him, Tim leaned close and whispered in his ear, "I told you so. You're one of us, whether you like it or not."
Jay gave a short chuckle. "Yeah. I guess I am."
* * * * *
Fandom: DCU
Characters/Pairings: Dick/Jason/Tim, Dick/Roy, Lian, Bruce, Alfred
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,660
Prompt: For dcu_freeforall: T11;P16: Belong; For 50_darkfics: #38: Outcast
Summary: It's Thanksgiving at the Manor, but Jason doesn't feel like he belongs.
Disclaimer: DC and WB own it all. I own nothing. Darnit.
Author's Notes: As if there was ever a fic more indicative of the author's current mood... and it didn't even really help cheer me up to write this. Buh. Maybe it'll work when I read it again later. Anyway, this is in no particular 'verse, and is nestled somewhere in some nebulous pseudo-canon. Also written for bradygirl_12's 2008 DCU Fic/Art Family Winter Holidays Challenge.
All that Matters
Standing by the picture window in the large family room of the Manor, Jason gazed at the scene outside, his arms crossed over his chest and his mouth tight. In the sprawling garden, dried leaves swirled about in the wind while Dick, Roy, and Lian chased them merrily, laughing and teasing one another, having fun. He wasn't part of it. Never really could be. But....
A light hand falling on the center of his back drew his attention away from the easy play of the makeshift family, and he resisted a startle, breathing in sharply through his nostrils. Turning his head, he found Tim close beside him.
"What's wrong?" his younger brother asked, voice quiet as the laughter from outside drifted in.
Jay clenched his jaw for a moment, not sure how to answer, then turned to gaze outside again and said, "I... don't belong."
"Of course you belong. It's Thanksgiving," Tim insisted, looking confused.
"The date doesn't make it true. Dick has them, and I... I'm useless here." He wasn't sure why he was confessing any of this to his brother, but he had come a long way in opening up with his family since they'd welcomed him back into the fold. Maybe it was a natural progression. He didn't know.
"Jay... you're not useless," Tim started with an exasperated sigh. "And Roy and Lian understand about Dick. They don't want to take him away from us." It was an old argument with the three of them, that Jay felt insecure about Dick having two families, but Tim had thought they were past that. "He's not abandoning us."
"No, no, that's not...." Jay shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a while. "I know that. I just...." He worked his jaw again, then sighed, "I'll never have that. Not them, specifically, I mean, but... look how happy they are. I'm not part of that."
Tim scowled at him, glancing briefly at the scene outside for a moment. "You do have that," he insisted. "Lian's your niece, remember? Or have you forgotten being the one that was there when Roy saw her for the first time?"
"I...." But there wasn't anything Jason could really say to that. Tim was right, of course, but that didn't undo all the years of anger and spite and being on the outside of all this that still haunted him in the darkness. He felt like he was perpetually standing on the other side of the window from all of them, from his family, from happiness. He didn't belong. He had nothing to offer them.
Beside him, Tim sighed again, "Jason... come on, let's go." Grabbing Jay by a hand, he pulled him away from the window.
"Wha--?"
"Outside," Tim cut him off with a quick kiss, dragging him to get their coats and head out to the garden. "No more wallowing in your own self-pity."
Clinging to his self-pity despite orders to the contrary, Jason let himself be led out into the cold Gotham November.
* * * * *
"Hey, Uncle Jason!" Lian beamed, throwing her arms around his legs as he and Tim finally got outside. "You gotta help defend me against Daddy and Uncle Dick. They keep tryin' to put leaves down my shirt and my coat!" she mock pouted.
"Oh, they do, huh?" he smirked back, his dark mood eased just a tiny bit with her bright welcome.
She nodded vigorously, even as Roy was trying to sneak up behind her with a handful of leaves. "Uh-huh. It's time for a little payback!"
"Payback, huh? Well, that I can do," Jay agreed, lifting her up and out of Roy's reach just as he was getting close. Lian squealed and giggled, and when he put her down, the melee turned into an all-out leaf fight.
Jay managed to help Lian get leaves down both Dick's and Roy's shirts, and the resulting whirlwind looked like a miniature tornado had come through. It was... Jay was reluctant to admit it was fun, but by the time Alfred called them all in for Thanksgiving dinner, he was out of breath from all the activity and--dare he think it?--laughter.
On the way inside, Dick grabbed him around the waist from behind and rested his head on Jay's shoulder. "You feel any better, crankypants?"
Copying Lian's mock-pout, Jay answered, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Suuuure...." Dick said, teasing him. "Tim said you were being a grumpy-butt, talking about how you didn't belong. Hogwash, I say."
At that, Jason stopped in the hallway and turned in Dick's grasp to face him, wrapping his arms around his other lover as his mood darkened again. "Hmph. You try bein' in my shoes for a day, then we'll talk."
"Been there, little brother. I know what it's like," Dick responded, serious. Before Jay could counter that, he pulled him closer and stopped him with a kiss.
Damn, but Dick's kisses were brain-melting. Completely losing his train of thought, Jay had to resist pressing in tightly and thrusting his hips at him, knowing Lian might see them. Pulling back after a long moment, he groused, "Damn you, Grayson."
"Heh, you love me and you know it," he smirked in return.
Jason grumbled halfheartedly all the way to the dining room, still not really feeling much better.
* * * * *
Seated around the table covered with an aromatic feast that no man could say 'no' to, the family took turns saying what they were thankful for, starting with Bruce, and moving around the table. It was a tradition Jay had never really gotten used to, but then, this was only his first Thanksgiving back with them, so at least he had an excuse for his mild discomfort. The fact that each of them so far had listed him as something they were thankful for didn't help. Or rather, it only made him want to crawl under the table and disappear. He just... didn't understand.
Why were they thankful for him? He didn't exactly have anything to offer them. Except maybe peace of mind that he wasn't out there killing people anymore. Okay, so, yeah, maybe they were genuinely glad to have him back, and maybe Dick and Tim really did love him, like they claimed, and maybe Lian was excited to have her Uncle Jay around, but that still didn't mean he was contributing anything. He wasn't part of the hero scene anymore, not after his disastrous trip around the multiverse, anyway. He didn't have anything to add to the upkeep of either the Manor or the apartment in New York. And he sure as hell didn't have a job to speak of. Dick had the Cloisters to run, Tim was doing freelance photography, Alfred was Alfred, and Bruce... well, Bruce was independently wealthy, and running Wayne Enterprises, to boot. Jay was no better than a leech.
Hating himself, he wished he could slink off and die. So much so, that he didn't even notice they'd finally come around to him, and six pairs of eyes were fixed on him, waiting.
"Jason?" Tim nudged him with an elbow. "Your turn."
His head snapped up as he came back to reality. "Oh. Uh...." He didn't know what to say. He was thankful for being allowed to be a leech? For being able to butt in on their happy family time when he still didn't belong?
But then he saw the look on Lian's face from across the table, the utter adoration that sparkled in those brown eyes as she waited to hear what he had to say. And beside her, the look on Dick's face, his private smile for Jay beneath bright blue eyes. And at the end of the table, Bruce, whose heart Jason could practically hear pounding with anticipation. And, Tim, to Jay's left, with his dark hair falling down over expectant eyes. And even Alfred, waiting patiently at the other end of the table, and Roy, wearing that patented Arrow smirk.
And Jason felt his heart tear itself to shreds.
"I... I'm thankful..." he started, fighting a sudden ache in his chest and lump in his throat, "that you all wanted me back. That... that you let me come back. Even if I am a complete deadbeat and a downer. And I'm thankful... that I'm not a complete whack job anymore."
Bruce spoke up from his end of the table, "We're all glad to have you back, Jason, and especially glad that you're whole again. And you don't ever have to contribute a damn thing, you know that. All that matter is that you're here."
At that, the feeling of wanting to slip away and throttle himself eased unexpectedly, and Jason took a deep breath. "Thank you," he replied quietly.
Lian beamed at him from across the table. "And I'm glad you're not crazy anymore, too, Uncle Jay. This way, you can teach me all sorts of Bat stuff that Uncle Dick won't teach me yet, and we can watch movies and stuff while Daddy and Uncle Dick go off to have alone time. And see, that wasn't so hard!"
Jason just couldn't suppress a chuckle along with everyone else, his heart clenching with gladness and gratitude he hadn't even realized were there. Leave it to the littlest one to be able to break the tension and make him feel like maybe he wasn't the biggest loser in the world. "I guess not," he replied at last, smiling faintly.
Around him, the family got back to eating their Thanksgiving dinner, with smiles, laughs, and light conversation filling the room on top of the sounds of forks and knives clinking on plates and requests for the basket of rolls and second helpings of turkey and stuffing, and after a while the lingering ache in Jay's chest eased with the meal and the lighthearted family time. He still wasn't completely convinced that he really belonged--it would take a long time, he knew--but this was a start. It was a good start.
Beside him, Tim leaned close and whispered in his ear, "I told you so. You're one of us, whether you like it or not."
Jay gave a short chuckle. "Yeah. I guess I am."
* * * * *