Lamont && I
As I sit here and wait for his answer via text message, I try to image any answer I might get to the question I just asked him. It's hard to think that I might be the most stupidest girl on the planet to feel this way. I mean he means the world to me and I love him so much. I don't know it's weird. Even though I feel so lost and in love, I still want so bad to be by his side. But still after endless waiting and acting a fool I still have nothing to show for it. All my hard work and dedication has gotten me no where. I have been trying endlessly for a good 6 plus months to prove to this boy that he has my whole heart and nothing less. It infuriates me to know that I really am the whole reason why we are not together right now. I mean if I would have just kept my fucking mouth shut we wouldnt be in this mess and my heart wouldnt be a million pieces right now. I can only complain so much until it becomes a broken record that is playing in constant repeat in my mind. We have such a great mind blowing time. I seriously didnt think I would be having such a wonderful time with a BOY much less an ex. Its amazing how beautiful he makes me feel. Its so strange to call him my best friend even though thats what he is. I guess in all reality Im more afraid of that changing our relationship from the ex boyfriend-girlfriend status that we held. To the safe status of just friends. I pray with everything in my little heart and soul that it will never fall to that level. I mean I have enough of just friends. I want a lover. I want that guy who makes me smile at my hearts content. After so much we have been through I cant believe he just wants to put a pause on things. This isnt tevo, there is no pause in life. I have gotten in endless trouble with my parents for him, and still he just wants to be friends. I mean I defiantly dont want to throw away a good year and a half of relations but, I dont know what to do. Hes changed so much over the time that Ive known him. Im hoping and wishing love changed him for the best. I love him so much. I dont know if I should wait and wonder what his next move is going to be, or just pack up and leave.