Bonus fic 2: Toxic
Title: Toxic
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, future, angst
Summary: Masaki is closed, caring only for his little brother Jun and accepting his only friend Sho. Sakurai secretly loves Aiba but the past will haunt them... Freely based on manga Acid town
A/N: My dearest syunikiss1990, I do hope you like it. Maybe it's not as sweet as you wished for, but I do hope you will enjoy it. Thank you so much for helping me with this project *hugs*
P.S.: Jun here is not MJ.
Toxic. Everything is toxic, just like the air outside the city. Take one step outside the walls and you're dead. But it's not better within city either. Gangs' wars are ruling the streets. You're lucky if you have a safe place to spend the night and some soup so you can kill the hunger. Friends? No, you can't afford that. You can't trust anyone, not in this reality. Aiba Masaki had somebody who he could call his friend, though. Sakurai Sho, a boy who found him long time ago, when he needed help for his little brother Jun. And he showed his gratitude by dragging him in this shit.
"Earth to Masaki... Are you okay?" Sho asked shyly, waving his hand right in front of the latter's eyes.
"Y-yes... I am going to the hospital." Aiba didn't even smile when he was putting on his jacket.
"Want me to go with you? I didn't see Jun for a while..."
"No... I am going to see him after, remember?" Masaki scolded Sakurai and sighed loudly. He looked tired and somehow soaked with sadness and Sho couldn't do anything to cheer him up. It was the routine already. Every Friday, at the same time Aiba was leaving their room and heading to the yakuza office for a weekly meeting with Hyodou-san, one of the bosses. This was a punishment for something both of them did few months ago.
The taller man was desperate to help his sick little brother, Jun, so he decided to steal some money for the treatment and hospitalization. The choice he had made was the worst he could, but also the only one he was able to make. The only people who had such amount of money were gangs' bosses. Masaki choose yakuza, because even if they were cruel, at least when they killed you it would have some kind of decency. Unfortunately they got caught, but the boss had some mercy on them and promised to forgive their crime and even said he would pay for Jun's treatment but under one condition - Aiba would visit him once a week. Sho was left behind, just as if he was invisible. For both of them. Sakurai tried to get through all of this, but it was difficult to him, because for a long time now he felt something more to the latter than simple friendship. He didn't know exactly when this happened; he just realized that he fell for Masaki. It was the day of their crime and later events didn't allow him to make any move.
The sound of closing door woke Sho up and even if he wanted to say something, it was too late. His roommate left in the evening air, heading to his beloved younger brother and then... Then to hell... Of course Sakurai wasn't sure if Hyoudo forces Masaki to do some indecent things but even only that possibility made the slightly older man's stomach stir. What can he do to help the man he loved? How can he make that beautiful smile back on this angelic face? How can he protect him? Sho sighed and leaned back against the wall trying to think of a way to free Aiba from those meetings, but he couldn't find anything. He was only 20, just as his friend; that is not much when you have to face the world...
"You're trying too hard..." Sakurai whispered to himself and closed his eyes. Suddenly some urge to see Masaki hit him with a double strength. Without any particular reason he felt that he must see his roommate right this second or something bad would happen. It was so irrational but at the same time so real, that Sho ignored the voice of common sense, grabbed his jacket and ran out of the building. He was heading to the hospital, hoping he will still find Aiba there when the sky was cut with a thunder. Big rain drops hit his face just when he was in front of the high building, his destination point, and he sped up not to get wet. Deep inside he prayed for meeting with his beloved man but at the same time he was afraid of seeing him. What will he answer on question why is he here? Should he confess?
"Sakurai-kun?" A familiar voice startled Sakurai, so he jumped a bit, exhaling all the air he had in his lungs when he saw Masaki's younger brother.
"Jun, you scared me... How are you?" The older man smiles awkwardly and slowly followed the kid to the room. He was only 6 years old, but his face was as of a grownup. Masaki's brother sure had had experienced a lot in his short life and it was clearly visible, just as if the past marked him.
"I am better, I can take short walks already!" The boy smiled and climbed on a big hospital bed. "You came to see Masaki-niichan? He is talking to the doctor now but said he would come here to say goodbye. He brought me a new book!"
"That's really great Jun!" Sho smiled and sat on the chair next to the window, from where he could see clearly the door. He had some chitchat about something not important with the small patient when Aiba came inside and immediately their eyes locked.
"Sho? What are you doing here?" The taller one asked with a frown. It was the most obvious question that could be asked and still the latter didn't know what to say. Of course he knew the answer very well, but no way it could be said aloud that he is love with his roommate, at least not yet. For years Masaki was hiding himself in his thick shell, letting in only Sakurai, but even then the younger one was very careful. For years of their friendship Sho didn't know practically anything about the latter, only few things that couldn't be hidden, while the older one was quite open. He didn't have any secrets but he also didn't talk much about himself and his life before he met Masaki. Mostly because the latter cut the conversation whenever it started to flow in the inconvenient direction. When it was obvious that nobody would break the silence until Sakurai replies, he coughed and looked down.
"I wasn't here for a long time, so I thought I could come here and see Jun..."
"Why didn't you just come with me then?" Aiba frowned, as he always did when he started suspecting something's bad going on. Sho didn't know what to say, but fortunately he was saved by the nurse, who came in the room and politely asked them to leave, because the little patient has to rest. Masaki ruffled Jun's hair and promised to come soon again. The older one shook the boy's hand and left the room, slowly heading towards the exit of the building in silence. The man he loved walked two steps in front of him but Sakurai didn't have any courage to look at his back, nor say anything. He was just walking without a rush, knowing that soon he would have to turn in the opposite side and go back to their room. The older one wanted to take Aiba with him, hug him and never let go until the end of the world. Why it has to be so hard? Why can't he just freely admit he loves Masaki? Why....
"Ouch!!! Masaki, why did you stop?" Sho winced and rubbed his head while bumping on the latter. "Masaki, are you alright?!" Sakurai frowned, worried, looking at his friend's face which was now painted with terror and... hate? The younger one was staring at something in front of him and took few steps back, tripping on Sho's feet and almost falling back. The slightly shorter man turned his gaze on the thing which made the latter shocked. He saw a huge human-shaped mountain with scary eyes, pinned to Aiba.
"Long time no see, son..." The hill spoke with low and hoarse voice. The taller man shook his head and tried to catch some air. Sakurai tried to grasp anything from the situation that was going on now. The younger man shook his head, mumbled something incoherently and dashed towards Hyodou's office without looking back. Sho stood there, looking at the one that stayed and appeared to be a Masaki's father. For a longer while neither of them said a word, they were just staring at each other and just then Sakurai noticed the man had burns on his face and neck. Feeling that he is staying here for way too long already, Sho bowed almost unnoticeable and was about to head back home, when the latter stopped him.
"You're that pretty boy's... friend?" The man's hoarse voice made the younger one shiver. Sakurai didn't say any word, just nodded. Aiba's father started to laugh, which sounded more like a gargoyle's growl. "Nice! But be careful, ne? He is just a little whore, nothing more. Soon probably will want a cash from you for fucking him... And if you don't give that to him, he will do the same what he did to me... See that face?" The man moved two steps closer so the younger one could see the burns clearer. "It's all his work... Ungrateful bastard! I raised him as my own!"
"W-what did you say?!" Sho frowned and took a step forward, looking straight in the other's eyes, simply because the sight of his face made him sick. He didn't know practically a thing about his roommate's past, that was true, but somehow he couldn't believe in anything the man in front of him just said. How that can be true!?
"Oh, don't pretend you don't know! I was his pimp. Well... I was selling him, maybe that's the more proper saying..." The man laughed again and started to talk about how he was forcing Masaki to sleep with other men and women, not sparing Sakurai any dirty, disgusting detail and being proud of what he had done. Sho was quiet all the time, trying to get rid the shock out his system and make his legs moving. He should leave this place and check if Aiba is okay or just go back home and forget about the man but instead he was absorbing every word. Was it true? Was Masaki really abused by that scum?! The words were still coming from the man's lips and each one of them stung Sakurai as if it was a blade.
"Yeah, he surely was Chang's favorite play toy... I wonder if he want to take it back, now when I know where his Maa-chan is..." Aiba's father laughed and that was the spark that lit the fuse. Sho looked at the man in front of him but all he had in his mind was his roommate's face with no smile, just pain and sadness painted all over. Pictures of Masaki closing himself in his shell even tighter, jumping from fear when anybody touched him accidentally, pretending he is tougher than he is, just so people would leave him alone... Everything had sense now, everything was clear. It was this hideous man's fault. Aiba's behavior was a result of this guy's cruelty and if not him, the taller man would probably be smiling right now, like he did, just this once, on Jun's 7th birthday. Sho thought it was the most beautiful thing he could see in the entire world... It was destroyed by this monster and for that he deserved a punishment. While the older man kept talking trash about the man Sakurai loved, he took out his knife he always kept in his pocket for protection and threw himself at the latter. Everything happened so fast, that Sho thought it lasted less than a second. In fact he stabbed the man over a dozen times, mostly in his neck, just to make the other shut up. When the younger man got back to his senses and realized what he had done, he turned away slowly and started to walk back home. In this city nobody pays attention on people dying on the streets so Sakurai wasn't bothered by anyone. It probably looked like Sho was defending himself from some disgusting homeless guy who was a bit too importunate and had a bad luck.
He didn't know how long it took him to get to his room. He surely lost his way few times, still shaking from fear and anxiety. His mind didn't want to work normally, kept showing him bloody images. Finally, Sakurai recognized the area he was living in and dashed to his room, not even replying for greetings of the landlord. What has he done?! He killed a human being; no matter how scumbag he was, he was still a human. Sho leaned against the door and started to shiver. The man couldn't even take one step, afraid he would fall. When he looked down on his hands he wanted to scream, but something squeezed his throat he could barely breathe. Blood was everywhere, on his palms, shirt, shoes and even face proving him that everything that happened wasn't just a nightmare.
"I thought you got lost or got smart enough not to come back here..." Aiba's voice became louder and louder as the younger one came closer. "Sho?! W-what... Are you okay?! Where is that all blood from!?" Masaki gasped and came closer to the latter, trying to check if he is wounded. Sakurai used all of his strength and shuffled fast to the bathroom, wanting to get rid of the claret from his hands. He didn't say a word, focusing on forcing his body to stop shaking.
"Are you deaf? I asked if you are okay?!" Sho frowned, wondering if he really heard a concern in the other's voice.
"I am fine..." The slightly shorter one said quietly with hoarse voice. He was scrubbing his hands hard, even though they were already clean. Sakurai took off his shirt and threw it in the garbage bin.
"What happened... Did you get attacked?" Aiba didn't want to let it go. He was standing right in the bathroom's door, with his arms crossed on his chest and staring at the latter. It looked more like Masaki was scolding Sho for coming back late and now waited for any explanation. This irritated a bit the older man but he took a deep breath and just then dared to look up at the beloved face.
"I will tell you everything but not here, let's go to the room, okay? I need to sit down..." Sakurai pleaded and before the latter answered he was already heading to his own. He jumped on it and sighed loudly, trying to find the right words to confess his sin. Something told him that this can make things between then even harder, tougher and even more impossible than before...
"I... I killed him." Sho started, looking down on his own hands, trying to beat the urge to go back to the bathroom and look for a bleach. Masaki seemed to guess immediately who the other one was talking about, because he became pale and moved one step back.
"You did what?! How?! Why?! WHY?!" Sakurai didn't see the latter so upset or even angry before. In fact this was the first time when Aiba showed any kind of emotions and Sho was more shocked by that than by what happened next. The taller man closed the distance between them in one step and grabbed the collar of latter's shirt which Sakurai managed to put on himself on the way from the bathroom.
"Do you have any idea what have you done?! You know what will happen now?!"
"I got rid of a garbage who hurt you... I think that it's all that matters now..." The shorter man's voice was really quiet, as if all the strength he had disappeared. After a longer while of the silence he raised his gaze and looked at the latter just to see his white face, eyes widely open and such pain written in his pupils...
"You know... He told you..." Those weren't even questions, Aiba just stated it with the most cold and indifferent voice Sho had ever heard but his face showed something obviously different. Masaki was deadly scared, he even started to shiver, just like Sakurai did not so long ago. The older man didn't know what to do, so he didn't move for a while but when the other one didn't calm down, he did the only thing that came across his mind and which occurred to be a big mistake. Sho pulled the latter in his arms and pressed their lips together, trying to erase the fear from Aiba's face.
"I love you..." He whispered as he was gently spreading kisses all over Masaki's facet when suddenly he felt a strong slap on his left cheek.
"Don't you ever do that again." The taller one hissed is through his clenched teeth, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment even before the pain spread on Sakurai's face.
"Fuck!" Sho hit the pillow with his fist and groaned from anger. How could he be so careless after all the things he had heard?! Aiba must have felt betrayed and scared; after all his darkest and most painful secret has been revealed to a person whom he considered a friend. Moreover it leaked out in the worst possible way. And Sakurai just had to hear this little voice in his head who had told him that kissing Masaki is a very good idea... At this point the corpse the older one had left in one dark corner of the city didn't matter anymore. All anxiousness, fear, stress and shock was replaced with worry about the man he loved. Where did he go? And, most important, will he come back? Was it the last time Sho saw the taller man? Aiba was definitely able to go away just like that, without a word. Right now he could be on the other side of the wall, he was crazy enough to go there... On the other hand Sakurai's roommate had little brother he cared about and also the deal with Hyodou. It wasn't something that could be easily left behind, right? Many thoughts were fighting with each other in Sho's mind and none of them could win. He was worried, scared, angry, feeling guilty and suddenly extremely tired. Powerless, the older one fell on the pillow and in next second he fell asleep, trying to find Masaki in his dreams.
Sakurai didn't know how long he was sleeping and how come he woke up, covered well with a blanket. His head hurt mercilessly, pulsing with each blink he made; probably the light was too bright for his eyes which were closed apparently for quite long time.
"What time is it?" He asked his roommate, but just when the question left his throat, he remembered that Aiba is not there; that he escaped last night and probably won't come back...
"It's half past noon. You surely slept long..." A familiar, cold voice answered Sho and the slightly shorter man had to focus on the ache he was feeling, just to make sure he is not dreaming anymore. Sakurai wanted to say something but his mouth were dry and his tongue stuck to his palate, so his eyes started to look for a glass of water.
"Here..." Masaki gave him a PET bottle and sat on the edge of the bed, staring on the floor, concentrated on it's structure and apparently trying to find the right words to say the thing he wanted to say. For the longer while silence was filling the air in the room, not even disturbed by the usually ticking alarm clock.
"We need to talk, Sho-kun..." Aiba started, with slightly trembling voice. The latter wanted to hug him, or at least hold his hand but he just clenched his fists on the blanked instead, waiting for probably the most painful conversation in his life. This will be the end, won't it? When it became obvious the older one won't say a thing, the taller man continued after clearing his throat but his voice was quiet and weak.
"You heard... what I was doing before and I understand if you leave now. It would be the most reasonable decision, right?" Sakurai saw tears falling down the other man's face and his heart was pierced with millions ice needles. It was the first time Masaki was showing a real emotions, just as if the walls he was hiding behind started to crack and crumble. The older man wanted to pull his roommate in tight embrace, but he was afraid that Aiba is much more fragile right now and any touch will make him turn into dust. Meanwhile the taller one kept talking.
"... but you were the one who lived here first, so I will go again to Hyodou-san today and ask him for a place to stay. Don't worry, I will be fine. I always am."
"You were at Hyodou's office?" This was the stupidest question Sho could ask, but he couldn't get the courage to say anything else and he felt that he must say something, anything, to let the latter know he had listened to him. The latter snorted, smiling weakly and looked at the shorter man with his shiny, teary eyes.
"You have no idea what you had done, haven't you? This homeless guy wasn't just a tramp. Believe it or not, but he still was in Chang's gang. You can't even imagine what Chinese can do to you when you kill one of them... I asked Hyodou for protection for you. He said he will make it look like a fight between Chang's people. I believe he is capable of doing this..." Aiba looked down and took few deep breaths to calm down. It looked like he wanted to say something more, but he was afraid or just couldn't do it. This was the time for Sakurai to take the initiative.
"You are not going anywhere. Neither do I. I won't leave you, Masaki, I promise you that." Sho moved closer and gently took the latter's face in his hand, wiping the tears' traces off his cheeks. "Remember what I told you? I love you. I loved you for a long time now." The older one didn't know if he is doing the right thing but he wanted to confess everything now, when Aiba uncovered his heart. "I don't care if it takes a month, a year or decade... I will be with you, waiting for you to feel the same..."
"Sho, I... Thank you, but... I can't. It's not fair. I just can't..." Masaki stood up and shuffled to the other side of the room. He looked like a porcelain doll which is about to fall from its shelf and break into pieces.
"What is not fair?"
"I can't love you. I can't allow myself to do that... Don't you understand? I am toxic, just like the world outside the walls." Aiba pointed the window. "Whoever goes there, dies. Whoever goes here..." The man pointed the left side of his chest. "... dies. That's why..."
"Bullshit." Sakurai got up as well and closed the distance between them. "You love Jun, right? He is in the hospital, but you know what doctors are saying. He will be fine, he just needs to stay there for a little while longer. You love me... I mean... as a friend... I mean... You like me..." The older man stammered and shook his head out of frustration. "I am perfectly fine. So stop believing in this bullshit!"
"You killed a man for me... You may be healthy but... You stained your hands because of me... Maybe you don't regret it now but in the future?"
"This scumbag deserved to die. It just happened to be me who killed him. Masaki, please tell me why... Why are you pushing me away and closing yourself behind thick wall? Why you're not allowing me to be there with you?" He knew he is risking a lot, but right now the thing he wanted the most was to open all of his cards. Whatever will happen, Sakurai just has to let everything out.
"Sho, stop... Please... I... I just told you everything I had to say. I will leave first thing in the morning." Aiba sighed and wanted to go to his bed, but the latter cut his way. Without a word the older one gently pushed the taller man against the wall and joined their lips again in slow and loving kiss. Masaki didn't move, letting the latter be but he shivered whenever Sho wanted to make this caress to go deeper.
"Don't... Sho, please don't..." His voice was breaking and he was crying quietly. He didn't push the latter away but at the same time he didn't pull him closer. The only shield he had right now was his words. "Stop... Please, stop... I am toxic... "
"Let me prove you wrong..." Sakurai whispered in Aiba's lips and before the latter could even think about opposing, he started to explore his beloved man's mouth with his tongue. Sho has waited for this moment for years and he had to put a lot of strength in self-control. The worst thing he could do right now was to throw the other on the bed and have his way with him. This would definitely destroy everything he achieved in a second; Masaki didn't push him away and after a while he even started to respond to the kiss. After a while, when both of them were breathless, the shorter guy wanted to move away, but Aiba's hands stopped him. The younger man pulled the latter closer and hid his face in his chest, letting Sakurai to hug him. It seemed that the walls disappeared, or more like were replaced with Sho's tight embrace. His tensed muscles finally relaxed when he could be close to the person he loved. Suddenly he felt Masaki's lips pressed to his neck, just under his right ear. The taller man's hands clenched on the latter's shirt as he was kissing his way up to lips he urgently wanted to taste again. The time seemed to flow with changing rhythm, slowing down when they kissed and touched and speeding when they walked towards Aiba's bed or took off each other's clothes. Everything seemed to be a dream but at the same time Sakurai felt every touch and caress. That had to mean it was happening; that this was real.
Soon two naked bodies were pressed against each other, exploring every inch of the skin with fingers and tongues. Somewhere inside Sho's mind a thought that Masaki is really skilled blinked few times, but vanished as fast as it appeared. The taller man's face was real close to the latter's crotch right now, his tongue played with the navel piercing, taking it between teeth and pulling it gently.
"I didn't know you have it... Did it hurt?" Aiba asked gently, licking his way even lower after each word. Sakurai just shook his head, not able to say a word. His throat managed to release quiet moans when he felt Masaki's breath on his slowly hardening member. The younger man didn't expect any answer anyway. He just teasingly slowly licked the head of awakening flesh, taking it in his mouth and sucking lightly afterwards. All that mattered right now was the tongue and tight sucking around Sho's erection. When he felt that he can explode any second, the older one felt how chilly air cools him off, not letting him cum just yet. Aiba left a wet path going back up to find Sakurai's lips again and straddling the lying man, pressing their hard members to each other. Masaki rolled his hips slowly, brushing their crotches together, without parting their lips and drinking all the sweet moans that left the other's throat.
"We don't have any lube here, do we?" Aiba whispered in Sho's lips and received a loud whine as a reply. This made him giggle and hide his face in the crook of the latter's neck, kissing it slowly. "It's okay... We can do it another way..."
"H-how..." Sakurai didn't even manage to finish the question when tight grip closed around his already leaking member. However something was different; something he couldn't put a finger on until he looked down, between their clasped bodies. He first saw Masaki's hand tightly squeezing their members together and then he felt the strokes, which were bringing him slowly right to the edge. From the tensed muscles of his lover Sho knew that the latter was also close and just then he started to thrust up, meeting Aiba's hand halfway. His palm joined the other man's on their erections and just then, for the first time, he heard his lover moan. Probably this was the last push he needed to spurt on their chests. Shortly after the taller man followed, mixing his semen with the other's and collapsing on top of Sakurai, sweetly tired. The older man wasn't happier anytime before this second. He had the man he loved in his arms and he could protect him from the world. Masaki started to shiver and just after Sho covered them with blankets he noticed that the younger one is crying. The older man hugged him tighter and gently rocked their bodies, trying to calm him down while whispering some silly things.
"I love you Masaki... I really do... You're safe now, nobody will hurt you..." Sakurai repeated it like some mantra, assuring his beloved one that he will never leave him and he won't let anybody hurt him. After a while Aiba seemed to cool off a bit and sat up, looking at the man underneath him.
"I will hurt you Sho... I know it, I just... I can't love you. I never should let that happen, I am sorry... I will leave tomorrow and..."
"You're going nowhere." The slightly shorter guy interrupted. He was getting more and more upset and mad with the other's words but he stayed calm, yet firm. "You said you are toxic, right? Well, I don't believe you! For me you are a strong man, caring for his family and friends. You are extremely cautious and try not to let people go too close to you but... It's me... You know me for years now. And let me tell you one thing: if you are toxic then so am I. I am a murderer now..."
"Nice duo, a whore and a slayer..." Masaki tried to joke but neither of them laughed. It was clear that he is scared, hesitating should he move their relationship to a next stage. He was already hurt so much, but also he wanted to believe that not every person in this world wishes him pain. Sakurai was with him for years now... He loved him, of course... Maybe not in the way the latter wanted but this will definitely come with time. The older one was indeed somebody who he could count on, Jun likes him as well. It is time to move on and take a risk.
"Sho, I... I want to try. I..."
"This is enough to me Masaki. Just let me prove you that everything will be okay." Sho smiled and exhaled with relief, when the latter nodded. "Now we should take a shower, we're sticky..." Aiba blushed and nodded, getting up and heading towards the bathroom. Suddenly, he stopped halfway, making following him Sakurai bump on him again.
" Masaki, why did you stop?" The older man asked, creating a deja vu. This time the other turned around and looked at his new boyfriend with a bit too serious eyes.
"I love you." Aiba stated it quietly and simply walked to the bathroom again, leaving a bit shocked and astonished Sho in the room. Was it only Sakurai's imagination, or did he really felt the warmth coming from this confession?
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, future, angst
Summary: Masaki is closed, caring only for his little brother Jun and accepting his only friend Sho. Sakurai secretly loves Aiba but the past will haunt them... Freely based on manga Acid town
A/N: My dearest syunikiss1990, I do hope you like it. Maybe it's not as sweet as you wished for, but I do hope you will enjoy it. Thank you so much for helping me with this project *hugs*
P.S.: Jun here is not MJ.
Toxic. Everything is toxic, just like the air outside the city. Take one step outside the walls and you're dead. But it's not better within city either. Gangs' wars are ruling the streets. You're lucky if you have a safe place to spend the night and some soup so you can kill the hunger. Friends? No, you can't afford that. You can't trust anyone, not in this reality. Aiba Masaki had somebody who he could call his friend, though. Sakurai Sho, a boy who found him long time ago, when he needed help for his little brother Jun. And he showed his gratitude by dragging him in this shit.
"Earth to Masaki... Are you okay?" Sho asked shyly, waving his hand right in front of the latter's eyes.
"Y-yes... I am going to the hospital." Aiba didn't even smile when he was putting on his jacket.
"Want me to go with you? I didn't see Jun for a while..."
"No... I am going to see him after, remember?" Masaki scolded Sakurai and sighed loudly. He looked tired and somehow soaked with sadness and Sho couldn't do anything to cheer him up. It was the routine already. Every Friday, at the same time Aiba was leaving their room and heading to the yakuza office for a weekly meeting with Hyodou-san, one of the bosses. This was a punishment for something both of them did few months ago.
The taller man was desperate to help his sick little brother, Jun, so he decided to steal some money for the treatment and hospitalization. The choice he had made was the worst he could, but also the only one he was able to make. The only people who had such amount of money were gangs' bosses. Masaki choose yakuza, because even if they were cruel, at least when they killed you it would have some kind of decency. Unfortunately they got caught, but the boss had some mercy on them and promised to forgive their crime and even said he would pay for Jun's treatment but under one condition - Aiba would visit him once a week. Sho was left behind, just as if he was invisible. For both of them. Sakurai tried to get through all of this, but it was difficult to him, because for a long time now he felt something more to the latter than simple friendship. He didn't know exactly when this happened; he just realized that he fell for Masaki. It was the day of their crime and later events didn't allow him to make any move.
The sound of closing door woke Sho up and even if he wanted to say something, it was too late. His roommate left in the evening air, heading to his beloved younger brother and then... Then to hell... Of course Sakurai wasn't sure if Hyoudo forces Masaki to do some indecent things but even only that possibility made the slightly older man's stomach stir. What can he do to help the man he loved? How can he make that beautiful smile back on this angelic face? How can he protect him? Sho sighed and leaned back against the wall trying to think of a way to free Aiba from those meetings, but he couldn't find anything. He was only 20, just as his friend; that is not much when you have to face the world...
"You're trying too hard..." Sakurai whispered to himself and closed his eyes. Suddenly some urge to see Masaki hit him with a double strength. Without any particular reason he felt that he must see his roommate right this second or something bad would happen. It was so irrational but at the same time so real, that Sho ignored the voice of common sense, grabbed his jacket and ran out of the building. He was heading to the hospital, hoping he will still find Aiba there when the sky was cut with a thunder. Big rain drops hit his face just when he was in front of the high building, his destination point, and he sped up not to get wet. Deep inside he prayed for meeting with his beloved man but at the same time he was afraid of seeing him. What will he answer on question why is he here? Should he confess?
"Sakurai-kun?" A familiar voice startled Sakurai, so he jumped a bit, exhaling all the air he had in his lungs when he saw Masaki's younger brother.
"Jun, you scared me... How are you?" The older man smiles awkwardly and slowly followed the kid to the room. He was only 6 years old, but his face was as of a grownup. Masaki's brother sure had had experienced a lot in his short life and it was clearly visible, just as if the past marked him.
"I am better, I can take short walks already!" The boy smiled and climbed on a big hospital bed. "You came to see Masaki-niichan? He is talking to the doctor now but said he would come here to say goodbye. He brought me a new book!"
"That's really great Jun!" Sho smiled and sat on the chair next to the window, from where he could see clearly the door. He had some chitchat about something not important with the small patient when Aiba came inside and immediately their eyes locked.
"Sho? What are you doing here?" The taller one asked with a frown. It was the most obvious question that could be asked and still the latter didn't know what to say. Of course he knew the answer very well, but no way it could be said aloud that he is love with his roommate, at least not yet. For years Masaki was hiding himself in his thick shell, letting in only Sakurai, but even then the younger one was very careful. For years of their friendship Sho didn't know practically anything about the latter, only few things that couldn't be hidden, while the older one was quite open. He didn't have any secrets but he also didn't talk much about himself and his life before he met Masaki. Mostly because the latter cut the conversation whenever it started to flow in the inconvenient direction. When it was obvious that nobody would break the silence until Sakurai replies, he coughed and looked down.
"I wasn't here for a long time, so I thought I could come here and see Jun..."
"Why didn't you just come with me then?" Aiba frowned, as he always did when he started suspecting something's bad going on. Sho didn't know what to say, but fortunately he was saved by the nurse, who came in the room and politely asked them to leave, because the little patient has to rest. Masaki ruffled Jun's hair and promised to come soon again. The older one shook the boy's hand and left the room, slowly heading towards the exit of the building in silence. The man he loved walked two steps in front of him but Sakurai didn't have any courage to look at his back, nor say anything. He was just walking without a rush, knowing that soon he would have to turn in the opposite side and go back to their room. The older one wanted to take Aiba with him, hug him and never let go until the end of the world. Why it has to be so hard? Why can't he just freely admit he loves Masaki? Why....
"Ouch!!! Masaki, why did you stop?" Sho winced and rubbed his head while bumping on the latter. "Masaki, are you alright?!" Sakurai frowned, worried, looking at his friend's face which was now painted with terror and... hate? The younger one was staring at something in front of him and took few steps back, tripping on Sho's feet and almost falling back. The slightly shorter man turned his gaze on the thing which made the latter shocked. He saw a huge human-shaped mountain with scary eyes, pinned to Aiba.
"Long time no see, son..." The hill spoke with low and hoarse voice. The taller man shook his head and tried to catch some air. Sakurai tried to grasp anything from the situation that was going on now. The younger man shook his head, mumbled something incoherently and dashed towards Hyodou's office without looking back. Sho stood there, looking at the one that stayed and appeared to be a Masaki's father. For a longer while neither of them said a word, they were just staring at each other and just then Sakurai noticed the man had burns on his face and neck. Feeling that he is staying here for way too long already, Sho bowed almost unnoticeable and was about to head back home, when the latter stopped him.
"You're that pretty boy's... friend?" The man's hoarse voice made the younger one shiver. Sakurai didn't say any word, just nodded. Aiba's father started to laugh, which sounded more like a gargoyle's growl. "Nice! But be careful, ne? He is just a little whore, nothing more. Soon probably will want a cash from you for fucking him... And if you don't give that to him, he will do the same what he did to me... See that face?" The man moved two steps closer so the younger one could see the burns clearer. "It's all his work... Ungrateful bastard! I raised him as my own!"
"W-what did you say?!" Sho frowned and took a step forward, looking straight in the other's eyes, simply because the sight of his face made him sick. He didn't know practically a thing about his roommate's past, that was true, but somehow he couldn't believe in anything the man in front of him just said. How that can be true!?
"Oh, don't pretend you don't know! I was his pimp. Well... I was selling him, maybe that's the more proper saying..." The man laughed again and started to talk about how he was forcing Masaki to sleep with other men and women, not sparing Sakurai any dirty, disgusting detail and being proud of what he had done. Sho was quiet all the time, trying to get rid the shock out his system and make his legs moving. He should leave this place and check if Aiba is okay or just go back home and forget about the man but instead he was absorbing every word. Was it true? Was Masaki really abused by that scum?! The words were still coming from the man's lips and each one of them stung Sakurai as if it was a blade.
"Yeah, he surely was Chang's favorite play toy... I wonder if he want to take it back, now when I know where his Maa-chan is..." Aiba's father laughed and that was the spark that lit the fuse. Sho looked at the man in front of him but all he had in his mind was his roommate's face with no smile, just pain and sadness painted all over. Pictures of Masaki closing himself in his shell even tighter, jumping from fear when anybody touched him accidentally, pretending he is tougher than he is, just so people would leave him alone... Everything had sense now, everything was clear. It was this hideous man's fault. Aiba's behavior was a result of this guy's cruelty and if not him, the taller man would probably be smiling right now, like he did, just this once, on Jun's 7th birthday. Sho thought it was the most beautiful thing he could see in the entire world... It was destroyed by this monster and for that he deserved a punishment. While the older man kept talking trash about the man Sakurai loved, he took out his knife he always kept in his pocket for protection and threw himself at the latter. Everything happened so fast, that Sho thought it lasted less than a second. In fact he stabbed the man over a dozen times, mostly in his neck, just to make the other shut up. When the younger man got back to his senses and realized what he had done, he turned away slowly and started to walk back home. In this city nobody pays attention on people dying on the streets so Sakurai wasn't bothered by anyone. It probably looked like Sho was defending himself from some disgusting homeless guy who was a bit too importunate and had a bad luck.
He didn't know how long it took him to get to his room. He surely lost his way few times, still shaking from fear and anxiety. His mind didn't want to work normally, kept showing him bloody images. Finally, Sakurai recognized the area he was living in and dashed to his room, not even replying for greetings of the landlord. What has he done?! He killed a human being; no matter how scumbag he was, he was still a human. Sho leaned against the door and started to shiver. The man couldn't even take one step, afraid he would fall. When he looked down on his hands he wanted to scream, but something squeezed his throat he could barely breathe. Blood was everywhere, on his palms, shirt, shoes and even face proving him that everything that happened wasn't just a nightmare.
"I thought you got lost or got smart enough not to come back here..." Aiba's voice became louder and louder as the younger one came closer. "Sho?! W-what... Are you okay?! Where is that all blood from!?" Masaki gasped and came closer to the latter, trying to check if he is wounded. Sakurai used all of his strength and shuffled fast to the bathroom, wanting to get rid of the claret from his hands. He didn't say a word, focusing on forcing his body to stop shaking.
"Are you deaf? I asked if you are okay?!" Sho frowned, wondering if he really heard a concern in the other's voice.
"I am fine..." The slightly shorter one said quietly with hoarse voice. He was scrubbing his hands hard, even though they were already clean. Sakurai took off his shirt and threw it in the garbage bin.
"What happened... Did you get attacked?" Aiba didn't want to let it go. He was standing right in the bathroom's door, with his arms crossed on his chest and staring at the latter. It looked more like Masaki was scolding Sho for coming back late and now waited for any explanation. This irritated a bit the older man but he took a deep breath and just then dared to look up at the beloved face.
"I will tell you everything but not here, let's go to the room, okay? I need to sit down..." Sakurai pleaded and before the latter answered he was already heading to his own. He jumped on it and sighed loudly, trying to find the right words to confess his sin. Something told him that this can make things between then even harder, tougher and even more impossible than before...
"I... I killed him." Sho started, looking down on his own hands, trying to beat the urge to go back to the bathroom and look for a bleach. Masaki seemed to guess immediately who the other one was talking about, because he became pale and moved one step back.
"You did what?! How?! Why?! WHY?!" Sakurai didn't see the latter so upset or even angry before. In fact this was the first time when Aiba showed any kind of emotions and Sho was more shocked by that than by what happened next. The taller man closed the distance between them in one step and grabbed the collar of latter's shirt which Sakurai managed to put on himself on the way from the bathroom.
"Do you have any idea what have you done?! You know what will happen now?!"
"I got rid of a garbage who hurt you... I think that it's all that matters now..." The shorter man's voice was really quiet, as if all the strength he had disappeared. After a longer while of the silence he raised his gaze and looked at the latter just to see his white face, eyes widely open and such pain written in his pupils...
"You know... He told you..." Those weren't even questions, Aiba just stated it with the most cold and indifferent voice Sho had ever heard but his face showed something obviously different. Masaki was deadly scared, he even started to shiver, just like Sakurai did not so long ago. The older man didn't know what to do, so he didn't move for a while but when the other one didn't calm down, he did the only thing that came across his mind and which occurred to be a big mistake. Sho pulled the latter in his arms and pressed their lips together, trying to erase the fear from Aiba's face.
"I love you..." He whispered as he was gently spreading kisses all over Masaki's facet when suddenly he felt a strong slap on his left cheek.
"Don't you ever do that again." The taller one hissed is through his clenched teeth, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment even before the pain spread on Sakurai's face.
"Fuck!" Sho hit the pillow with his fist and groaned from anger. How could he be so careless after all the things he had heard?! Aiba must have felt betrayed and scared; after all his darkest and most painful secret has been revealed to a person whom he considered a friend. Moreover it leaked out in the worst possible way. And Sakurai just had to hear this little voice in his head who had told him that kissing Masaki is a very good idea... At this point the corpse the older one had left in one dark corner of the city didn't matter anymore. All anxiousness, fear, stress and shock was replaced with worry about the man he loved. Where did he go? And, most important, will he come back? Was it the last time Sho saw the taller man? Aiba was definitely able to go away just like that, without a word. Right now he could be on the other side of the wall, he was crazy enough to go there... On the other hand Sakurai's roommate had little brother he cared about and also the deal with Hyodou. It wasn't something that could be easily left behind, right? Many thoughts were fighting with each other in Sho's mind and none of them could win. He was worried, scared, angry, feeling guilty and suddenly extremely tired. Powerless, the older one fell on the pillow and in next second he fell asleep, trying to find Masaki in his dreams.
Sakurai didn't know how long he was sleeping and how come he woke up, covered well with a blanket. His head hurt mercilessly, pulsing with each blink he made; probably the light was too bright for his eyes which were closed apparently for quite long time.
"What time is it?" He asked his roommate, but just when the question left his throat, he remembered that Aiba is not there; that he escaped last night and probably won't come back...
"It's half past noon. You surely slept long..." A familiar, cold voice answered Sho and the slightly shorter man had to focus on the ache he was feeling, just to make sure he is not dreaming anymore. Sakurai wanted to say something but his mouth were dry and his tongue stuck to his palate, so his eyes started to look for a glass of water.
"Here..." Masaki gave him a PET bottle and sat on the edge of the bed, staring on the floor, concentrated on it's structure and apparently trying to find the right words to say the thing he wanted to say. For the longer while silence was filling the air in the room, not even disturbed by the usually ticking alarm clock.
"We need to talk, Sho-kun..." Aiba started, with slightly trembling voice. The latter wanted to hug him, or at least hold his hand but he just clenched his fists on the blanked instead, waiting for probably the most painful conversation in his life. This will be the end, won't it? When it became obvious the older one won't say a thing, the taller man continued after clearing his throat but his voice was quiet and weak.
"You heard... what I was doing before and I understand if you leave now. It would be the most reasonable decision, right?" Sakurai saw tears falling down the other man's face and his heart was pierced with millions ice needles. It was the first time Masaki was showing a real emotions, just as if the walls he was hiding behind started to crack and crumble. The older man wanted to pull his roommate in tight embrace, but he was afraid that Aiba is much more fragile right now and any touch will make him turn into dust. Meanwhile the taller one kept talking.
"... but you were the one who lived here first, so I will go again to Hyodou-san today and ask him for a place to stay. Don't worry, I will be fine. I always am."
"You were at Hyodou's office?" This was the stupidest question Sho could ask, but he couldn't get the courage to say anything else and he felt that he must say something, anything, to let the latter know he had listened to him. The latter snorted, smiling weakly and looked at the shorter man with his shiny, teary eyes.
"You have no idea what you had done, haven't you? This homeless guy wasn't just a tramp. Believe it or not, but he still was in Chang's gang. You can't even imagine what Chinese can do to you when you kill one of them... I asked Hyodou for protection for you. He said he will make it look like a fight between Chang's people. I believe he is capable of doing this..." Aiba looked down and took few deep breaths to calm down. It looked like he wanted to say something more, but he was afraid or just couldn't do it. This was the time for Sakurai to take the initiative.
"You are not going anywhere. Neither do I. I won't leave you, Masaki, I promise you that." Sho moved closer and gently took the latter's face in his hand, wiping the tears' traces off his cheeks. "Remember what I told you? I love you. I loved you for a long time now." The older one didn't know if he is doing the right thing but he wanted to confess everything now, when Aiba uncovered his heart. "I don't care if it takes a month, a year or decade... I will be with you, waiting for you to feel the same..."
"Sho, I... Thank you, but... I can't. It's not fair. I just can't..." Masaki stood up and shuffled to the other side of the room. He looked like a porcelain doll which is about to fall from its shelf and break into pieces.
"What is not fair?"
"I can't love you. I can't allow myself to do that... Don't you understand? I am toxic, just like the world outside the walls." Aiba pointed the window. "Whoever goes there, dies. Whoever goes here..." The man pointed the left side of his chest. "... dies. That's why..."
"Bullshit." Sakurai got up as well and closed the distance between them. "You love Jun, right? He is in the hospital, but you know what doctors are saying. He will be fine, he just needs to stay there for a little while longer. You love me... I mean... as a friend... I mean... You like me..." The older man stammered and shook his head out of frustration. "I am perfectly fine. So stop believing in this bullshit!"
"You killed a man for me... You may be healthy but... You stained your hands because of me... Maybe you don't regret it now but in the future?"
"This scumbag deserved to die. It just happened to be me who killed him. Masaki, please tell me why... Why are you pushing me away and closing yourself behind thick wall? Why you're not allowing me to be there with you?" He knew he is risking a lot, but right now the thing he wanted the most was to open all of his cards. Whatever will happen, Sakurai just has to let everything out.
"Sho, stop... Please... I... I just told you everything I had to say. I will leave first thing in the morning." Aiba sighed and wanted to go to his bed, but the latter cut his way. Without a word the older one gently pushed the taller man against the wall and joined their lips again in slow and loving kiss. Masaki didn't move, letting the latter be but he shivered whenever Sho wanted to make this caress to go deeper.
"Don't... Sho, please don't..." His voice was breaking and he was crying quietly. He didn't push the latter away but at the same time he didn't pull him closer. The only shield he had right now was his words. "Stop... Please, stop... I am toxic... "
"Let me prove you wrong..." Sakurai whispered in Aiba's lips and before the latter could even think about opposing, he started to explore his beloved man's mouth with his tongue. Sho has waited for this moment for years and he had to put a lot of strength in self-control. The worst thing he could do right now was to throw the other on the bed and have his way with him. This would definitely destroy everything he achieved in a second; Masaki didn't push him away and after a while he even started to respond to the kiss. After a while, when both of them were breathless, the shorter guy wanted to move away, but Aiba's hands stopped him. The younger man pulled the latter closer and hid his face in his chest, letting Sakurai to hug him. It seemed that the walls disappeared, or more like were replaced with Sho's tight embrace. His tensed muscles finally relaxed when he could be close to the person he loved. Suddenly he felt Masaki's lips pressed to his neck, just under his right ear. The taller man's hands clenched on the latter's shirt as he was kissing his way up to lips he urgently wanted to taste again. The time seemed to flow with changing rhythm, slowing down when they kissed and touched and speeding when they walked towards Aiba's bed or took off each other's clothes. Everything seemed to be a dream but at the same time Sakurai felt every touch and caress. That had to mean it was happening; that this was real.
Soon two naked bodies were pressed against each other, exploring every inch of the skin with fingers and tongues. Somewhere inside Sho's mind a thought that Masaki is really skilled blinked few times, but vanished as fast as it appeared. The taller man's face was real close to the latter's crotch right now, his tongue played with the navel piercing, taking it between teeth and pulling it gently.
"I didn't know you have it... Did it hurt?" Aiba asked gently, licking his way even lower after each word. Sakurai just shook his head, not able to say a word. His throat managed to release quiet moans when he felt Masaki's breath on his slowly hardening member. The younger man didn't expect any answer anyway. He just teasingly slowly licked the head of awakening flesh, taking it in his mouth and sucking lightly afterwards. All that mattered right now was the tongue and tight sucking around Sho's erection. When he felt that he can explode any second, the older one felt how chilly air cools him off, not letting him cum just yet. Aiba left a wet path going back up to find Sakurai's lips again and straddling the lying man, pressing their hard members to each other. Masaki rolled his hips slowly, brushing their crotches together, without parting their lips and drinking all the sweet moans that left the other's throat.
"We don't have any lube here, do we?" Aiba whispered in Sho's lips and received a loud whine as a reply. This made him giggle and hide his face in the crook of the latter's neck, kissing it slowly. "It's okay... We can do it another way..."
"H-how..." Sakurai didn't even manage to finish the question when tight grip closed around his already leaking member. However something was different; something he couldn't put a finger on until he looked down, between their clasped bodies. He first saw Masaki's hand tightly squeezing their members together and then he felt the strokes, which were bringing him slowly right to the edge. From the tensed muscles of his lover Sho knew that the latter was also close and just then he started to thrust up, meeting Aiba's hand halfway. His palm joined the other man's on their erections and just then, for the first time, he heard his lover moan. Probably this was the last push he needed to spurt on their chests. Shortly after the taller man followed, mixing his semen with the other's and collapsing on top of Sakurai, sweetly tired. The older man wasn't happier anytime before this second. He had the man he loved in his arms and he could protect him from the world. Masaki started to shiver and just after Sho covered them with blankets he noticed that the younger one is crying. The older man hugged him tighter and gently rocked their bodies, trying to calm him down while whispering some silly things.
"I love you Masaki... I really do... You're safe now, nobody will hurt you..." Sakurai repeated it like some mantra, assuring his beloved one that he will never leave him and he won't let anybody hurt him. After a while Aiba seemed to cool off a bit and sat up, looking at the man underneath him.
"I will hurt you Sho... I know it, I just... I can't love you. I never should let that happen, I am sorry... I will leave tomorrow and..."
"You're going nowhere." The slightly shorter guy interrupted. He was getting more and more upset and mad with the other's words but he stayed calm, yet firm. "You said you are toxic, right? Well, I don't believe you! For me you are a strong man, caring for his family and friends. You are extremely cautious and try not to let people go too close to you but... It's me... You know me for years now. And let me tell you one thing: if you are toxic then so am I. I am a murderer now..."
"Nice duo, a whore and a slayer..." Masaki tried to joke but neither of them laughed. It was clear that he is scared, hesitating should he move their relationship to a next stage. He was already hurt so much, but also he wanted to believe that not every person in this world wishes him pain. Sakurai was with him for years now... He loved him, of course... Maybe not in the way the latter wanted but this will definitely come with time. The older one was indeed somebody who he could count on, Jun likes him as well. It is time to move on and take a risk.
"Sho, I... I want to try. I..."
"This is enough to me Masaki. Just let me prove you that everything will be okay." Sho smiled and exhaled with relief, when the latter nodded. "Now we should take a shower, we're sticky..." Aiba blushed and nodded, getting up and heading towards the bathroom. Suddenly, he stopped halfway, making following him Sakurai bump on him again.
" Masaki, why did you stop?" The older man asked, creating a deja vu. This time the other turned around and looked at his new boyfriend with a bit too serious eyes.
"I love you." Aiba stated it quietly and simply walked to the bathroom again, leaving a bit shocked and astonished Sho in the room. Was it only Sakurai's imagination, or did he really felt the warmth coming from this confession?