Late Night Write.
I should be in bed right now. But a good friend told me I should write. Which in this case is "Type". Thanks Sasha. For being there for me if though your thousands of miles away. I miss you so much. I am trying to find your name on here cuz I forgot it! But I cannot find it.
Sash And I. <3
So life is ok right now I guess. I have been learning so much about myself lately. How I need to learn not to rush decisions. I moved to this place where I thought great things may happen. I have great memories here already. With my Katimavik group, that at this point and time MISS MORE THAN ANYTING! Life is so different without them around.
I feel unhappy. That's like the easiest and most explanatory word I can use here. I feel used. I feel like I am betraying myself.
Im not listening to my heart and I am letting this go on and on.
I've tried to tell myself that I need to relax and things will get better. But I can't. Tears constantly trickle down my cheeks. Whether I want them to or not. It sucks.
Like the other day where I had to chill cuz I was having a panic attack.
Anxiety is in my family. Actually I get it from my mother. I think I am more like my mother than I ever thought before.
I don't know what to do. These people like opened there home to me, and all I want to do is leave. I think it is because I feel so rushed.. and I work with them as well as live with them. I think I didnt take enough time to really think through the facts off what I truly want to do with my life.
I'm not ready for school. I don't want to go yet. I don't feel at home here. Even though they arent mean or anything. I just dont feel right here. I need to do something.
But what? Edmonton..
Job??
Live with my boyfriend??
Or back home?? Where is my home?
All I can feel day to day is these nerves.. These bad feelings in my stomach. And I have also known these bad feelings in my life to be a warning sign of some sort. Something isn't right here! SOMEONE CALL THE DETECTIVE.
I don't deserve to feel like crap do I?
It's all up to me. Thats the way it always seems to be I guess.
We'll see.
Sash And I. <3
So life is ok right now I guess. I have been learning so much about myself lately. How I need to learn not to rush decisions. I moved to this place where I thought great things may happen. I have great memories here already. With my Katimavik group, that at this point and time MISS MORE THAN ANYTING! Life is so different without them around.
I feel unhappy. That's like the easiest and most explanatory word I can use here. I feel used. I feel like I am betraying myself.
Im not listening to my heart and I am letting this go on and on.
I've tried to tell myself that I need to relax and things will get better. But I can't. Tears constantly trickle down my cheeks. Whether I want them to or not. It sucks.
Like the other day where I had to chill cuz I was having a panic attack.
Anxiety is in my family. Actually I get it from my mother. I think I am more like my mother than I ever thought before.
I don't know what to do. These people like opened there home to me, and all I want to do is leave. I think it is because I feel so rushed.. and I work with them as well as live with them. I think I didnt take enough time to really think through the facts off what I truly want to do with my life.
I'm not ready for school. I don't want to go yet. I don't feel at home here. Even though they arent mean or anything. I just dont feel right here. I need to do something.
But what? Edmonton..
Job??
Live with my boyfriend??
Or back home?? Where is my home?
All I can feel day to day is these nerves.. These bad feelings in my stomach. And I have also known these bad feelings in my life to be a warning sign of some sort. Something isn't right here! SOMEONE CALL THE DETECTIVE.
I don't deserve to feel like crap do I?
It's all up to me. Thats the way it always seems to be I guess.
We'll see.