storms and the Academy...
...I had a strange dream last night...
I believe I was in the log cabin that I used to spend my summers in, growing up...The one in the middle of the Mississippi forests.
I was not alone, although I do not now know those I was with. There was a storm bearing down upon the place, one which was spawning tornadoes.(no, not Katrina, though perhaps recent events dictated the setting of my dream. Please. I'm a little more original, believe me).
Anyway, I opened the door, intending to assist with the preparations...and an owl flew in through the door, over my head, and alighted on the rafters. I talked to it, telling it that it was welcome to shelter here but that it might be better off in the woods, and when it refused to move, I just stepped outside and shut the door, going on with my original intentions.
One of my companions, a young man, small and slender with blond hair, and his mate...a black haired woman...stopped their preparations upon my appearance. He insisted that I get back inside, as we only had a matter of minutes before the storm hit-I believe the exact number was 15...but I refused, unwilling to allow my companions to take on the bulk of the preparations without doing my part, too. However, I realized I had forgotten something, and I turned to go back in to get it. I pulled open the door, and as I stepped through the door, the owl hooted at me. I held out my arm, and told it that I would let it back outside if it wanted out...It came to alight upon my arm gently. As I walked back out the door, I stroked its beak, noting that its beak had been cauterized...the sharp curve of the owl's top beak had been cut off. Still slightly shocked by this, I extended my arm, intending for the owl to launch itself into flight from my arm-but instead, the owl just hunkered down on my arm and fluffed its feathers, as if to protect itself.
My Academy interview is tomorrow morning...I dare not fail. Not this time, damnit. Somewhere, sometime, I have to succeed at something... I spoke to my father, The Ed, today-it is always a slightly harrowing and draining experience for me...but I finally heard him say that he was proud of me for taking this step. :) The draining part came with him doing his best to prepare me for my interview...he had some good general interview advice to give, and as he's been through military and nasa interviews, knows what to expect...and I do feel a little more prepared. However, somehow, I always feel like he's so far superior to me...like he knows everything there is to know...Like I'll just never measure up. I noticed that he took control of the conversation effortlessly-*shrugs* I note that I rarely ever try to control anything; it's just not my way. I never have felt the need to control anything or anyone; I'd much rather equality, even if I don't like the person, it's on a personal, equal level, never as superior to inferior. In fact, the only times I really dont like someone is when they're treating me or another person as inferior....
Anyway, my attitude does, I realize, make it rather easy for those who do attempt to control others to succeed...and therein is the basis for a lot of my suspicion and mistrust of other people, and the reason for my barriers with regard to people, and why I seek so hard to be around those who are like I am-those who see no need to control others in any way. It is,regrettably, something that I am going to have to learn to deal with, though-hiding doesn't make it go away, and I will shortly be in a setting where I will not only have to learn to deal with those who will seek to control me, but, I will occasionally have need to control others, myself...if only in defense of others. I hope.
*shakes her head*
At least I am aware of this...and never in any danger of becoming a bully, at least LOL Such things will ever only be a tool...if that...I hope.
Ugh...*wonders if she'll make a good cop...or if she's simply going to be walked all over some more because she's too damn nice*
*wonders if this is even a good move to make at all*
'Spose I'm going to find out:D
I believe I was in the log cabin that I used to spend my summers in, growing up...The one in the middle of the Mississippi forests.
I was not alone, although I do not now know those I was with. There was a storm bearing down upon the place, one which was spawning tornadoes.(no, not Katrina, though perhaps recent events dictated the setting of my dream. Please. I'm a little more original, believe me).
Anyway, I opened the door, intending to assist with the preparations...and an owl flew in through the door, over my head, and alighted on the rafters. I talked to it, telling it that it was welcome to shelter here but that it might be better off in the woods, and when it refused to move, I just stepped outside and shut the door, going on with my original intentions.
One of my companions, a young man, small and slender with blond hair, and his mate...a black haired woman...stopped their preparations upon my appearance. He insisted that I get back inside, as we only had a matter of minutes before the storm hit-I believe the exact number was 15...but I refused, unwilling to allow my companions to take on the bulk of the preparations without doing my part, too. However, I realized I had forgotten something, and I turned to go back in to get it. I pulled open the door, and as I stepped through the door, the owl hooted at me. I held out my arm, and told it that I would let it back outside if it wanted out...It came to alight upon my arm gently. As I walked back out the door, I stroked its beak, noting that its beak had been cauterized...the sharp curve of the owl's top beak had been cut off. Still slightly shocked by this, I extended my arm, intending for the owl to launch itself into flight from my arm-but instead, the owl just hunkered down on my arm and fluffed its feathers, as if to protect itself.
My Academy interview is tomorrow morning...I dare not fail. Not this time, damnit. Somewhere, sometime, I have to succeed at something... I spoke to my father, The Ed, today-it is always a slightly harrowing and draining experience for me...but I finally heard him say that he was proud of me for taking this step. :) The draining part came with him doing his best to prepare me for my interview...he had some good general interview advice to give, and as he's been through military and nasa interviews, knows what to expect...and I do feel a little more prepared. However, somehow, I always feel like he's so far superior to me...like he knows everything there is to know...Like I'll just never measure up. I noticed that he took control of the conversation effortlessly-*shrugs* I note that I rarely ever try to control anything; it's just not my way. I never have felt the need to control anything or anyone; I'd much rather equality, even if I don't like the person, it's on a personal, equal level, never as superior to inferior. In fact, the only times I really dont like someone is when they're treating me or another person as inferior....
Anyway, my attitude does, I realize, make it rather easy for those who do attempt to control others to succeed...and therein is the basis for a lot of my suspicion and mistrust of other people, and the reason for my barriers with regard to people, and why I seek so hard to be around those who are like I am-those who see no need to control others in any way. It is,regrettably, something that I am going to have to learn to deal with, though-hiding doesn't make it go away, and I will shortly be in a setting where I will not only have to learn to deal with those who will seek to control me, but, I will occasionally have need to control others, myself...if only in defense of others. I hope.
*shakes her head*
At least I am aware of this...and never in any danger of becoming a bully, at least LOL Such things will ever only be a tool...if that...I hope.
Ugh...*wonders if she'll make a good cop...or if she's simply going to be walked all over some more because she's too damn nice*
*wonders if this is even a good move to make at all*
'Spose I'm going to find out:D