Thanks for noticing, Boss - Ch 3 - Adjusting his attitude
Title: Thanks for noticing, Boss (Ch 3/7)
Author: SA3466996
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst/ Friendship
Genre: Gen (Gibbs/DiNozzo friendship)
Pairing: None
Character(s): Gibbs, DiNozzo, Abby
Summary: Gibbs reads the lists Tony wrote in Anthony's Weakness. Anthony makes a decision that has a profound effect on his working relationship with Gibbs. Set during Bounce. Gibbs/DiNozzo/Abby friendship.
Spoilers: Bounce, Deliverance, South by South West.
Disclaimer: NCIS characters belong to Bellisario, CBS and Paramount. No copyright infringement intended.
Beta(s): csigeekfan and Will. Thanks also to Obsessed Pam for the read through.
AN: Sequel to Anthony's Weakness. Part of the Resignation series. I made an assumption that Tony knows about both the 'narcissistic' and 'attitude adjustment' comments that Gibbs made about him early on in S6.
Chapter 3 - Adjusting his attitude
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Tony stood in his kitchen, washing the remaining dirty dishes, pots and pans he and Abby had used earlier that evening. He hated cleaning up but his mind was running riot, twisting every thought he had, exaggerating every little detail. Unable to focus, Tony had needed something to bring his thoughts in line; something routine. In other circumstances he would have gone for a run, but the heavens had opened a little over thirty minutes ago and there was no sign of it stopping. Tony wasn’t that stupid.
Cleaning wasn’t a patch on running but it did the job. He used to have a maid, but when he’d been afloat there’d been no need to keep Jess on. She’d been pissed at that but he’d been pissed too. A litany of expletives had swathed his apartment a deep blue that night. Since coming back to D.C., he’d done his own cleaning; literally and figuratively.
It had started with Jeanne. That had been over two years ago. He’d had to act the part. Tony DiNardo. Professor DiNardo. It wasn’t hard. Before he knew it he was in too deep. They’d used her place.
Used.
It sounded so clinical now. They’d never used his place. Yet Tony DiNardo had cleaned and maintained his apartment-with a little help from Jess-to the standards he had thought she expected of him. Jeanne wouldn’t have cared of course. She’d have loved him whatever the state of his apartment.
Except that wasn’t true.
She’d loved DiNardo. Not DiNozzo. They weren’t the same. DiNardo hadn’t lied. DiNardo was the lie; DiNozzo the liar.
Playing a role, a part; people noticed that. Jeanne had noticed. Jenny had noticed. Sometimes the results were unbeatable and he couldn’t wish for more. But there were other times when it all just went to hell, and quick thinking or reflexes had been the only thing standing between him, the edge of a steel blade and becoming the next ‘special’ on an ‘all you can eat buffet’ for bugs.
All his life he’d wanted people to notice him. He tried everything to get people to notice him. At home he’d tried being studious, and when that hadn’t worked he’d tried rebelling. That hadn’t had much of an effect either. At the military academy it was the complete opposite; impossible not to be noticed. He’d learnt fairly quickly what types of actions got what corresponding types and degrees of notice from others. By the time he’d graduated from the academy, Tony could slip into a role and play his part like any pro. He could manipulate most situations to his advantage. He hadn’t always realised he was doing it - until he got to college.
College was different. He’d had a great time at Ohio State. There, he’d had the type and level of attention he’d only dreamed of before. Sports, shots and signorinas. Oh yeah. They noticed him. Everyone wanted a piece of him. Of course, as soon as he blew his leg, it ended. They didn’t even know they were doing it. Coach and the Physio helped him get back on his feet of course, but they and he knew he’d never turn pro.
It was just little things at first. Coach started making excuses for him, saying he needed more time for his leg to heal. He took more physical therapy sessions but by the time he was back to his previous fitness levels, the season was over and so was college. Basically, he was a piece of meat that had passed its use by date. So Tony graduated, stayed in touch with some of his closest frat brothers but his chance at the big time had gone. There had been no guarantees that he’d have made it in any case. At least that was what Coach had said during one of his ‘pep talks’ just before Tony left.
That ‘chat’ had been the final straw.
The fact that Coach had thought he wouldn’t make it. It didn’t matter that he was probably right - on the pro terms at least. The anger he’d felt at hearing the truth-that Coach thought he wasn’t worth pushing-made him fight. All the more determined to prove him wrong. Prove wrong anyone who said he wouldn’t make it; wasn’t good enough. Two weeks into his posting as a rookie in Peoria, some of the guys invited him to play. He hadn’t played since college but he became an instant hit with his team mates. They noticed him.
Tony got all the recognition he craved in Peoria, then Philly closely followed by Baltimore. Two years-give or take a month or two, a year to get into the job followed by a year to do it properly. A decent enough threshold; after which, he’d learned all he could, the boredom crept in and he began to get frustrated.
His captains didn’t blame him. They noticed him. Pushed him further, gave him more - challenged him. He rose up the ranks and made detective. But there always came a point where his superiors-knowing they wouldn’t be able to hold him back-just began to get bored with dealing with his frustrations and did the only thing they could do. They let him move on.
And that was the problem. They always noticed him. Tony. Anthony remained a closely guarded secret; his own doing of course. He’d created Tony, and that was who people noticed. That was what protected him. Anthony was invisible to the world. Anthony wanted to be noticed. Tony had proved over and over again that he could make it; Anthony hadn’t. But in his haste to seek recognition, he’d left it too late. Gibbs was obviously bored with Tony if the sighs, comments and lack of engagement were anything to go by. DiNozzo knew the signs inside out and Gibbs was letting him make a move.
Therein lay the second problem. Washington D.C. had been good for him. He was into his eighth year of working at NCIS; working for Gibbs. Directors had come and gone - one in the most unfortunate of circumstances. Partners had also come and gone. Fellow agents had died, been promoted, resigned, retired and reassigned. But one thing had remained constant. With the exception of a small hiatus involving Mexico and four months stationed afloat, he’d had the same Boss for almost eight years. The same man... Gibbs. Right now, he didn’t want to work for anyone else.
Tony shivered. The water in the sink was cold.
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The following day passed quickly. Abby had shown their Japanese counterparts the whole of her lab, explaining in detail what all the different machines did. It was a slow day, forensically speaking with the team writing up case notes and checking evidence so she’d ended up with not too big a backlog of routine evidence to analyse. Gibbs had popped down with a Caf-Pow early afternoon but he’d disappeared as quickly as he’d arrived when he’d seen the crowd huddled around her and her hot stage microscope.
Tony hadn’t been to see her at all during the day. She was okay about that, even though it was driving her crazy. She knew he was just trying to figure things out. He’d talk when he was ready. Abby just hoped it wouldn’t take too long.
‘Just be you.’ The last words Abby had said to Tony the previous evening before delivering her metaphorical head slap. She’d drawn him in, coaxed him out, let him have his moment of self pity and then ‘Bam’.
‘Then learn, fast.’
The easy challenge, reprimand, wake-up call; whatever it was had worked. The pained expression on Tony’s face told her the blow had hit its mark. Moments later she’d left him, knowing he needed time to figure it out. She’d called when she’d got back to her apartment; partly to assure him that she was safe and hadn’t been ravished by the cab driver, partly to check he was okay.
Now, a day later, she was on her way to dispense another wake-up call; one that might not be as easy to deliver - or as easy to forgive, if it all went south.
Gibbs was squinting, looking through the case file reports as she entered the squad room.
“Hey, Abs. You got something for me?”
She loved the way he smiled and called her Abs, but put that to the back of her mind before she bottled out and the pair were doomed. “Kind of.”
“Abs.”
There it was again. “Ziva, McGee?”
“Sent them home an hour ago. Tony’s...?”
“Tony’s babysitting our delegates from Tokyo tonight. Probably gone home to get changed.”
“Hmm.”
“You don’t remember? Vance’s orders.”
Gibbs’s eyes narrowed slightly. “He didn’t tell me.”
“Seems to be the new craze,” Abby replied, her tone laced with contempt.
“Abby. Was there something you wanted?”
“You need to see this, Gibbs. He can’t know you’ve seen it,” she stated giving Gibbs the folded piece of paper that Tony had printed off from his laptop the previous evening.
Gibbs accepted the paper but neglected to open it. “Who can’t, Abby?”
Abby folded her arms and looked away briefly before fixing Gibbs with an angry glare. She angled her head to the right. “You know who. Six foot something, brown hair, green eyes, answers to the name ‘Hey’. He’s still got your tie too.” When Gibbs didn’t respond Abby angled her head to the left. “The one Franks borrowed.”
“Wondered where it’d got to. Tell him to bring it in.”
“I’m not your lackey, Gibbs,” Abby retaliated, unfolding her arms and planting her palms face down on the desk. “Neither is he. He wants... he’s waiting for you to go to him.”
“And why would I do that? I’m not that bothered about a tie, Abs.”
“Gibbs - it’s not the tie. DiNozzo’s your right hand man.” Abby drew herself up to her full height once again.
“Still is.”
“Not from where I’m standing. You called Franks. You didn’t use Tony, your team. You didn’t let him in. Like before. He thinks you don’t trust him, Gibbs. Do you trust him? Perhaps you don’t... anymore. You need to talk to him.”
“DiNozzo’s a big boy, Abby.” Gibbs bristled at the sharp tone. “Best he handles it - whatever he thinks it is - in his own way.”
“Even if handling it means Tony leaving NCIS?”
“DiNozzo isn’t leaving.”
“Really?” She mocked. “You should have heard him last night, Gibbs. Couple of weeks ago you said he needed to get an attitude adjustment. Well, he’s getting one alright...”
“I know, Abby.”
“Do you?” She huffed in suprise. “How would you know that, Gibbs? Talked to him lately? Been out for drinks recently? Spent more than two minutes talking about a case with him? Wait... no... that’s what you’ve got Franks for.”
“Careful,” Gibbs warned.
“No, Gibbs. Read it.” Abby gestured to the note in Gibbs’s hand. With a last look of defiance, Abby turned and walked out of the squad room, down the stairs to her lab, where she sat at her desk and fumed. A few minutes later Abby rose from her chair, locked the door to her office and turned on the music. Head held in her hands, Abby slumped to the floor and allowed a single strangled sob to escape.
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Tony stared at the fogged mirror in his bathroom. The condensation from the heat of the shower made it impossible for him to see his own reflection.
In one smooth action, he drew his hand across the mirror, wiping the foggy condensation away and looked at the face that stared back at him. As if he’d just experienced an epiphany, Tony knew instantly what he had to do. The half smile that greeted him was comforting and genuine. He hadn’t seen one of those in a while.
Decision made, Tony fixed his hair and then re-fixed it before padding back to the bedroom and slipping into a crisp dark green, button down shirt, black pants and black leather shoes. He popped open the top button of his shirt and adjusted the collar before slipping on his wristwatch and making his way back to the bathroom to check his hair a final time. Smoothing down a stubborn tuft at the back and teasing a few strands of hair at the front, Tony smiled; finally satisfied with the result. Tony was going to go out in style.
TBC...
Chapter 4 - Self preservation v collateral damage