just another problem with love...
I'm getting really tired of being happy all the fucking time.
Don't get me wrong, generally, I'm a very happy person. But, on days, like to day, when I wake up pissed off at the world, I'm not happy at all. And these people see me and they think I'm some low-life because I'm not happy. I can't fucking stand that. I really honestly can't. Who do you know that is happy 24/7? I don't know a soul. Well, no, the Pillsbury Dough boy is normally a happy thing. But, besides him, fuck..I'm just tired I guess. I'm tired of waking up and no one being here. I'm tired of not getting to call someone and telling them I love them. I'm tired of never telling anyone I love them. I have all this love inside of me and I'm dieing to give it to someone, but, it just seems so impossible. And I'm trying to not make this one of my prime things to do, find love and all, but it bothers me so much that I can't help but focus on how much it sucks that I'm afraid of the very thing I'm in need of. And I can't help knowing that I always fuck up the relationship, and I always run away. You're all probably like, "Shut up, Sandy. You're beautiful. You'll find someone. Stop bitching about love." But that's the thing, I can't. It hurts so bad sometimes, and watching relationships upon relationships fall apart daily in my business is no means of encouragement. I really don't know what I'm talking about, I'm just venting. I'm tired of venting.
Just a fast, yahoo to Ben. Congrats, hun. You're so amazing.
I think tomorrow is Heather's party. I'm so bad with dates. But, I did find this gown, and now, I can't wear it or something. But, I'm getting a mask and I'll be damned if I don't wear this gown. It's just so pretty. I'm fuckin wearing it! Alright. Not that serious. Let me go eat lunch. Food helps me calm down. ::sigh::
Don't get me wrong, generally, I'm a very happy person. But, on days, like to day, when I wake up pissed off at the world, I'm not happy at all. And these people see me and they think I'm some low-life because I'm not happy. I can't fucking stand that. I really honestly can't. Who do you know that is happy 24/7? I don't know a soul. Well, no, the Pillsbury Dough boy is normally a happy thing. But, besides him, fuck..I'm just tired I guess. I'm tired of waking up and no one being here. I'm tired of not getting to call someone and telling them I love them. I'm tired of never telling anyone I love them. I have all this love inside of me and I'm dieing to give it to someone, but, it just seems so impossible. And I'm trying to not make this one of my prime things to do, find love and all, but it bothers me so much that I can't help but focus on how much it sucks that I'm afraid of the very thing I'm in need of. And I can't help knowing that I always fuck up the relationship, and I always run away. You're all probably like, "Shut up, Sandy. You're beautiful. You'll find someone. Stop bitching about love." But that's the thing, I can't. It hurts so bad sometimes, and watching relationships upon relationships fall apart daily in my business is no means of encouragement. I really don't know what I'm talking about, I'm just venting. I'm tired of venting.
Just a fast, yahoo to Ben. Congrats, hun. You're so amazing.
I think tomorrow is Heather's party. I'm so bad with dates. But, I did find this gown, and now, I can't wear it or something. But, I'm getting a mask and I'll be damned if I don't wear this gown. It's just so pretty. I'm fuckin wearing it! Alright. Not that serious. Let me go eat lunch. Food helps me calm down. ::sigh::