Update
Well well well. Time for another entry. As an english major, one would hope that I'd be continuously writing-- day after day, back to back, constantly. Maybe. I don't know. I find myself contemplating the last few years of my life, and how writing has become something of a waning moon for me... A moon settling into the pure blackness just before dawn. I couldn't say that I know what next will occur. I'm thinking that the sun should probably make an appearance soon. It's been a while.
I remember the days when I would spend hours clicking away at a keyboard, pouring my heart and soul into every individual letter my agile fingers typed into existence. And back then, I really didn't have that much to write about, per se. Comparitively speaking, I had nothing at all to write about. Teenage angst, "love," falling out of "love," betrayal. Nothing but the quasi-interesting themes common to all in the age range of 15-19 years. Call this a reflection, if you will. Make of it what you will. Things have changed, and they are forever changing. I haven't a clue how to classify, justify nor clarify my developmental years. All I know is that they relentlessly continue, and I'm aware that I will continue to learn about myself until the day I expire. I'm not the only one. For some of us, we'll never truly know who we are. I'm okay with that.
It is both a blessing and a curse to be endowed with such a heightened ability to question the workings of everything we encounter. Everything has interpretations. Just earlier I was speaking to my girlfriend, Victoria, about philosophy and how any one thing can have multiple, believable arguments. So long as one has the words, (s)he can quantify just about anything, and present it to another to be understood and identified with. Belief is a funny thing. But I already took a philosophy course, and it stretched my mind to the limits. Pretty sure I'll never put the same effort into justifying things as some philosophers have. But that's okay with me. I don't know that I need to be fully understood. Mystery is fine with me.
I suppose I should throw in an update as to what's currently going on in my life. Well, I'm in my 7th quarter at UC Davis. I've moved residences four times; first starting in Castilian South (304B), then on to the Alvarado Sunset Apartments, then Sequoia, where I lived in a three bedroom apartment before moving into this two bedroom flat on my own. This is my final quarter at UCD, and I am taking one course: ENL 100P. I have taken the course before, and am 100% certain that I will go out with a bang-- an A or a B. I will then be graduating with a BA in English with an emphasis on Creative Writing. It remains to be seen what exactly I can do with that, and whether the thousands of thousands of dollars my family has spent on my college career will actually go far.
Congruent with my aspirations determined at the age of 16, I still desire to achieve my definition of success: Meet someone I'm crazy about, punch out one or two kids, have a good enough job to support them and live comfortably, then live out the rest of my life fulfilling the needs of my wife, and watching my kids grow into strong, competent human beings who will eventually begin the cycle anew. I'm hopeful that this has already been set into motion. We never know for sure what the future has in store, but we can't dwell on what hasn't happened yet. I'm working to live out every day as it comes, worrying not about the future, but about the present. So far, it's had mixed results. But presently, I can say that I'm pretty happy. I guess that leads me into how things have been since the life-changing move from Los Angeles to small town life here in Davis.
I can't say that I was ever truly happy living in Davis until February 15, 2009. On that date, I met a fantastic young woman who showed me there were better things to life than dwelling on your failures (however dominant they were, even if the ratio was something like for every success, I'd get 10 failures in return. Ouch). She taught me exactly how true one of my beliefs was, the one about me being made happy if I made a girl smile. She's taught me many things, both good and bad. I've learned a lot over the last 10 or 11 months, and I know she's learned a lot too. We love to go on adventures-- to Lake Berryessa, Sacramento, San Francisco... The list goes on. They can be as simple as a night out to a bar complete with dancing. I wish to continue these excursions. It's the little things in life which add up to big things. Happiness comes in doses, and I know that now.
So, life's little lessons will continue. They show up when you least expect them; sometimes turning your life upside down for a period of time, but inevitably showing you that while things may not always be what they seem, change is the only constant. It is the manner in which we adapt to change which secures our passage into a successful future. Never underestimate yourself. And I'll drink to that.