Nightmare Game Chapter 6
HOLY FUKN SHIT, IT'S AN UPDATE.
...Now that that's out of the way..
Nightmare Game
A D.Gray-Man Fanfiction
By SisterWicked
Chapter 6 - Nightwalk
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Lavi woke alone.
The space beside him was cool, telling him that it's previous occupant was long gone. Sighing quietly, he frowned, remembering the night's activities. The dream he'd forgotten remained so, an almost frightening blank in his otherwise flawless memory.
Recalling his embarrassing reaction, he winced. He could barely believe that he'd clung to his companion so tightly, just as he couldn't believe that the man had allowed and even encouraged it. Remembering that was even more humiliating, how he'd begged for anything the other was willing to give, even though he knew he shouldn't. His memory provided him with feelings and images, almost as if it were eager to mock his weakness.
Shivering briefly, he wondered what the older man must think of him, knowing that his desperate pleas for release must have sounded terribly whorish. Even that had not been enough, he'd all but demanded to be taken, urging the man to his limits and beyond..
His skin prickled with remembered heat, and he bit his lip hard enough to bleed as his heart began to pound. Confusion dampened the feeling slightly, but the lingering scent of his captor on the sheets was nearly maddening, making the Exorcist gasp as a bolt of arousal struck him. His breath hitched painfully, startling him into rising. He couldn't be feeling this, not so soon..!
'I want him,' He thought, shaking his head in disgust. 'He spent half the night fucking me, and the first thing I think about is wanting more!'
Ignoring his aching muscles, he stood, pulling his shirt on almost angrily. The soreness only reminded him of it's cause, and again he nearly staggered at the urgent leap of his pulse. Sinking into the man's desk chair, he sighed. Remembering that the other kept a watch in the desk, he searched briefly, pulling it out and flipping open the lid. Seeing that it was close to three o' clock, he shook his head in disbelief. As far back as he could recall, he'd never slept so late, even after being injured on a mission.
But then again, he'd never spent three days fucking a man that he was supposed to hate.
The thought provoked another wave of memories, the hot slickness of a tongue on his skin, the rasp of teeth... Clenching his hands tightly, he struggled to breathe, every nerve afire with a longing ache. Riding out his shivers, he laughed at himself, inspecting the shallow cuts left by his short nails.
"Stupid," He muttered, wiping the slowly oozing wounds on the black fabric of his pants. "Stupid fucking child, whining over a dream!" He slumped back against the chair, closing his eye.
'Not a child.. A whore. A stupid, whining whore that can't even control his own body. Pathetic.'
He shuddered at the thought, his hands clutching the arms of the chair.
'You always get what's coming to you, when you want the wrong thing.. How many dreams were just like this, begging for every inch of a murderer's body while he fucked you like an animal?'
Remembering his nocturnal transgressions, he growled, disgusted by the unwitting lust he'd felt for a complete stranger. The image of the miner he'd met on that long-ago train had been a guilt-laden plaything, fueling his hormones like coals on dry paper. At first, he'd pushed the other's face away, but after several all-too-clearly recalled dreams that left him panting amidst tangled, sticky sheets, he's stopped denying the depth of his blasphemous attraction.
'After imagining those hands, his hands, on you when you touched yourself, there's nothing left to complain about, not when the real thing is so much better.. Even when it hurts, it hurts so damn good.. Why fight, if there's nothing else worth having? And there isn't. There never was.'
Shaken at the utter darkness of his thoughts, he rose from the chair with a choking denial, blinking rapidly at the futile sting of tears. He knew that the reasoning was correct, no matter how hard it was to accept the words in his mind. He'd allowed himself to be consumed by his passion for another man, an enemy that he had sworn to destroy at any cost. The second meeting with that man had been his final humiliation, his stomach twisting with self-hating nausea as the skin he'd secretly craved turned from deep olive to ashen grey..
'And you still wanted that skin, wanted to feel the heat of it against your back.. Even those hateful demon eyes, you moaned like a bitch in heat when you imagined them watching you while you begged..'
Wiping his face with a hand, he strode to the bathroom, turning on the cold water to splash his burning face. Looking up at himself in the mirror, he flinched at his ragged appearance, the faint shading beneath his eye giving silent testament to his lack of rest.
'It doesn't matter what you look like, he calls you Lovely, doesn't he? His lovely little whore, just like a rat that he picked up out of the gutter to play with.. How long will it be fun, before he gets tired of seeing you on your back or on your knees? I wonder if he'll finish you off like he started, with teeth at your throat while you bleed out your stolen life?'
The memory of the man's passion-induced bite and his reaction to it left him staggered with sickness, retching violently into the basin of the sink. Gasping for air, he leaned his head against the cool surface of the counter, shaking his head. "Not a rat.. 'M not like that, he promised.. He won't-"
'Won't what? Grow tired of seeing a pathetic human playing at nursemaid? He might be mad, but he's lived this long without your useless presence. You could die now, and he'd forget you just as quickly as the last whore he bedded. Just a thing to be disposed of, just like the rest of his trash.'
Lavi shuddered, breathing heavily. "He wants me here, he could have killed me! He needs-"
'Why would he kill a perfectly good fuck toy? That's what he needs, a way to work off all that pent-up want. Better keep him satisfied, or he might go find another toy.. Maybe a sweet little thing that he can wrap around those talented fingers.'
Bolting to his feet, the boy gripped the edge of the counter to steady himself. "He wouldn't.. He won't! He said that I'm his, so that makes him mine!" He stiffened at the sound of his own voice, the possessive tone shocking him. Facing his reflection in the mirror, he shook his head. "He said he wanted.. God, I can't give him what he wants! I told him that I can't! Dammit!"
'That's right. He'll get tired of that, and find someone who can.. He might be looking now. The little performance last night was probably enough to get him thinking.'
Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, turning away from the mirror. "He said it was enough to be mine.." He whispered, forcing down his anxiety. "Last night doesn't matter, he let me hold him like that for nothing.. He wanted to be with me, after we were done!" The inner voice laughed tauntingly.
'But he's not yours, is he? You can't give him anything more than an easy lay.. You're just a body to warm the bed. But why fret over it? Forget how useless this you is, and let the rest have a turn.'
He walked to the aforementioned bed, jerking the sheets and blanket straight as he struggled to ignore the presence of a single dark hair upon the nearest pillow, the coiled strand drawing his eyes again and again before he finally completed his task. "This me isn't useless, he said he wants to keep me! He doesn't even know about the other ones.." Sinking down to sit on the bed's edge, he rubbed at a singularly tense area just below his spine. "If I acted like some of them, he really would want me to leave! The last one-"
'Had whatever he wanted, because he wasn't afraid to take it. You could stand to be more like that, taking and having for yourself instead of infantile clinging.'
Clenching his fists, he nodded. "I know he was stronger! But I can't be like that anymore, that life is over!" Blinking in surprise at himself, he shook his head. "That person doesn't exist.. Even if I remember it, that can't bring back someone that's gone!" The voice was softer, the tone less harsh.
'You never decided that.. The old man took that person away, but you could bring him back..'
He bit his lip in thought, remembering how simple things had seemed before he became Lavi. "I can't." He finally whispered, sighing tiredly. "The change is absolute, I can't be that person anymore." The reply was still soft, far removed from the spiteful words of before.
'Maybe not.. But there's still a bit left behind, isn't there? You could open yourself like the old man does when he needs one of the Other's memories, and let some of him come through..'
Stiffening, he shook his head. "I can't do that by myself, I might break what's left of this me's persona.. I wouldn't have anyone to wake me back up, if I tried it alone."
'Don't go too deep. He'll be back, and you know you'll sense him near you.. That would wake you up.'
Tucking his bare feet beneath him, he slumped. "I don't get that, either.. I know what I said, but shouldn't I be afraid, even a little? He gets so angry, but I still.." He tapered off, closing his eye. "I've got to work harder, so he won't be like that anymore! He's not the person he was, he's been kind to me.."
'Then make him yours. He'll be happy, and you can keep him just the way you wanted to.. You only need to be a little stronger, and there's a stronger self to use.. Isn't he worth it?'
"Yes! But that won't change anything, I still can't.. I won't feel anything back!" He shook his head in frustration, leaning back against the headboard. "He wouldn't be happy like that, he could have pointless sex with anyone he wanted!"
'But he said that he wants you. You can't expect him to change if you won't change for him.. And you could. Are you that selfish?'
He shivered at the faint thrill brought on by the thought, forcing it away in favor of more pressing matters. "He doesn't know anything! If I did try to change, he wouldn't even be able to tell.." He sat up quickly, his eye wide. "He really wouldn't.. I could try, a little.. Maybe it won't take very much, just to be more..confident."
He moved to the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath in readiness. Forcing himself to relax, he allowed his thoughts to drift back to his time before the Order, looking past the memories themselves in favor of more personal things, the sense of who he'd been. It was surprisingly easy, and he wondered if the hallucinated battle with the other man's sister had damaged more than just the current persona he'd adopted. Ignoring the feeling of wrongness at his course of action, he closed his eye, examining the things that separated this him from the other.
'See? Strength, determination.. It was the drive to achieve a goal that was different. As you are, you would ask before you take.. Would that really be of any use, now?'
And he did see. The person he'd been most recently would never have felt pity so easily, or cared that his captor was less to blame than it seemed. That person would only have seen that this was the one he'd wished for, and used the chance he'd been given to have the thing he desired.
It was unsettling, to think that he'd been so different in so short a time, but even the less appealing parts of that person had been an advantage. People had never been willing to openly ridicule him as they did now, not when it was clear that he wouldn't react well. Imagining the other's reaction to Kanda or Komui's...unique personalities was almost humorous, but he shook off the urge to laugh as he concentrated on just how he could change his nature with subtle adjusting.
Pushing tentatively at the intangible wall between then and now, he shivered at the sensation it produced, almost like a cold draft in his head. There was resistance, but nothing that felt impenetrable, not like it had always seemed before. Setting the thought aside for later consideration, he focussed on the division, drawing the things he sought closer to the surface of himself.
'Just.. a little more..'
There.
He knew he'd found it, there was nothing Lavi about the feeling of these memories, not with the sharply defined edges of self-righteousness and willpower. Allowing the sense of that other person to come forward, he impressed them into the less-firm definition of this person, replacing wonder and hope and wish with the other's know and will and have.
At first, there was no change, and he growled in frustration. Then, it was almost as if something tore in the back of his head, the feeling of pressure and pain and fear jumbling together in a single instant of agony that pitched him headlong to the floor. He thought he must have screamed, but there was no sound save the panicked rush of blood in his ears, the accompanying heartbeat erratic enough to be frightening as he clutched at himself unconsciously.
Gasping for breath, he laughed at the receding terror despite his violent trembling. "Fuck. Maybe not the best plan.." He reached blindly for the edge of the bed, pulling himself up to sit as he shook off his rattled nerves. Breathing deeply, he noticed immediately that his uncertainty had dissipated, though the thinly-veiled urge to have more of his captor's.. attentions.. remained.
"Well, at least I'm not so damned afraid of it anymore." He muttered, blinking away the remnants of his pained tears. "I should have told him not to take off like that before I went to sleep, but he should have known that I wouldn't like being stuck here like this.." Frowning at the room's emptiness, he leaned back on his elbows, closing his eye with a snort. "Maybe he'll be here soon, it's not like he has anything else to do.. I can think of a few things that need doing, though."
Again, his mind provided him with images and sensations of their previous activities, but rather than disgusted arousal he felt heat. Half-expecting the inner voice to comment, he laughed at his rising pulse as he lay back on the soft blanket. Trailing a finger along his chest in tandem with the other's remembered touch, he sighed. "Mm. Definately something that needs done.. For once I'm glad my memory's so good."
Imagining his teacher's horrified expression at this particular use of his finely-honed memory, he snickered. "Oh well. He did say I needed better concentration.." Feeling the slight displacement of air nearby, he sat up, turning toward the faint step beyond the room's closed door. "Finally.." He muttered, stretching absently. "Maybe he won't mind having a little talk about what he's gotten himself into.."
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Tyki materialized at the entrance to his room, deciding that it may be best to avoid startling the boy he could sense was within. There was an unfamiliar edge to his presence, lending a feeling of unease to the man's already unsettled thoughts. 'Perhaps he's annoyed at being left for so long.' He mused, reaching for the doorknob. Turning it, he pushed the door open slowly, his eyes scanning the room in search of the younger boy as he stepped inside.
Seeing him seated on the edge of the bed, he relaxed at his seeming calm, shrugging off his heavy coat. Hanging it carelessly on the hook beside the door, he toed his shoes off with a contented sigh. "Horrible things.." He muttered, turning to address his companion. Finding himself nearly face-to-face with the Exorcist, he jumped in surprise. "Lavi! Gods, now I see why you dislike that so.. Lavi? What's wrong?"
The redhead began to reply, his mouth closing abruptly as he sniffed curiously in the older man's direction. Leaning closer, he inhaled deeply, raising his head to glare at the surprised man. "Where did you go?" He asked, his soft question belying the tense set of his shoulders. Blinking at his intense stare, the former Noah cleared his throat.
"The post office, to send the letters I finished last night. You were still sleeping, so I thought it best to-" Lavi snorted, cutting him off.
"To find another way to entertain yourself? If you were that desperate, you could have woke me up and saved yourself the trouble of finding a whore." He waved a hand at the man's incredulous expression, ignoring his alarmed hum. "That's what I'm here for, isn't it? You could have at least picked one that didn't reek of cheap perfume, I hear that they usually do that to keep you from smelling the diseases they carry."
Laughing mirthlessly, he shook his head. "I hope you didn't wear yourself out, because I was just thinking about how hungry I am."
Tyki raised an eyebrow in confusion, something about the boy's tightly-controlled voice making him wonder at the meaning of his statement. "Lovely, I can assure you that whatever you're imagining is wrong. The perfume is from a nurse I met at the hospital, a particularly unsavory woman, actually. I wouldn't have lain with her if the very fate of the world depended on it."
Before he could explain further, he found himself pressed firmly against the door, a shaking redhead holding his wide eyed gaze as he pulled his shirt free of his pants. Working the buttons loose from their holes, the boy shoved the garment roughly over his shoulders, dropping it to the floor as he took hold of the older man's waistband.
"So, you let her do what you wouldn't let me finish? That's just great. Maybe I should be happy that you spared me the indignity?" He yanked the button free, batting at the man's hand as he strove to ward him off. Seeing a brief flash of color, he caught the other's wrist, turning the palm upward. Glaring fiercely at the clear red outline of a mouth, he all but hissed in fury. "God, you really do have them eating out of your hand, don't you?" Tugging the hand forward, he wiped the offending smear away with the hem of his shirt, ignoring the other's sharp inhale. "At least I won't leave anything like that on you."
Lifting the man's hand to his face, he pressed his lips to the palm, licking briefly at his skin before drawing a wet trail up the length of his middle finger with his tongue. Nipping sharply at the tip, he raised his head to stare at the older man's astonished face. "See? Not a trace. Besides that, I hope you cleaned yourself off, I'd hate to end up with some stranger's spit in my mouth."
Tyki shook his head quickly, pulling his hand away. "I didn't do anything like that with her, Lovely. There were things that needed to be said, and she refused to be silent." Taking in the boy's openly skeptical look, he sighed. "Is my word no longer good, Lavi? I swear to you, I did nothing but speak to her, it was urgent that she be still, so I covered her mouth to avoid unwanted attentions."
The boy leveled a blank stare at him, the expression softening slightly at the man's pained wince. "Fair enough," He said, nodding. "But since I'm already halfway there, I might as well finish what I started." Ignoring the older man's quick gasp, he sank to his knees, wrapping his arms around his hips as he pressed his mouth to the skin just above his navel. Tightening his grip, he held the man still with a hand against his back, pulling him closer as he closed his eye.
Hearing the other's low moan, he hummed quietly in agreement. Freeing one hand, he tugged carefully at the man's zipper, sliding it down as he licked teasing lines over his dark skin. Slipping his fingers beneath the loosened material, he pulled firmly at both pants and undergarments, leaning away to allow the other room to step out of them without halting his course across the plane of his stomach.
Setting the discarded clothing aside, he resumed his hold on the older man's waist, moving his head slightly to continue his explorations. Following the curve of his abdomen, he sighed against the sparsely haired skin, lowering his hands to stroke the sides of his hips. "Please don't stop me this time.." He murmured, avoiding the stare he could feel the older man directing at his bent head. "I need to know that I can do this, Tyki."
Without waiting for a reply, he cupped his palm lightly over the man's hardened skin, supporting it's weight firmly as he stroked his tongue across the tip. Feeling the answering shake of his muscles, the Exorcist whined softly in response, repeating the action as his fingers shifted to allow more room for his eager movements. The sensation of hands digging carefully into his hair urged him on, his mouth opening as he sucked gently on the heated flesh.
Tyki shuddered slightly, fighting the need to pull the boy's head closer with extreme force of will. Closing his eyes, he leaned heavily against the door, an odd pressure reminding him of the twice-damned hat he'd neglected to remove. Stifling a snort at the utterly ridiculous image he must present, he shook his head in amused exasperation.
The near-silent noise prompted the redhead to pull away, his eye narrowing dangerously as he looked up. "What's so damned funny?" He asked, frowning at the other's smirk. "If it's wrong, say something! Don't just-"
Tyki shook his head, composing his features into some semblance of seriousness. "I'm not laughing at you, Lovely.. I was merely thinking that I'm overdressed for the occasion." He indicated his point with an upward glance, shrugging at the boy's muffled snicker. "Believe me, there's nothing funny about what you're doing."
Lavi raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "Good. But there must be a problem.. If you're able to think about your hat, I must be doing something wrong." He leaned in, resuming his efforts with more enthusiasm, humming contentedly at the man's surprised moan. Feeling the other's fingers tighten against his scalp, he slid his free hand down from it's place, stroking his palm over the lean muscles of the older man's backside to pull him closer.
Tyki gasped approvingly at his touch, cradling the back of his head gently as he increased his pace. The sensation of the boy's mouth was unbelievably intense, the slick warmth of his tongue drawing a ragged sound from the man's throat as he shivered. The noise seemed to fuel the redhead's determination, his grip tightening as he urged the older man on with a muffled whine. Struggling to hold himself still, Tyki panted harshly in anticipation.
"Please don't stop, it feels.. Oh God, Lovely, please!" He arched away from the door, his voice failing him as he ground an urgent warning that the boy pointedly ignored. Feeling his control slip, he pulled his hands free of the Exorcist's hair, catching his shoulders as he bucked desperately forward. Lavi whimpered pleadingly, his movements unfaltering as he held the other's hips tightly in his shaking hands.
Tyki moaned in reply, the sound catching in his throat as the boy pressed closer, squeezing his hips in mute encouragement. The slight reassurance was his undoing, his back arching sharply as he cried out the Exorcist's name in a voice made rough by release. Lavi hummed softly, ignoring the slightly bitter taste as he pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand. Breathing heavily, he sat at the man's feet, still avoiding his dazed look until the other lowered himself carefully to the floor beside him.
Raising an unsteady hand, Tyki caught the boy's face, turning his head to meet his gaze. His face was lightly tinged with embarrassment, but his expression remained faintly challenging, as if he expected the man to chide him for his actions. Sighing quietly, the older man shook his head, using his hold to pull the surprised redhead in for a kiss. Leaning away for air, he laughed.
"Gods, Lavi.. Are you really so jealous? Your possessiveness is unwarranted, I hardly think I need another lover, if you're as eager as that.." The boy frowned back at him, his face still colored with ire.
"You said you weren't going to share me, so I'm not going to share you! You said you were mine, didn't you?" He demanded, scowling at the other's surprised look. "What? I can be just as selfish as you, dammit!"
Shaking off the man's hold, he averted his face. "Don't just leave like that anymore. Wake me up, or leave a note, something! You're just gone, and I don't even have any way of knowing if you'll be back!" Tyki blinked at him in astonishment, then frowned.
"You think that I would leave you here, Lovely? Just go, and abandon you here to die? Gods, do you really think that little of me?" He took hold of the Exorcist's arm, pulling him around sharply. "Look at me! Do you honestly believe that, Lavi? Even at my worst, I wouldn't have stooped to such a thing! I only left you asleep because you needed it, I didn't think it would upset you."
The boy flinched at his tone, but glared back defiantly. "You thought I wouldn't care if you were gone? That says a lot about your opinion of me, too!" Jerking his arm free, he stood, ignoring the tingle of returning circulation as he glowered down at the stunned man. "I didn't stay here for a good lay, Tyki! I can't give you what you asked me for, but I can at least give a fuck about what happens to you!"
Clenching his hands tightly, he shook his head. "You don't even understand that! After all the talk about family and love, you can't even grasp the idea of someone being worried about you when you're off doing God knows what! I was like that too, but the people at the Order changed me.. I can't care about them the way they cared about me, but after everything was finished, I wanted to! They said that was enough, but it's not! Nobody should be left like that, outside of everything that matters! Even if I didn't want to help you, I owe it to them to try!"
Glancing around the room, he leveled a hard look at the brunette, sighing in frustration. "I've spent a lot of time here by myself, and I don't know how you can stand it, Tyki. There's nothing, no people outside, no noise, nothing! Just you and whatever it is that you think about when you're alone! It's no wonder that you're going crazy, that thing in your head is all that's here! You can't live like that, nobody can! Stop using this place to torture yourself!"
Raking a hand through his hair, he sank down in front of the older man, willing him to understand. "I don't think that you'd go off and leave me here, Tyki. I wouldn't have stayed if I thought that, not for anybody's sake." Looking away, he ignored the man's unclothed state, refusing to be distracted by the lingering traces of his desperate arousal. "When you leave like that, I wonder if you're okay. You might be damn near indestructible, but you aren't immortal, Noah or not! I don't have to be infatuated with you to worry, I can do that for almost anyone!"
Wincing inwardly at the thought of his former companions, he shook his head. "I told you that I don't think of you like that anymore, I look at it the same way that I'd worry about someone who never heard of the Earl! People die, Tyki. Some people just take a little more to do the job."
Facing the other squarely, he steeled himself against the man's wide eyed expression. "You don't have to tell me where you're going, just.. Give me a chance to say goodbye, in case you don't come back."
The memory of his own departure made him shudder, his chest tight with guilt as he thought of all the people he'd neglected to bid farewell. The voice that had mocked him for his uselessness returned full force to remind him of his unthinking cruelty, sending a wave of cold down his spine.
As if he could read the boy's thoughts, Tyki leaned in, his face intent with sudden comprehension. "That's what you did, isn't it? You thought you'd be safe, so you left without.. Oh, God." He caught the redhead's arm again, pulling him forward despite his faint struggles. "I didn't know, Lovely.. Why are you doing this? It doesn't make sense for you to stay here, not when everything you lost was directly because of me! Why would you want to be here?"
Lavi pulled back against his hold, shaking his head. "I don't know! I want to help you, but I don't know how I can! The only thing I do know is that you need me here, even if it's just to keep from being stuck in this place alone!" Seeing the older man's surprise, he pulled harder, shivering at the feeling of his fingers sliding across the back of his hand. "I want to know some things too, Tyki. How can you sit there and look at me, knowing what I did? You should hate me more than anything in the Goddamned world, because you hurt when you lost your family! You brought me here, and even though that took away my 'family', I can't feel the way you did!"
He laughed, mocking himself. "We weren't even that close anymore.. They know that I don't feel like they're my family, not really. After the war was over, I couldn't even say that I was happy! Nobody ever said anything about that, but I could see it in their eyes when they looked at me, that they were finally starting to get tired of caring about someone that couldn't return their feelings.." Avoiding the other's questioning look, he sighed. "Honestly, I think that did hurt, a little. It sure as Hell wasn't just nothing anymore, but it isn't even close to what happened to you, Tyki." Facing him abruptly, he winced at the man's obvious sympathy. "You should hurt me, because I deserve it a lot more than you do! Every time you touch me should be like it was before, except that you shouldn't be worried about me liking it! You didn't take anything important from me, there was no one else that would have wanted it!"
The older man stared at him in open disbelief, the expression almost comical if not for it's cause. "You don't value yourself at all, Lavi? No one should have to want you for you to be concerned of your own well-being!" The boy glared at him in sudden anger, jerking away to avoid his attempts at recapturing his wrist.
"What would you know about it? You don't care about yourself either! All you do is sit here in this awful place and rot." He rose to his feet, shaking with inexplicable fury. "You take better care of me than you do yourself! How do you ever expect to be happy if you don't try?" The former Noah shook his head, rising to stand in front of him.
"Maybe that's why you're here, Lavi. You can remind me to take better care of myself, if I forget." Stepping closer, he noticed the other's abrupt stillness, a subtle shift of weight as if he meant to retreat. "Besides my personal disregard, is something wrong? You're looking at me like I might eat you, Lovely." He took in the tense set of the redhead's features, frowning at the deep coloring around the wound on his throat. "Does it hurt? You should be careful, I've heard that a bite can be worse than anything else.." Lifting a hand to the boy's collar, he pushed it back gently, leaning in to inspect the mark with a wince. Hearing the Exorcist's indrawn breath, he turned to look at him in surprise. "Did I..Lavi? Is it as bad as all that?" The look on his face was unmistakably fearful, but he shook his head.
"It doesn't really hurt, you just.." He faltered, closing his eye with a shudder. "Don't touch me." He managed, moving away from the other's light hold. "I need to be somewhere else, I don't want to look at you right now." He turned, forcing down the quick stab of arousal at the older man's proximity.
Tyki allowed him to go, watching his back curiously as he crossed the room with decidedly halting steps. The slight tremor of his hand was apparent as he reached for the doorknob, prompting the man to follow him despite his obvious aversion. "Wait. Are you unwell, Lavi? You're shaking, and you look feverish." He laid his palm against the Exorcist's cheek, noting his heightened color. "You're warm, but not overly so.." Humming in confusion, he looked again at the shallow wound on the boy's neck, jumping at the feeling of the redhead's hand on his waist. Glancing up, he blinked at the haze of lust in his widened eye. "Lovely..?"
The Exorcist shook his head mutely, his hold tightening as he leaned in, pulling the man forward as he rose to his toes to press their mouths together roughly. Feeling him stiffen in surprise, he lifted his free hand to the older man's neck, his fingers twining into his hair to hold him steady as he licked at his lower lip.
Growling at his slight resistance, he pulled back with a frown. "You should have let me leave, Tyki. I told you, I need to be away from you for a while." Seeing the man's dawning comprehension, he nodded. "Good, I don't have to explain. Now if you'll excuse me, I think it would probably be a good idea to leave the room with the naked man in it." Releasing his grip, he stepped back, scowling as the other moved to match him. "I'm not kidding around, Tyki! I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but not sorry enough to sit here and go crazy watching you prance around naked!"
Tyki shook his head in amused exasperation, backing the spluttering boy to the wall. "Lovely, I cannot recall a single instance of prancing in my entire life. Besides that, why would you avoid me, if you know that I would be more than willing to alleviate your.. suffering?" Taking note of the Exorcist's diminishing ire, he smiled, leaning in to invade his personal space.
"It is a kiss that you want, Lavi? By all means, help yourself." He bent closer, pausing only inches from the other's upturned face. "Go on, I won't stop you.. I rather like it when you take the initiative." Raising an eyebrow at the boy's shaky reluctance, he tugged lightly at the front of his shirt, urging him forward. "Do I need to ask? Kiss me, Lovely.. Please?"
The redhead nodded jerkily, leaning in with a quiet whine. He caught the man's lips hesitantly, his eye shut tight as he lifted an unsteady hand to rest along one bare hip. His breath hitched painfully at the other's low hum of approval, the sensation of teeth against his lip prompting him to deepen the kiss with a moan. He followed the man's retreating tongue eagerly, his fingers digging into his skin as the brunette's hand moved down to cup him through the material of his pants.
Bucking into the touch, he pulled back with a strangled cry, his legs shaking with rising desperation. The man hissed softly in agreement, wrapping an arm around his waist as he continued his slow strokes.
"Do you want me to stop? I'll only ask you once, Lavi, so don't lie to me." He smiled at the boy's ragged negative, toying idly with the buttons of his shirt. "What do you want me to do, Lovely? It's too soon for me to take you, but I certainly wouldn't mind returning your incredibly generous welcome.." The Exorcist nodded rapidly, jerking his shirt free of his pants and pulling it over his head without bothering to unbutton it.
Staring expectantly up at the surprised man, he frowned at his soft laugh. "Well? Are you going to stand there snickering at me, or are you going to move your hand so I can take these off?" He indicated his pants with a nod. "You really pick the worst times to be a fucking tease, Tyki. Maybe I should start doing that to you, and see how you like it."
The older man blinked at the earnest venom in his tone, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I don't think you can do that, Lavi. Teasing means to tempt without the intention of fulfillment, and you seem very keen on that." Taking hold of the boy's waistband, he tugged at the button, working it free as he slipped a hand inside the borrowed garment. Pushing the zipper out of his way, he resumed his steady strokes directly against the redhead's hardened skin. "Look at you.. How could you tease me, when every inch of you is begging for me? You don't have the slightest idea of what real teasing is, Lovely."
Biting back a moan, the boy met his gaze evenly, the voice in his head raging at the other's casual dismissal of his willpower. Smiling brittly, he ran a hand up the man's side, pressing firmly against his back. "Maybe I do want it.. But it's not only me, is it? I might not be able to tease you like that, but I can sure as hell tempt you, can't I?" He arched away from the wall, leaning flush against the other's body.
"You're supposed to be the big, scary sexual predator, but I could make you do me any time I wanted it. You said it yourself, you love to have me willing." Closing his eye, he hummed at the older man's momentary pause. "I don't know why you want it so much, when I know you've had better.. But that doesn't matter. Maybe it's because I told you that you can have it anytime you want it?" He traced down the man's spine with a finger, smiling at his quiet gasp as he drew meaningless designs on his skin. "You'd rather do that than lick me, wouldn't you? I'll bet you're thinking about it now, wondering if your carpet would hurt my knees if you fucked me right here on the floor."
He laughed at the brunette's stunned expression, shaking his head. "It wouldn't. I remember what it felt like under my back, and I can promise you that nothing we do on your carpet would be painful."
Seeing the man's eyes widen, his smile became almost mocking. Pulling the other's hand out of his pants, he took hold of his naked backside, yanking him forward. Using the wall to brace himself, he ground his hips into the older man's, moaning at the friction between them. "Mm.. This could be good, too. If you're worried about the floor, we could always try the wall.. You were going to do it like that the first time, weren't you?" He moved one hand to his waist, shoving impatiently at his pants. Growling in annoyance, he kicked them off, resuming his grip on the man's hip.
Lifting his head, he watched the former Noah's face as he repeated his deliberate movements. "You know, now that I really look at you, I should probably be thankful.. If I was going to have someone be my first, it's better that it wasn't an ugly person."
The older man winced at his flippant reference to his lost virginity, shaking his head rapidly. "No! That isn't something to be grateful for, you should have had a person of your own choosing.." He faltered, leaning down to meet the Exorcist's gaze. "I would undo it, if I could! I wish I had never laid eyes or hands on you, Lavi. No amount of willingness or pleasure can ever make it right."
Snorting in amusement, the redhead closed his eye. "God, you act like I'm completely innocent, Tyki.. You don't have any idea what I was like, before you brought me here." He glared fiercely up at the older man, his hands still firm against his skin. "The first time I met you, I thought to myself, 'I bet he would be so fucking hot without those damned glasses.' That's why I couldn't believe that you were the same person, because you took them off the next time we saw you like that, and you really were. It made me sick that I thought about you like that, and you were a Goddamned Noah the whole time! I didn't get anything I didn't deserve, for being stupid enough to want you!"
Tyki stared at him in disbelief, taking hold of his shoulders. "You didn't know that! Even when we fought, you didn't recognize me. You only wanted the person you believed me to be, Lovely." He leaned back, placing a hand against the wall to push himself away. "Is that why you really stayed, Lavi? Not just because of Rhode, but because you think that you deserve this?"
The Exorcist shook his head, his hold tightening. "It was after that, too! I knew what you were, and I still.. Damn it, you haven't done anything that I wouldn't have let you do, if you'd asked!" Clenching his jaw, he spoke through gritted teeth. "You could have brought me here without knocking me out, idiot! It might have taken longer, but I would have done it! The only one who hated anybody was you!" Closing his eye, he struggled to control his rage, the man's sharp exhale reminding him of his harsh grip. Forcing back his anger, he sighed.
"None of that matters anymore. What matters now is that we're both completely naked, and I still want you enough to make me sick." Loosening his hold, he looked calmly up at the shaken man. "Nobody needs to be hurting or begging, Tyki.. You can have me right now, if you want me." The former Noah shivered at his sudden quiet, his eyes wide with obvious anxiety.
"I..Lovely, I'll hurt you! You can't just keep doing this, it's.." The boy cut him off with a kiss, his hands now gentle on his back as he waited for a response. Feeling the man's muscles tense under his fingers, he urged him closer, humming contentedly as the other's lips parted invitingly. Accepting his silent offer, the redhead stroked his tongue over the older man's own, whimpering shortly when he returned the gesture eagerly.
Breaking away for air, he gasped as the man turned his attentions to his throat, his teeth pressing lightly against the skin at the sound. Shifting to allow him more room, he arched pleadingly away from the wall. "You said I should have.. had a choice, didn't you? Then let me choose!" He pressed urgently against the other's front, wondering why his overwhelming anger had faded so completely. 'Maybe I really shouldn't have tampered..' He thought, unnerved by the idea. 'It feels like I did it right.. But.. I want to make him do this.. Whether he wants it or not!'
Feeling the older man pause, he shook his head mutely, pressing lightly against the back of his head. He stroked his other hand along one naked thigh, curling his fingers around the curve of his hip. "Please," He whispered, not bothering to hide the tremor in his voice. "Don't make me beg, if you want it too.. I don't care if it hurts a little, it always gets better.." He urged the man's head up for a kiss, his hand tangled in the thick mass of his hair.
"I really wouldn't have fought you, Tyki.. After all those dreams I had.. God, you wouldn't believe how bad I wanted you, even the way you used to be." He shuddered at the feeling of a hand on his back, closing his eye with a breathless laugh. "I like this you better though.. You really are the hottest man I've ever seen." Hearing the other's surprised hum, he smiled, pressing closer. "I always heard that the devil is beautiful, but this is ridiculous."
Tyki blinked at him incredulously for all of a minute, stunned by the sudden praise. "Lovely, I- You don't have to.." Lavi cut him off with a nod, meeting his confused gaze.
"I know. I don't have to say anything, but there's no way that you don't know. Did you think it was just the Noah, making people want you?" Snorting at the man's continued shock, he stepped back, glancing brazenly over his unclothed body. "Jesus, Tyki.. I could get myself off just looking at you.. You're just.. God." Looking back at the other's wide eyes, he sighed. "Never mind, Tyki. It's nothing you haven't heard before.. If you really don't want me, that's fine, but.." Clenching his hands, he looked away, ignoring the urge to demand more from the obviously reluctant brunette. "Don't stop me, when I try to leave. It's not your problem, so don't worry about it."
Tyki shook his head, moving forward to catch the boy's shoulders tightly. "You don't tell a man he's beautiful and then expect him to just let you walk away, Lovely.. And isn't it my problem? You say that I made you this way, so I should make it better, no?" He didn't wait for the other's reply, pulling him in for a searching kiss. Feeling the redhead's muscles tense, he leaned back, breathing heavily at the boy's needy expression. "Do you want to leave, Lavi? I won't stop you, but it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good seduction.."
Lavi scowled up at him fiercely, shaking with expectant adrenaline. "You know I don't. I told you what I want, and then you started playing games." He pulled away from the older man's hold, walking around him to stand by the bed. "Come here, Tyki. Or actually.." He sank to his knees, bracing his hands on the mattress. Looking back at the man's astonished face, he smiled. "Here would be even better."
Tyki strode forward, pulling him to his feet with a growl. "I could have had you on the floor over there, Lovely. I hardly think you'll want your knees to hurt, too." Turning him around, he pushed him firmly onto the bed, following after a momentary pause to retrieve the still-present container of oil from the side table. "Don't lie to me if this is painful, Lavi. It defeats the purpose of keeping you here, if there's nothing but hurting."
Dimming the lights absently, he worked the bottle open, pouring the slippery liquid into his palm. "Spread your legs, Lavi. I think I'd like to play a bit more, if you don't mind." The redhead nodded eagerly, pushing himself back to give the man more room. Leaning in, he stroked his hand over the boy's skin, relishing the urgent shivers that wracked him as he moaned. "Goodness, Lovely.. Are you like this already?" He pressed his fingers inward carefully, hissing as the Exorcist arched into the touch.
"Patience, Lavi.. You're going to hurt yourself if you rush this.." He moved his hand slowly, brushing against the place that drew a wavering cry from the other. "Do you really want this to end so quickly, when you could take as long as you wish to enjoy it? There's no reason to hurry, is there?"
Lavi shook his head rapidly, panting for breath as he dug his fingers into the blanket. "I don't want it to be over, I want it to happen! Stop asking stupid questions and do me!" He ignored the faint stinging in his backside, reaching down to take hold of the man's arm. Jerking him up roughly, he cut off his surprised hum with a kiss, wrapping his legs tightly around the man's waist. Lifting his hips, he ground against the other insistently, leaning back to take a ragged breath.
"Don't tease, and don't ask if this is how I want it, either! I don't care how you do it, just hurry up and fuck me!" He lifted himself again, using his hold to draw the man closer as he whimpered. "Please..! I don't want to beg you for it every Goddamned time, Tyki! You act like I need convincing, and you know I don't!"
He pushed away a sharp surge of anger, forcing his too-firm grip to loosen. "I woke up wanting you, Tyki.. It was so bad that I was almost ready to take care of it myself when you got here!" The man's surprise turned to disbelief at his statement, his eyes wide as he struggled to lift himself away from the boy's body.
"Then let me do what needs to be done, Lovely! I have every intention of giving you what you want, but I won't let you hurt yourself!" Shaking off the redhead's hands, he rose to his knees, locating the discarded bottle without looking away from his flushed face. "You said that no one needs to hurt, Lavi.. Did you lie?" He coated his fingers carefully, closing the oil tightly before setting it safely aside. "I won't tease you, Lovely, so please.." He lowered his hand to breach the boy's unresisting muscles, his movements slow as he resumed his preparations. "It won't be long, Lavi.. I don't like waiting either. Doing things like this is enough to drive me mad as it is."
The Exorcist's shaking increased as he moaned, his voice harsh and disjointed with urgency. "I want to make you like that! You feel- God, it's so good when you aren't holding back.. Don't do that this time, I need.. Tyki!" He bucked desperately against the man's hand, crying out brokenly as he reached for the brunette pleadingly. "It's enough! I promise it is, so please.. Now!"
Withdrawing his fingers, the older man nodded jerkily, shuddering at the hard press of knees against his sides as he slicked himself thoroughly. "Yes. But be careful what you wish for, Lovely.. You may just get it." Taking hold of the boy's shaking legs, he lifted him sharply upward, leaning in to catch his mouth roughly as he pressed forward. Feeling the wordless mewl against his lips, he pulled back slightly, allowing him only a moment to adjust before establishing a demanding rhythm that left him gasping for air.
Breaking the kiss, he turned his face into the redhead's arched throat with a growl. "Like this, Lavi? You always tell me to fuck you harder, so maybe I shouldn't keep waiting for you to ask.." He laughed breathlessly at the Exorcist's rapid nod, his ragged cries driving him on despite his brief concern for the other's comfort. "Gods, Lovely.. I hope this is really what you wanted, because it feels far too good to stop.."
Lavi arched to meet his movements, his fingernails leaving shaky hieroglyphics on the man's skin as he clutched at his back and shoulders. "Don't.! I want it! I want it!" Speech failed him completely at the other's guttural moan, the low-pitched sound far more arousing than any words he could possibly have said. He could feel himself sliding backward against the blankets, the force of the man's thrusts pushing him steadily towards the headboard. A slight change of angle sent a jarring flare of pleasure up his spine, and he dug his fingers urgently into the sweat-slickened skin with a whimpered plea. The quick growl of acknowledgement in his ear was electrifying, along with the short press of teeth against his pulse, the two combining into a hopelessly erotic moment that brought his thinly held control well past the breaking point
Panting a desperate warning, he locked his ankles tightly around the older man's thighs, taking him in as deeply as he could manage with an almost feline cry of release. The brunette's answering howl made the brief stab of pain worthwhile, the sensations of heat and wetness inside him prompting a second wail from him as he shuddered violently.
For a long moment, there was nothing but harsh breathing between them, but a light touch against the man's back drew a hiss from him, even as Lavi noticed the cloying scent of copper in the air. Feeling a tacky stickiness on the skin beneath his fingers, he stiffened in horror at what he had unwittingly done to the older man in his passionate daze.
"Tyki..god..Oh god..M' sorry.." He whispered, jerking his hands away from the man's heavily scored back. "I wasn't...I didn't mean to..! Please don't be mad, I didn't want-" He faltered at the sight of his bloodied fingertips, clamping his eye shut to avoid the other's gaze. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted..!"
Tyki caught one of his shaking hands firmly, moving away from him with a soft murmur of discontent. Pulling him up to sit, he cut off his panicked apologies with a kiss, his free hand sliding behind him to rest between his shoulder blades. Ignoring both the boy's struggles and the faint twinge of protest at the movement, he kept the contact steady, licking questioningly at his lower lip for entry. Whimpering plaintively, the redhead allowed it, responding tentatively to his gentle urging as if he half-expected to be bitten.
Relaxing his hold, the older man sighed appreciatively at his cautious acceptance, pausing to nibble at his lip before pulling away. Seeing him prepare to resume his tirade, he shook his head, leaning in for a second time with a quiet negative. "No more, Lovely.. I know you didn't mean it, hush now." He swallowed the Exorcist's low whine, stroking a soothing line along his back. "Do you remember what you said to me when I bit you, Lavi? This is very much the same.." He chuckled at the other's momentary confusion, relieved that his sudden ranting had stopped. "I caused it, didn't I? What you felt was enough to make you forget yourself, so much that you couldn't control what you did?"
The redhead nodded guiltily, pulling his hand free of the other's hold with a shiver of disgust. "I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have let it happen, but.. God." He laughed quietly, taking a breath to calm himself. "Can I.. Let me see?" He leaned carefully around the older man, looking fearfully at the scraped skin. His hands clenched at the sight of it, the long tracks of his nails clearly visible even in the dim light. "Oh.."
He ignored the stinging against his palms, taking in the extent of the other's still-oozing wounds. Though they were shallow, the welts overlapped in places, leaving a gruesome latticework of lines across the width of his back, some places spanning the space from one side to the other completely. The worst of it was near the man's shoulderblades, where the cuts ran deeper and closer together. Hitching a breath around the lump in his throat, he returned to his place.
"I'll.. I'll clean it up, and..!" He jumped at the brunette's sudden forward movement, flinching back from the hand that rose toward his face. Tyki froze in the midst of reaching for him, astonished by his violent recoil.
"Why are you frightened, Lovely? I wouldn't.. Do you really believe that I'm going to hurt you?" He leaned back slowly, lowering his hand. "It's nothing to be so upset about, even the worst of it will heal by this time tomorrow! Didn't you notice that the cut on my hand was gone within the hour?" He held out the hand the boy had cut only days before, showing him the hair-thin line of a scar on the palm. "I told you, I heal much faster than a human does, it's part of the power I still have.. It wouldn't save me from something like a stabbing, but perhaps that's for the best."
Lavi slid to the edge of the bed, rising to his feet stiffly. Facing away from the frowning man, he shook his head. "It doesn't matter how fast it heals! Look at your hand, it still left a scar!" He stalked to the bathroom, hiding his pained wince with a growl. Snatching a washcloth from the pile, he wet it in the sink, swiping at his chest angrily. Rinsing it out, he reached down to scrub at his tender backside, pausing at the bright spatters of red on the white cloth. Biting his lip anxiously, he rinsed the material again, shoving it beneath the other clothes in the hamper with a quick glance toward the open door. He took another cloth in hand, soaking this one with cooler water.
He wrung it out carefully, returning to the bedroom in silence. Walking to the still frowning man's side, he sat behind him, dabbing gingerly at the lowest scratches. "I don't want these to be like that. You.. I don't want to leave any marks on you."
Tyki snorted quietly, turning his head to fix the boy with a stare. "Isn't it only fair, Lavi? That looks like it's going to leave a scar.. You said I was yours, so it's normal that you would leave some proof of your claim, isn't it?" He sighed at the redhead's abrupt stiffening, half-turning to face him. "If it scars, so be it. I can't think of a single person who has more right to leave their mark on me, Lovely." He stopped the Exorcist's imminent protest with a wave. "I can't undo what's been done to you, not the mark on your skin and not the marks that no one else can see."
Lavi resumed his careful cleaning, avoiding the other's eyes. "I told you I wanted it. I wanted everything you've done to me and more, before you had the first thought of bringing me here." He smirked to himself, shaking his head. "What we just did, too.. I wanted you just like that, even after I found out that you were.. It doesn't matter. You're completely right, I should be careful what I ask for."
He sighed at the man's revealed skin, the scrapes no less horrible without their cover of gore. "I hate to say it, but I don't know if this is really helping.. You should probably wash, or they'll get infected." He swabbed gently at a stray drop of blood, rising to his feet. "I'll run a bath for you, so just wait." He started for the bathroom, but the older man caught his wrist tightly, holding him still as he also stood.
"Will you stay with me, Lavi? I won't touch you, but I doubt I could reach my back alone.." He smiled slightly, amused at the boy's obvious surprise. "I'm really not angry with you, Lovely. I honestly think it was worth it, since you seemed to enjoy yourself so much.."
Lavi flushed a vivid pink at his lighthearted tone, stepping around him with a snort. "Yeah, I did. And so did the smartass I was screwing. Don't forget to hang your hat up before you get in the tub, you wouldn't want it to get squashed." He ignored the man's laughter as he entered the bathroom, muttering darkly about perverts who talk too much when they're bleeding on the wrong side of the bed.
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Ha, isn't it just too bad that poor Lavi has to put up with such a cruel authoress? Well, Tyki too, since I don't really treat him any better.. But it's ok, right? See you next chapter!
Enjoy that shit, I dunno how long it'll be until there's another. Oh, and comment. Please. It actually helps.
...Now that that's out of the way..
Nightmare Game
A D.Gray-Man Fanfiction
By SisterWicked
Chapter 6 - Nightwalk
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Lavi woke alone.
The space beside him was cool, telling him that it's previous occupant was long gone. Sighing quietly, he frowned, remembering the night's activities. The dream he'd forgotten remained so, an almost frightening blank in his otherwise flawless memory.
Recalling his embarrassing reaction, he winced. He could barely believe that he'd clung to his companion so tightly, just as he couldn't believe that the man had allowed and even encouraged it. Remembering that was even more humiliating, how he'd begged for anything the other was willing to give, even though he knew he shouldn't. His memory provided him with feelings and images, almost as if it were eager to mock his weakness.
Shivering briefly, he wondered what the older man must think of him, knowing that his desperate pleas for release must have sounded terribly whorish. Even that had not been enough, he'd all but demanded to be taken, urging the man to his limits and beyond..
His skin prickled with remembered heat, and he bit his lip hard enough to bleed as his heart began to pound. Confusion dampened the feeling slightly, but the lingering scent of his captor on the sheets was nearly maddening, making the Exorcist gasp as a bolt of arousal struck him. His breath hitched painfully, startling him into rising. He couldn't be feeling this, not so soon..!
'I want him,' He thought, shaking his head in disgust. 'He spent half the night fucking me, and the first thing I think about is wanting more!'
Ignoring his aching muscles, he stood, pulling his shirt on almost angrily. The soreness only reminded him of it's cause, and again he nearly staggered at the urgent leap of his pulse. Sinking into the man's desk chair, he sighed. Remembering that the other kept a watch in the desk, he searched briefly, pulling it out and flipping open the lid. Seeing that it was close to three o' clock, he shook his head in disbelief. As far back as he could recall, he'd never slept so late, even after being injured on a mission.
But then again, he'd never spent three days fucking a man that he was supposed to hate.
The thought provoked another wave of memories, the hot slickness of a tongue on his skin, the rasp of teeth... Clenching his hands tightly, he struggled to breathe, every nerve afire with a longing ache. Riding out his shivers, he laughed at himself, inspecting the shallow cuts left by his short nails.
"Stupid," He muttered, wiping the slowly oozing wounds on the black fabric of his pants. "Stupid fucking child, whining over a dream!" He slumped back against the chair, closing his eye.
'Not a child.. A whore. A stupid, whining whore that can't even control his own body. Pathetic.'
He shuddered at the thought, his hands clutching the arms of the chair.
'You always get what's coming to you, when you want the wrong thing.. How many dreams were just like this, begging for every inch of a murderer's body while he fucked you like an animal?'
Remembering his nocturnal transgressions, he growled, disgusted by the unwitting lust he'd felt for a complete stranger. The image of the miner he'd met on that long-ago train had been a guilt-laden plaything, fueling his hormones like coals on dry paper. At first, he'd pushed the other's face away, but after several all-too-clearly recalled dreams that left him panting amidst tangled, sticky sheets, he's stopped denying the depth of his blasphemous attraction.
'After imagining those hands, his hands, on you when you touched yourself, there's nothing left to complain about, not when the real thing is so much better.. Even when it hurts, it hurts so damn good.. Why fight, if there's nothing else worth having? And there isn't. There never was.'
Shaken at the utter darkness of his thoughts, he rose from the chair with a choking denial, blinking rapidly at the futile sting of tears. He knew that the reasoning was correct, no matter how hard it was to accept the words in his mind. He'd allowed himself to be consumed by his passion for another man, an enemy that he had sworn to destroy at any cost. The second meeting with that man had been his final humiliation, his stomach twisting with self-hating nausea as the skin he'd secretly craved turned from deep olive to ashen grey..
'And you still wanted that skin, wanted to feel the heat of it against your back.. Even those hateful demon eyes, you moaned like a bitch in heat when you imagined them watching you while you begged..'
Wiping his face with a hand, he strode to the bathroom, turning on the cold water to splash his burning face. Looking up at himself in the mirror, he flinched at his ragged appearance, the faint shading beneath his eye giving silent testament to his lack of rest.
'It doesn't matter what you look like, he calls you Lovely, doesn't he? His lovely little whore, just like a rat that he picked up out of the gutter to play with.. How long will it be fun, before he gets tired of seeing you on your back or on your knees? I wonder if he'll finish you off like he started, with teeth at your throat while you bleed out your stolen life?'
The memory of the man's passion-induced bite and his reaction to it left him staggered with sickness, retching violently into the basin of the sink. Gasping for air, he leaned his head against the cool surface of the counter, shaking his head. "Not a rat.. 'M not like that, he promised.. He won't-"
'Won't what? Grow tired of seeing a pathetic human playing at nursemaid? He might be mad, but he's lived this long without your useless presence. You could die now, and he'd forget you just as quickly as the last whore he bedded. Just a thing to be disposed of, just like the rest of his trash.'
Lavi shuddered, breathing heavily. "He wants me here, he could have killed me! He needs-"
'Why would he kill a perfectly good fuck toy? That's what he needs, a way to work off all that pent-up want. Better keep him satisfied, or he might go find another toy.. Maybe a sweet little thing that he can wrap around those talented fingers.'
Bolting to his feet, the boy gripped the edge of the counter to steady himself. "He wouldn't.. He won't! He said that I'm his, so that makes him mine!" He stiffened at the sound of his own voice, the possessive tone shocking him. Facing his reflection in the mirror, he shook his head. "He said he wanted.. God, I can't give him what he wants! I told him that I can't! Dammit!"
'That's right. He'll get tired of that, and find someone who can.. He might be looking now. The little performance last night was probably enough to get him thinking.'
Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, turning away from the mirror. "He said it was enough to be mine.." He whispered, forcing down his anxiety. "Last night doesn't matter, he let me hold him like that for nothing.. He wanted to be with me, after we were done!" The inner voice laughed tauntingly.
'But he's not yours, is he? You can't give him anything more than an easy lay.. You're just a body to warm the bed. But why fret over it? Forget how useless this you is, and let the rest have a turn.'
He walked to the aforementioned bed, jerking the sheets and blanket straight as he struggled to ignore the presence of a single dark hair upon the nearest pillow, the coiled strand drawing his eyes again and again before he finally completed his task. "This me isn't useless, he said he wants to keep me! He doesn't even know about the other ones.." Sinking down to sit on the bed's edge, he rubbed at a singularly tense area just below his spine. "If I acted like some of them, he really would want me to leave! The last one-"
'Had whatever he wanted, because he wasn't afraid to take it. You could stand to be more like that, taking and having for yourself instead of infantile clinging.'
Clenching his fists, he nodded. "I know he was stronger! But I can't be like that anymore, that life is over!" Blinking in surprise at himself, he shook his head. "That person doesn't exist.. Even if I remember it, that can't bring back someone that's gone!" The voice was softer, the tone less harsh.
'You never decided that.. The old man took that person away, but you could bring him back..'
He bit his lip in thought, remembering how simple things had seemed before he became Lavi. "I can't." He finally whispered, sighing tiredly. "The change is absolute, I can't be that person anymore." The reply was still soft, far removed from the spiteful words of before.
'Maybe not.. But there's still a bit left behind, isn't there? You could open yourself like the old man does when he needs one of the Other's memories, and let some of him come through..'
Stiffening, he shook his head. "I can't do that by myself, I might break what's left of this me's persona.. I wouldn't have anyone to wake me back up, if I tried it alone."
'Don't go too deep. He'll be back, and you know you'll sense him near you.. That would wake you up.'
Tucking his bare feet beneath him, he slumped. "I don't get that, either.. I know what I said, but shouldn't I be afraid, even a little? He gets so angry, but I still.." He tapered off, closing his eye. "I've got to work harder, so he won't be like that anymore! He's not the person he was, he's been kind to me.."
'Then make him yours. He'll be happy, and you can keep him just the way you wanted to.. You only need to be a little stronger, and there's a stronger self to use.. Isn't he worth it?'
"Yes! But that won't change anything, I still can't.. I won't feel anything back!" He shook his head in frustration, leaning back against the headboard. "He wouldn't be happy like that, he could have pointless sex with anyone he wanted!"
'But he said that he wants you. You can't expect him to change if you won't change for him.. And you could. Are you that selfish?'
He shivered at the faint thrill brought on by the thought, forcing it away in favor of more pressing matters. "He doesn't know anything! If I did try to change, he wouldn't even be able to tell.." He sat up quickly, his eye wide. "He really wouldn't.. I could try, a little.. Maybe it won't take very much, just to be more..confident."
He moved to the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath in readiness. Forcing himself to relax, he allowed his thoughts to drift back to his time before the Order, looking past the memories themselves in favor of more personal things, the sense of who he'd been. It was surprisingly easy, and he wondered if the hallucinated battle with the other man's sister had damaged more than just the current persona he'd adopted. Ignoring the feeling of wrongness at his course of action, he closed his eye, examining the things that separated this him from the other.
'See? Strength, determination.. It was the drive to achieve a goal that was different. As you are, you would ask before you take.. Would that really be of any use, now?'
And he did see. The person he'd been most recently would never have felt pity so easily, or cared that his captor was less to blame than it seemed. That person would only have seen that this was the one he'd wished for, and used the chance he'd been given to have the thing he desired.
It was unsettling, to think that he'd been so different in so short a time, but even the less appealing parts of that person had been an advantage. People had never been willing to openly ridicule him as they did now, not when it was clear that he wouldn't react well. Imagining the other's reaction to Kanda or Komui's...unique personalities was almost humorous, but he shook off the urge to laugh as he concentrated on just how he could change his nature with subtle adjusting.
Pushing tentatively at the intangible wall between then and now, he shivered at the sensation it produced, almost like a cold draft in his head. There was resistance, but nothing that felt impenetrable, not like it had always seemed before. Setting the thought aside for later consideration, he focussed on the division, drawing the things he sought closer to the surface of himself.
'Just.. a little more..'
There.
He knew he'd found it, there was nothing Lavi about the feeling of these memories, not with the sharply defined edges of self-righteousness and willpower. Allowing the sense of that other person to come forward, he impressed them into the less-firm definition of this person, replacing wonder and hope and wish with the other's know and will and have.
At first, there was no change, and he growled in frustration. Then, it was almost as if something tore in the back of his head, the feeling of pressure and pain and fear jumbling together in a single instant of agony that pitched him headlong to the floor. He thought he must have screamed, but there was no sound save the panicked rush of blood in his ears, the accompanying heartbeat erratic enough to be frightening as he clutched at himself unconsciously.
Gasping for breath, he laughed at the receding terror despite his violent trembling. "Fuck. Maybe not the best plan.." He reached blindly for the edge of the bed, pulling himself up to sit as he shook off his rattled nerves. Breathing deeply, he noticed immediately that his uncertainty had dissipated, though the thinly-veiled urge to have more of his captor's.. attentions.. remained.
"Well, at least I'm not so damned afraid of it anymore." He muttered, blinking away the remnants of his pained tears. "I should have told him not to take off like that before I went to sleep, but he should have known that I wouldn't like being stuck here like this.." Frowning at the room's emptiness, he leaned back on his elbows, closing his eye with a snort. "Maybe he'll be here soon, it's not like he has anything else to do.. I can think of a few things that need doing, though."
Again, his mind provided him with images and sensations of their previous activities, but rather than disgusted arousal he felt heat. Half-expecting the inner voice to comment, he laughed at his rising pulse as he lay back on the soft blanket. Trailing a finger along his chest in tandem with the other's remembered touch, he sighed. "Mm. Definately something that needs done.. For once I'm glad my memory's so good."
Imagining his teacher's horrified expression at this particular use of his finely-honed memory, he snickered. "Oh well. He did say I needed better concentration.." Feeling the slight displacement of air nearby, he sat up, turning toward the faint step beyond the room's closed door. "Finally.." He muttered, stretching absently. "Maybe he won't mind having a little talk about what he's gotten himself into.."
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Tyki materialized at the entrance to his room, deciding that it may be best to avoid startling the boy he could sense was within. There was an unfamiliar edge to his presence, lending a feeling of unease to the man's already unsettled thoughts. 'Perhaps he's annoyed at being left for so long.' He mused, reaching for the doorknob. Turning it, he pushed the door open slowly, his eyes scanning the room in search of the younger boy as he stepped inside.
Seeing him seated on the edge of the bed, he relaxed at his seeming calm, shrugging off his heavy coat. Hanging it carelessly on the hook beside the door, he toed his shoes off with a contented sigh. "Horrible things.." He muttered, turning to address his companion. Finding himself nearly face-to-face with the Exorcist, he jumped in surprise. "Lavi! Gods, now I see why you dislike that so.. Lavi? What's wrong?"
The redhead began to reply, his mouth closing abruptly as he sniffed curiously in the older man's direction. Leaning closer, he inhaled deeply, raising his head to glare at the surprised man. "Where did you go?" He asked, his soft question belying the tense set of his shoulders. Blinking at his intense stare, the former Noah cleared his throat.
"The post office, to send the letters I finished last night. You were still sleeping, so I thought it best to-" Lavi snorted, cutting him off.
"To find another way to entertain yourself? If you were that desperate, you could have woke me up and saved yourself the trouble of finding a whore." He waved a hand at the man's incredulous expression, ignoring his alarmed hum. "That's what I'm here for, isn't it? You could have at least picked one that didn't reek of cheap perfume, I hear that they usually do that to keep you from smelling the diseases they carry."
Laughing mirthlessly, he shook his head. "I hope you didn't wear yourself out, because I was just thinking about how hungry I am."
Tyki raised an eyebrow in confusion, something about the boy's tightly-controlled voice making him wonder at the meaning of his statement. "Lovely, I can assure you that whatever you're imagining is wrong. The perfume is from a nurse I met at the hospital, a particularly unsavory woman, actually. I wouldn't have lain with her if the very fate of the world depended on it."
Before he could explain further, he found himself pressed firmly against the door, a shaking redhead holding his wide eyed gaze as he pulled his shirt free of his pants. Working the buttons loose from their holes, the boy shoved the garment roughly over his shoulders, dropping it to the floor as he took hold of the older man's waistband.
"So, you let her do what you wouldn't let me finish? That's just great. Maybe I should be happy that you spared me the indignity?" He yanked the button free, batting at the man's hand as he strove to ward him off. Seeing a brief flash of color, he caught the other's wrist, turning the palm upward. Glaring fiercely at the clear red outline of a mouth, he all but hissed in fury. "God, you really do have them eating out of your hand, don't you?" Tugging the hand forward, he wiped the offending smear away with the hem of his shirt, ignoring the other's sharp inhale. "At least I won't leave anything like that on you."
Lifting the man's hand to his face, he pressed his lips to the palm, licking briefly at his skin before drawing a wet trail up the length of his middle finger with his tongue. Nipping sharply at the tip, he raised his head to stare at the older man's astonished face. "See? Not a trace. Besides that, I hope you cleaned yourself off, I'd hate to end up with some stranger's spit in my mouth."
Tyki shook his head quickly, pulling his hand away. "I didn't do anything like that with her, Lovely. There were things that needed to be said, and she refused to be silent." Taking in the boy's openly skeptical look, he sighed. "Is my word no longer good, Lavi? I swear to you, I did nothing but speak to her, it was urgent that she be still, so I covered her mouth to avoid unwanted attentions."
The boy leveled a blank stare at him, the expression softening slightly at the man's pained wince. "Fair enough," He said, nodding. "But since I'm already halfway there, I might as well finish what I started." Ignoring the older man's quick gasp, he sank to his knees, wrapping his arms around his hips as he pressed his mouth to the skin just above his navel. Tightening his grip, he held the man still with a hand against his back, pulling him closer as he closed his eye.
Hearing the other's low moan, he hummed quietly in agreement. Freeing one hand, he tugged carefully at the man's zipper, sliding it down as he licked teasing lines over his dark skin. Slipping his fingers beneath the loosened material, he pulled firmly at both pants and undergarments, leaning away to allow the other room to step out of them without halting his course across the plane of his stomach.
Setting the discarded clothing aside, he resumed his hold on the older man's waist, moving his head slightly to continue his explorations. Following the curve of his abdomen, he sighed against the sparsely haired skin, lowering his hands to stroke the sides of his hips. "Please don't stop me this time.." He murmured, avoiding the stare he could feel the older man directing at his bent head. "I need to know that I can do this, Tyki."
Without waiting for a reply, he cupped his palm lightly over the man's hardened skin, supporting it's weight firmly as he stroked his tongue across the tip. Feeling the answering shake of his muscles, the Exorcist whined softly in response, repeating the action as his fingers shifted to allow more room for his eager movements. The sensation of hands digging carefully into his hair urged him on, his mouth opening as he sucked gently on the heated flesh.
Tyki shuddered slightly, fighting the need to pull the boy's head closer with extreme force of will. Closing his eyes, he leaned heavily against the door, an odd pressure reminding him of the twice-damned hat he'd neglected to remove. Stifling a snort at the utterly ridiculous image he must present, he shook his head in amused exasperation.
The near-silent noise prompted the redhead to pull away, his eye narrowing dangerously as he looked up. "What's so damned funny?" He asked, frowning at the other's smirk. "If it's wrong, say something! Don't just-"
Tyki shook his head, composing his features into some semblance of seriousness. "I'm not laughing at you, Lovely.. I was merely thinking that I'm overdressed for the occasion." He indicated his point with an upward glance, shrugging at the boy's muffled snicker. "Believe me, there's nothing funny about what you're doing."
Lavi raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "Good. But there must be a problem.. If you're able to think about your hat, I must be doing something wrong." He leaned in, resuming his efforts with more enthusiasm, humming contentedly at the man's surprised moan. Feeling the other's fingers tighten against his scalp, he slid his free hand down from it's place, stroking his palm over the lean muscles of the older man's backside to pull him closer.
Tyki gasped approvingly at his touch, cradling the back of his head gently as he increased his pace. The sensation of the boy's mouth was unbelievably intense, the slick warmth of his tongue drawing a ragged sound from the man's throat as he shivered. The noise seemed to fuel the redhead's determination, his grip tightening as he urged the older man on with a muffled whine. Struggling to hold himself still, Tyki panted harshly in anticipation.
"Please don't stop, it feels.. Oh God, Lovely, please!" He arched away from the door, his voice failing him as he ground an urgent warning that the boy pointedly ignored. Feeling his control slip, he pulled his hands free of the Exorcist's hair, catching his shoulders as he bucked desperately forward. Lavi whimpered pleadingly, his movements unfaltering as he held the other's hips tightly in his shaking hands.
Tyki moaned in reply, the sound catching in his throat as the boy pressed closer, squeezing his hips in mute encouragement. The slight reassurance was his undoing, his back arching sharply as he cried out the Exorcist's name in a voice made rough by release. Lavi hummed softly, ignoring the slightly bitter taste as he pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand. Breathing heavily, he sat at the man's feet, still avoiding his dazed look until the other lowered himself carefully to the floor beside him.
Raising an unsteady hand, Tyki caught the boy's face, turning his head to meet his gaze. His face was lightly tinged with embarrassment, but his expression remained faintly challenging, as if he expected the man to chide him for his actions. Sighing quietly, the older man shook his head, using his hold to pull the surprised redhead in for a kiss. Leaning away for air, he laughed.
"Gods, Lavi.. Are you really so jealous? Your possessiveness is unwarranted, I hardly think I need another lover, if you're as eager as that.." The boy frowned back at him, his face still colored with ire.
"You said you weren't going to share me, so I'm not going to share you! You said you were mine, didn't you?" He demanded, scowling at the other's surprised look. "What? I can be just as selfish as you, dammit!"
Shaking off the man's hold, he averted his face. "Don't just leave like that anymore. Wake me up, or leave a note, something! You're just gone, and I don't even have any way of knowing if you'll be back!" Tyki blinked at him in astonishment, then frowned.
"You think that I would leave you here, Lovely? Just go, and abandon you here to die? Gods, do you really think that little of me?" He took hold of the Exorcist's arm, pulling him around sharply. "Look at me! Do you honestly believe that, Lavi? Even at my worst, I wouldn't have stooped to such a thing! I only left you asleep because you needed it, I didn't think it would upset you."
The boy flinched at his tone, but glared back defiantly. "You thought I wouldn't care if you were gone? That says a lot about your opinion of me, too!" Jerking his arm free, he stood, ignoring the tingle of returning circulation as he glowered down at the stunned man. "I didn't stay here for a good lay, Tyki! I can't give you what you asked me for, but I can at least give a fuck about what happens to you!"
Clenching his hands tightly, he shook his head. "You don't even understand that! After all the talk about family and love, you can't even grasp the idea of someone being worried about you when you're off doing God knows what! I was like that too, but the people at the Order changed me.. I can't care about them the way they cared about me, but after everything was finished, I wanted to! They said that was enough, but it's not! Nobody should be left like that, outside of everything that matters! Even if I didn't want to help you, I owe it to them to try!"
Glancing around the room, he leveled a hard look at the brunette, sighing in frustration. "I've spent a lot of time here by myself, and I don't know how you can stand it, Tyki. There's nothing, no people outside, no noise, nothing! Just you and whatever it is that you think about when you're alone! It's no wonder that you're going crazy, that thing in your head is all that's here! You can't live like that, nobody can! Stop using this place to torture yourself!"
Raking a hand through his hair, he sank down in front of the older man, willing him to understand. "I don't think that you'd go off and leave me here, Tyki. I wouldn't have stayed if I thought that, not for anybody's sake." Looking away, he ignored the man's unclothed state, refusing to be distracted by the lingering traces of his desperate arousal. "When you leave like that, I wonder if you're okay. You might be damn near indestructible, but you aren't immortal, Noah or not! I don't have to be infatuated with you to worry, I can do that for almost anyone!"
Wincing inwardly at the thought of his former companions, he shook his head. "I told you that I don't think of you like that anymore, I look at it the same way that I'd worry about someone who never heard of the Earl! People die, Tyki. Some people just take a little more to do the job."
Facing the other squarely, he steeled himself against the man's wide eyed expression. "You don't have to tell me where you're going, just.. Give me a chance to say goodbye, in case you don't come back."
The memory of his own departure made him shudder, his chest tight with guilt as he thought of all the people he'd neglected to bid farewell. The voice that had mocked him for his uselessness returned full force to remind him of his unthinking cruelty, sending a wave of cold down his spine.
As if he could read the boy's thoughts, Tyki leaned in, his face intent with sudden comprehension. "That's what you did, isn't it? You thought you'd be safe, so you left without.. Oh, God." He caught the redhead's arm again, pulling him forward despite his faint struggles. "I didn't know, Lovely.. Why are you doing this? It doesn't make sense for you to stay here, not when everything you lost was directly because of me! Why would you want to be here?"
Lavi pulled back against his hold, shaking his head. "I don't know! I want to help you, but I don't know how I can! The only thing I do know is that you need me here, even if it's just to keep from being stuck in this place alone!" Seeing the older man's surprise, he pulled harder, shivering at the feeling of his fingers sliding across the back of his hand. "I want to know some things too, Tyki. How can you sit there and look at me, knowing what I did? You should hate me more than anything in the Goddamned world, because you hurt when you lost your family! You brought me here, and even though that took away my 'family', I can't feel the way you did!"
He laughed, mocking himself. "We weren't even that close anymore.. They know that I don't feel like they're my family, not really. After the war was over, I couldn't even say that I was happy! Nobody ever said anything about that, but I could see it in their eyes when they looked at me, that they were finally starting to get tired of caring about someone that couldn't return their feelings.." Avoiding the other's questioning look, he sighed. "Honestly, I think that did hurt, a little. It sure as Hell wasn't just nothing anymore, but it isn't even close to what happened to you, Tyki." Facing him abruptly, he winced at the man's obvious sympathy. "You should hurt me, because I deserve it a lot more than you do! Every time you touch me should be like it was before, except that you shouldn't be worried about me liking it! You didn't take anything important from me, there was no one else that would have wanted it!"
The older man stared at him in open disbelief, the expression almost comical if not for it's cause. "You don't value yourself at all, Lavi? No one should have to want you for you to be concerned of your own well-being!" The boy glared at him in sudden anger, jerking away to avoid his attempts at recapturing his wrist.
"What would you know about it? You don't care about yourself either! All you do is sit here in this awful place and rot." He rose to his feet, shaking with inexplicable fury. "You take better care of me than you do yourself! How do you ever expect to be happy if you don't try?" The former Noah shook his head, rising to stand in front of him.
"Maybe that's why you're here, Lavi. You can remind me to take better care of myself, if I forget." Stepping closer, he noticed the other's abrupt stillness, a subtle shift of weight as if he meant to retreat. "Besides my personal disregard, is something wrong? You're looking at me like I might eat you, Lovely." He took in the tense set of the redhead's features, frowning at the deep coloring around the wound on his throat. "Does it hurt? You should be careful, I've heard that a bite can be worse than anything else.." Lifting a hand to the boy's collar, he pushed it back gently, leaning in to inspect the mark with a wince. Hearing the Exorcist's indrawn breath, he turned to look at him in surprise. "Did I..Lavi? Is it as bad as all that?" The look on his face was unmistakably fearful, but he shook his head.
"It doesn't really hurt, you just.." He faltered, closing his eye with a shudder. "Don't touch me." He managed, moving away from the other's light hold. "I need to be somewhere else, I don't want to look at you right now." He turned, forcing down the quick stab of arousal at the older man's proximity.
Tyki allowed him to go, watching his back curiously as he crossed the room with decidedly halting steps. The slight tremor of his hand was apparent as he reached for the doorknob, prompting the man to follow him despite his obvious aversion. "Wait. Are you unwell, Lavi? You're shaking, and you look feverish." He laid his palm against the Exorcist's cheek, noting his heightened color. "You're warm, but not overly so.." Humming in confusion, he looked again at the shallow wound on the boy's neck, jumping at the feeling of the redhead's hand on his waist. Glancing up, he blinked at the haze of lust in his widened eye. "Lovely..?"
The Exorcist shook his head mutely, his hold tightening as he leaned in, pulling the man forward as he rose to his toes to press their mouths together roughly. Feeling him stiffen in surprise, he lifted his free hand to the older man's neck, his fingers twining into his hair to hold him steady as he licked at his lower lip.
Growling at his slight resistance, he pulled back with a frown. "You should have let me leave, Tyki. I told you, I need to be away from you for a while." Seeing the man's dawning comprehension, he nodded. "Good, I don't have to explain. Now if you'll excuse me, I think it would probably be a good idea to leave the room with the naked man in it." Releasing his grip, he stepped back, scowling as the other moved to match him. "I'm not kidding around, Tyki! I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but not sorry enough to sit here and go crazy watching you prance around naked!"
Tyki shook his head in amused exasperation, backing the spluttering boy to the wall. "Lovely, I cannot recall a single instance of prancing in my entire life. Besides that, why would you avoid me, if you know that I would be more than willing to alleviate your.. suffering?" Taking note of the Exorcist's diminishing ire, he smiled, leaning in to invade his personal space.
"It is a kiss that you want, Lavi? By all means, help yourself." He bent closer, pausing only inches from the other's upturned face. "Go on, I won't stop you.. I rather like it when you take the initiative." Raising an eyebrow at the boy's shaky reluctance, he tugged lightly at the front of his shirt, urging him forward. "Do I need to ask? Kiss me, Lovely.. Please?"
The redhead nodded jerkily, leaning in with a quiet whine. He caught the man's lips hesitantly, his eye shut tight as he lifted an unsteady hand to rest along one bare hip. His breath hitched painfully at the other's low hum of approval, the sensation of teeth against his lip prompting him to deepen the kiss with a moan. He followed the man's retreating tongue eagerly, his fingers digging into his skin as the brunette's hand moved down to cup him through the material of his pants.
Bucking into the touch, he pulled back with a strangled cry, his legs shaking with rising desperation. The man hissed softly in agreement, wrapping an arm around his waist as he continued his slow strokes.
"Do you want me to stop? I'll only ask you once, Lavi, so don't lie to me." He smiled at the boy's ragged negative, toying idly with the buttons of his shirt. "What do you want me to do, Lovely? It's too soon for me to take you, but I certainly wouldn't mind returning your incredibly generous welcome.." The Exorcist nodded rapidly, jerking his shirt free of his pants and pulling it over his head without bothering to unbutton it.
Staring expectantly up at the surprised man, he frowned at his soft laugh. "Well? Are you going to stand there snickering at me, or are you going to move your hand so I can take these off?" He indicated his pants with a nod. "You really pick the worst times to be a fucking tease, Tyki. Maybe I should start doing that to you, and see how you like it."
The older man blinked at the earnest venom in his tone, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I don't think you can do that, Lavi. Teasing means to tempt without the intention of fulfillment, and you seem very keen on that." Taking hold of the boy's waistband, he tugged at the button, working it free as he slipped a hand inside the borrowed garment. Pushing the zipper out of his way, he resumed his steady strokes directly against the redhead's hardened skin. "Look at you.. How could you tease me, when every inch of you is begging for me? You don't have the slightest idea of what real teasing is, Lovely."
Biting back a moan, the boy met his gaze evenly, the voice in his head raging at the other's casual dismissal of his willpower. Smiling brittly, he ran a hand up the man's side, pressing firmly against his back. "Maybe I do want it.. But it's not only me, is it? I might not be able to tease you like that, but I can sure as hell tempt you, can't I?" He arched away from the wall, leaning flush against the other's body.
"You're supposed to be the big, scary sexual predator, but I could make you do me any time I wanted it. You said it yourself, you love to have me willing." Closing his eye, he hummed at the older man's momentary pause. "I don't know why you want it so much, when I know you've had better.. But that doesn't matter. Maybe it's because I told you that you can have it anytime you want it?" He traced down the man's spine with a finger, smiling at his quiet gasp as he drew meaningless designs on his skin. "You'd rather do that than lick me, wouldn't you? I'll bet you're thinking about it now, wondering if your carpet would hurt my knees if you fucked me right here on the floor."
He laughed at the brunette's stunned expression, shaking his head. "It wouldn't. I remember what it felt like under my back, and I can promise you that nothing we do on your carpet would be painful."
Seeing the man's eyes widen, his smile became almost mocking. Pulling the other's hand out of his pants, he took hold of his naked backside, yanking him forward. Using the wall to brace himself, he ground his hips into the older man's, moaning at the friction between them. "Mm.. This could be good, too. If you're worried about the floor, we could always try the wall.. You were going to do it like that the first time, weren't you?" He moved one hand to his waist, shoving impatiently at his pants. Growling in annoyance, he kicked them off, resuming his grip on the man's hip.
Lifting his head, he watched the former Noah's face as he repeated his deliberate movements. "You know, now that I really look at you, I should probably be thankful.. If I was going to have someone be my first, it's better that it wasn't an ugly person."
The older man winced at his flippant reference to his lost virginity, shaking his head rapidly. "No! That isn't something to be grateful for, you should have had a person of your own choosing.." He faltered, leaning down to meet the Exorcist's gaze. "I would undo it, if I could! I wish I had never laid eyes or hands on you, Lavi. No amount of willingness or pleasure can ever make it right."
Snorting in amusement, the redhead closed his eye. "God, you act like I'm completely innocent, Tyki.. You don't have any idea what I was like, before you brought me here." He glared fiercely up at the older man, his hands still firm against his skin. "The first time I met you, I thought to myself, 'I bet he would be so fucking hot without those damned glasses.' That's why I couldn't believe that you were the same person, because you took them off the next time we saw you like that, and you really were. It made me sick that I thought about you like that, and you were a Goddamned Noah the whole time! I didn't get anything I didn't deserve, for being stupid enough to want you!"
Tyki stared at him in disbelief, taking hold of his shoulders. "You didn't know that! Even when we fought, you didn't recognize me. You only wanted the person you believed me to be, Lovely." He leaned back, placing a hand against the wall to push himself away. "Is that why you really stayed, Lavi? Not just because of Rhode, but because you think that you deserve this?"
The Exorcist shook his head, his hold tightening. "It was after that, too! I knew what you were, and I still.. Damn it, you haven't done anything that I wouldn't have let you do, if you'd asked!" Clenching his jaw, he spoke through gritted teeth. "You could have brought me here without knocking me out, idiot! It might have taken longer, but I would have done it! The only one who hated anybody was you!" Closing his eye, he struggled to control his rage, the man's sharp exhale reminding him of his harsh grip. Forcing back his anger, he sighed.
"None of that matters anymore. What matters now is that we're both completely naked, and I still want you enough to make me sick." Loosening his hold, he looked calmly up at the shaken man. "Nobody needs to be hurting or begging, Tyki.. You can have me right now, if you want me." The former Noah shivered at his sudden quiet, his eyes wide with obvious anxiety.
"I..Lovely, I'll hurt you! You can't just keep doing this, it's.." The boy cut him off with a kiss, his hands now gentle on his back as he waited for a response. Feeling the man's muscles tense under his fingers, he urged him closer, humming contentedly as the other's lips parted invitingly. Accepting his silent offer, the redhead stroked his tongue over the older man's own, whimpering shortly when he returned the gesture eagerly.
Breaking away for air, he gasped as the man turned his attentions to his throat, his teeth pressing lightly against the skin at the sound. Shifting to allow him more room, he arched pleadingly away from the wall. "You said I should have.. had a choice, didn't you? Then let me choose!" He pressed urgently against the other's front, wondering why his overwhelming anger had faded so completely. 'Maybe I really shouldn't have tampered..' He thought, unnerved by the idea. 'It feels like I did it right.. But.. I want to make him do this.. Whether he wants it or not!'
Feeling the older man pause, he shook his head mutely, pressing lightly against the back of his head. He stroked his other hand along one naked thigh, curling his fingers around the curve of his hip. "Please," He whispered, not bothering to hide the tremor in his voice. "Don't make me beg, if you want it too.. I don't care if it hurts a little, it always gets better.." He urged the man's head up for a kiss, his hand tangled in the thick mass of his hair.
"I really wouldn't have fought you, Tyki.. After all those dreams I had.. God, you wouldn't believe how bad I wanted you, even the way you used to be." He shuddered at the feeling of a hand on his back, closing his eye with a breathless laugh. "I like this you better though.. You really are the hottest man I've ever seen." Hearing the other's surprised hum, he smiled, pressing closer. "I always heard that the devil is beautiful, but this is ridiculous."
Tyki blinked at him incredulously for all of a minute, stunned by the sudden praise. "Lovely, I- You don't have to.." Lavi cut him off with a nod, meeting his confused gaze.
"I know. I don't have to say anything, but there's no way that you don't know. Did you think it was just the Noah, making people want you?" Snorting at the man's continued shock, he stepped back, glancing brazenly over his unclothed body. "Jesus, Tyki.. I could get myself off just looking at you.. You're just.. God." Looking back at the other's wide eyes, he sighed. "Never mind, Tyki. It's nothing you haven't heard before.. If you really don't want me, that's fine, but.." Clenching his hands, he looked away, ignoring the urge to demand more from the obviously reluctant brunette. "Don't stop me, when I try to leave. It's not your problem, so don't worry about it."
Tyki shook his head, moving forward to catch the boy's shoulders tightly. "You don't tell a man he's beautiful and then expect him to just let you walk away, Lovely.. And isn't it my problem? You say that I made you this way, so I should make it better, no?" He didn't wait for the other's reply, pulling him in for a searching kiss. Feeling the redhead's muscles tense, he leaned back, breathing heavily at the boy's needy expression. "Do you want to leave, Lavi? I won't stop you, but it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good seduction.."
Lavi scowled up at him fiercely, shaking with expectant adrenaline. "You know I don't. I told you what I want, and then you started playing games." He pulled away from the older man's hold, walking around him to stand by the bed. "Come here, Tyki. Or actually.." He sank to his knees, bracing his hands on the mattress. Looking back at the man's astonished face, he smiled. "Here would be even better."
Tyki strode forward, pulling him to his feet with a growl. "I could have had you on the floor over there, Lovely. I hardly think you'll want your knees to hurt, too." Turning him around, he pushed him firmly onto the bed, following after a momentary pause to retrieve the still-present container of oil from the side table. "Don't lie to me if this is painful, Lavi. It defeats the purpose of keeping you here, if there's nothing but hurting."
Dimming the lights absently, he worked the bottle open, pouring the slippery liquid into his palm. "Spread your legs, Lavi. I think I'd like to play a bit more, if you don't mind." The redhead nodded eagerly, pushing himself back to give the man more room. Leaning in, he stroked his hand over the boy's skin, relishing the urgent shivers that wracked him as he moaned. "Goodness, Lovely.. Are you like this already?" He pressed his fingers inward carefully, hissing as the Exorcist arched into the touch.
"Patience, Lavi.. You're going to hurt yourself if you rush this.." He moved his hand slowly, brushing against the place that drew a wavering cry from the other. "Do you really want this to end so quickly, when you could take as long as you wish to enjoy it? There's no reason to hurry, is there?"
Lavi shook his head rapidly, panting for breath as he dug his fingers into the blanket. "I don't want it to be over, I want it to happen! Stop asking stupid questions and do me!" He ignored the faint stinging in his backside, reaching down to take hold of the man's arm. Jerking him up roughly, he cut off his surprised hum with a kiss, wrapping his legs tightly around the man's waist. Lifting his hips, he ground against the other insistently, leaning back to take a ragged breath.
"Don't tease, and don't ask if this is how I want it, either! I don't care how you do it, just hurry up and fuck me!" He lifted himself again, using his hold to draw the man closer as he whimpered. "Please..! I don't want to beg you for it every Goddamned time, Tyki! You act like I need convincing, and you know I don't!"
He pushed away a sharp surge of anger, forcing his too-firm grip to loosen. "I woke up wanting you, Tyki.. It was so bad that I was almost ready to take care of it myself when you got here!" The man's surprise turned to disbelief at his statement, his eyes wide as he struggled to lift himself away from the boy's body.
"Then let me do what needs to be done, Lovely! I have every intention of giving you what you want, but I won't let you hurt yourself!" Shaking off the redhead's hands, he rose to his knees, locating the discarded bottle without looking away from his flushed face. "You said that no one needs to hurt, Lavi.. Did you lie?" He coated his fingers carefully, closing the oil tightly before setting it safely aside. "I won't tease you, Lovely, so please.." He lowered his hand to breach the boy's unresisting muscles, his movements slow as he resumed his preparations. "It won't be long, Lavi.. I don't like waiting either. Doing things like this is enough to drive me mad as it is."
The Exorcist's shaking increased as he moaned, his voice harsh and disjointed with urgency. "I want to make you like that! You feel- God, it's so good when you aren't holding back.. Don't do that this time, I need.. Tyki!" He bucked desperately against the man's hand, crying out brokenly as he reached for the brunette pleadingly. "It's enough! I promise it is, so please.. Now!"
Withdrawing his fingers, the older man nodded jerkily, shuddering at the hard press of knees against his sides as he slicked himself thoroughly. "Yes. But be careful what you wish for, Lovely.. You may just get it." Taking hold of the boy's shaking legs, he lifted him sharply upward, leaning in to catch his mouth roughly as he pressed forward. Feeling the wordless mewl against his lips, he pulled back slightly, allowing him only a moment to adjust before establishing a demanding rhythm that left him gasping for air.
Breaking the kiss, he turned his face into the redhead's arched throat with a growl. "Like this, Lavi? You always tell me to fuck you harder, so maybe I shouldn't keep waiting for you to ask.." He laughed breathlessly at the Exorcist's rapid nod, his ragged cries driving him on despite his brief concern for the other's comfort. "Gods, Lovely.. I hope this is really what you wanted, because it feels far too good to stop.."
Lavi arched to meet his movements, his fingernails leaving shaky hieroglyphics on the man's skin as he clutched at his back and shoulders. "Don't.! I want it! I want it!" Speech failed him completely at the other's guttural moan, the low-pitched sound far more arousing than any words he could possibly have said. He could feel himself sliding backward against the blankets, the force of the man's thrusts pushing him steadily towards the headboard. A slight change of angle sent a jarring flare of pleasure up his spine, and he dug his fingers urgently into the sweat-slickened skin with a whimpered plea. The quick growl of acknowledgement in his ear was electrifying, along with the short press of teeth against his pulse, the two combining into a hopelessly erotic moment that brought his thinly held control well past the breaking point
Panting a desperate warning, he locked his ankles tightly around the older man's thighs, taking him in as deeply as he could manage with an almost feline cry of release. The brunette's answering howl made the brief stab of pain worthwhile, the sensations of heat and wetness inside him prompting a second wail from him as he shuddered violently.
For a long moment, there was nothing but harsh breathing between them, but a light touch against the man's back drew a hiss from him, even as Lavi noticed the cloying scent of copper in the air. Feeling a tacky stickiness on the skin beneath his fingers, he stiffened in horror at what he had unwittingly done to the older man in his passionate daze.
"Tyki..god..Oh god..M' sorry.." He whispered, jerking his hands away from the man's heavily scored back. "I wasn't...I didn't mean to..! Please don't be mad, I didn't want-" He faltered at the sight of his bloodied fingertips, clamping his eye shut to avoid the other's gaze. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted..!"
Tyki caught one of his shaking hands firmly, moving away from him with a soft murmur of discontent. Pulling him up to sit, he cut off his panicked apologies with a kiss, his free hand sliding behind him to rest between his shoulder blades. Ignoring both the boy's struggles and the faint twinge of protest at the movement, he kept the contact steady, licking questioningly at his lower lip for entry. Whimpering plaintively, the redhead allowed it, responding tentatively to his gentle urging as if he half-expected to be bitten.
Relaxing his hold, the older man sighed appreciatively at his cautious acceptance, pausing to nibble at his lip before pulling away. Seeing him prepare to resume his tirade, he shook his head, leaning in for a second time with a quiet negative. "No more, Lovely.. I know you didn't mean it, hush now." He swallowed the Exorcist's low whine, stroking a soothing line along his back. "Do you remember what you said to me when I bit you, Lavi? This is very much the same.." He chuckled at the other's momentary confusion, relieved that his sudden ranting had stopped. "I caused it, didn't I? What you felt was enough to make you forget yourself, so much that you couldn't control what you did?"
The redhead nodded guiltily, pulling his hand free of the other's hold with a shiver of disgust. "I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have let it happen, but.. God." He laughed quietly, taking a breath to calm himself. "Can I.. Let me see?" He leaned carefully around the older man, looking fearfully at the scraped skin. His hands clenched at the sight of it, the long tracks of his nails clearly visible even in the dim light. "Oh.."
He ignored the stinging against his palms, taking in the extent of the other's still-oozing wounds. Though they were shallow, the welts overlapped in places, leaving a gruesome latticework of lines across the width of his back, some places spanning the space from one side to the other completely. The worst of it was near the man's shoulderblades, where the cuts ran deeper and closer together. Hitching a breath around the lump in his throat, he returned to his place.
"I'll.. I'll clean it up, and..!" He jumped at the brunette's sudden forward movement, flinching back from the hand that rose toward his face. Tyki froze in the midst of reaching for him, astonished by his violent recoil.
"Why are you frightened, Lovely? I wouldn't.. Do you really believe that I'm going to hurt you?" He leaned back slowly, lowering his hand. "It's nothing to be so upset about, even the worst of it will heal by this time tomorrow! Didn't you notice that the cut on my hand was gone within the hour?" He held out the hand the boy had cut only days before, showing him the hair-thin line of a scar on the palm. "I told you, I heal much faster than a human does, it's part of the power I still have.. It wouldn't save me from something like a stabbing, but perhaps that's for the best."
Lavi slid to the edge of the bed, rising to his feet stiffly. Facing away from the frowning man, he shook his head. "It doesn't matter how fast it heals! Look at your hand, it still left a scar!" He stalked to the bathroom, hiding his pained wince with a growl. Snatching a washcloth from the pile, he wet it in the sink, swiping at his chest angrily. Rinsing it out, he reached down to scrub at his tender backside, pausing at the bright spatters of red on the white cloth. Biting his lip anxiously, he rinsed the material again, shoving it beneath the other clothes in the hamper with a quick glance toward the open door. He took another cloth in hand, soaking this one with cooler water.
He wrung it out carefully, returning to the bedroom in silence. Walking to the still frowning man's side, he sat behind him, dabbing gingerly at the lowest scratches. "I don't want these to be like that. You.. I don't want to leave any marks on you."
Tyki snorted quietly, turning his head to fix the boy with a stare. "Isn't it only fair, Lavi? That looks like it's going to leave a scar.. You said I was yours, so it's normal that you would leave some proof of your claim, isn't it?" He sighed at the redhead's abrupt stiffening, half-turning to face him. "If it scars, so be it. I can't think of a single person who has more right to leave their mark on me, Lovely." He stopped the Exorcist's imminent protest with a wave. "I can't undo what's been done to you, not the mark on your skin and not the marks that no one else can see."
Lavi resumed his careful cleaning, avoiding the other's eyes. "I told you I wanted it. I wanted everything you've done to me and more, before you had the first thought of bringing me here." He smirked to himself, shaking his head. "What we just did, too.. I wanted you just like that, even after I found out that you were.. It doesn't matter. You're completely right, I should be careful what I ask for."
He sighed at the man's revealed skin, the scrapes no less horrible without their cover of gore. "I hate to say it, but I don't know if this is really helping.. You should probably wash, or they'll get infected." He swabbed gently at a stray drop of blood, rising to his feet. "I'll run a bath for you, so just wait." He started for the bathroom, but the older man caught his wrist tightly, holding him still as he also stood.
"Will you stay with me, Lavi? I won't touch you, but I doubt I could reach my back alone.." He smiled slightly, amused at the boy's obvious surprise. "I'm really not angry with you, Lovely. I honestly think it was worth it, since you seemed to enjoy yourself so much.."
Lavi flushed a vivid pink at his lighthearted tone, stepping around him with a snort. "Yeah, I did. And so did the smartass I was screwing. Don't forget to hang your hat up before you get in the tub, you wouldn't want it to get squashed." He ignored the man's laughter as he entered the bathroom, muttering darkly about perverts who talk too much when they're bleeding on the wrong side of the bed.
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Ha, isn't it just too bad that poor Lavi has to put up with such a cruel authoress? Well, Tyki too, since I don't really treat him any better.. But it's ok, right? See you next chapter!
Enjoy that shit, I dunno how long it'll be until there's another. Oh, and comment. Please. It actually helps.