xmurderedxfirstx: That time you kissed Brad (referring to Stephanie)
I guess some things come as a shock...
... and others are just un expected.
It's hard being a teenager and NOT thinking life is a movie.
I still have these images playing in my head of what my life should and will be.
And it's hard to let go of that. I don't think i ever will.
It's been one of those years for me.
Junior year of highschool has to be my least favorite time in my life.
Sophomore year was the greatest.
Freshman year was a change.
Senior year is just bullshit.
But fairy tale endings come and go.
For some people as a last resort, for others a step in a direction they never want to take again.
You pass things up like this because you realized the value, you have kept it sacred and now you have something else that is more valuable in this time of your life.
You keep your eyes off an open door too long, and it'll shut - it's nature.
But what if there was that cosmic happening of that door never closing? Like gravity was reversed just for that special door.
How would it change you? Would it change you?
Something happens to a person when they lose everything.
They realize what the lost was and how much it costed them.
Maybe not now they'll realize it, or maybe right after it happens - but eventually they'll notice that gaping spot in them and realize what they lost some 5 years ago.
Tonight my entry is about telling that person or doing that thing.
Who cares if it's too late, just tell them or do it so you know you tried.
I mean you create your own life and future.
NOTHING IS SET IN STONE!!
So what if it fails? You attempted to do what little people have the guts to do.
I just wish it would happen to me.
My feelings are out there, but there is no one out there for me that is living up to what i need right now.
I need so much, that i can't be with anyone.
I've been hurt, and yes i remain bitter.
But i've learned not to put too much emotional feeling in something ever again.
Talking this out though is one hell of a thing for me to do.
All my life i have been living a movie life.
Everything in my life can be predicted.
The only thing keeping me alive is the spark in me that wants to die the death of a princess by a poison apple.
And i am pretty sure i have already bitten that poison apple.
I just don't think i should end here.
But guys do that to girls.
They drive them crazy and slowly kill them.
I have seen many instances.
Especially in movies (example - Domino).
And then in Saw 2 it's like we are suppose to not regret and just love being alive.
I just don't think any one should be happy.
I mean who the fuck wants to be happy?
You are just setting yourself up to fall because of somebody else's ego.
It's a vicious cycle this life and love thing.
I don't think anyone will perfect it.
But i sure as hell know a lot of people who have fallen for it...
"we accept the love we think we deserve" - Stephen Chbosky The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.
I think that line spoke to me more then anything else in the world.
When does it get better?
Where will i go from here?
I guess i'll just keep dreaming my movie life and singing my movie life soundtrack...
... and others are just un expected.
It's hard being a teenager and NOT thinking life is a movie.
I still have these images playing in my head of what my life should and will be.
And it's hard to let go of that. I don't think i ever will.
It's been one of those years for me.
Junior year of highschool has to be my least favorite time in my life.
Sophomore year was the greatest.
Freshman year was a change.
Senior year is just bullshit.
But fairy tale endings come and go.
For some people as a last resort, for others a step in a direction they never want to take again.
You pass things up like this because you realized the value, you have kept it sacred and now you have something else that is more valuable in this time of your life.
You keep your eyes off an open door too long, and it'll shut - it's nature.
But what if there was that cosmic happening of that door never closing? Like gravity was reversed just for that special door.
How would it change you? Would it change you?
Something happens to a person when they lose everything.
They realize what the lost was and how much it costed them.
Maybe not now they'll realize it, or maybe right after it happens - but eventually they'll notice that gaping spot in them and realize what they lost some 5 years ago.
Tonight my entry is about telling that person or doing that thing.
Who cares if it's too late, just tell them or do it so you know you tried.
I mean you create your own life and future.
NOTHING IS SET IN STONE!!
So what if it fails? You attempted to do what little people have the guts to do.
I just wish it would happen to me.
My feelings are out there, but there is no one out there for me that is living up to what i need right now.
I need so much, that i can't be with anyone.
I've been hurt, and yes i remain bitter.
But i've learned not to put too much emotional feeling in something ever again.
Talking this out though is one hell of a thing for me to do.
All my life i have been living a movie life.
Everything in my life can be predicted.
The only thing keeping me alive is the spark in me that wants to die the death of a princess by a poison apple.
And i am pretty sure i have already bitten that poison apple.
I just don't think i should end here.
But guys do that to girls.
They drive them crazy and slowly kill them.
I have seen many instances.
Especially in movies (example - Domino).
And then in Saw 2 it's like we are suppose to not regret and just love being alive.
I just don't think any one should be happy.
I mean who the fuck wants to be happy?
You are just setting yourself up to fall because of somebody else's ego.
It's a vicious cycle this life and love thing.
I don't think anyone will perfect it.
But i sure as hell know a lot of people who have fallen for it...
"we accept the love we think we deserve" - Stephen Chbosky The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.
I think that line spoke to me more then anything else in the world.
When does it get better?
Where will i go from here?
I guess i'll just keep dreaming my movie life and singing my movie life soundtrack...