The On/ Off Switch
This past year has been quite the journey. These past couple months have been more of one!
I've dedicated the past few months to recovering my health. I saw the naturopath in NH who discovered that I have organ failure among a few other issues. It's difficult, because my health problems have greatly affected my mood, attitude, and even the essence of what makes me "Me." The reason for all this is that my energy levels are all over the place, mostly due to very low blood pressure and sugar. When my energy levels are at their best, I feel I can accomplish almost anything I need to - physically. However, I'm extremely out of shape, and I wear out very quickly (despite working out every day for a month now.) Most of the time my energy levels are not at their best. During those times, I'm always either fighting to get stuff done, or I'm resting as well as I possibly can. It's quite seriously a roller coaster ride for me!
What this post is actually about is how all this is affecting me creatively. Those of you who know me know that when I'm normal I'm constantly working with creative energy. I'm a never ending pool of ideas. I've always loved to write, draw, read, play games, role play, watch movies... I love art that tells a story. What this sickness has done is actually suck the creative energy right out of me, along with my other energy. This sucks!
Reading has been a huge challenge. Probably the greatest challenge, actually. I LOVE reading. I absorb books like candy. Normally. My mental energy has been so poor that absorbing even a page of a book takes too much effort. I have to read very slowly and force images in my mind. It's not fun, and it just makes me feel like crap because it's so hard.
But I did find a temporary solution to that problem. While reading novels is hard right now, enjoying pictures is not so hard. I'm not a fan of 95% of anime and manga, mostly because it's often either too childish or too adult (by adult I mean themes and morals I don't care to read about.) There are not many with stories, content, and themes that I can fully get into and enjoy. When I do find one I like, I tend to really like it a lot. I do like the art style, especially in manga, and it's a great medium for great story telling. So, since I've always enjoyed Sailor Moon and Kodansha just released a brand new high quality translation of the manga, I went ahead and bought it. I've read bits and pieces of Mixx Comix's 90's translation, but the translation was annoying and never bothered to read the whole thing. Well, this translation was GREAT. I found myself flying through the manga pretty quickly, and even cried a little when I finished the whole series. I could write a post on why Sailor Moon is actually a very high quality, amazing story. It is NOT for kids, in my opinion. I'll spare you that here.
So what was it about the Sailor Moon manga that made it easy for me to read? I don't meant to put down the art form of manga and graphic novels in general, but I really think it's because it did so much of the imagining for me. I could skim parts pretty easily due to it being mostly pictures, and then when there was a lot of text or heavy story, my brain was "warmed up" enough to take it in. It was very easy to read, and that's a real blessing for me. It allowed me to enjoy a heavy, detailed story (I love stories I can think about all day because there's so much going on in it,) in a form that was easy to digest.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's enough to make me want to read more manga or graphic novels. The reason I'm not as excited about American graphic novels is because they pick target audiences in a much finer way. They're either for kids, to the point where adults couldn't enjoy them, or their for adults. The adult stories tend to be so incredibly masculine and boring. Not subject matters I care about. Manga, on the other hand, explores so much more! I could find a manga in virtually any genre, but I can't say that about American graphic novels.
But what is my title about? What is this on/off switch. Well, what I've noticed in the past week is that I'm going from "normal" or "sick" much more suddenly, and in much more severe ways. My "normal" has turned into a low-energy, but mentally mostly functioning, state of being. I don't have the mental energy to do anything difficult, but I am finding that my creative juices are starting to flow again. I take this as a VERY good sign. A few days ago I spent a couple hours working on the outline for my novel. Tonight I drew and colored a picture, and now I'm typing this post. I can feel it again - parts of me are slowly coming back into the light, but it's like a switch. When my creative juices are flowing, the come on like a switch. When they're not there, it's like someone turned me off and I can't turn me back on.
I am making progress. It's slow, but this is a sign of progress for sure. I'm slowly reclaiming my mind.
Even though I've lost weight and I haven't looked this good in a long time, my body is still in terrible shape though. I'm genuinely trying to work out. My doctor wants 45 minutes of cardio a day, but I wear out so fast. Two 10 minute workouts on the XBox one (with a break between) pushes my limits of what my body will tolerate. What's scary is that despite all this effort, I don't feel I'm improving physically. My body is shot. Walking around the block even hurt today, even though my legs are gaining muscle from the workouts.
Anyway, the husband is home! Yay!