(no subject)
EDIT :
CASA -
i'm always the one asking you guys if you wanna do something. none of you have ever asked me. and rayna knows how much i completely hate when people go out with my ex boyfriends, yet she goes out with frankie anyway. everyone knows how much that annoys me. maybe i'm overreacting, but i give up. i'm out of casa. you guys are all happy.
END EDIT.
I'm always upset or crying all the time and I constantly wonder why I'm even living if i'm going to die anyways. What's with that? Shut up Kelsey. I guess I just had to kind of .. I don't know .. Restart. I realized I don't need everyone to like me. I don't need those people. I need the ones that need me back. The other ones aren't important.
It's crazy the way time fly's now. I swear I've lost all perception of time, things that seemed like they happened years ago were only a few months ago and things that feel like they happened a few days ago happened so long ago. I guess I can't complain about anything that's happened so far this year. Things haven't always worked out how I would've liked them to but I had some nice times. I lost some best friends in the process but gained others as well. I mean sure, I miss my mom and everything, but hey, I need to stop living in the past.
But for some reason I can't put Camp Sunrise in the past. I grew up there. I started going when I was only eight. I was the youngest residence camper there, and I loved everyone. I was so annoying but they all put up with me anyway. I still have the nickname "Boom". I'll never forget that camp. I'll never forget how Brian always sang me the happy clow song. Or how he always hit on Noel. Or Alana Calise and how she always used to give me advice and fix all of my problems. Or how Hillary tried to convert me to Judiasm and read me Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul every night. Or how I wanted to be EXACTLY like Alana and Hillary and I idolized them. Or Zach Valentine. Or Vinnie and his 45 minute lectures. Or trying to do Bloody Mary in the mirror of the bathroom and Michelle locking us in. Or how Sepe used to think I was the most annoying thing ever. Or how she wrote a book called "The Ryan Files", and it was about her stalking Ryan Hartly but on the cover it said "Notes from friends" so that no one would read it. Or that thing on the back of Melissa's leg. Or Nick Sullivan and his "be quiet dance". Or meeting Karissa, Kendra, and Tristan for the first time. Or how the four of us became best friends instantly, but it didn't last. Or archery. Or singing Big Bunny on the radio. Or tripping on a huge tree stump and looking like an idiot. Or forgetting Meredith's name and calling her Melinda. Or "where's mah beef yall!?". Or making "commercials". Or ball warmers. Or so many of the other memories. I can't believe it's really, actually, seriously, closing. It's all going to be over. We can't call it "our camp" anymore. Reality's finally setting in.
On a lighter note before I keep crying,
I actually like a boy. This is rare in me because I haven't been able to really like another guy since him and it's been hard. I'm not talking about making out with a guy because he's hot. I mean really like a guy. This is strange and I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. He gives me butterflies and makes me nervous. When I see him, I can't help but smile and giggle like a little girl. I haven't had that feeling in so long. He makes me happy when he's around. He's all I think about, and he makes my day instantly better. I don't want to seem too dependant, but without him, my life is nothing and I have no reason to live. At all. I could literally die. He's so exciting. I can't stop smiling whenever we talk. I never want this to end. Every twist he brings, every time he's near. He's not fake like a lot of others.
I feel like I'm growing up and maturing and everyone else is just staying the same. It's a weird feeling and I can't really explain it, but I think its good. I've realized that most people annoy the hell out of me because of their immaturity. I don't know. I'm so happy with liking this boy, I've realized to look into a persons personality and make friendships despite apperance. I've also learned to not care about what I look like anymore. theres nobody to impress but myself, I don't care anymore if people think I'm pretty or not, it's not a big deal. as for friends, I realized not everybody is gunna like me and I'm okay with that, if people like me thats thats good, but I don't like people being superficial and pretending they like me then talk about me, It's stupid. I'm not sure who my friends are and I'm not too worried about it. I'm happy being who I am. I like living care free but growing up and becoming more mature and responsible. I think I've just given up on the social aspect of junior high because in ten years nobody is going to care who went out with who in school and what not, so whatever. I'm happy =]
CASA -
i'm always the one asking you guys if you wanna do something. none of you have ever asked me. and rayna knows how much i completely hate when people go out with my ex boyfriends, yet she goes out with frankie anyway. everyone knows how much that annoys me. maybe i'm overreacting, but i give up. i'm out of casa. you guys are all happy.
END EDIT.
I'm always upset or crying all the time and I constantly wonder why I'm even living if i'm going to die anyways. What's with that? Shut up Kelsey. I guess I just had to kind of .. I don't know .. Restart. I realized I don't need everyone to like me. I don't need those people. I need the ones that need me back. The other ones aren't important.
It's crazy the way time fly's now. I swear I've lost all perception of time, things that seemed like they happened years ago were only a few months ago and things that feel like they happened a few days ago happened so long ago. I guess I can't complain about anything that's happened so far this year. Things haven't always worked out how I would've liked them to but I had some nice times. I lost some best friends in the process but gained others as well. I mean sure, I miss my mom and everything, but hey, I need to stop living in the past.
But for some reason I can't put Camp Sunrise in the past. I grew up there. I started going when I was only eight. I was the youngest residence camper there, and I loved everyone. I was so annoying but they all put up with me anyway. I still have the nickname "Boom". I'll never forget that camp. I'll never forget how Brian always sang me the happy clow song. Or how he always hit on Noel. Or Alana Calise and how she always used to give me advice and fix all of my problems. Or how Hillary tried to convert me to Judiasm and read me Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul every night. Or how I wanted to be EXACTLY like Alana and Hillary and I idolized them. Or Zach Valentine. Or Vinnie and his 45 minute lectures. Or trying to do Bloody Mary in the mirror of the bathroom and Michelle locking us in. Or how Sepe used to think I was the most annoying thing ever. Or how she wrote a book called "The Ryan Files", and it was about her stalking Ryan Hartly but on the cover it said "Notes from friends" so that no one would read it. Or that thing on the back of Melissa's leg. Or Nick Sullivan and his "be quiet dance". Or meeting Karissa, Kendra, and Tristan for the first time. Or how the four of us became best friends instantly, but it didn't last. Or archery. Or singing Big Bunny on the radio. Or tripping on a huge tree stump and looking like an idiot. Or forgetting Meredith's name and calling her Melinda. Or "where's mah beef yall!?". Or making "commercials". Or ball warmers. Or so many of the other memories. I can't believe it's really, actually, seriously, closing. It's all going to be over. We can't call it "our camp" anymore. Reality's finally setting in.
On a lighter note before I keep crying,
I actually like a boy. This is rare in me because I haven't been able to really like another guy since him and it's been hard. I'm not talking about making out with a guy because he's hot. I mean really like a guy. This is strange and I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. He gives me butterflies and makes me nervous. When I see him, I can't help but smile and giggle like a little girl. I haven't had that feeling in so long. He makes me happy when he's around. He's all I think about, and he makes my day instantly better. I don't want to seem too dependant, but without him, my life is nothing and I have no reason to live. At all. I could literally die. He's so exciting. I can't stop smiling whenever we talk. I never want this to end. Every twist he brings, every time he's near. He's not fake like a lot of others.
I feel like I'm growing up and maturing and everyone else is just staying the same. It's a weird feeling and I can't really explain it, but I think its good. I've realized that most people annoy the hell out of me because of their immaturity. I don't know. I'm so happy with liking this boy, I've realized to look into a persons personality and make friendships despite apperance. I've also learned to not care about what I look like anymore. theres nobody to impress but myself, I don't care anymore if people think I'm pretty or not, it's not a big deal. as for friends, I realized not everybody is gunna like me and I'm okay with that, if people like me thats thats good, but I don't like people being superficial and pretending they like me then talk about me, It's stupid. I'm not sure who my friends are and I'm not too worried about it. I'm happy being who I am. I like living care free but growing up and becoming more mature and responsible. I think I've just given up on the social aspect of junior high because in ten years nobody is going to care who went out with who in school and what not, so whatever. I'm happy =]