The Villain of The Piece - #7 in an occasional series of me behaving badly in public
I am sitting in a strangely comfortable high backed armchair in BBC Broadcast Centre. It swivels. It is the sort of chair a Bond villain would have, if he[1] worked in an open plan office. I feel like a villain today. Here is why.
I stopped for a coffee on the way into the office. The local coffee place is one of those multinational brands that doesn't pay its taxes and is probably named after a character from Battlestar Galactica[3]. I purchased a black coffee and an almond croissant. It came to some random number of pounds and pence. I handed over a £20 note.
When the person behind the counter handed me my change he said 'I'm sorry, I don't have any one pence pieces.'
I looked at him, confused for a moment as to why that was relevant, then I realised. They were not giving me my correct change.
It's only one pence isn't it? I mean you can't buy anything with one penny any more. Even a one penny sweet costs 10p these days.
"I'm sorry," I said, "you are planning not to give me my money? You represent a multinational corporation well known for tax avoidance and now you are stealing from me directly."
"We don't have any one pence pieces," he was getting aggressive rather than apologetic at this point.
"Well perhaps you could have a chat with your manager then?" I suggested. He stormed off.
They made my coffee, called out my name and thrust it into my hands. They wanted me out of the shop.
The man from behind the counter came over, pretty much threw a one pence piece at me.
"Thank you," I said.
"Thank you," he replied with the same amount of sincerity as a teenager apologising to a classmate.
As I was leaving the shop he called out, "I took that out of our tips jar."
So I feel like a villain because a minimum wage retail slave has stolen money from his co-workers to bail out the company he is working for. The money will go to charity. In the mean time I shall work on this death ray; I'm going to aim it at Seattle.
[1] They are always 'he' if they have a chair, aren't they? A female villain has legs because her evil manifests through her appearance rather than her British accent[2]
[2] I do not believe this for one minute
[3} ToS
I stopped for a coffee on the way into the office. The local coffee place is one of those multinational brands that doesn't pay its taxes and is probably named after a character from Battlestar Galactica[3]. I purchased a black coffee and an almond croissant. It came to some random number of pounds and pence. I handed over a £20 note.
When the person behind the counter handed me my change he said 'I'm sorry, I don't have any one pence pieces.'
I looked at him, confused for a moment as to why that was relevant, then I realised. They were not giving me my correct change.
It's only one pence isn't it? I mean you can't buy anything with one penny any more. Even a one penny sweet costs 10p these days.
"I'm sorry," I said, "you are planning not to give me my money? You represent a multinational corporation well known for tax avoidance and now you are stealing from me directly."
"We don't have any one pence pieces," he was getting aggressive rather than apologetic at this point.
"Well perhaps you could have a chat with your manager then?" I suggested. He stormed off.
They made my coffee, called out my name and thrust it into my hands. They wanted me out of the shop.
The man from behind the counter came over, pretty much threw a one pence piece at me.
"Thank you," I said.
"Thank you," he replied with the same amount of sincerity as a teenager apologising to a classmate.
As I was leaving the shop he called out, "I took that out of our tips jar."
So I feel like a villain because a minimum wage retail slave has stolen money from his co-workers to bail out the company he is working for. The money will go to charity. In the mean time I shall work on this death ray; I'm going to aim it at Seattle.
[1] They are always 'he' if they have a chair, aren't they? A female villain has legs because her evil manifests through her appearance rather than her British accent[2]
[2] I do not believe this for one minute
[3} ToS