(no subject)
work was gratifying. perig told me that i have many advantages. i smoke, i drink, i get sexed up (his words, not mine) and i'm only eighteen. do i that often? no. he drinks, smokes, and womanizing every time i work. oh frenchmen bosses who feel the need to make you insecure.
my love is out of town. he called me. something about a scholarship opportunity in memphis. i miss his warmth. i miss his hands. i miss him.
julie asked me what would happen this summer. i don't know the answer to the question. nobody does. so why ask it? what will be will be. the moment is now.
all is well i keep telling myself. three major exams next week. mom and dad are coming to charleston for his birthday on friday night. i made their reservation for two at la fourchette. lots of wine, cassoulet, mussels and cheese. i thought about requesting the night off but they said they would rather observe me in action. even slow nights i make 50 dollars. fridays are busiest and i take home sixty on average.
i have picked up a few bad habits. everybody there has their vices. peche mignon- a "cute sin" in french. i have mine- smoking, overreacting, overanalyzing, procrastinating.
taxes in the mail on wednesday. as an employee of the state (through cofc modeling gig) i can file and get a 10 dollar maximum return. i think i will. not much but why not, ten dollars is a meal, a tanktop at urban, organic shade grown mexico coffee from starbucks three times.
why has my biological clock been ticking lately?
i think about procreating all the time.
i see little children and want one, badly. reality check!!! children and the peace corps are mutually exclusive. a love child would torpedo any plans. hypothetically speaking if it could be anybody i would choose gandhi to father my children but loverboy would be next in line. yes.
small things. expressing regret he would be out of town when my parents would be in town, giving me massages, holding the soft part of my hip in the cusp of his hand, gentle meditative kisses, taking showers together, saying thank you for the most menial things.
he taught me the slovak word for bellybutton- pupookt.
green eyes with hazel. deep voice. powerful hands. curl around the lips. darling, i'm in love.
or am i just infatuated? both.
my love is out of town. he called me. something about a scholarship opportunity in memphis. i miss his warmth. i miss his hands. i miss him.
julie asked me what would happen this summer. i don't know the answer to the question. nobody does. so why ask it? what will be will be. the moment is now.
all is well i keep telling myself. three major exams next week. mom and dad are coming to charleston for his birthday on friday night. i made their reservation for two at la fourchette. lots of wine, cassoulet, mussels and cheese. i thought about requesting the night off but they said they would rather observe me in action. even slow nights i make 50 dollars. fridays are busiest and i take home sixty on average.
i have picked up a few bad habits. everybody there has their vices. peche mignon- a "cute sin" in french. i have mine- smoking, overreacting, overanalyzing, procrastinating.
taxes in the mail on wednesday. as an employee of the state (through cofc modeling gig) i can file and get a 10 dollar maximum return. i think i will. not much but why not, ten dollars is a meal, a tanktop at urban, organic shade grown mexico coffee from starbucks three times.
why has my biological clock been ticking lately?
i think about procreating all the time.
i see little children and want one, badly. reality check!!! children and the peace corps are mutually exclusive. a love child would torpedo any plans. hypothetically speaking if it could be anybody i would choose gandhi to father my children but loverboy would be next in line. yes.
small things. expressing regret he would be out of town when my parents would be in town, giving me massages, holding the soft part of my hip in the cusp of his hand, gentle meditative kisses, taking showers together, saying thank you for the most menial things.
he taught me the slovak word for bellybutton- pupookt.
green eyes with hazel. deep voice. powerful hands. curl around the lips. darling, i'm in love.
or am i just infatuated? both.