la la la
I want change. I've been going through the same exact routine for years and its getting so old. School, school, and school. Does it ever end? I want to be done, and feel as though I should be done, yet I'm not ready. Or maybe I am. I need to work on building my portfolio but it doesn't help when there isn't much you want to put in there from school. I need to work on things outside of school soooo bad. I just don't have time! Which brings me to my next partial rant. I feel like I have so many school homework assignments on my plate that I can't handle it all. Even worse, when I try and tackle them I end up doing a half ass job. I hate doing a half ass job on homework. HATE IT. It makes me feel disappointed in myself. For example: This morning in my pastel class my teacher took us aside individually to discuss our homework. She ended up telling me to grab my pastels and we ended up drawing more on my painting. It wasn't good enough by far but I thought overall I did a decent job. The point is is that that homework assignment was a "lets hurry up and do this and get it over with so i can move onto the next assignment i have to get done." I hate having that holding me back from doing a GOOD job. And I know somewhere inside of me I have the ability to create something BETTER. I hate making excuses for why I am slacking or why I don't think something of mine isn't good enough, but gosh darnit there are only a certain amount of hours in a day. During my entire spring break I worked. My parents kept telling me to step away but I just couldn't. I kept saying, "I won't get it done! I just want to finish!" I did go out, don't get me wrong, cause I can only stay away from my Ryan for so long. ;) But the majority of my spring break I was in my room doing schoolwork. And let me tell you, time flew by so incredibly fast. Last week felt like it lasted all of 5 seconds.
The good thing is that when I do get something done (or made a good attempt!) I can't wait to show people. There is nothing worse than going into school to present something that you think sucks. I get told that I'm hard on myself a lot. You know the saying "you're your own worst critic"? Guess that applies here...strongly. When I do something I want it to be good, and if I don't think its good, then I know something could make it better. The main problem with this is what I mentioned before...lack.of.time.
Enough of school talk.
I never update this, but when I do I'm usually ranting about school. The only person that probably reads this is Ryan and he pretty much knows everything that goes on with my life. Or maybe he won't read this. He doesn't have it bookmarked on his mac anymore since someone stole it. I hate how people steal things. :( Someone deliberately went into his car and jacked his laptop. That thing was filled with personal memories... conversations....pictures.....songs.........private things! Just shows you how low people can be in this world. You never think it'll happen to you or someone close to you until it does. Hey maybe the person who stole it is reading this. Well if you are I hope you know karma exists and your ass is grass. You better believe it. ha haaa ok bye :(
2 am.. i have no business being up at 2 am when i have school........ SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
The good thing is that when I do get something done (or made a good attempt!) I can't wait to show people. There is nothing worse than going into school to present something that you think sucks. I get told that I'm hard on myself a lot. You know the saying "you're your own worst critic"? Guess that applies here...strongly. When I do something I want it to be good, and if I don't think its good, then I know something could make it better. The main problem with this is what I mentioned before...lack.of.time.
Enough of school talk.
I never update this, but when I do I'm usually ranting about school. The only person that probably reads this is Ryan and he pretty much knows everything that goes on with my life. Or maybe he won't read this. He doesn't have it bookmarked on his mac anymore since someone stole it. I hate how people steal things. :( Someone deliberately went into his car and jacked his laptop. That thing was filled with personal memories... conversations....pictures.....songs.........private things! Just shows you how low people can be in this world. You never think it'll happen to you or someone close to you until it does. Hey maybe the person who stole it is reading this. Well if you are I hope you know karma exists and your ass is grass. You better believe it. ha haaa ok bye :(
2 am.. i have no business being up at 2 am when i have school........ SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.