(no subject)
its been a while sense i have written in here, i guess i just haven't felt like it. seems like every entry is sad and depressing but i know that won't be changing any time soon. i thought this deep sadness i was feeling was just a faze and that i would snap out of it but who am i kidding. as long as my life is the way it is, ill never be happy. plus seems like nothing good ever happens anyway...just more bad stuff one after another...its so damn frustrating.
so things with my parents still suck, they still won't respect my wishes on wanting space. my mother keeps calling me and leaveing messages. the one sunday was just acting like my best friend and like nothing ever happened...yeah right like thats gonna happen. and then monday she left another one saying that she knows im angry at her but she wants to talk and find a common ground. WTF COMMON GROUND!!!! i didn't do a damn thing to ruin that reltaionship, she did that all by her self. she is the one that calls and bitches me out for stupid stuff and is so damn rude. FUCK THAT!!!
so i just realized something last night...I LOVE VODKA!! it totally made the night alot easier. these next few weeks my jerk husband has all early shifts so im stuck with him all afternoon. im out of pills that make me sleep all day so drinking really helped.
the urges to cut have been so freakin bad lately. i miss the old days when i could just cut the hell out of myself. if i were to do that now, my husband would beat the hell out of me. it sucks so bad. i can get away with one here and there but that doesn't make the pain go away. i miss the days when i could just release all this pain through that. im so sick of hurting!! i would give anything to just not feel any of this.
so my headaches are still getting worse. i called my doctor last week and she decided to put me on another medication along with the one she already has me on. it sucks because i feel like crap every day because of these meds, but the good side is i will be losing alot of weight with the new one she is putting me on and seeing as how i feel like a freakin cow, ill go through anything to loose weight.
well i guess im gonna wrap this up, im tired and wanna lay down. ill try and be better about writting in this thing. PEACE!!
so things with my parents still suck, they still won't respect my wishes on wanting space. my mother keeps calling me and leaveing messages. the one sunday was just acting like my best friend and like nothing ever happened...yeah right like thats gonna happen. and then monday she left another one saying that she knows im angry at her but she wants to talk and find a common ground. WTF COMMON GROUND!!!! i didn't do a damn thing to ruin that reltaionship, she did that all by her self. she is the one that calls and bitches me out for stupid stuff and is so damn rude. FUCK THAT!!!
so i just realized something last night...I LOVE VODKA!! it totally made the night alot easier. these next few weeks my jerk husband has all early shifts so im stuck with him all afternoon. im out of pills that make me sleep all day so drinking really helped.
the urges to cut have been so freakin bad lately. i miss the old days when i could just cut the hell out of myself. if i were to do that now, my husband would beat the hell out of me. it sucks so bad. i can get away with one here and there but that doesn't make the pain go away. i miss the days when i could just release all this pain through that. im so sick of hurting!! i would give anything to just not feel any of this.
so my headaches are still getting worse. i called my doctor last week and she decided to put me on another medication along with the one she already has me on. it sucks because i feel like crap every day because of these meds, but the good side is i will be losing alot of weight with the new one she is putting me on and seeing as how i feel like a freakin cow, ill go through anything to loose weight.
well i guess im gonna wrap this up, im tired and wanna lay down. ill try and be better about writting in this thing. PEACE!!