whoa it's been a while
i ventured back over from myspace today. i felt like writing, and myspace doesn't really feel like the place where i can get some of my thoughts out. i guess no matter where life takes you,
we always feel safe where we started out.
(good segway, if i do say so...)
this time of year is always a difficult for me, and every year it just feels harder and harder to jump over the hurtle of the seasons changing, i don't really know why. memories from my childhood have been popping up in my head. my mind starts to wander and the places it's been ending up have been...nostalgic. there have been a few memories that have popped up that i haven't thought of in YEARS. this one of my dad taking me and my sister to the "spaceship playground" down hyland blvd. it really was a couple of baseball fields and a park, and the center of the park had this giant slide in the shape of a shuttle, made out of metal tubing...and now that i think about it, it probably wasn't that safe for a 5 to 7 year old to be climbing on....but anyway, my dad would bring me and my sister there, and let us ride our bikes with training wheels up and down this ramp thing. i actually only remember going a handfull of times, i remember we wanted to go all the time, and we couldn't go that much for some reason, it made the times we did go really special.
i just remember being happy...i was a kid, on a bike, with training wheels, at the playground with my family....and thats all that mattered back then.
for a second i got so mad at my subconscious for even holding on to that memory, it made me miss being a kid so bad. i missed being taken care of, i just wanted a taste of innocence again, just for a second.
never the less, my mind spat off into hundreds of directions, remembering how my parents were back then, how my sister was, when my brother was born...holidays....my cousins, my aunts....
everyones getting older.
maybe thats why the fall is hard for me, theres a sadness that comes with the end of summer, and a call to face the next season.
school i'm sure is having some sort of weird role in my emo-ness. it's forcing me to think about where i see myself within the next 5 years. i've never thought that far ahead before. it's weird.
i am happy with my life now tho, and i AM excited about getting older, i want to make a life for myself thats worth living, and who knows someday maybe i can relive my childhood thru my own kids.
ha. adams gunna like reading that....
but ain't that a thought.
i'm going to definitely take them pumpkin picking.
we always feel safe where we started out.
(good segway, if i do say so...)
this time of year is always a difficult for me, and every year it just feels harder and harder to jump over the hurtle of the seasons changing, i don't really know why. memories from my childhood have been popping up in my head. my mind starts to wander and the places it's been ending up have been...nostalgic. there have been a few memories that have popped up that i haven't thought of in YEARS. this one of my dad taking me and my sister to the "spaceship playground" down hyland blvd. it really was a couple of baseball fields and a park, and the center of the park had this giant slide in the shape of a shuttle, made out of metal tubing...and now that i think about it, it probably wasn't that safe for a 5 to 7 year old to be climbing on....but anyway, my dad would bring me and my sister there, and let us ride our bikes with training wheels up and down this ramp thing. i actually only remember going a handfull of times, i remember we wanted to go all the time, and we couldn't go that much for some reason, it made the times we did go really special.
i just remember being happy...i was a kid, on a bike, with training wheels, at the playground with my family....and thats all that mattered back then.
for a second i got so mad at my subconscious for even holding on to that memory, it made me miss being a kid so bad. i missed being taken care of, i just wanted a taste of innocence again, just for a second.
never the less, my mind spat off into hundreds of directions, remembering how my parents were back then, how my sister was, when my brother was born...holidays....my cousins, my aunts....
everyones getting older.
maybe thats why the fall is hard for me, theres a sadness that comes with the end of summer, and a call to face the next season.
school i'm sure is having some sort of weird role in my emo-ness. it's forcing me to think about where i see myself within the next 5 years. i've never thought that far ahead before. it's weird.
i am happy with my life now tho, and i AM excited about getting older, i want to make a life for myself thats worth living, and who knows someday maybe i can relive my childhood thru my own kids.
ha. adams gunna like reading that....
but ain't that a thought.
i'm going to definitely take them pumpkin picking.