(no subject)

[ryuu_no_hime]

UGGGH.   So much anxiety over doing work right now.  I want to finish that Japanese essay, but for some reason I am so anxious I'm practically hyperventilating over it.  And it's not even that I don't know what to write, because I have notes.  WTF, subconscious, why are you doing this to me?  I NEED to be functional.  Mom and Dad have begun singing the "maybe this isn't the right school for you" song again, to boot.  Look, I REALIZE the whole experiment with 5 classes/46 units was a horrible idea.  And I'm doing my level best to make sure everything gets done, even if it doesn't always happen on time.  It's just that after 4 weeks of hell trying to get caught back up I'm horribly burned out but I can't stop because there are still more things to do.  I think my psychiatrist is right in saying that a lot of the reason I'm having so much anxiety is the dissonance between my body needing to rest and my mind saying I need to work.  Also, parents?  Your assertion that first term always goes okay is a DIRTY LIE.  This year is the first year I've been able to carry a full load in any term in the past 3 years.  *sigh*  I just want to be able to work and get this over with so I can have at least 1 day of spring break to relax and go to Kinokuniya so I can get that Hana to Yume with the Skip Beat book cover furoku.

COMPLETELY CHANGING THE SUBJECT:
I've been getting a lot of, not bleedover exactly, but something from Four lately.   I just want to hug her and give her a cookie.  She ended up so much more broken than I intended.   Her feelings of not being a person and that practically everyone in the world has the right to punish her for any imaginined wrong just breaks my heart.  YOU ARE A REAL PERSON, FOUR.  YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, DAMMIT, even if you can't quite figure out what it feels like.  *clings to her*