A Semi-Interesting Day in the Life of Sarah
So I started playing Resident Evil 4 again. After failing multiple times to beat Chief Mendez, I said to Leon, "Okay now, you can only die so many times in one day. Next time you die it's over!" Leon said okay and gunned the crap out of Mendez to eventual VICTORY AND PWNAGE. And there was treasure. Treasure, treasure, EVERYWHERE. I was in heaven.
Then Ashley had to ruin it by dying from a flaming projectile.
I said, "Ashley, dear, what the fuck? It all goes back to that letter I had Leon send to you a while ago - be your own person instead of an annoying tagalog! If you see a flaming projectile being catapulted toward you, please take it upon yourself to run! Or say 'Leon!' or something!"
She didn't say anything, though, 'cause she was dead.
So then I decided to play Resident Evil. The controls are really difficult and WTFish, so when I ran into my first zombie of the game, I was like "hello, zombie!" because I couldn't run away. It would have taken, like, ten minutes to figure out how to turn so I decided to kill the zombie myself. Bad idea, apparently, because that zombie owned me. Seriously. The slap on a collar and call me your bitch! kind of ownage.
My Resident Evil experience was so depressing that I had to resort to playing The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. Really, there's no way you can die in Wind Waker without trying to die. Except that I almost died fighting Gohdan because I was too busy trying to take a pictograph of him the first half of the battle. Almost, though, almost! So yaaaaaay, I beat Gohdan and I went through my favorite sequence of coloring Hyrule Castle and fighting all the re-animated monsters...
But then I stopped because I was too afraid to go to the Forsaken Fortress.
...
what.
yeah.
Then Ashley had to ruin it by dying from a flaming projectile.
I said, "Ashley, dear, what the fuck? It all goes back to that letter I had Leon send to you a while ago - be your own person instead of an annoying tagalog! If you see a flaming projectile being catapulted toward you, please take it upon yourself to run! Or say 'Leon!' or something!"
She didn't say anything, though, 'cause she was dead.
So then I decided to play Resident Evil. The controls are really difficult and WTFish, so when I ran into my first zombie of the game, I was like "hello, zombie!" because I couldn't run away. It would have taken, like, ten minutes to figure out how to turn so I decided to kill the zombie myself. Bad idea, apparently, because that zombie owned me. Seriously. The slap on a collar and call me your bitch! kind of ownage.
My Resident Evil experience was so depressing that I had to resort to playing The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. Really, there's no way you can die in Wind Waker without trying to die. Except that I almost died fighting Gohdan because I was too busy trying to take a pictograph of him the first half of the battle. Almost, though, almost! So yaaaaaay, I beat Gohdan and I went through my favorite sequence of coloring Hyrule Castle and fighting all the re-animated monsters...
But then I stopped because I was too afraid to go to the Forsaken Fortress.
...
what.
yeah.