Always Ch2
As promised, here's the second chapter, no.3 comes on Sunday, enjoy ^_^
ALWAYS - CHAPTER II
This was the first time he felt that the disbanding of KAT-TUN was the only plausible solution. What were they with one missing letter? Nakamaru took a deep breath and squinted up at the grey blanket engulfing the sky. If it snows I think I’ll have to step into oncoming traffic.
“Taguchi is keeping strong this time, I’m kinda proud of him,” Nakamaru glanced at Jin as he mused, fiddling with his lower lip even as he spoke.
“He’s going to be at the Jimusho today right?” Nakamaru nodded.
“He said he wants to help too, he doesn’t want to leave it all to us,” Jin managed to smile at that.
“How did we end up taking the reins here?” he asked, a humourless half-laugh tinting the sentence, expressing his unspoken opinion, that the two of them were not designed for this kind of thing, in fact the opposite was probably closer to the truth.
“One member is evidently strongly in denial and won’t leave his apartment; one has fallen into a guilt spiral, until yesterday another member was almost too shocked to speak and the other member…” Jin bit his lip hard as they entered the Jimusho, making a bee line for the elevator and jabbing the call button.
They stood in restless silence until the lift arrived and they rode it with the same silence, breaking it only when they reached their break room, both avoiding looking at the sign on the door, and found Taguchi already there, drinking a cup of coffee and on the phone, his face more grim and serious than anyone had ever seen it.
“I understand, thank you, no that’s alright…thank you for trying,” as he hung up he took a swig of his coffee and sighed, glancing across at them and offering a weak smile as they joined him at the table.
“Who was that?” Taguchi gave them a look.
“Superintendent,”
“Trying again?” Jin asked shrugging off his jacket
“Yeah, but apparently he’s not letting him in either,” Nakamaru sighed and shuffled over to the pot of instant coffee sitting on the table, pouring cups for himself and Jin. Accepting the drink Jin rested his head in his free hand and sighed.
“If he doesn’t snap out of this stupid denial soon I swear to god…” Nakamaru sighed as he sat beside him.
“He’ll accept it eventually, he won’t have any other choice, but he’ll need time, I mean, think about what they were, what happened, he must be feeling like such a train wreck by now…” Nakamaru slowly shut his eyes, he hated to think of his friend feeling this way, hated even more to think of another close friend…he bit his lip, even he hadn’t fully accepted it, couldn’t yet completely come to terms with it. But he had to, had no choice, the three of them seemed to be the only ones capable of functioning, and if even one of them caved it would only break the others, one by one.
“What do we do?” Jin murmured. Taguchi glanced from Jin to Nakamaru, to his cell phone and back at his two older band-mates. He nodded at his phone.
“If even his superintendent can’t get him to open the door I think we should start with Kame-chan, he’s feeling so guilty and it’s not necessary,” Jin’s face darkened a little.
“I don’t know about that,” he muttered bitterly. Nakamaru gave him a sharp look.
“Akanishi, he didn’t know, none of us did until it was too late, this wasn’t Kame’s fault,”
“Ignorance is not an excuse,” Jin muttered but he knew Nakamaru was right. Still, somehow his younger band-mate’s behaviour a week ago was grating on his nerves. Glancing at him Nakamaru could see Jin was still pissed off by what had happened.
“Jin, stop it, Kame couldn’t have known the weight of what he was doing, what they were doing, none of us could have known the seriousness of what was happening between them,” he hated being the oldest sometimes, it was so hard and so exhausting to have to be responsible and sensible and logical, when all he wanted was to have someone else do it all for him, comfort and make all the hurt and bad things go away.
Jin looked up at him and sighed, defeated.
“I know, I know, I just can’t help but think if they hadn’t…if one of them had said something…he’d still be…”
Taguchi suddenly stood up, his face pale.
“L-Let’s go see Kame-chan, he’s all alone and feeling bad, what if he does something stupid, we should be together as a group right now, we’re all in pain and we should be there for each other,” he turned to Jin, his face set in a way the older one was sure he hadn’t ever seen before on his usually happy-go-lucky band-mate.
“It isn’t Kame-chan’s fault, I’m sure he’d never have acted the way he did if he knew the truth,” Jin sighed and leaned his head in his hands.
“I know, I’m sorry, alright, let’s go,” he looked up and Nakamaru gave him a weak appreciative smile.
Silently exiting the building they walked in a line towards the station, their arms occasionally brushing as though they were assuring each other and themselves they were all still there, they hadn’t given up and they hadn’t disappeared. They rode the train in silence, standing crushed together close to the doors, secretly thankful for the normally uncomfortable proximity.
At this moment close proximity was exactly what they felt they needed, if they were suddenly to find themselves alone they might break without the support and understanding of those beside them.
Taguchi was right, the pain they were all going through didn’t quite match, they had their own opinions and emotions towards what had happened, but none of them could deny that they were in pain and the best way to get through it was together.
When they finally stood outside Kame’s apartment all three hesitated wondering if they were going to have to be the one to speak first. Finally they all moved at once and rapped three fists against the door, but it was Taguchi who, in an impressively steady voice called out, using the kindest tone he could.
“Kame-chan, it’s us, would you let us in, please?” no sound came from the apartment but they knew, even without checking for his car downstairs, that he was there. Nakamaru stepped forwards.
“Kame, please let us in, you shouldn’t be all by yourself right now, we know you’re upset and we know you feel guilty but we don’t want you to be all alone,” Jin bit his lip and raised his voice, averting his eyes.
“Kame, you can’t keep blaming yourself for this, it’s not your fault, and we really care about you, we don’t want you to suffer in there on your own, so please let us help,” Nakamaru glanced at Jin feeling for a moment like he could hug him. Taguchi knocked again gently.
“Kame-chan?”
There was a heavy moment of utter silence, then the sharp click of the lock and a faint creak as the door slowly swung inwards.
“How can you tell me it’s not my fault?” Kame’s voice was low and hoarse.
“Because of what I did…” he looked up at them, his eyes red and bloodshot.
“…our band-mate is dead,”
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“You hungry? Should we get something to eat or do you just wanna go home?” Tatsuya asked, leaning back against his seat. The train car was almost empty so he had been mildly surprised when instead of taking the seat next to him like he usually did Koki had sat directly opposite him.
Now he glanced up at him briefly before tipping his head back and closing his eyes.
“I’m pretty tired, I think I’ll just head home,” Tatsuya couldn’t help but feel a cold hand clawing at his stomach, they weren’t usually like this, he felt nervous every time he opened his mouth, like he might say something wrong, and Koki had never seemed so distant towards him.
Sure, they hadn’t told anyone about their relationship because they were sure Johnny wouldn’t like it, so they didn’t want it to get out, so they didn’t act any more intimate with each other than they did with anyone else while they were working, but Koki had barely come near him today.
They’d been rehearsing the dance moves for the summer concerts, all day and discussing the schedule for it’s release and the filming and release of the PV, but even during the breaks Koki had talked to Maru, to Kame, especially to Kame, to everyone except him.
He told himself it was nothing and instead talked to Junno or Maru or Jin but now that cold claw of doubt was slicing into him again.
“K-Koki…” he started uncertainly, and his nerves only increased when Koki opened one eye and looked at him blankly.
“Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” he held his breath as Koki continued to stare blankly at him.
“No, nothing,” Tatsuya was considering saying more when Koki suddenly looked up.
“Ah, this is my stop, see you tomorrow Ueda,” …‘Ueda’?
“Y-Yeah…” Tatsuya watched him go before the train started to move again and he tipped his head into his hands, fighting off tears. This had never happened to them before, whenever they’d had a problem they’d talked about it, and maybe they’d fought and got angry and stopped talking for a couple of days, but they worked through it.
Koki had never felt so far away from him before…
Sitting up he took a deep, shuddering breath and resolved to try again tomorrow, he couldn’t give up…
Leaning up against the wall in the station Koki sighed and glanced back the way he had come. Walking away like that was unfair but he hadn’t known what else to do.
“I’m sorry Tat-chan,” he mumbled and walked the rest of the way back to his apartment.
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ALWAYS - CHAPTER II
This was the first time he felt that the disbanding of KAT-TUN was the only plausible solution. What were they with one missing letter? Nakamaru took a deep breath and squinted up at the grey blanket engulfing the sky. If it snows I think I’ll have to step into oncoming traffic.
“Taguchi is keeping strong this time, I’m kinda proud of him,” Nakamaru glanced at Jin as he mused, fiddling with his lower lip even as he spoke.
“He’s going to be at the Jimusho today right?” Nakamaru nodded.
“He said he wants to help too, he doesn’t want to leave it all to us,” Jin managed to smile at that.
“How did we end up taking the reins here?” he asked, a humourless half-laugh tinting the sentence, expressing his unspoken opinion, that the two of them were not designed for this kind of thing, in fact the opposite was probably closer to the truth.
“One member is evidently strongly in denial and won’t leave his apartment; one has fallen into a guilt spiral, until yesterday another member was almost too shocked to speak and the other member…” Jin bit his lip hard as they entered the Jimusho, making a bee line for the elevator and jabbing the call button.
They stood in restless silence until the lift arrived and they rode it with the same silence, breaking it only when they reached their break room, both avoiding looking at the sign on the door, and found Taguchi already there, drinking a cup of coffee and on the phone, his face more grim and serious than anyone had ever seen it.
“I understand, thank you, no that’s alright…thank you for trying,” as he hung up he took a swig of his coffee and sighed, glancing across at them and offering a weak smile as they joined him at the table.
“Who was that?” Taguchi gave them a look.
“Superintendent,”
“Trying again?” Jin asked shrugging off his jacket
“Yeah, but apparently he’s not letting him in either,” Nakamaru sighed and shuffled over to the pot of instant coffee sitting on the table, pouring cups for himself and Jin. Accepting the drink Jin rested his head in his free hand and sighed.
“If he doesn’t snap out of this stupid denial soon I swear to god…” Nakamaru sighed as he sat beside him.
“He’ll accept it eventually, he won’t have any other choice, but he’ll need time, I mean, think about what they were, what happened, he must be feeling like such a train wreck by now…” Nakamaru slowly shut his eyes, he hated to think of his friend feeling this way, hated even more to think of another close friend…he bit his lip, even he hadn’t fully accepted it, couldn’t yet completely come to terms with it. But he had to, had no choice, the three of them seemed to be the only ones capable of functioning, and if even one of them caved it would only break the others, one by one.
“What do we do?” Jin murmured. Taguchi glanced from Jin to Nakamaru, to his cell phone and back at his two older band-mates. He nodded at his phone.
“If even his superintendent can’t get him to open the door I think we should start with Kame-chan, he’s feeling so guilty and it’s not necessary,” Jin’s face darkened a little.
“I don’t know about that,” he muttered bitterly. Nakamaru gave him a sharp look.
“Akanishi, he didn’t know, none of us did until it was too late, this wasn’t Kame’s fault,”
“Ignorance is not an excuse,” Jin muttered but he knew Nakamaru was right. Still, somehow his younger band-mate’s behaviour a week ago was grating on his nerves. Glancing at him Nakamaru could see Jin was still pissed off by what had happened.
“Jin, stop it, Kame couldn’t have known the weight of what he was doing, what they were doing, none of us could have known the seriousness of what was happening between them,” he hated being the oldest sometimes, it was so hard and so exhausting to have to be responsible and sensible and logical, when all he wanted was to have someone else do it all for him, comfort and make all the hurt and bad things go away.
Jin looked up at him and sighed, defeated.
“I know, I know, I just can’t help but think if they hadn’t…if one of them had said something…he’d still be…”
Taguchi suddenly stood up, his face pale.
“L-Let’s go see Kame-chan, he’s all alone and feeling bad, what if he does something stupid, we should be together as a group right now, we’re all in pain and we should be there for each other,” he turned to Jin, his face set in a way the older one was sure he hadn’t ever seen before on his usually happy-go-lucky band-mate.
“It isn’t Kame-chan’s fault, I’m sure he’d never have acted the way he did if he knew the truth,” Jin sighed and leaned his head in his hands.
“I know, I’m sorry, alright, let’s go,” he looked up and Nakamaru gave him a weak appreciative smile.
Silently exiting the building they walked in a line towards the station, their arms occasionally brushing as though they were assuring each other and themselves they were all still there, they hadn’t given up and they hadn’t disappeared. They rode the train in silence, standing crushed together close to the doors, secretly thankful for the normally uncomfortable proximity.
At this moment close proximity was exactly what they felt they needed, if they were suddenly to find themselves alone they might break without the support and understanding of those beside them.
Taguchi was right, the pain they were all going through didn’t quite match, they had their own opinions and emotions towards what had happened, but none of them could deny that they were in pain and the best way to get through it was together.
When they finally stood outside Kame’s apartment all three hesitated wondering if they were going to have to be the one to speak first. Finally they all moved at once and rapped three fists against the door, but it was Taguchi who, in an impressively steady voice called out, using the kindest tone he could.
“Kame-chan, it’s us, would you let us in, please?” no sound came from the apartment but they knew, even without checking for his car downstairs, that he was there. Nakamaru stepped forwards.
“Kame, please let us in, you shouldn’t be all by yourself right now, we know you’re upset and we know you feel guilty but we don’t want you to be all alone,” Jin bit his lip and raised his voice, averting his eyes.
“Kame, you can’t keep blaming yourself for this, it’s not your fault, and we really care about you, we don’t want you to suffer in there on your own, so please let us help,” Nakamaru glanced at Jin feeling for a moment like he could hug him. Taguchi knocked again gently.
“Kame-chan?”
There was a heavy moment of utter silence, then the sharp click of the lock and a faint creak as the door slowly swung inwards.
“How can you tell me it’s not my fault?” Kame’s voice was low and hoarse.
“Because of what I did…” he looked up at them, his eyes red and bloodshot.
“…our band-mate is dead,”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“You hungry? Should we get something to eat or do you just wanna go home?” Tatsuya asked, leaning back against his seat. The train car was almost empty so he had been mildly surprised when instead of taking the seat next to him like he usually did Koki had sat directly opposite him.
Now he glanced up at him briefly before tipping his head back and closing his eyes.
“I’m pretty tired, I think I’ll just head home,” Tatsuya couldn’t help but feel a cold hand clawing at his stomach, they weren’t usually like this, he felt nervous every time he opened his mouth, like he might say something wrong, and Koki had never seemed so distant towards him.
Sure, they hadn’t told anyone about their relationship because they were sure Johnny wouldn’t like it, so they didn’t want it to get out, so they didn’t act any more intimate with each other than they did with anyone else while they were working, but Koki had barely come near him today.
They’d been rehearsing the dance moves for the summer concerts, all day and discussing the schedule for it’s release and the filming and release of the PV, but even during the breaks Koki had talked to Maru, to Kame, especially to Kame, to everyone except him.
He told himself it was nothing and instead talked to Junno or Maru or Jin but now that cold claw of doubt was slicing into him again.
“K-Koki…” he started uncertainly, and his nerves only increased when Koki opened one eye and looked at him blankly.
“Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” he held his breath as Koki continued to stare blankly at him.
“No, nothing,” Tatsuya was considering saying more when Koki suddenly looked up.
“Ah, this is my stop, see you tomorrow Ueda,” …‘Ueda’?
“Y-Yeah…” Tatsuya watched him go before the train started to move again and he tipped his head into his hands, fighting off tears. This had never happened to them before, whenever they’d had a problem they’d talked about it, and maybe they’d fought and got angry and stopped talking for a couple of days, but they worked through it.
Koki had never felt so far away from him before…
Sitting up he took a deep, shuddering breath and resolved to try again tomorrow, he couldn’t give up…
Leaning up against the wall in the station Koki sighed and glanced back the way he had come. Walking away like that was unfair but he hadn’t known what else to do.
“I’m sorry Tat-chan,” he mumbled and walked the rest of the way back to his apartment.
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