Oneshot - The 'S' Word
Title: The 'S' Word
Pairing: RyoDa
Rating: PG
Genre: General
Summary: What should Ryo do? Ueda can tell him...
THE ‘S’ WORD
As far as Ueda was concerned today was a totally ordinary day, nothing out of the ordinary. They had had a dance rehearsal that had lasted a good four hours. After showering and changing they had had a meeting about the summer tour in which he had sat back, with his hood up and his knuckles drumming slowly against his lower lip, half listening, letting Kame, Koki and Jin do most of the talking and decision making.
After that he and Maru had talked for a little while about the schedule and script for the next episode of R-One KAT-TUN. Then all six of them had had another meeting about the next episode of cartoon KAT-TUN, the locations, people who’d be involved, things they’d be expected to partake in. All usual stuff, the kind of thing he did all the time.
Today was totally ordinary…
Except, he had decided to walk Eri through the park this evening when he had gotten home, taking advantage of the long sunlight hours to take a walk in the park when it would be quieter and less full of small screaming children, but when it wasn’t yet dark enough for teenagers to be there doing stupid things. Normally a walk like this would be just as ordinary as everything else that day…except he didn’t usually come across his colleagues sitting by themselves on park benches, their heads in their hands, their fingers clenched in their hair.
Ueda stared for a moment, thinking Maybe I’m mistaken, since I can’t clearly see the face, maybe I’m wrong…
Yet somehow he knew he wasn’t wrong. And his suspicions were confirmed when the hunched figure on the bench raised his head, looked up at the slowly dimming sky and rubbed his face with both hands before leaning back heavily against the back of the bench, his hands falling as though useless to his knees.
Nishikido Ryo.
He hadn’t noticed Ueda yet, Ueda had come to a halt a little way up the path from where Ryo’s bench stood and Ryo was looking straight ahead at the crests of the trees and the upper floors of buildings visible beyond them. A soft peach flush was starting to stain the horizon, creeping steadily and stealthily higher, and Ryo sat so still and kept his gaze fixed so intently on the tops of the buildings Ueda wondered if he was watching the progress of the evening as it happened.
For a few moments more Ueda watched Ryo watch the sky, thinking that in his frustration and unease he was…almost mesmerising to look at, his eyes so intense, his brow slightly furrowed, his mouth set at a serious, pensive angle.
Then Eri, wondering why they had been standing in one place so long, tugged on her leash and Ueda, surprised, stumbled forward slightly, the movement alerting Ryo of his company and he turned and looked at Ueda with a mixture of confusion, suspicion and surprise.
Oh boy…
“Ueda? What are you doing here?” Ryo’s voice was soft; there was no malice or even accusation to the question. He sounded sort of…tired. Ueda smiled and approached him, raising the hand in which he held Eri’s dark blue leash slightly.
“Walking Eri,” he said, trying to sound more casual than he felt.
“This late?” Ueda frowned and checked his watch; it was a little after eight.
“It’s not that late, besides I only got home an hour ago, and it’s still light out and I haven’t been able to take her out in a couple of days,” Ryo nodded slowly in silent understanding and stretched a hand out to the retriever who padded up to him and pressed her nose to his palm and fingers. After a moment her long rough tongue snaked out and lapped at Ryo’s fingers and he reached back to scratch behind her ears. Eri smiled her canine smile at him and lapped at his fingers again.
Ueda smiled fondly at his dog as she looked from him to Ryo and wagged her tail, saying in her own quiet way ‘I made a new friend!’
“Looks like she likes you Nishikido,” Ryo gave the dog a very small smile and scratched her ears again.
“She’s sweet, I like her too, I’m not used to seeing dogs this big, mine is only small,”
“Ah, that’s right, you have a dog too,” Ryo nodded, looking across at the trees again.
“His name is Tiny,” Ueda smiled.
“I think almost everyone in our agency owns a dog,” Ryo almost smiled again, a small shadow of a smile but his face just didn’t seem to want to accommodate it for long. After a moment Ueda bit his lip and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the slight nervous shake in his hands.
“Mind if I sit?” Ryo looked at him, his expression one of almost childlike innocence.
“Sure, of course,”
They sat beside each other in silence for a moment. Ueda unclipped Eri’s leash from her collar, trusting her not to run away too far and watched her trot around aimlessly on the grass, sniffing at dandelions.
After a while he chanced a glance at Ryo and found he was still staring at the tops of the trees. He chewed his lip for a moment. Somehow, even though it was technically none of his business, he wanted to know why Ryo looked so down, and whether he could help.
“Hey, Nishikido?” Ryo turned to him.
“Hmm?”
“Is something wrong?” Ryo stared at him for a moment as if calculating whether or not he should say anything.
“Why would anything be wrong?” he said finally, his face set into a plastic mask. Ueda sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Oh come on, you’re sitting in a park at dusk, by yourself and you look like you haven’t eaten or slept in a year,” Ryo gave him a look.
“Don’t be so melodramatic, I’m eating and sleeping just fine,”
“That’s what they all say, then the next time they get on the scales they’ve lost a stone and are so tired they pour orange juice over their cereal and coffee in the dog’s water bowl,” Ryo looked at him again, a hint of smile and amusement in his eyes.
“Are you serious? Did you just make that up or are speaking from experience,” Ueda smiled gently at him.
“Maybe a little of both,” they were quiet again for a few moments. Then Ueda tentatively opened his mouth again.
“Seriously, you look stressed as hell, did something happen?” Ryo sighed and shook his head, combing his fingers through his hair.
“Nah, but…I guess you’re right, I am kinda stressed, though I hate to admit it,” Ueda rolled his eyes again as Eri came padding back over to them, pressing her muzzle into Ueda’s outstretched hand and resting her head on his knee.
“Why?”
“Why do I hate to admit it?” Ueda shook his head, still playing with Eri’s ears.
“No, I know why you hate to admit it, I hate to admit when I’m stressed too, it makes it seem as though you can’t handle what you’re given,” Ryo sighed again.
“Exactly,”
“I meant why are you stressed? Specifically,”
For a long moment Ryo didn’t answer, just watched Ueda bring both hands up to stroke down both sides of Eri’s neck, and then while he scratched her ears with one hand he stroked her back with the other, successfully persuading her to sit. She leant against his leg, her head still in his lap, staring up at him with the kind of adoration only a dog can give. There was no master-pet relationship here, only a Tatsuya-Eri relationship.
After a moment Ryo took a deep breath.
“You really want to know what’s stressing me out?” Ueda looked at him, his hand on Eri’s head.
“Yeah,”
“Why?”
Why? Ueda didn’t know why. Maybe because he usually saw Nishikido Ryo as either a member of Kanjani8 or a member of NEWS and either way he was usually smiling. He saw him with Yamashita and Akanishi and he smiled with them too. No matter how tough his job seemed he still seemed to love it, and he was good at it. Maybe Ueda didn’t like to see him feeling down about something he cared about and worked hard for. Maybe Ueda wanted to know because despite those stupid arguments all those years ago, despite the tears and the fights and the ugly words he actually liked Nishikido Ryo. As another human being, another person who wasn’t really so different from him, he liked him.
“Because I do,” he said quietly. Ryo seemed to consider this response for a moment.
“So?” Ueda pressed lightly.
“Well, I’m working a movie and a drama, with a senpai, I’m in two bands and therefore have to work double photo shoots and interviews, I’m still not allowed to drive so getting to all this work is harder, some random ex called me yesterday just to make trouble,”
Ueda said nothing for a few moments taking all that in. Ryo looked at him.
“So? What do you think of all that?” Ueda looked at him and Ryo was mildly taken aback. His expression was kind and understanding and patient. He smiled at him.
“You like your work, I know you do, even if it’s hard, and you’ll drive again soon, and until then you can always ask for a lift,” Ryo raised an eyebrow.
“What? From you?” Ueda smiled again.
“Why not?”
“Okay, and the rest?” Ueda laughed quietly.
“Tell them to go play with traffic,” he said flatly. To that Ryo actually laughed shortly. He looked at Ueda with a kind of half smile.
“You’re more optimistic than I remember,” he said, mock accusing. Ueda laughed again.
“Why is it everyone has the idea that I’m so pessimistic anyway?”
“Oh come on!” Ryo said, leaning back on the bench and hooking his elbows over the back of it. Ueda smiled and waved one hand in defeat.
“Alright, alright, so I went through a bit of a dark phase a few years ago, but I came out of it!”
“Yeah,” Ryo said thoughtfully “I remember, you actually started smiling, you looked much better when you smiled,” Ueda bowed his head slightly. The last thing he had expected from Ryo was any form of a compliment.
“People are so surprised nowadays when they see I’m not all dark and mysterious and moody,” Ryo scoffed lightly at that.
“Please, you’re still all those things, just less so, now you’re all smiley and jokey and cheerful,” Ueda smiled again and scratched at Eri’s ears again. She lapped at his wrist in response.
“And you’re not so poison-tongued anymore, you’re sweet and generous and hard working and honest,” Ryo blinked, utterly surprised.
“Whoa, when’d you figure that out?” Ueda turned to looked at him, meeting his eyes and holding them.
“Maybe I always knew, but anyone can see that’s what you’re like,”
“I said some horrible things to you,”
“So have many people, and I bet people have said horrible things to you too, besides, most of your words were scripted,”
“Still,” Ryo murmured quietly, staring at the ground between his shoes.
Eri heaved herself up away from Ueda and padded around in front of Ryo, pawing lightly at his knee before lifting both front paws up onto his lap, stretching her face towards his. Ueda smiled and rolled his eyes in mock exasperation.
“Hey, Eri, easy!” he warned, scolding her lightly. Ryo watched the dog fondly and lifted both hands to fondle her ears, half smiling as she smiled at him again, her tongue lolling from her mouth.
“She's sweet,” he said quietly.
“Like you, maybe that’s why I like you both,” Ueda said softly, watching his dog.
Ryo turned to look at him again, surprised and somewhat speechless. Ueda stared out across the park, his expression thoughtful.
“Hey, I know things get tough, my work is hard too, I know yours is harder, but we’re in the same profession, so I get it, I really do, sitting here by yourself isn’t the best plan, there are any number of people in this city who’d be all too happy to spend time with you, because they care,”
Ryo went on staring at him, not knowing what to say or what to think. He hadn’t had the faintest idea that besides any of the personality traits he’d previously considered, Ueda would be so understanding.
“Yeah, work and life are tough, but not always, it’s not all bad,” Ueda continued thoughtfully, almost as though he were convincing himself as well as Ryo.
Suddenly he reached across and looped his index finger through Eri’s collar coaxing her off Ryo’s lap; he hooked her leash back to her collar and then turned in his seat to look at Ryo. Then without warning he reached up and cupped Ryo’s cheek in one hand, and leant forward, lightly kissing his other cheek. Leaning back he smiled at Ryo’s perplexed and speechless expression.
“Smile Nishikido,”
With that he got up off the bench, tugged gently on Eri’s leash and they both walked away down the path towards the park gates.
Watching him go Ryo lifted one hand to his cheek, tracing the skin where Ueda’s lips had touched it.
And he smiled.
おわり